rionaleonhart | How Long Have You Been On Fire?

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How Long Have You Been On Fire?

Here's a fun meme I attempted about half a year ago. I haven't really written anything for a couple of months, and right now I need to relearn how to get into a character's mindset, so it seems a good time to repost it.

Ask any character you think I might be able to manage a question, and I'll reply in-character as them with an answer (or possibly reply as myself going 'WHAT THE HELL, I CAN'T DO THIS'). Feel free to ask either as yourself or as another character.

Ask away! (You may, if you wish, ask multiple questions (perhaps of multiple characters) or attempt to engage the characters in extended conversation.)

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But he did try to tell you that it was about to blow up if you pushed that button. You didn't listen.

I'm not saying his actions are excusable, I'm just trying to point out that he had a much better idea of right and wrong than you do. After all, have you ever stopped to think about the people you protect beyond the glory and recognition you get from being their 'hero?' If you got better recognition for nefarious deeds, would you still choose to be the 'hero?'

Okay, you're pointing a death ray at the villain's head. You're really going to believe whatever 'no, don't push that button' excuse he gives you?

Hey, the homeless have their food and their flea powder or whatever, the cats get down from the trees, everyone's happy. Why should you care if the people love me?

I could never be nefarious. I'm such a good hero that I'd foil my own plots.

I suppose if people are going to be blind to what a jerk you are, then they deserve any bad things that happen to them for trusting you. (Oh, and just so you know, he was actually wavering when he was the one holding the death ray on you.)

If you're such a good hero, why was Dr. Horrible able to pull of his heist? All that you succeeded in doing was nearly killing quite a few people when that van got out of control.

Me, I'm just glad I don't live in your city. If I had to rely on you to keep me safe, instead of Spankman and Planter, I'd probably go evil too. Seems the safest, after all.

(Perhaps he deliberately wavered because he wanted me to get hold of his death ray, so he could pin that girl's death on me and ruin my reputation. Ever think of that?)

Nearly killing. Not actually killing, unlike the backfiring death rays of some villains I could name. And, were it not for my swift disabling of the transmitter, Penny and I would never have met. Given what happened to the poor girl, you wouldn't begrudge her those nights of blazing Hammer-love, would you?

Unless you want me. There's plenty of Hammer to go around.

(I did consider that one, but then I realized that the only reason the deathray was messing up was because you punched Dr. Horrible, causing him to drop the deathray and causing it to malfunction. And, if you had stuck around after the fact, rather than running off just because you got a little bashed up, then you would have known how heartbroken he was that she'd died, because unlike you he actually cared about her, and you would never have even suggested such a thing.)

If you had never met Penny then she would have never died. And you're probably very bad in bed. Why else do you think you've never slept with the same person twice? Oh wait, hang on, you said girl, not person. Have you slept with any men more than once?

And I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. I'll continue to pine after Spankman, thanks. He's a real hero. (and so much better looking.)

(Oh, and yet you say he tried to tell me it would blow up if I pushed the button? Because he somehow deduced exactly how his death ray would malfunction if it hit the floor? I'm pretty sure he was just begging for his worthless life.

I was running off to make sure there were no more villains hanging around. It was a manly and heroic running off.)

If I'd never met Penny, Dr. Horrible might have gotten his villainous little happy ever after. I'm the hero. It's my job to make sure the villain doesn't win, whatever the cost.

And when all the girls in the city are falling over their feet to get to you, it just doesn't seem fair to give one of them more than one night. Everyone gets a turn being hammered. Except men. And, you know, kids and dogs and stuff.

(Actually, he deduced that it was malfunctioning because any idiot with half a brain could see the way it was beeping and ticking. [which excludes you, sorry.]

Yes, because all heroes check for villains by crying and shouting for their mommy's.)

His happily ever after may have resulted in reformation. It probably wouldn't have, but it might have, and that doesn't change the fact that you were using her as a weapon in your petty rivalry. Didn't you trust her judgement enough to know that she wouldn't have dated the villain if she knew he was the villain?

I would never have thought to suggest that you would 'hammer' kids and dogs and stuff. Was that perhaps a Freudian slip? And by what do you mean 'stuff?' Does it refer to cars, trees, zombies?

I didn't see the whole city trying to seduce you. Just two girls and a boy (who it would seem never actually got to bed with you, blowing a hole in your logic.) and by leaving out the boy, don't you think you're being a bit unfair there?

Your arguments are riddled with hole, Hammer. You need to rethink things.

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