'I Don't Understand Why Everyone Thinks Paedophiles Are So Funny.'

[rionaleonhart]

Here is a dilemma with which my brother presented me a couple of days ago:

Fred: Would you rather turn everyone who looked at you to stone or have snakes for hair?
Riona: I'd rather have snakes for hair.
Fred: But they bite you.
Riona: Oh. Are they poisonous?
Fred: No.
Riona: Right. I'd still rather have the snakes.
Fred: And they call up their vulture friends to peck at you.
Riona: I'd take away their mobile phones.
Fred: You've got no arms.

I love my family.

Whilst I'm recounting conversations, an exchange I had with a fellow English Language student on the bus:

Riona: I can never be allowed to have a child, because I'd just study its language and forget to feed it.
Nick: Social Services will come to take it away, and you'll just be going, 'No! It hasn't reached the jargoning stage!'
Riona: I've been watching the small child over there. I could kidnap it, write my dissertation on it...
Nick: 'The Baby I Stole', by Harriet Evans.
Riona: It'd make an impression.


I have now watched all but one episode of Derren Brown's old Mind Control series, and at the very end of one of the episodes, just after the credits, Derren Brown freaking poledances. I mean, all right, it's just a two-second shot of Derren revolving around a pole, fully clothed, but my reaction was still the verbal equivalent of '!!!!!' and a rapid rewinding.

You glorious lunatic, Derren.


derrenbrownfic, guys! I think all the people on my flist who would be interested may have joined already, but I thought I'd give a reminder just in case. (I maaaaaay be posting a Derren Brown/Robert Chase fic later today (EDIT: it's up there now!). It's got sex in it, and, as you know, I can't write sex scenes, so you can laugh at me.)

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

Aha, so that's the key to getting members! The next step is somehow tricking you into writing Derren Brown fanfiction yourself.

[misskass.livejournal.com]

If you were Derren Brown I would be writing right now. I think you need to further channel him, then infiltrate my mind and tell me who to slash him with.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

tell me who to slash him with

EVERYONE.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Captain Jack Harkness!

[vzg.livejournal.com]

Tony Stark!

Zac Efron!

Adamo Ruggiero!

Apollo Anton Ono!

Stephen Colbert!

Dr. Horrible!

Gay Perry!

Brandon St. Randy!

Dr. Cox!

This guy (http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/8526/scaryguy.jpg)!

[misskass.livejournal.com]

I can just imagine that guy being mindfucked into wearing that costume... or Derren Brown doing bad things to Zac Efron for no reason.

I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE ON UNIVERSITY. I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL OF THESE IDEAS STOP IT.

NO I LOVE IT KEEP GOING.

[vzg.livejournal.com]

Clearly what you need to do it put Zac Efron in that costume.

And then knock him out, put him in a bag, and leave him in Morocco. And then he comes back to sex Derren. OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW.

Oh! Edward Cullen! Derren could fuck with his mind because he realizes he's a creepy stalker dude and then make him treat Bella better, but then she's all, "YOU ARE NOT THE MAN I MARRIED AND HAD A DEMONBABY WITH. I WISH YOU'D NEVER CHEWED MY WOMB." and Edward would sulk and Derren would comfort him.

Or... Tim Drake!

Jay (of Jay and Silent Bob)!

Topher from Dollhouse!

Peter Parker!

Gackt Camui!

The Beatles, inexplicably!

Ned the Piemaker!

Bradley James!

Frank from Little Miss Sunshine!

Kevin Jonas!

[misskass.livejournal.com]

I've only ever read Twilight, so I don't think I could truly capture Edward enough to write about him. Zac, though... I'm really intrigued by that. Maybe with a cameo by Kevin Jonas because they're ~*Disney*~ and ~*musical*~ together. And Tokio Hotel, because I'm an obsessive.

There are so many people on that list I don't recognise the names of. That's sad. D=

[rionaleonhart]

PLEASE DO WRITE DERREN BROWN/ZAC EFRON. That would be seventeen different types of amazing.

[rionaleonhart]

You have somehow managed to put the idea of Derren Brown the Sparkly Vampire in my head, and I really shouldn't want to read it but I do.

Also, Derren Brown/Zac Efron is genius.

[vzg.livejournal.com]

A lot of "should" and "shouldn't" things seems to come up with Derren Brown. I SEE A PATTERN.

:D

[rionaleonhart]

He just spawns wrongness.

Regarding your Brown/my brother comment on RD's journal: ...well, there's a fic I'm never going to write.

(One of my brothers did say 'YOU DON'T LOVE HIM LIKE I DO' when I first started watching Derren Brown, but that was not the Zac Efron brother.)

[vzg.livejournal.com]

...well, there's a fic I'm never going to write.

Didn't you say something similar about another Derren idea? Hmmm?

[vzg.livejournal.com]

No, the key is in the crossovers! Get them with something they know they like *cough*Tony Stark/Derren Brown*cough* and then trap them!

[rionaleonhart]

Speaking of Derren Brown crossovers, I love the fact that derrenbrownfic has been in existence for under a week and already has eight different 'crossover: [insert fandom here]' tags. Is there any fandom into which he cannot be thrown?