Extreme Romance.

[rionaleonhart]

(EDIT: Who just sent me an anonymous vgift? Thank you so much! ♥!)


Happy Valentine's Day! Would anyone like an incredibly terrible poem?

WARNING: I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY THEY WILL BE INCREDIBLY TERRIBLE. Here are some of my compositions so far:

For my ex-housemate (but also dedicated with love to the Hannahs on my flist):

OH HANNAH
YOU ARE NOT A SPANNER
EVERYONE ELSE IS AN ALSO-RANNER
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


For my housemate from Nottingham and her unrhymable name:

OH RACH
OWING TO SOUTHERN INFLUENCE YOU NO LONGER DROP YOUR 'H'...S
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


For myself (yes, I composed a Valentine's Day poem for myself), and possibly the worst of the lot due to slightly unfortunate rhyming:

OH HARRIET
JOIN ME IN MY CHARIOT
LOTS OF LOVE FROM JUDAS ISCARIOT
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


If you would like an appalling poem, let me know in the comments! (If you give me your name and/or nicknames as well, that might make things easier.)

Comments

[honeymull.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me!

(Yeah, Rachel is kind of a bitch to rhyme. You can pretend I have another name if you'd like. Like "Eugene" or something with a bit more poetic potential.)

Happy Valentines Day! :D

[rionaleonhart]

OH RAGGEDANN
YOU INCREASE MY HEART'S WINGSPAN
I HOPE LIVEJOURNAL NEVER DOES BAN (YOU)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[honeymull.livejournal.com]

♥______♥

*prints out, glues to refrigerator door*

:333

[linakitten.livejournal.com]

I want to play! Thus spake the Lina.

[suzie-shooter.livejournal.com]

ooh, ooh, me, me! *grabby hands*

[rionaleonhart]

OH LINA
YOU MAKE GRASS GREENER
NOT UNLIKE A VACUUM CLEANER

...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY?


That was particularly awful. I'm sorry.

[rionaleonhart]

OH SUZIE
NOT A FLOOZY
SPEAKING TO YOU NEVER MAKES ME SNOOZY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[linakitten.livejournal.com]

XDDD I read it to my boyfriend. I told him he should write me such a good one. ;P

[suzie-shooter.livejournal.com]

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I once knew a girl called Riona
And really quite wanted to own her.
I'd've made her write rhymes
Simply hundreds of times
But she hid and ran off to Verona.

Happy Valentine's Day!

[rionaleonhart]

Ahahaha, amazing! Thank you!

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Me! Me! Me!

Something with Wolfy, please. It's the coolest nickname I've had in my life!

(The second-coolest was Ma'am Baby Cat.)

[rionaleonhart]

OH WOLFY
NOTHING RHYMES WITH WOLFY
THE CLOSEST I CAN GET IS GOLFY (WHICH IS MERELY AN EYE RHYME AND IN FACT PRONOUNCED ENTIRELY DIFFERENTLY)

BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

ME! MEEEE! DO IT FOR TREE!

(Haha that rhymed too.)

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD!

I'M SO GLAD THAT I'VE KNOWN A
RIONA
I WISH I COULD CLONE A
RIONA
I'LL NEVER DISOWN A
RIONA
SAY HI TO FIONA (if you know anyone with that name)
RIONA
AS IT WOULD BE RUDE TO TRY TO OWN A
RIONA
I'VE RUN OUT OF RHYMES FOR
RIONA

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU, TOO!

[rionaleonhart]

OH TREE
YOUR JOURNAL'S SO ZANY
IT FILLS EVEN SAM 'WOE' WINCHESTER WITH GLEE

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[rionaleonhart]

I love this poem and wish to have it tattooed on everyone else's face so I can see it every day.

[sparklenight.livejournal.com]

DO ME! My name is Jamie.

[rionaleonhart]

OH JAMIE
I MUST PROCLAIM(IE)
YOU'RE UNIQUE WHERE OTHERS ARE SAMEY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[misskass.livejournal.com]

I would like a poem! But I'm afraid Jessica doesn't really rhyme with anything. =( Jess, though, that could work.

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

DID YOU SEND ME AN ANONYMOUS, POEM-ACCOMPANIED BEARHUG??? It made me smile for HOURS (seriously, I kept thinking of it and SMILING all day), so if indeed it was you, thank you <3

(If it was not you, there is another genius poet on my flist.)

(OTHER POEMS WELCOME.)

[cryforthemoon.livejournal.com]

Ooh, ooh, yes please! Ness, if possible. :D

(Oh David Mitchell,
You're a looker,
My name isn't Bill,
It's Charlie Brooker.)

[rionaleonhart]

OH JESS
I MUST CONFESS
I ADMIRE YOUR HAIR; YEA, EVERY TRESS

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[sparklenight.livejournal.com]

Amazing! Happy Valentine's Day to you also. ~♥ ♥ ♥

[rionaleonhart]

I did! That poem was particularly dreadful, but I'm glad it made you smile.


OH TH_ESAURUS
(JONAI CHORUS)
WE'RE SO GLAD THAT YOU ADORE US

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[kadrin.livejournal.com]

My personal favourite of all Valentines is in Kingdom of Loathing, sent by Ed the Undying - an ancient mummy who is completely immortal, and shouts "UNDYING!" between the many times you kill him. You actually fight him seven times, reducing him to fewer and fewer bits each time. In between, you get little interludes, such as:

You triumphantly step over the mummy's fallen husk, and reach for the Holy MacGuffin within the sarcophagus. It is nearly within your grasp, when you suddenly feel a bony grip on your ankle. "Not that easy, kiddo. Undying, remember?"

"Hell," you mutter. "I was hoping you were just bluffing."

"Nope."

and

Ed growls in inarticulate fury, his eyes blazing (though not as brightly as before).

"C'mon, dude. This is ridiculous."

"UNDYING!"

"sigh."

Anyway. On Valentine's Day, you can buy little pre-written poems with pictures to append to messages you send. Each is related to a certain character or monster, such as the BASIC Elemental (I've said it before / And I'll say it again: / 10 PRINT "I Love You" / 20 GOTO 10) or the ninja pirate zombie robot (AVAST VALENTINE-CHAN / I'M STRUCK BY YER BEAUTY / I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LOGIC / BRAINS, HONOR, OR BOOTY.). To finally get to the point, as I said, my favourite is Ed the Undying.


I'm so into you
That the grave I'm defying,
I promise my love for you
Will be... UNDYING!!!
Which I personally thought was hilarious. Anyway, having overused comment space, I would not at all mind a poem!