'Poetry Hour With Riona's Family' Would Be Fairly Unsuccessful.

[rionaleonhart]

Ahahaha, oh, dear, I fear my parents may be becoming concerned by my uneventful love life. An exchange I recently had with my father via the incomprehensible medium of Google Wave:


Riona's Father: Loved the VD Post!

MY DEAREST HARRIET
YOU COULD BE PALLY YET.
IF SOMEONE GRABS YOU WITH THEIR LARIAT
DON'T DILLY-DALLY, PET

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


Riona: I automatically interpreted 'VD' as 'venereal disease'. I just thought you should know.

OH DAD
DON'T BE SAD
THAT I HAVEN'T YET MET A SUITABLE LAD
UNIVERSITY, AFTER ALL, 'S DRIVING ME MAD
AND I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH UNTIL MAY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY


Riona's Father: Of course you did.

A scholarly lady named Harriet
Was senseless to Time's Wing-ed Chariot.
Her ramblings eternal
Upon her Livejournal
Did not dispose her to marry yet.


I might have been mildly ticked off had the pressure not been presented in such a hilarious format.


In the comments to my entry on The Bubble, anewcitylife proposed retitling the show The Abuse David Mitchell Half Hour.

I would love to watch The Abuse David Mitchell Half Hour. David Mitchell is needled and mocked, and he makes quietly self-deprecating comments until eventually he snaps and flies into one of his amazing minute-long rants. (Obviously I am not proposing this rather cruel concept out of any dislike for David Mitchell. I adore David Mitchell. I just happen to feel that he is at his most hilarious and adorable when he is nettled. Sorry, Mitchell.)

What are some other television programmes that do not exist but clearly should? There's the documentary about David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker's crime-fighting adventures, obviously; they have no physical fighting ability whatsoever, but their sarcasm is devastating. There's Master Who, the weirdly-reminiscent-of-Tom-and-Jerry Doctor Who spinoff in which the Master attempts to take over the world in every episode but is thwarted by Donna Noble. There's Celebrity Big Brother: Top Gear Edition, in which Clarkson, Hammond and May are locked in a house together and the public make bets on how long it will be before they somehow blow it up. By what do you feel our televisions would be infinitely improved?

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

I assumed he meant a lasso, but, now that I think about it, 'grabs you in a wrestling move' could also make (at least a sort of) sense. I know you'll read this, Dad; could you clarify for subtle_rift's benefit?

[subtle-rift.livejournal.com]

They all seem rather specific - why not a net gun or a suplex for example? Unless he was talking about two separate things - "Harriet, it's not too late to get a boyfriend. Also, if someone attempts to grab you with a lasso, run away." Seems like sound advice.

[rionaleonhart]

Pronouncing 'net gun' in such a way that it rhymes with 'Harriet' is a bit on the tricky side, but I very much like the 'run away' interpretation.

[subtle-rift.livejournal.com]

Harriet, your more than old enough for some boyfriend fun,
But not the kind that starts with the use of a net gun,
unless they're dressed like team rocket and just gave you a Pikachu,
'cause if that's the case, that guy really knows you.

La riata (n). Verb

[(Anonymous)]

An interesting example of the metaphoric creation of new meanings: I guess that the gene splicing refers to the shape of the lariat and that the wrestling hold always refers to both form and function. On the other hand the pick-up truck name is simply an evocation of the great American adventure.

But I think it has the right macho connotations - so the fourth line should read:
"If someone has you in their Lariat"

BTW, TWIMC - Apart from the prose quality, I read Riona's livejournal for the occasional insight it gives into her formative family life - I try not to understand the other stuff.