rionaleonhart | Pining For What She Could Not Have.

Right now, I'm sort of between fic-writing periods, which is never a good thing, because it means that my mind will desperately hunt for a writing project and suggest ideas regardless of how utterly terrible they are. Right now, it's telling me that I should write about Top Gear Dog's slow realisation that Jeremy is her One True Love, when she had previously believed it to be James. It would be utterly ridiculous, overblown angstfic, and it would contain the line 'She gazed through the Doggles and felt the wind in her fur and dreamt of speed and power and Clarkson', and it would be written purely to annoy

dracothelizard after our ridiculous Jeremy/Top Gear Dog versus James/Top Gear Dog 'shipwar, and it would be the worst idea ever.

I have no idea what purpose this entry serves. Essentially, it's a glaring 'HEY, IF YOU WANT TO FORCE ME TO WRITE CRACKFIC THAT I WILL ETERNALLY REGRET AFTERWARDS, I AM ESPECIALLY VULNERABLE AT THIS POINT.' Which means that, er, it would probably be a very bad idea to post it.

But I suppose that any ideas distracting me from 'But he was a human and she was a Labradoodle; alas, their love could never be' can only be a good thing.

(EDIT: I can't believe I haven't recced

lakester's amazing Jeremy Clarkson/Bugatti Veyron fanvid here yet. WATCH IT, DAMN YOU. It makes man/vehicle astonishingly hot.)

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So who is writing this? What encouragement is needed???

Nobody is actually writing it at the moment.

Which makes you a potential target.

Aaarrrrggggghhhhhh!

*ducks*

Must not volunteer, must not volunteer....

But I so, so want to read it...

Come on, there must be some ~~sucker~~ lovely ficcer we can sic it on to.

See, I'd volunteer, but I'm already being eaten by fic at the moment. Plus, I've only seen S1 of LoM, about three TG episodes total (aside from all the little clips here and there), and about half a minute of Doctor Who. So I know enough to make the joke, but not to follow through. :/

Ditto on the eaten by fic. I've got about four WIPs on the go at the moment. It's... annoying.

Half a minute of Doctor Who? Gosh. That's... not much.

(If you can count a cross-over, I can say I've actually written fic in all four fandoms. Which is pretty scary...)

Yep. My WIP just broke 100,000 words, and shows only the earliest indications of stopping. It's my problem child, but I love it anyway.

(I caught the tail end of some episode on TV while my mom was flipping through channels. I only ever watch TV there, since at my apartment doesn't have cable, and I'm almost never there since it's five hours away. So.)

I know enough about Top Gear, Stargate SG-1 and Doctor Who, but have only ever seen three episodes of Life of Mars.

Clearly, it's up to Riona.

Oh. Gods.

Juxtapose the end of the Ecclestone era and Tardis!Rose with Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill *finally* having a shag (believe me - the world would end) with Sam Tyler finally giving up and throwing himself in front of *another* car. The Top Gear Team are challenged to prove Alexi Sayle wrong and attempt to rewire the national grid with a black and decker workmate.

Boom!

Now Sam Carter is stuck in 1973, Manchester and Sam Tyler's body. The horror! The wallpaper! The terrible aftershave! Sam Tyler has woken up aboard the Tardis and Rose is post-coital with Jack O'Neill on P3X-690 who, for some reason *hasn't* changed places with Jack Harkness. *However* Jack Harkness *has* vanished from the Games Station. Richard Hammond has been utterly shocked to find himself a General in the US Airforce, while James May gets to tinker with the Tardis and is now the proud owner of a sonic screwdriver.

Meanwhile, back in Manchester a very bewildered Jeremy Clarkson has found himself in a camel hair coat and a *very* dodgy car pursuing someone who may or may not have robbed a bank, but definitely has come on to everyone on the Station and, if rumour is to be believed, succeeded with a good half, not all female. Or human.

In the middle of the Berkshire countryside a General, a Doctor and a DCI find themselves cold, wet, bewildered and camping.

Now, can The Stig figure out exactly what is going on before the Doctor regains full consciousness, regains all his memory and works out *exactly* who The Stig is? Will anyone ever realise that Jeremy Clarkson has swapped places with DCI Gene Hunt? What exactly is Daniel doing with that alien artefact? Exactly what/who is Jack Harkness doing in Manchester and why? Will the Tardis ever be the same again now James has re-written all her protocols to include 25,000 pre-flight checks? What are the odds on the Hamster accidentally starting all-out nuclear war / destruction of all life in the Universe?

To find out the answers, tune into "1973, And All That"...

Oh God, General Richard Hammond, James as the Doctor, Carter as a MAN who will no doubt satisfy all sorts of scientific curiousities, Clarkson as Hunt and stick with HARKNESS, Hunt camping with the Doctor and George Hammond.

The world will END and The May will have to save the day.

You know, I can't see The May getting to grips with the sonic screwdriver.

General Richard Hammond is possibly the most frightening idea I've ever had. Well, apart from the actual cross-over of course - it's got potential to be *big*...

(I've already got an idea for a sub-plot involving Thor, a Seventies disco and platform heels...)

"Thor, a Seventies disco and platform heels..."

Oh my Thor.

I think the TARDIS will take to him, after he takes much care with her in the pre-flight checks ;)

Oh Gods. The Tardis is so happy with Doctor!James that she obliges by showing him how to mend her chameleon circuits (which weren't *totally* screwed after all...)

Of course, they don't actually *get* to work because the first place they land is 1973!Manchester to grab a couple of coppers.

*sporfles* The May/TARDIS!

You know, that is definitely my favourite pairing now. Can you *imagine* how sarcastic Clarkson would be?!

(I'm not going to go anywhere near K9/TGD. *cough*)

"A FIFTIES phone booth, May? And I thought you couldn't do worse after the Panda."
"At least unlike the Panda, you won't be able to 'accidentally' fondle me in here."

*takes some time to imagine May in the pin-striped brown suit and coat*

Hmm, I think I'm going to have most difficulty with the Top Gear banter. *thinks*

Also, can you *imagine* how much General Hammond is going to love his lovely Hamster!locks?!

(Do you think if I can get Captain Jack to 'broaden' Chris's horizons, I can make it eligible for the "Captain Jack Sexes Everyone In Every Fandom Ever" challenge?)

They argue. Constantly. That's all ;).

And the female attention, natch!

(Oh, hell yes.)

I thought TG banter was what you had me for, dear?

Oooh. Is that you *volunteering, my dear?!

Oh, my God, I wish you could see my expression right now. This is the most amazing idea that anyone has ever had.

'Will the Tardis ever be the same again now James has re-written all her protocols to include 25,000 pre-flight checks?'

You are such a genius, and the prospect of General Richard Hammond is terrifying, and the entire bit about Jeremy-in-Hunt's-place pursuing Captain Jack Harkness is glorious.

And now, of course, you have to write it.

And now, of course, you have to write it.

Curses! You mean that's not enough???

Pining For What She Could Not Have.

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