Pining For What She Could Not Have.

[rionaleonhart]

Right now, I'm sort of between fic-writing periods, which is never a good thing, because it means that my mind will desperately hunt for a writing project and suggest ideas regardless of how utterly terrible they are. Right now, it's telling me that I should write about Top Gear Dog's slow realisation that Jeremy is her One True Love, when she had previously believed it to be James. It would be utterly ridiculous, overblown angstfic, and it would contain the line 'She gazed through the Doggles and felt the wind in her fur and dreamt of speed and power and Clarkson', and it would be written purely to annoy dracothelizard after our ridiculous Jeremy/Top Gear Dog versus James/Top Gear Dog 'shipwar, and it would be the worst idea ever.

I have no idea what purpose this entry serves. Essentially, it's a glaring 'HEY, IF YOU WANT TO FORCE ME TO WRITE CRACKFIC THAT I WILL ETERNALLY REGRET AFTERWARDS, I AM ESPECIALLY VULNERABLE AT THIS POINT.' Which means that, er, it would probably be a very bad idea to post it.

But I suppose that any ideas distracting me from 'But he was a human and she was a Labradoodle; alas, their love could never be' can only be a good thing.

(EDIT: I can't believe I haven't recced lakester's amazing Jeremy Clarkson/Bugatti Veyron fanvid here yet. WATCH IT, DAMN YOU. It makes man/vehicle astonishingly hot.)

Comments

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

I have a first line that I could never, ever do anything with, if you want to take it and muck about with it and crack it up to hell? :D

[rionaleonhart]

Well, I'll certainly take a look at it and see whether anything occurs!

(Did you see Draco's and my bodyswap fics, by the way? Draco's is hilarious and frighteningly adorable for what is basically a man/dog fic, and I'm mentioning mine because, er, I'm a feedback whore.

Also, do you think there's any chance that you'll be participating in the bodyswap challenge? (Your genderswap fic was so gloriously hilarious that I'm afraid I'll probably be pestering you about crackfic-writing for the rest of time.))

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

um, I'm not so sure I did... I've been a bit out of it lately, but I'm back now ;) I must go back and find them, I could do with a giggle :)

Me? Dunno... I had a vague notion to swap one of them with someone from outside TG, just for badness, but I had no idea who, and Draco was trying to get me to swap Richard and Jeremy... *shrugs* I might. (You flatter me :))

Right, line:

The main problem, Jeremy mused, would be fitting him in the boot. If it had been Richard, it would all have been so much easier.

Make of that what you will! :D

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Two words: Piers Morgan.

Or The Stig :D

Also, that line gives me very, very bad thoughts and makes me wonder if it's another Assassing!Jeremy AU who has just kidnapped James for some reason.

My TG and James swapfic is here (http://community.livejournal.com/topgearslash/518617.html) by the way.

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

TGD/Anyone is WRONG. WRONG IN THE BRAIN.

*hugs you*

[anazri.livejournal.com]

'She gazed through the Doggles and felt the wind in her fur and dreamt of speed and power and Clarkson' *dies of laughter* WRITE IT. Pleeeeease.

I'm currently in the middle of co-writing an AU!TG WW2 semi-epistolary bloody novel, as a kind of twisted sequel to the Enid Blyton!TG fic of doom. Which means I have no time to write Jeremy-finds-himself-back-in-his-body-in-the-'80s...

[rionaleonhart]

YOUR CRACKFIC MAKES MINE FEEL INADEQUATE. You genius.

Time-travel fic is one sort of crackfic I'd be utterly unable to write, because I'd always manage to get something ridiculously wrong. "Um, Riona," the reviewers would say, "there, er, weren't any aeroplanes in 1066."

[anazri.livejournal.com]

Hmm. It does mean that we're spending a lot of time looking up WW2 aeroplanes so that Jeremy can fly around in them and yell things like "We're losing her! We need more power!"

I fear our reviewers will lynch us if this ever makes it to public viewing. We may have sort of made it into the biggest cliche in the world ever.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

You know, if you write Top Gear Dog/Jeremy one-way love, I shall CLEARLY have to write TG/James to show everyone how WRONG WRONG WRONG you are.

[rionaleonhart]

DON'T SAY THAT! NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T LET AN OPPORTUNITY TO FORCE YOU TO WRITE SUCH A RIDICULOUS FIC PASS BY. ARGH.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

*twirls evil moustache* I knew you would fall for that trap, miss Riona! Mwuahahah!

My fic will also feature a very worried Richard Hammond.

[lo0o0ony-lauren.livejournal.com]

I can picture his exact facial expression. Also, I like that it's Richard's dog and yet no one things she loves him!

Oh god. No no no, because I very nearly just became the banner girl for Hammond/TGD and I am not letting that happen.

This won't end well.

[newbie1990.livejournal.com]

Any idea I could possibly come up with would pale in comparison to the glorious ficsnippets above. There is your writing idea. Though you must also write Jeremy/Top Gear Dog angstfic.

Honestly, my mind boggles at the sheer insanity of these ideas. Clearly I am far too sane to ever write Top Gear fic.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, do write Top Gear fic. It is definitely not compulsory to write man/dog overblown angst, and the fandom could probably do with a more sane addition.

[newbie1990.livejournal.com]

Not if you cannot write the characters it can't. Anyway, I am writing terrible Scrubs fic despite the fact that I should be doing other things, and also I am delighted you want me to write Top Gear fic even after having seen my terrible Scrubs fic.

I don't think any of that made sense. *shrugs*

[newbie1990.livejournal.com]

In spite of! That's what I mean. *has figured it out after posting the comment. Idiotic me*

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

I'm still secretly holding out hope for the epic SG-1/Doctor Who/Top Gear/Life On Mars crossover.

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

There's an epic SG-1/Doctor Who/Top Gear/Life on Mars cross-over mooted??? Who? Who? Let me at 'em!!!

I've seen combinations of all four, but not all four together. Now that would be glorious.

[rionaleonhart]

draegonhawke's argument for it is that it would have two Sams, two Hammonds, two Jacks and two Tylers, which is, I think, pretty much the best reason for writing anything ever.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Well... SG-1/Top Gear/Doctor Who worked. I don't see why adding Life On Mars would make it not work, suddenly!

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

Oooooh. We could mix it with gender/body swap...

*cough*

On second thoughts, perhaps not.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

See, as soon as you see 1969, if you don't get SG-1/Life On Mars crossover ideas, I'll be very surprised. It's almost like it's asking to be crossed over!

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

So who is writing this? What encouragement is needed???

[cryforthemoon.livejournal.com]

OMGNO *cracks up*

The song is so perfect for that fanvid :D Might I suggest James/Bugatti, as there's a magnificent thread over on characterlove :D

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you're still taking requests, but I really want to see somehting along the lines of Old/Black Stig meets New/White Stig, and from what I've read of your work that seems to be about the only thing left you haven't done.

And the J/J OT3 story earlier in the comments is freakin hilarious. You lot are *fab* when you get together.