rionaleonhart | It Only Produces Three Hundred Carbon Dioxides.

Entry tags:

top gear

It Only Produces Three Hundred Carbon Dioxides.

I was rather worried that this episode wouldn't be an especially good one, because it's the only one of the series so far that doesn't have the trio all together for something major, but it was utterly glorious regardless.

I WANT MY OWN FLYING MODEL RELIANT ROBIN. It was adorable.

Jeremy took a chainsaw to the Cool Wall. Oh my God. "DO NOT PUT A MOTORBIKE ON MY WALL. RUN AWAY. RUN AWAY OR YOU WILL BE A LOT SHORTER."

"It only produces three hundred carbon dioxides" may be my favourite thing that Jeremy Clarkson has ever said about any car ever.

The Jeremy Clarkson logic dictates that Hammond must want to make love to David Attenborough! Genius! As was "Graham Norton's got a willy." "How do you know?" *BEST EXPRESSION EVER*.

And I loved it when Hammond and Clarkson were talking about how, obviously, when they were accused of being gay in Alabama, they should have said "No, we're married," pointed at James and scarpered while he was attacked. (This entire series is so very, very gay.)

I am so upset that Jeremy Clarkson actually got rid of his Ford GT. So upset. My abusive OTP has been destroyed! Alas!

...Of course, he could always buy it back a third time, and if he does so I will laugh hysterically.

And there was Top Gear Dog! Only for an instant, admittedly, but still. She was looking particularly adorable, and wearing Doggles! I am sure that

dracothelizard will be very pleased.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What is about men with chainsaws that makes them sexy?

And poor dear James. They are determined to out him, aren't they?

Well, er, I usually find Clarkson sexy, but when he had the chainsaw I think I just found him rather terrifying. There are some people who alarm me a lot by getting their hands on chainsaws, and Jeremy Clarkson is one of them.

They are! What with the "marrying his boyfriend" comment, and this episode, and the shot of him mounting Richard on the museum staircase in episode two... I might feel sorry for him if I didn't love it so much.

Yes, Jeremy Clarkson is definitely not a man to be trusted loose with a chainsaw. You can just see him cutting down random things yelling POWERRRRR!

I love it too. Dear James. If he ever did come out I think I'd cheer!

This does of course mean that James' long term girlfriend is a total beard. Which is lucky, because now I don't have to hunt her down or anything. *g*

What with the "marrying his boyfriend" comment, and this episode, and the shot of him mounting Richard on the museum staircase in episode two...

What?! What exactly happened? Why can't I watch this show?

The comment was from an interview last week: Clarkson and Hammond were in South Africa for a motoring show, and a journalist asked, "There are three of you; where's - Andrew, is it?" Clarkson said, "Andrew? Oh, James. It's his wedding this week, isn't it? Marrying his boyfriend."

The 'mounting' was a quick shot from Series Nine, Episode Two: Hammond and May were spying on Jeremy around a corner with very little regard for personal space (screencap courtesy of

m_l_h).

Since recaps from LJ friends who get the show are my only way of getting any information out of this show, I am pleased with your enjoyment.

My mind is still trying to understand the section about the gay accusations in that state. When they said that, they meant it as being married but James being the gay one? Because my mind immediately took it as them saying they were, yah know, married. Which you know, if they hadn't been faced with the chance of being killed, might have been quite fun to say. Excuse me if I make no sense.

...

That interpretation did not occur to me! But I refuse to reword it to make it less confusing, because it amuses me far too much. Hammond and Clarkson are totally married.

But, sadly, that wasn't what they meant. Essentially, what Clarkson said was:

"I think we missed a trick in Alabama. You know when that woman came along and said (horrible attempt at American accent) 'Hey, y'all gay lookin' to get beat up in a hick town?' (horrible attempt at American accent ends here), and I said 'No, I'm married with three children?' Well, you (indicating Hammond) should have said 'No, I'm married with two children', and then we could have pointed at the long-haired bachelor and run off while he got kicked."

Ah yes, the things that a mind can see in certain words is always amusing. Fangirling, I believe, would go out of business without some subtext.

After I reread it I was sure that was what was meant. Though, I would love to hear that 'horrible attempt at American accent'. Really, I'd love to see any of it. Eh

go to finalgear.com
They have torrents for every episode of Top Gear, AND Top of the Pops. It's how I get my fix of TG.

TOP GEAR DOG TOP GEAR DOG TOP GEAR DOG *is happy fangirl*

Also, James spouting physics was oddly attractive. *is odd that way*

And Jeremy clearly knows how the Stig's chest tastes like. OH REALLY, Mr. Clarkson?

And yes on the chainsaw. OMGAWESOME. I want to make Evil Dead references and possibly a crossover although that would be cruel.

AND HOW GORGEOUS WAS THAT EXPLOSION? I have only seen better when the Mythbusters blew up a cement truck. They were investigating the myth about getting the dried up cement up via explosion, and, er, naturally they blew it up. It was AMAZING.

I am very startled by your finding a human presenter of Top Gear attractive! EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW WAS A LIE. But you are still very happy about Top Gear Dog's appearance, so that's all right, then.

I don't even know what Evil Dead is, and I still want you to write that crossover. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH CROSSOVERS.

HE WAS SPOUTING PHYSICS FORMULAS. If he was spouting POETRY I wouldn't have cared, but science formulas, dude, that's just low. It's what Moose has with poetry, but I have it with physics formulas.

Evil Dead is AWESOME. Read all about: Evil Dead 2 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_Dead_II). It is hilarious, and gory, and slapstick and utter crack. Especially with the cast commentary.

Also, the most ridiculous fight EVER: Ash versus his right hand (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSTvN-NrRfM).

The right hand is possessed by the evil that roams in the forest.

Also, James spouting physics was oddly attractive. *is odd that way*

Allow me to assure you that you're completely not alone in thinking that. He would be the hottest Science teacher ever.

He could've replaced my Physics teacher ANY DAY. But, er, preferably not my Chemistry teacher. My Chemistry teacher was too awesome.

Science teachers can be awesome? This is a foreign concept to me. I did once have a Biology teacher who insisted on drifting round the classroom pretending to be a cilia cell, but that's probably less awesome and more ... frighteningly deranged.

Oh, but then again, there was the Doctor having his Physics teacher moment in that one episode. (Why do I get the feeling this is going to end up in crossover-y AU James May/Ten madness?)

Or, cilium cell, rather. *geeky pedantry omg*

Well, my Physics teachers wasn't, so I'd love to trade him in, especially for the Doctor! Mmmm.

Oh, go ahead, give Riona ideas *grins and flees*

Oh, you git. I CANNOT WRITE IT BECAUSE I AM UNABLE TO WRITE TEN. HA.

OH YES WELL I, ER, I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT PHYSICS. *hides formula book*

SEE SEE I AM A GENIUS.

CLARKSON + CHAINSAW + THREATS = MY CRACK HAT-STAND FIC.

I am far too pleased about this, to the extent that I have spammed you with two amounts of glee. I'm sorry!

OH OH AND JAMES ATTEMPTING TO BE A RELIANT ROBIN. And the two of them completely being unable to keep a straight face at the launch site.

See what you have done to me??!

YOU SHOULD BE PLEASED BY YOUR INCREDIBLE PSYCHIC POWERS. Even if you got the chainsaw-wielder slightly wrong.

They were so adorably enthusiastic about the launch, weren't they?

I see, and it is a glorious victory.

Even if you got the chainsaw-wielder slightly wrong. - To be fair, Jeremy couldn't really hold a chainsaw in my version of events, being as he had no hands. But that aside.

Also! Top Gear Dog! Sharing a room with bunk-beds! Destroying the Cool Wall with a chainsaw!

I'd be slightly more annoyed about your glorious victory if the whole thing wasn't so good.

You've pretty well summed up all the best bits for me.

Jeremy tried to out James! ♥

I'm so glad someone else is disappointed that Jeremy got rid of the GT - it was such an epic, that relationship.

Jeremy has been trying to out James rather a lot! "He's marrying his boyfriend"? 'I'M BI'?

I think that perhaps I should write Jeremy/GT fic to commemorate their tragic story.

That's three times in the space of a week and a half...if he's trying to be subtle, I think he might've missed slightly. Ooh, just had a thought. James never actually mentioned the I'm Bi on his car, so this could be Jeremy's way of getting him back...

You should definitely write Jeremy/GT, it's a love that we thought would never end.

Yes, you should.

Yes, it was excellent! The Cool Wall came back and the chainsaw and Richard Hammond/David Attenborough and Jeremy's expression was priceless and I love him so much and the trying to out James and the bunk beds and James May's new hair which startled me a lot at first but then was surprisingly easy to get used to (I haven't seen this mentioned anywhere. Was I the only person who noticed it?) and Top Gear Dog is the cutest thing ever and I want a dog just like that and the fact that they looked actually quite seriously disappointed and shocked when it failed, which was lovely but made me feel very sorry for them and Jeremy is adorable when he laughs (is it at all worrying that I just used the word 'adorable' to describe Jeremy Clarkson?) and I can't actually remember anything more now but it was just lovely.

Hee, I love it when you fangirl about things!

I use the word 'adorable' to describe Jeremy Clarkson all the time. It is really rather alarming. (But he falls in love with cars and sneaks out to sabotage air conditioning with Richard and has fits of infectious laughter and rescues tortoises and is just the cutest person in the world! Really!)

He really is rather wonderful. And now I have montages of all those things about Jeremy running through my head.

Is it really bad that I mentally screened "David" and therefore have been envisaging Richard Hammond / Richard Attenborough fan-fic for the last four days???

Jeremy's attempts to out James and the fact that he never seems to deny anything = WINOMG.

Meanwhile, the bit at the launch site where James and Richard were laughing hysterically and couldn't stop, and Richard was going "Stop laughing James, I'm getting very cross!" was just adorable and I love them.

*squees*

*cackles* I am seriously wondering why the sudden interest in James' sexuality. I mean, it used to be Hammond whom Clarkson claimed was gay. Now it's both of them.

TOP GEAR DOG YAY.

Now. We can see. From our position - hiding behind the shelves of empty paint cans and abandoned power tools. The frantic pacing of the Clarkson. Alone in the garage, bereft of its long term companion. It is a sad sight - but if we wait quietly, we may just be able. Yes. Yes. If you listen carefully, you can just hear the faint call of the low-loader - which you can see has agitated the Clarkson considerably. Now, to get a better look We're going to have to go outside if we want to witness their reunion.

Unfortunately. Night has fallen. Now the darkness does mean. We can approach the pair more closely. But we're going to need to switch to our night-vision cameras. Ah! Now see the sudden turn of speed as the Clarkson emerges from its lair to welcome home its mate. And you can see the GT roll forward, popping open its driver's door, despite its recent ill health Now, as the Clarkson enters the vehicle we hear the change from the low-pitched hum of the Ford engine to a slightly higher note. This is usually due to close physical contact. With the car's interior. The night-sight cameras make it difficult to tell. But I can just make out. The hands on the steering wheel, reaching gently for the dashboard.

This is quite an unusual sight. It is indeed rare, to find a mating Clarkson-GT pair. In fact. We were only able to locate these because this pair was spotted by an amateur ochologist James May. He was also able to point us to a Hammond-Porsche grouping. And that's what we're going to take a look at next.

I cannot possibly even begin to express what an absolute genius you are. Hee, recent ill health! And then there's 'The hands on the steering wheel, reaching gently for the dashboard.' WHY IS THIS ADORABLE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

*howls* That is GENIUS.

May would so be mating with the Cessna

You know he would!

All I have to add is that anything that opens with the words:

"Hello! And welcome, to an argument!"

Is guaranteed to be made of win.

Also, I really kind of wish they'd succeeded with the Reliant. I know it's against the laws of physics for the Top Gear team to succeed at anything, but it deserved it!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It Only Produces Three Hundred Carbon Dioxides.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

*happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

Re: *happily spams ...again*

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Top Gear as Attenborough documentary

Re: Top Gear as Attenborough documentary

Re: Top Gear as Attenborough documentary

Re: Top Gear as Attenborough documentary

Re: Top Gear as Attenborough documentary

no subject

happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again

Re: happily spams ...again