Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2010-11-05 09:28 pm
rionaleonhart) wrote2010-11-05 09:28 pm
Punch That Missile Right In The Face.
Today, I wandered onto Twitter to search for reactions to the revelation that David Cameron and Nick Clegg had poisoned the leader of another country, and then I remembered that that was actually just a dream I had. Whoops.
A listing from today's edition of the Radio Times that I rather enjoyed:
8.00 White Van Man
New series. 1/6. A surprising look at the lives and work of Britain's independent tradesmen. In this edition, welder Jim Brown has an unusual commission: to build a cage for the bondage dungeon of ex-gangland enforcer Dave Courtney. Elsewhere, Pete and Steve of the Buff Builders Handyman Service pose for their 2011 calendar and fix up TV star Annabel Giles's garden.
On the last night of Big Brother, I remember seeing very sarcastic television listings in a newspaper somewhere: something like 'the last ever episode of Big Brother, oh no, what a shame' and 'a collection of moments from Big Brother that we can't forget, no matter how much we may want to'. I wish I'd written them down.
Ooh, how about we all make up implausible television listings in the comments? Charlie Brooker is, of course, the king of this (or was until the broadcast of Touch the Truck (twenty contestants hold onto a truck! the last one to let go wins the truck! eighty hours of fun! (I'm assuming the broadcast didn't show all eighty hours)) made him realise that television had reached a point of ridiculousness at which it was impossible to parody); some of his more worksafe inventions (from TVGoHome, a very unworksafe site):
9.50pm Metal Gear Solid News
Peter Sissons hides behind a pillar and attempts to whisper all the latest current affairs stories without alerting a nearby guard.
12.15am Touch Stapleton
Members of the public queue up to stroke John Stapleton's forearm in a non-sexual way.
1.00am Haunted Painting 24
Uninterrupted live broadcast of the notorious E-bay 'Haunted Painting', offering viewers at home the opportunity to sit up all night staring into the eyes of an illustrated boy, too scared to switch off in case he inexplicably scowls at them the second they reach for the remote.
3.00pm 101 Unforgivable Farmyard Pastimes
4: Driving a tractor into a pig's face.
(I think my favourite part of the last is the fact that it's an hour and a quarter long.)
So, yes! Tell me how particularly ridiculous programmes or just programmes you wish existed would be listed in the Radio Times or equivalent! (If you're only just seeing this entry after a night out watching fireworks, it's not too late! ...in retrospect, past nine on Bonfire Night was a really bad time to post this.)
A listing from today's edition of the Radio Times that I rather enjoyed:
8.00 White Van Man
New series. 1/6. A surprising look at the lives and work of Britain's independent tradesmen. In this edition, welder Jim Brown has an unusual commission: to build a cage for the bondage dungeon of ex-gangland enforcer Dave Courtney. Elsewhere, Pete and Steve of the Buff Builders Handyman Service pose for their 2011 calendar and fix up TV star Annabel Giles's garden.
On the last night of Big Brother, I remember seeing very sarcastic television listings in a newspaper somewhere: something like 'the last ever episode of Big Brother, oh no, what a shame' and 'a collection of moments from Big Brother that we can't forget, no matter how much we may want to'. I wish I'd written them down.
Ooh, how about we all make up implausible television listings in the comments? Charlie Brooker is, of course, the king of this (or was until the broadcast of Touch the Truck (twenty contestants hold onto a truck! the last one to let go wins the truck! eighty hours of fun! (I'm assuming the broadcast didn't show all eighty hours)) made him realise that television had reached a point of ridiculousness at which it was impossible to parody); some of his more worksafe inventions (from TVGoHome, a very unworksafe site):
9.50pm Metal Gear Solid News
Peter Sissons hides behind a pillar and attempts to whisper all the latest current affairs stories without alerting a nearby guard.
12.15am Touch Stapleton
Members of the public queue up to stroke John Stapleton's forearm in a non-sexual way.
1.00am Haunted Painting 24
Uninterrupted live broadcast of the notorious E-bay 'Haunted Painting', offering viewers at home the opportunity to sit up all night staring into the eyes of an illustrated boy, too scared to switch off in case he inexplicably scowls at them the second they reach for the remote.
3.00pm 101 Unforgivable Farmyard Pastimes
4: Driving a tractor into a pig's face.
(I think my favourite part of the last is the fact that it's an hour and a quarter long.)
So, yes! Tell me how particularly ridiculous programmes or just programmes you wish existed would be listed in the Radio Times or equivalent! (If you're only just seeing this entry after a night out watching fireworks, it's not too late! ...in retrospect, past nine on Bonfire Night was a really bad time to post this.)
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Which country?
A surprising look at the lives and work of Britain's independent tradesmen. In this edition, welder Jim Brown has an unusual commission: to build a cage for the bondage dungeon of ex-gangland enforcer Dave Courtney.
That sounds incredibly fascinating.
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It does sound sort of intriguing. Sadly, the signal for Channel Five is terrible here, so I couldn't actually watch it.
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I suspect that if David Cameron was going to take up poisoning obscure world leaders, he'd make Nick Clegg do the dirty work, anyway.
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A gritty, novelistic drama series about the intertwining stories of five dogs, including a dark and intriguing subplot about Mimi the poodle and her dark and troubled past...
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I HOPE THIS IS A REFERENCE TO MY DREAM.
I also hope that the dogs are just normal dogs, rather than talking dogs, and all the exposition is clumsily done via one-off human characters saying 'Man, d'you ever think that Rottweiler might be dealing drugs?'
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They totally don't talk. They bark at each other, and occasionally nuzzle. Turns out that was a really important plot twist, or a drug deal, or confession of love.
Every human character who gives the exposition is played by... I'm not sure. YOU DECIDE.
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YOU JUST PUT THIS IN BECAUSE YOU KNEW I'D HAVE TO COMMENT, DIDN'T YOU
so here I go: 'ha ha since charlie wrote this the games have become dangerously close to this'
(also, I KEEP WANTING TO WRITE METAL GEAR SOLID 4 FIC WITH CHARLIE BROOKER IN IT, because the game opens up with THE KIND OF TELEVISION PEOPLE IN THE MGS WORLD APPARENTLY WATCH, and it's like something out of Armando Iannucci's Time Trumpet only made by a psychotic mental patient who'd just learned how to use Cinema 4D. He would hate living in that world, which is why I can't make myself do it. They get progressively creepier as they go along.)
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Maybe slightly. AND IT WAS EVIDENTLY THE RIGHT DECISION, BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULD NOT HAVE EXPERIENCED THE DELIGHTFUL HORROR OF THESE CLIPS. Brooker would be furious about the insane news ticker in the octopus one. Write that fic.
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I watch a show Criminal Minds, which is all about FBI profilers going after serial killers. TV Guide gave a lovely in depth episode info line once: The team looks for a serial killer.
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Star Trek: the Next Generation
The Away Team find a mouldy potato in a cave.
The X-Files
A previously unseen episode. Mulder and Scully clean the house. See Scully wash dishes! See Mulder clean curtains! The excitement never starts!
Doctor Who
Introducing the alternative Sixth Doctor as played by Gareth Thomas. See him dressed like Roj Blake running around a ruined castle with a lot of other men wearing New Romantic clothes and carrying big guns. They're probably in search of a plot because I forgot to dream one. Even one involving a mouldy potato would do.