Banana You Glad I Didn't Say Orange?

[rionaleonhart]

HERE ARE SOME AMAZING THINGS:

- I have just discovered a song about Derren Brown, played on the ukulele, on YouTube. Glee!

- Here is a wonderful Sherlock Holmes fanvid, set to 'Read My Mind' by the Killers. It makes me want to sit down and watch the whole of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Oh, Jeremy Brett, you were the perfect Holmes. Look at him leaping around and waving his arms!

- x_los made an entry from which I learnt that the Fourth Doctor once, upon escaping from a yoke by thrusting it at the guards who had captured him, said, 'I suppose you could say "the yoke's on him", if you were the sort of person who said that sort of thing, which fortunately I'm not.'

I have never even watched the Fourth Doctor, and this reported line alone has brought him very close to being my favourite incarnation.

- Yesterday, my brothers had a terrible pun war. Terrible jokes are some of my favourite things in the world. The theme of the day, apparently, was 'monkeys'.

Here are some of the jokes that came up:

J: Why did the monkey go out in the sun? He wanted to get an orangu-TAN.

F: What do most monkeys become when they grow up? A CHIMP-ney sweep.

J: Why did the monkey get sent to Hogwarts?
F: To learn magic?
J: Because it was a Howler.

F: What animal in the jungle do you use to get into your house?
J: A monkey.
F: What currency do they use in the jungle?
J: Monkeys?
F: ...yes.
J: Why was six afraid of the monkey?

I did warn you that they were terrible.

The younger of my brothers, F, was extremely secretive about the punchline of one of his jokes, on account of its being 'too good' and his fear that it would be stolen; he whispered it to the others at the table, but refused to tell it to me. I eventually learnt it about an hour later, and I think the resulting uncontrollable laughter was largely due to the great air of mystery about it and the amount of time I had spent musing on what the punchline could possibly be.

The question:
What is a monkey's favourite cereal?
The answer (blacked out: highlight to read; for full effect, you should probably consider it for a while before actually highlighting):

Rice monkeys.

I could not stop laughing. I'm laughing again just thinking about it.

Please feel free to share your favourite terrible jokes in the comments, monkey-themed or otherwise!

Comments

[thrennion.livejournal.com]

So, once upon a time, there was a family of balloons. Now, the youngest balloon was very frightened one night, so he ran into his parents' bedroom and asked if he could sleep in their bed, too. The balloon parents said that he could, but he would have to curl up or something so they could make some room for him. So, he deflated himself a little, but that wasn't enough, because the other balloon child was scared too and wanted to sleep in their parents' bed. So the balloon child who got there first deflated his sister. But he also had to deflate his mum, so there could be enough room.
Once he'd done that, his father turned to him and said:
"Well, son. Not only have you let your mother down, you've also let your sister down. But most of all, you've let yourself down."

Q: What does a cat on Prozac say?
A: Me.

"I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. "

"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. "

[rionaleonhart]

The Head of Sixth Form at my secondary school once told that balloon joke at an assembly. I have absolutely no idea why.

I would quite like to get a map and write 'You are here' all over it, just to make that 'existential map' joke even more hilariously rubbish by clearly having spent more time preparing it than it deserves.

'What's that?'
'Oh, it's my existential map.'
'...you really wrote all those "you are here"s just so you could say that?'

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

I now want to make a needlessly elaborate existential map just to mail it to you. Possibly from Fiji, although that would mean you had to wait several months.