As Well She Might.

[rionaleonhart]

To go under the heading of 'unfortunate things to happen in the midst of writing': suddenly becoming confused into envisioning the 'Charlie' in your Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell fic as Charlie Swan of Twilight.

Charlie Swan/David Mitchell: probably not true love. I love Charlie, particularly in the films, and I love Mitchell, but I do not think they would be terribly compatible. Still, Twilight might have been a better book had it been about the brief and ill-advised relationship of Charlie Swan and David Mitchell, whilst some stuff to do with vampires or something quietly goes on in the background. Eventually, Bella discovers that her father's girlfriend is a boyfriend and Charlie discovers that his daughter's boyfriend is a vampire, and the former revelation is inexplicably treated as the more surprising.

...and now I want to crack up, because my mind has just reminded me that Bella Swan is a fairly misanthropic soul, and so naturally my instinct is to consider replacing her with my favourite misanthrope of the moment. I do not think Charlie Brooker would thank me for the comparison, but having him as the protagonist of Twilight would be amazing. I'm not sure what would happen in this revised version of Twilight, as the love of Bella and Edward was sort of the entire plot of the original and I have no doubt that Charlie Brooker would despise Edward Cullen, but I would purchase several copies anyway.


Here are a couple of fascinating clips from Screenwipe: on the many obstacles to be overcome in making television programmes, and on the manipulative editing of 'reality' TV.

I'd quite like to see whether I can get away with showing the latter clip in my 'Discourse in Public Life' seminar (we're discussing media discourse at the moment), but the last few seconds might make that slightly embarrassing, although I suppose I could stop it before that. (I do love that Brooker himself is appalled by what he's just said. I love it when they keep in things that have gone a bit wrong. His 'I can't say that!' made me jump immediately from 'what did he just say?' to 'asdfadhfgjfhgh he is adorable'.)


I do hope my entries of late haven't been too alienating for the non-British amongst you. As an apology, have this clip, which speaks the universal language of 'adorable baby pandas going down a slide'.

Comments

[clanwilliam.livejournal.com]

Charlie Brooker replacing Bella Swan would be incredible. He'd sound off at Edward for being a creepy stalker and he'd mock all the Cullens ruthlessly.

I now want to see that movie. Or failing that, tie down Charlie Brooker and make him watch Twilight. It would almost be as good.

[rionaleonhart]

Or failing that, tie down Charlie Brooker and make him watch Twilight.

Now I want this as well. Someone make a Twilight miniseries just so Brooker will review it!

[dancesontrains.livejournal.com]

I adore your brain! :DDDD

On a mildly related note, have you ever seen The Day Today, or The Colbert Report? They may be of interest to you.

[rionaleonhart]

I have indeed seen a little of The Day Today, and I think you showed me an episode of The Colbert Report, didn't you? That was quite fun. Whilst I generally do enjoy things that poke fun at the news, though, Screenwipe/Newswipe has the huge advantage of having a character I adore. I'll always love something more if it has a specific figure who can capture my heart.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"I do not think Charlie Brooker would thank me for the comparison, but having him as the protagonist of Twilight would be amazing."

I think you can see where this is going (http://i45.tinypic.com/28lgo4z.jpg).

Also, that reality TV editing one was great!

As for Charlie Swan, I always suspected - well, after watching the film once - that he had something going with the Native American chap in the wheelchair.

[rionaleonhart]

That manip is... really, really disturbing, especially as it's just made me realise that Charlie Brooker and Edward Cullen do not have entirely dissimilar faces. Perhaps it's just the expressions.

And I think Charlie/Billy (was his name Billy? Something like that, at any rate) may have crossed my mind as well! It certainly makes more sense than Charlie Swan/David Mitchell.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

They certainly look the same amount of angry.

I don't remember his name, but I think a lot of things make more sense than Charlie Swan/David Mitchell.

[picaropicara.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting all the Screenwipe stuff, I didn't even know it existed and it turns out I can actually pretend that I'm revising my film studies module by spending hours delighting in the sarcasm.

[rionaleonhart]

You're welcome! It was a glorious moment for me when I realised I could assuage my procrastinator's guilt by telling myself it was vaguely related to my discourse module.

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

Twilight the movie (idk about the book) would have been a thousand times better if it had been about the Cullens' and how hilarious they are.

[rionaleonhart]

Very true! I don't care about Bella and Edward; let's have the adventures of Alice and Emmett instead.

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

Seriously, they were fucking hilarious. I spent the entire movie (EMBARRASSINGLY) making :D! faces whenever one of the non-Edward Cullens was on the screen.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Twilight the movie (idk about the book) would have been a thousand times better if it had been about the Cullens' and how hilarious they are.

I find characters Stephanie Meyer doesn't focus on are invariably more interesting and likable than ones she does. And if she brings an existing interesting and likable character front and center, they quite often turn unbearable and obnoxious.

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

That's kind of sad, but also I feel like that happens whenever any creator brings side characters more into focus. It's like they understand *that* (please excused my * italics, I'm in class and we're watching a video on youtube so the lights are off and this EEE keyboard is too tiny for me to find the proper brackets without the lights on) the character is popular, but they don't understand *why* the character is popular, and they inevitably get it wrong.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

If Twilight centered around Charlie Brooker in Bella's place, I'd watch all of the movies. And they really wouldn't be that much more plotless. Replace "Bella spends ages mooning about her love for Edward, and dangerous vampires show up to do something potentially interesting in the last few chapters, but we don't get to see it" with "Charlie Brooker spends ages ranting angrily about that annoying Edward person who won't leave him alone and thinks 'You smell good enough to eat' is a clever and interesting chat-up line if you just act tormented about whether you're going to eat them or not, and then dangerous vampires show up to do something potentially interesting in the last few chapters, but we don't get to see it", and you're through book three, at least.

Book four would be a poser.

[rionaleonhart]

I enjoy your summary.

Book four: Brooker and Edward have drunken hatesex. Or possibly non-drunken hatesex, because I'm not sure Edward can get drunk.

It turns out that vampire sperm have rather unusual qualities.

Brooker is so angry about being pregnant. So angry.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

I can see Edward doing his Mormon While Pretending Not To Be thing and going on about the importance of Not Drinking along with the importance of Not Having Sex (presumably, the importance of Not Having Gay Sex in particular), then drinking so that his Precious Fragile Angel doesn't get drunk, as he's the Big Manly Vampire Who Is Immune.

Then discovering that he can get drunk, much to his surprise. And that Brooker is not a virgin (not that he was before, but Edward refused to believe it), and also severely bruised. Then Brooker would be all "Change me into a vampire!"

"But your soul!"

"Bugger that! Change me!"

"Why? Do you really want to spend eternity with me?"

"No, I want vampire strength so I can kill you, you undead bastard!"

(Although the career implications of sparkling might worry him.)

[rionaleonhart]

You are a genius.

(What career implications of sparkling? Brooker's career mainly involves talking to a camera in a darkened room. I'm having trouble thinking of a time I've ever seen him in sunlight. Perhaps he is a vampire.)

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

(I assumed he'd be out in the sun one day. If I'm wrong about this, or if he only goes out when it's overcast, I'm going to assume he tore Edward Cullen into tiny, tiny pieces, and persuaded a butcher shop that he's really fond of blood puddings made from scratch, as it's a more sensible and less ecologically devastating idea than eating mountain lions.)

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

Charlie Brooker (I still can not simply call him Charlie) has become rather good friends with Aisleyne, the woman in the 'Reality TV Editing' piece. They've gone to Glastonbury together (http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2007/jun/25/glastonbury2007.glastonbury4), and taken a road trip across America (http://www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2008/oct/25/charlie-brooker-american-road-trip). It's rather endearing.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, my goodness, why do I suddenly want Brooker/Aisleyne fanfiction? This cannot be right. Also, I do not know why 'I bumped into a friend with kids and carried her daughter on my shoulders through half the Arctic Monkeys set' is such an adorable mental image when Brooker doesn't like children, but awww.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]