Extreme Romance.

[rionaleonhart]

(EDIT: Who just sent me an anonymous vgift? Thank you so much! ♥!)


Happy Valentine's Day! Would anyone like an incredibly terrible poem?

WARNING: I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY THEY WILL BE INCREDIBLY TERRIBLE. Here are some of my compositions so far:

For my ex-housemate (but also dedicated with love to the Hannahs on my flist):

OH HANNAH
YOU ARE NOT A SPANNER
EVERYONE ELSE IS AN ALSO-RANNER
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


For my housemate from Nottingham and her unrhymable name:

OH RACH
OWING TO SOUTHERN INFLUENCE YOU NO LONGER DROP YOUR 'H'...S
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


For myself (yes, I composed a Valentine's Day poem for myself), and possibly the worst of the lot due to slightly unfortunate rhyming:

OH HARRIET
JOIN ME IN MY CHARIOT
LOTS OF LOVE FROM JUDAS ISCARIOT
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


If you would like an appalling poem, let me know in the comments! (If you give me your name and/or nicknames as well, that might make things easier.)

Comments

[honeymull.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Ooh! Me! Pick me!

(Yeah, Rachel is kind of a bitch to rhyme. You can pretend I have another name if you'd like. Like "Eugene" or something with a bit more poetic potential.)

Happy Valentines Day! :D

[rionaleonhart]

OH RAGGEDANN
YOU INCREASE MY HEART'S WINGSPAN
I HOPE LIVEJOURNAL NEVER DOES BAN (YOU)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[linakitten.livejournal.com]

I want to play! Thus spake the Lina.

[rionaleonhart]

OH LINA
YOU MAKE GRASS GREENER
NOT UNLIKE A VACUUM CLEANER

...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY?


That was particularly awful. I'm sorry.

[suzie-shooter.livejournal.com]

ooh, ooh, me, me! *grabby hands*

[rionaleonhart]

OH SUZIE
NOT A FLOOZY
SPEAKING TO YOU NEVER MAKES ME SNOOZY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Me! Me! Me!

Something with Wolfy, please. It's the coolest nickname I've had in my life!

(The second-coolest was Ma'am Baby Cat.)

[rionaleonhart]

OH WOLFY
NOTHING RHYMES WITH WOLFY
THE CLOSEST I CAN GET IS GOLFY (WHICH IS MERELY AN EYE RHYME AND IN FACT PRONOUNCED ENTIRELY DIFFERENTLY)

BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

ME! MEEEE! DO IT FOR TREE!

(Haha that rhymed too.)

[rionaleonhart]

OH TREE
YOUR JOURNAL'S SO ZANY
IT FILLS EVEN SAM 'WOE' WINCHESTER WITH GLEE

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[sparklenight.livejournal.com]

DO ME! My name is Jamie.

[rionaleonhart]

OH JAMIE
I MUST PROCLAIM(IE)
YOU'RE UNIQUE WHERE OTHERS ARE SAMEY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[misskass.livejournal.com]

I would like a poem! But I'm afraid Jessica doesn't really rhyme with anything. =( Jess, though, that could work.

[rionaleonhart]

OH JESS
I MUST CONFESS
I ADMIRE YOUR HAIR; YEA, EVERY TRESS

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

DID YOU SEND ME AN ANONYMOUS, POEM-ACCOMPANIED BEARHUG??? It made me smile for HOURS (seriously, I kept thinking of it and SMILING all day), so if indeed it was you, thank you <3

(If it was not you, there is another genius poet on my flist.)

(OTHER POEMS WELCOME.)

[rionaleonhart]

I did! That poem was particularly dreadful, but I'm glad it made you smile.


OH TH_ESAURUS
(JONAI CHORUS)
WE'RE SO GLAD THAT YOU ADORE US

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[cryforthemoon.livejournal.com]

Ooh, ooh, yes please! Ness, if possible. :D

(Oh David Mitchell,
You're a looker,
My name isn't Bill,
It's Charlie Brooker.)

[rionaleonhart]

(Hee!)


OH NESS
YOU DESERVE SUCCESS
'AWESOMETOWN' IS YOUR ADDRESS

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[kadrin.livejournal.com]

My personal favourite of all Valentines is in Kingdom of Loathing, sent by Ed the Undying - an ancient mummy who is completely immortal, and shouts "UNDYING!" between the many times you kill him. You actually fight him seven times, reducing him to fewer and fewer bits each time. In between, you get little interludes, such as:

You triumphantly step over the mummy's fallen husk, and reach for the Holy MacGuffin within the sarcophagus. It is nearly within your grasp, when you suddenly feel a bony grip on your ankle. "Not that easy, kiddo. Undying, remember?"

"Hell," you mutter. "I was hoping you were just bluffing."

"Nope."

and

Ed growls in inarticulate fury, his eyes blazing (though not as brightly as before).

"C'mon, dude. This is ridiculous."

"UNDYING!"

"sigh."

Anyway. On Valentine's Day, you can buy little pre-written poems with pictures to append to messages you send. Each is related to a certain character or monster, such as the BASIC Elemental (I've said it before / And I'll say it again: / 10 PRINT "I Love You" / 20 GOTO 10) or the ninja pirate zombie robot (AVAST VALENTINE-CHAN / I'M STRUCK BY YER BEAUTY / I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LOGIC / BRAINS, HONOR, OR BOOTY.). To finally get to the point, as I said, my favourite is Ed the Undying.


I'm so into you
That the grave I'm defying,
I promise my love for you
Will be... UNDYING!!!
Which I personally thought was hilarious. Anyway, having overused comment space, I would not at all mind a poem!

[misskass.livejournal.com]

I'm having trouble processing the intense amounts of awesome in this comment entirely about Kingdom of Loathing. How I love that game. *__*

[fireholly.livejournal.com]

RIONAAAAAAA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2dkMNeYYXY) HAVE YOU SEEN THIS

[rionaleonhart]

I have indeed seen it, and I find it completely adorable. Oh, Mitchell.


OH FLY
YOUR JOURNAL'S NEVER DRY
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH UNTIL I CRY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[nomelon.livejournal.com]

ME!

An ode to Riona
Would be very oner-
ous. Because nothing rhymes
A lot of the time.
In that respect,
If you reflect,
She's much like an orange.
But less orange.
The end.

[rionaleonhart]

OH NOMELON
I'M NOT SURE OF HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR USERNAME
SO I'M GOING TO ASSUME EVERYTHING RHYMES WITH IT

BY THE WAY YOU'RE GREAT

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


(Sorry, that was terrible. Especially after you wrote such a marvellous poem! I particularly like the 'oner-' rhyme. Let's try again.)


OH NOMELON
YOU'RE NOT A FELON
NEITHER ARE YOU IAN MCKELLAN

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[littlered2.livejournal.com]

I would like one! (Feel free to use whichever name you think best, as Verity isn't the easiest one to rhyme.)

[rionaleonhart]

OH VERITY
I SAY WITH SINCERITY
YOU MAKE THE WORLD A LITTLE MORE MERITY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

RIONA
I'D LIKE TO PHONE HER
WITH A DOUGHNU(T)


*bows*

[rionaleonhart]

That made me laugh far too hard.


OH CASSIE
YOU'RE A SPLENDID LASSIE
IF YOU WERE A CAR YOU'D HAVE A PRETTY AWESOME CHASSIS

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Short bad poetry is the BEST poetry!

I haven't written any terrible poems myself, but littlemoose had a brilliant one to go with my 'May and Hammond deliver Jeremy, tied up to a chair, to Will Young on Valentine's Day' fic:

Roses are red
James May has daft hair
here's Jeremy Clarkson
tied to a chair!

Which I then failed to add in the fic, but OH WELL.

I'm also not sure what to think about you pairing yourself up with Judas Iscariot, but happy Valentine's day!

[rionaleonhart]

That poem by Moose is utterly delightful!


OH GLENDA
IN ALL YOUR SPLENDOUR
MY HEART UP UNTO YOU I RENDER

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[mirabehn.livejournal.com]

May I?

Love, Elly. :-)

[rionaleonhart]

Your name is surprisingly tricky!


OH ELLY
YOUR PRINCIPLES ARE SOLID, UNLIKE JELLY
STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE, MR MACHIAVELLI

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

*makes puppy eyes*

[rionaleonhart]

OH LITTLEMOOSE
YOU SILLY GOOSE
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ON THE LOOSE

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[rionaleonhart]

OH SOPHIA
IT IS CLEAR
YOU'RE BETTER THAN ANY AMOUNT OF BEER

(IN MY OPINION, OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE I DON'T DRINK, BUT ALSO IN AN OBJECTIVE SENSE)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[reipan.livejournal.com]

I WANT ONE OF THESE SO MUCH.

In exchange, here is a Valentine's Day haiku:

To my darling Hats,
You make my heart take flight, like
a slightly shocked mouse.

[rionaleonhart]

Hee, thank you!


OH REI
I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
I REALLY LOVED THE SKILFUL WAY
YOU BEAT THE OTHER GIRLS TO THE BRIDE'S BOUQUET er, hang on.


OH REI
I HAVE TO SAY
YOUR FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME SHOUT 'HOORAY!'

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

OH ME! ME! I WOULD LIKE ONE!! My name is Erin. :DDDDDDDDDDDD

[rionaleonhart]

I would not have expected 'Erin' to be such trouble!


OH ERIN
I HOPE YOU SHARE IN
MY JOY WHEN AS PRESIDENT I AM MADE TO SWEAR IN

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[saaski-moql.livejournal.com]

OH RIONA
BETTER, EVEN, THAN PRINCESS FIONA
WHO IS FROM SHREK BUT THAT COULD REFER TO ANYONE AS LONG AS THEIR NAME IS FIONA
(EVEN IF THEY AREN'T A PRINCESS)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

[rionaleonhart]

OH SAASKI
FINDING A RHYME FOR YOUR NAME IS GOING TO BE NASTY
PERHAPS I WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE USING THE VOCABULARY OF FARSI (although I don't speak it, alas, so I really wouldn't know)

I'M NOT EVEN SURE HOW 'SAASKI' IS PRONOUNCED

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[fera_festiva]

OH RIONALEONHART
LET US NEVER PART
ONE DAY I WILL BUY YOU A CART
(NOT FROM WAL-MART)
WE WILL USE IT TO CROSS THE RIVER DART
HAPPY... OH BOLLOCKS TO IT
HERE IS A HEART -> ♥

(Me please! You can use either Fera or Martha but if the latter then no rhyming with "Arthur" because frankly I've had that one all my life)

[rionaleonhart]

I find 'WE WILL USE IT TO CROSS THE RIVER DART' absolutely hilarious and I do not know why.


OH MARTHA
I CAN'T EXPRESS HALF A
UNIT OF HOW AWESOME YOU ARE



THUR

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

Oh go on. I want to see what you can do with "Bubbles".

[rionaleonhart]

OH BUBBLES
IT FRANKLY TROUBLES
ME THAT NOTHING ELSE RHYMES, OR AT LEAST I AM HAVING TROUBLE DISCERNING ANOTHER RHYMING WORD EVEN THROUGH THE EXTREMELY POWERFUL TELESCOPE OF HUBBLE'S

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

I WANT A POEM :DDD

(hello! how are youu?)

[rionaleonhart]

(Hello! I am under incredibly horrible levels of dissertation stress but otherwise fine! How are you?)


OH MOOG
WERE WE IN THE WORLD OF A CHOCOLATE ORANGE* I MIGHT DESCRIBE YOU AS A DROOG
AND THEN I SUPPOSE WE WOULD DANCE TO A FUGUE

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


* Er, obviously I meant A Clockwork Orange, but I like this mistake so much that I wish to leave it there.

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh, me! Emma says please.

In return, a haiku;

A Valentine's Day
Haiku for you, Riona
I think it's quite good

[rionaleonhart]

OH EMMA
I HAVE A DILEMMA
FOR I CANNOT GIVE YOU A VALUABLE GEM.

ER.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.