rionaleonhart | I Thought Someone Was Calling French Batman, But No.

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I Thought Someone Was Calling French Batman, But No.

Dear fanfiction.net: I do not want to come back to an anonymous review telling me I should 'fucking die'! This is a distressing message to receive at one in the morning! But I deleted it and I'm still alive, so nyah.

(I don't think it was personal; I think someone was probably just wandering around and posting impolite reviews at random. Alternatively: someone really, really hates Silent Hill crossovers. Still, I could have done without it, and should any of you feel like saying, 'hey, Riona, I think you are a pretty okay person who does not deserve to die for a Doctor Who/Silent Hill crossover you wrote four years ago, even if it wasn't great,' it would be gratefully received.)

Oh, yes, coming back. I have spent the past week in the south of France with my family, which was lovely, even if the start was slightly inauspicious:

Riona: I've forgotten to pack my swimming costume.
Riona's Father: Don't worry; you can swim in your knickers.
Riona: Oh, God, I forgot to pack any knickers!

In what I can describe only as a sudden mad fit of paranoia, I didn't mention beforehand that I was going to be absent from the Internet. I'm sorry! I hope you are all well and happy.

Here is an exchange that genuinely took place during the holiday:

Riona's Father: I think this is going to be the year you blossom.
Riona: 'Blossom'?
Riona's Mother: He means find your niche, find your place in the world.
Riona's Father: No; I mean get laid.
Riona: augh

Other events of the week:

- I saw a tiny dreadlocked girl and a large dreadlocked man having a dance-off. This pleased me.

- My father named his Panama hat 'Hatty' and sulked because my mother dropped it on the floor. I - I don't know.

- France is full of sexy animals drinking Orangina. It is weird.

- Sitting in the back of the car whilst one's mother listens to

counteragent's podfic of one's Supernatural/High School Musical crossover and occasionally laughs in the front: simultaneously one of the weirdest and one of the most gratifying things I have ever experienced. I have a good relationship with my family, but I'm always very hesitant to show them my fanfiction, so I'm delighted that she enjoyed it. (

counteragent's fabulous reading probably had a good part in that.)

- On Thursday night, I dreamt that I met a Lugia-Mew hybrid. It flew right up to me and looked curiously into my face and it was adorable. Then I watched an episode of Pokémon in which Professor Oak kidnapped Ash and Gary and set them a series of challenges to test their relationships with their Pokémon. Ash and Gary were on fairly friendly terms and also it was a musical.

It was the best dream ever.

If you have posted anything you think I ought to see in my absence, please point me towards it!

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Riona: I've forgotten to pack my swimming costume.
Riona's Father: Don't worry; you can swim in your knickers.
Riona: Oh, God, I forgot to pack any knickers!

HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED THIS LONG /o\

I honestly don't know.

(On the second night, my mother, who was sleeping in the same room as me, knocked over a lamp. I frantically tried to turn on the light to see what had happened, couldn't find the switch and somehow, in my agitation, managed to hurl myself violently and painfully out of the bed.)

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rionaleonhart - 2009-08-30 21:24 (UTC) - Expand

Riona's Mother: He means find your niche, find your place in the world.
Riona's Father: No; I mean get laid.

I was feeling rather morose when I turned on my Internet browser, and that made me cackle maniacally and feel much better.

And you do not deserve to die for anything that you may have written; you are more likely to suffer for those things that you have forced me to write.

I am glad my cringing has had a positive impact on your day!

And my forcing you to write things improves the world, Rei.

I think you're more than an okay person, who certainly doesn't deserve to die for the Silent Hill/Doctor Who crossover you wrote four years ago (even if it's not any good). I like your wacky crossovers!

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip to france, even if you FORGOT TO PACK ANY UNDERPANTS WTF WTF WTF.

Hee, thank you!

I DON'T KNOW. I carefully packed several pairs of socks, none of which I needed because of course it was boiling hot and I spent the entire week in sandals, and somehow forgot entirely that underpants are sort of, you know, necessary.

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zeitheist.livejournal.com - 2009-08-30 11:19 (UTC) - Expand

You don't deserve to die for anything you've written ever, so don't worry about that. =)

Also, I have a question: did France try to chat you up at every opportunity? Hetalia has led me to believe that he is a fiendish and flirty being.

Your icon is so cute!

Hmmm. Possibly the ubiquitous advertisements featuring sexy animals drinking Orangina were a rather strange attempt to chat me up? France would be a furry.

France is full of sexy animals drinking Orangina.

Oh god, the Orangina adverts! I first saw them a year ago when I was travelling through France and somewhat sleep-deprived - they were the most disturbing thing ever.

They are terrifying. The moment of realisation was bizarre. 'Oh, look, there's an Orangina advert featuring a scantily-clad womaWAIT NO SHE'S A KANGAROO.'

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littlered2.livejournal.com - 2009-08-30 11:27 (UTC) - Expand

Haters to the left ):

THOSE ORANGINA ADS. I have nothing more to add except capslock and implied horror.

I didn't see the television ad until I came home and looked it up on YouTube (the ads I saw in France were stickers), and I just gaped in horror the entire time. (Fred says he has actually seen that advertisement on television. I can't quite believe it was ever allowed out of France.)

What a horrible thing for someone to say! Rotten trolls.

Since we're on the subject of fanfiction, I might as well shamelessly plug (http://luna-manar.livejournal.com/418033.html) my own.

Tangental: I get all squickaughwtf when people refer to feminine maturity and/or loss of virginity as "blossoming." It's...it paints such a horrific image of, uh, vagina in my head, I want to stick my head in a bucket of icewater for five minutes or so. Yuck.

Edited 2009-08-30 11:47 (UTC)

Oh, I love it when Squall broods. He's so good at it. Wishing he could feel nothing so he would be able to think more clearly: oh, Squall.

(I thought at first, what with the 'no more fields' line and the darkness of the sky, that this was an 'a quiet moment after the apocalypse' fic. It made the beginning very unsettling indeed.)

I love the I don't want the things you want line. The rhythm of it is perfect.

The 'blossoming' image is rather unpleasant, isn't it? Oh, dear.

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luna-manar.livejournal.com - 2009-08-31 03:23 (UTC) - Expand

Those Orangina ads are weird and were probably made by people on some sort of psychedelic drugs. Also, of course you're an okay person and your fic-persuading and fic-writing ways have made the world better. If a world where there is a Top Gear/Pokemon crossover isn't a better world, I don't know what is.

Relive the weirdness of the Orangina ad (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ck14LKBI9GM) thanks to the wonders of YouTube. I had forgotten about the poledancing flamingo.

There is no fandom that could not be improved by crossing it over with Pokémon. Fact. (With the possible exception of Pokémon itself.) And thank you!

I am not particularly keen on reliving the weirdness of the Orangina ad, but thank you for the offer.

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dracothelizard.livejournal.com - 2009-08-30 21:28 (UTC) - Expand

RIONA'S DAD I DO NOT APPROVE >>>:(

I actually downloaded a few podfics from a site, although I'm somewhat embarrased to have them on my iPod. What if someone wants to listen to my music and finds some Jeeves/Wooster? D:

What if someone wants to listen to my music and finds some Jeeves/Wooster?

I worried a bit about that, and then I remembered that my iPod contains My Shiny Teeth and Me and so podfic-related embarrassment is the least of my worries. (The video is out-of-sync and the not-entirely-accurate lyrics are sort of in the way, but you'll get the idea.)

You always get idiots posting reviews for fics unfortunately. Don't waste your time stressing over somebody else being an idiot. My personal policy is "constructive criticism is good, flames are totally useless and should be laughed at" - I seem to remember once being told somebody jknew a three hyear old who could write better than me. Never had one much worse than that though, and thankfully I've never been popular enough to get death threats from lack of updates either.

ANYWAY. That Silent Hill/Doctor Who crossover is clearly amazing and is actually how I found your LJ and started lurking here (and then eventually actually posting here!). Clearly your reviewer wasn't actually reading the fic that I read... or they just can't appreciate writing that isn't "hey, we're now BFFs! Wanna go shoot stuff? AWESOME." type of crossovers.

Wow, that would have to be an extremely able three-year-old.

Oh, I didn't know that crossover was how you found me! I'm glad you enjoyed it! (The 'hey, we're now BFFs! Wanna go shoot stuff? AWESOME' type of crossover can be quite fun, though. Although it probably wouldn't work with the Doctor and Pyramid Head.)

You're back! I'd been wondering where you'd disappeared off to lately. \o/

Also: Hey, Riona, I think you are a pretty okay person who does not deserve to die for a Doctor Who/Silent Hill crossover you wrote four years ago, even if it wasn't great.

On a more serious note, FFN makes me cower in fear sometimes for a wide variety of reasons. :(

Lugia-Mew hybrid. That sounds awesome ~~not just because Lugia's probably my favorite favorite favorite Pokémon ever~~. But now that you mention it, I'm wondering what it looked like. Wings, did it have wings? It must have had wings! D: D: D:

Thank you! (It is indeed a scary scary site.)

I don't think it had wings, I'm afraid! It had Mew's short body and long tail, but Lugia's white-and-blue colour scheme, and its ears were blue and pointed like Lugia's eye-diamonds. I think it had a sort of beak, too. It looked pretty awesome. I was thrilled. I'd try to draw it if I had, you know, any degree of artistic ability.

Hah, I loved that crossover and haven't ever played Silent Hill! I remember following it when you first posted it. :)

Oh, I remember how much I loved your reviews!

(One of the first things I did when I got home was check on you. I am so, so glad things are going well. ♥!)

Whoever wrote that comment is mean and wrong and mean and INSANELY WRONG.

Ahhhh, parents. Where would we be without them?

AND THOSE ORANGINA ADS BOTHERED ME SO MUCH IT'S NOT WRITE TO CONSTANTLY BE MADE TO THINK OF FURRIES WHEN I AM INNOCENTLY WALKING DOWN THE STREET OMG

Awww, thank you!

SURPRISE SEXY PENGUIN IN YOUR MIND. (Who came up with them? My brothers suspect the campaign's creators sat down and said, 'Now, which markets haven't been tapped yet?' 'Well, there's not much directed at the bestiality market...')

- France is full of sexy animals drinking Orangina. It is weird.

This is because France's nation-tan is responsible for the advertising.

This is, of course, the only logical explanation. STOP BEING TERRIFYING, FRANCE.

I once had someone go through and reply to all my Star Trek fiction with rude phrases copy-pasted over and over and over again. It was before you could delete spam and so I had to repost the fics over and over again before they got the point.

I hate trolls. :( But you don't deserve to die for anything you write, no matter how bad it was. (And given that even the worst stuff you wrote that I've seen was still pretty funny, it can't have been that bad.)

Um, things you missed... I can't think of anything. I posted some more Bester/Pachirisu stuff but I don't know if that was after you left... hrm. (Which reminds me, I was going to post the rest of those.)

Aw, I'm sorry that happened to you. People can be gits.

Hey, Riona, I think you are a pretty okay person who does not deserve to die for a Doctor Who/Silent Hill crossover you wrote four years ago, even if it wasn't great! Also I am glad France did not get you; I can only imagine what his reaction to discovering your clothes situation would be, and it is not something I would wish upon anybody ANYWAY! I did do this Hetalia fanart thing (http://futuresoon.livejournal.com/373200.html) that you may find relevant to your interests, possibly.

Also I am glad France did not get you; I can only imagine what his reaction to discovering your clothes situation would be

...THAT HAD NOT OCCURRED TO ME AND NOW IT IS ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.

(And that fanart is adorable!)

I will point you again at my rec (http://thebaconfat.livejournal.com/94150.html) of a certain Silent Hill/Doctor Who crossover that you wrote! Maybe it's not the same one, but regardless, Encounter is brilliant and so are you.

I think it is totally awesome that you can share your fanfic with your family. Having my family discover my online activities is one of my worst fears!

Riona's Father: No; I mean get laid.

ROFL. Also, LMAO at the non-packing of knickers. I'm glad you're back and that you had a good time! I've missed your entries.

♥!

My parents gently mock me on occasion for my online activities, but they generally accept them. I think I'm very lucky in that regard. (My dad actually reads my Livejournal, which is a bit weird. HI, DAD, IF YOU'RE LOOKING AT THIS COMMENT.)

Something that may perhaps interest you: when I was in France, I began working on Jack/Balthier sentences for a possible

1sentence claim. I have ten so far.

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thebaconfat.livejournal.com - 2009-08-30 20:54 (UTC) - Expand

So glad you and your mom enjoyed the podfic! That fic makes me so happy! :)

Thank you so much for recording it! My mum thought you read it very well.

Pit of voles. PIT OF VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES.

Look, it used to be popular to refer to fanfiction.net as the Pit of Voles and now you barely see it at all any more, which disappoints me. Obviously, one of the voles found a stack of sugar, became overexcited, logged on to the human Internet rather than the vole Internet, and decided to find one of the more awesome people online (as determined by writing Silent Hill/Doctor who crossovers) in order to express its rage at humanity as a whole for walking erect and having opposable thumbs. On the plus side, this means that not only was your commenter ill-informed but also nonhuman; on the minus, you will have to be our first line of defence against the inevitable vole uprising. Are you capable of leading the resistance, Riona? Can you do it? CAN YOU DO IT?

It shouldn't be too hard, they're just voles, I mean, damn.

Welcome back from France!

I have been preparing for the vole uprising for years. We shall prevail!

(And thank you!)

I think you're a great person who most definitely doesn't deserve to die for your highly amusing crossovers.

If it help, I once got an anonymous comment saying amongst other things that I should cut off my own hands so I couldn't make more powerpuff pics and "foist them on the innocent internet public". I know how not nice those comments are.

You father's weird, but very funny from a "I'm not his daughter, so he didn't say that to me!"-perspective.

Thank you! (Oh, anonymous comments. There is simply no need to become so angry about something so inoffensive, even if you don't personally like it. I'm sorry someone said that to you.)

Then I watched an episode of Pokémon in which Professor Oak kidnapped Ash and Gary and set them a series of challenges to test their relationships with their Pokémon. Ash and Gary were on fairly friendly terms and also it was a musical.

sfjkdsf best everrrrrrr.

It was. I am usually a fairly early riser and actually get annoyed if I sleep past ten in the morning, but it was such a delightful dream that I didn't allow myself to wake up until my dad came in to wake me at half past eleven.

Obv you should be rewarded with EXTRA LIVES for your fanfiction.

Also, French Batman? PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ABOUT AN ACTUAL TELEPHONE CALL YOU RECEIVED.

♥!

It is about lightning, I'm afraid! My little brother woke to flashes in the sky and thought at first that someone was sending out the Bat-Signal.

(no subject)

newbie1990.livejournal.com - 2009-09-02 19:17 (UTC) - Expand

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