Next We'll Be Hearing That Mayhem's Moved In.

[rionaleonhart]

Okay, firstly: I'm sure anyone who actually cares has already heard this, but apparently Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are living together.

Cutest freaking thing ever, you guys. Oh, man. THEY ARE SUCH BEST FRIENDS FOR EVER AND IT IS ADORABLE. I bet they're watching the Supernatural fandom explode with glee and laughing themselves silly.

Secondly: it's taking me far too long to answer the character-number questions, and it looks as if a single entry for the answers would end up being many thousands of words long, so I'm going to try answering them in instalments. Here is the first batch! Featured fandoms include Supernatural, High School Musical, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy XII, Prison Break, Doctor Who, Scrubs, House, Silent Hill, Top Gear, Life on Mars, Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes.



th_esaurus:
DEAN WINCHESTER AND SHERLOCK HOLMES BUY SHOES. WHAT DO THEY DO WITH THESE SHOES HAVING BOUGHT THEM?
Dean Winchester buys pink ballet shoes, sneakily replaces Sam's shoes with them during the night and claims he's sure Sam was always wearing the ballet shoes when Sam confronts him about it. Holmes knows that his suspect collects shoes and never wears them, so he buys shoes of the type the suspect collects and holds them under the nose of a tracker dog.

SHARPAY EVANS AND SEIFER ALMASY ARE CAUGHT SMOOCHING BY BALTHIER BUNANSA. WHAT ARE THE REACTIONS ALL ROUND?
Balthier is a little embarrassed, but covers it up with amusement. Sharpay doesn't care that someone's just walked in; this guy is hot, and she knows she's hot, and so anyone who sees them kissing is obviously just going to be impressed by all the blazing hotness. Seifer glares over Sharpay's shoulder at Balthier until he goes away.

JEREMY CLARKSON CREATES AN INTERNET SHRINE TO GENE HUNT. WHAT IS THE WEBSITE ADDRESS?
I imagine it's http://www.nowthatsapoliceman.com. (Also, ahahaha, I can totally imagine Clarkson creating a shrine to Hunt.)

apiphile:
Pyramid Head bribes T-Bag to do its physics homework at (US) University. At what point does their teacher, Allison Cameron, find out, and what is the reaction of the three to this?
THAT IS TERRIFYING. Pyramid Head and T-Bag teaming up would be a very very very bad thing, even if it were over something as trivial as physics homework.

Cameron quickly works out the cheat, because Pyramid Head has a history of handing in its homework carved into the flesh of its fellow students, whilst T-Bag has the comparatively mild habit of writing it in blood. She doesn't confront them about it, because seriously, who would?

wanttobeatree:
T-Bag and Cameron team up to fight crime. What is their superhero duo called, and which of them will eventually turn to a life of villainy leading the other to a regretful duel to the death in the name of justice?
...okay, which do you think is going to turn to a life of villainy? Take your time, now.

The idea of T-Bag and Cameron teaming up horrifies me, because you know T-Bag's just going to be all charming and pretend he just wants to help people and then rape and murder her. RUN AWAY, CAMERON. RUN FAR AWAY.

So, yes, assuming Cameron lives past T-Bag's initial betrayal, she's going to be the one forced to challenge him to a duel to the death. And then she'll lose, and I shall be unhappy.

(EDIT: I just realised that I was so busy being horrified I forgot to name their duo! Er, 'Doctors of Justice'. That would probably work better for a Cameron/JD crimefighting duo, but the name amuses me so much I can't not use it. Perhaps T-Bag told Cameron he was also a doctor.)

Sam Winchester and Balthier have sex. On a scale of one to ten, just how awkward is it? SHOW YOUR WORKINGS.
...asdjhafjghjghgh I sort of really want this to happen. Balthier has no problems. Sam has a couple of 'but but but I'm straight!' and 'Dean can never find out about this' freakouts, which amuse Balthier enormously. Overall, I'd say around a four.

dracothelizard:
Michael Scofield and Sam Winchester become the Tenth Doctor's companions. How do the three meet? What kind of adventures do they have? Does the Tenth Doctor regret this decision? I hope 1 or 3 is the Tenth or Ninth Doctor.
Sadly neither is the Doctor, but Scofield and Winchester would be freaking awesome companions. Rather than go to Stanford, Sam left his family to travel with the Doctor. When he hears that Dean has managed to get himself sent to Fox River State Penitentiary, Sam asks the Doctor to help break him out, and in the process they somehow manage to pick up Scofield and his brother as well. And then Lincoln goes to look after LJ and Dean goes... for some reason (it is really difficult to split up Winchester brothers! perhaps he goes 'SAM, YOU CAN'T JUST GO GALLIVANTING ALL OVER THE UNIVERSE, PEOPLE NEED OUR HELP HERE', although he probably doesn't say 'gallivanting'), leaving Sam and Scofield to be the best companions ever.

They have awesome adventures! Sam adapts his knowledge of werewolves to face the wolfpeople of Xargalath B! Scofield uses his low latent inhibition to create weapons out of unlikely things! They all geek about the science of time travel together!

(I HOPE THERE IS SAM/SCOFIELD. I REALLY, REALLY HOPE THERE IS SAM/SCOFIELD. Oh, wait, I'm the one creating this scenario, aren't I? THERE IS SAM/SCOFIELD.)

Sharpay and Balthier versus Gene Hunt and Zell Dincht versus Jeremy Clarkson and Phineas Nigellus in a dance contest. Who wins? Who tries to cheat? What kind of dances do they do?
Even though they are blatantly going to win anyway, because the Hunt/Dincht combination is ridiculously ungraceful and the Clarkson/Nigellus dance is just a man swinging a portrait around, Sharpay and Balthier cheat. Balthier is a very good cheater and Sharpay is terribly unsubtle, so by their powers combined they manage to almost get away with it. The judges initially disqualify them, but beg them to come back when they see how absolutely appalling the other contestants are. (I actually think Sharpay and Balthier could make a fabulous dancing duo.)

John 'JD' Dorian, Captain Jack Harkness, Phineas Nigellus and the Janitor try out for Britain's Got Talent seperately. What are their talents, and what do the judges think?
Well, firstly the judges wonder why on Earth all these Americans are entering. Secondly, they think that all the auditions must have driven them completely mad, because they'd be prepared to swear that that portrait is speaking.

Harkness demonstrates his amazing ability to survive things, of course. The judges are impressed but ask whether perhaps he could spend less time pretending to be dead, as it slows the act down a little too much. Harkness refuses for no adequately explained reason. He doesn't get through.

JD and Turk demonstrate the World's Most Giant Doctor and get buzzed off immediately.

The Janitor originally came on to demonstrate his mopping skills, but he sees Phineas Nigellus attempting to sing in front of a rather bewildered panel of judges and decides to pretend he's managed to paint a talking portrait instead. Phineas Nigellus is most offended by this claim, but of course the judges think his protests - 'You honestly believe that this oaf could have created such a priceless work of art?' - are part of a comedy routine. The Janitor wins, because he is the Janitor.

Dean Winchester creates a livejournal. What is his lj name, and what does he write about?
His name is hunting_things! POSSIBLY I AM CHEATING BY USING THE NAME OF SOMEONE'S ACTUAL DEAN RP JOURNAL, BUT IT IS. He uses it for complaining about his brother and writing fanfiction with titles like 'Sam Winchester Finally Gets Laid, About Freaking Time'.

It is revealed that the Master is actually the father or mother of Pyramid Head! What does this mean to either the Master or Pyramid Head?
FIRSTLY: DRACO, STOP INADVERTENTLY ASKING QUESTIONS COMBINING CHILDBIRTH AND PYRAMID HEAD.

Secondly: that makes a horrifying amount of sense. The Master could totally have created Pyramid Head. I mean, punishing people for their sins doesn't seem all that Masterish, but he is an unpredictable sort and would probably think it hilarious.

Thirdly: I'm not sure what this means to the Master or Mr Head, but it most certainly means the end of the world for everyone else.

T-Bag and his Pokemon fight Seifer and his Pokemon. What are their Pokemon and who wins?
T-Bag, of course, has an Arbok. Seifer has a Growlithe, because that is what sorceresses' knights have. T-Bag wins by ordering his Arbok to poison Seifer, rather than Seifer's Pokémon, because of course he's going to fight dirty.

Dr Perry Cox decides to take over the world, and James Sunderland decides to stop him. How does this turn out?
Probably not terribly well; would you trust the world to the hands of James Sunderland? Dr Cox tells the president of the United States that his health is suffering due to the stress of leading, and if he remains in office he is going to seriously endanger himself. Sunderland tells the president not to listen to the doctor. Dr Cox, however, is a respected medical professional, whilst Sunderland is a lunatic who went missing for some time, then returned and demanded that the police lock him up without telling them why. I'm not sure exactly how Dr Cox's plan plays out once the president has stepped down, but I'm sure it's very cunning.

Selphie Tilmitt writes a poem. What's it like?
It is about rainbows and flowers and love! And then in the middle there's a stanza about how awesome explosions are. People who read it tend to do a double-take.

Sherlock Holmes and Allison Cameron co-write a fanfic. What fandom is it for, what's it like, and do they manage to finish it?
Well, I suppose it's not technically fanfiction. Both of them want to write solving-a-case-type story, but they can't very well write for House or Sherlock Holmes, so they invent a story about two brothers who solve mysteries of the supernatural. They eventually have a falling-out over creative differences; Holmes is interested in detachedly examining the case, whilst Cameron wants to explore the characters and relationship of the brothers. After a while, they get back together and create Supernatural. Holmes largely writes the first season, but Cameron has more say in the second and third. (Do we have any proof that Eric Kripke isn't Sherlock Holmes?)

spastic_visions:
Scofield, T-Bag and James Sunderland are characters in a horror movie. Who dies first?
Curiously, although Sunderland has the most horror experience, I think it's got to be him. T-Bag has survived a hell of a lot, and both he and Scofield are very smart. Sunderland is, let's be honest, a bit thick. As we already know, he is exactly the sort to hear a horrific scream and go 'OH MAN BETTER CHECK THAT OUT'.

Sharpay, Balthier, Holmes and JD form a band. What kind of music do they play and who is on what instrument?
Sharpay plays the electric guitar. Balthier plays a curious stringed instrument, rather like a lute, that doesn't exist on our planet. Holmes, of course, plays the violin. I'm not sure whether JD can play any instruments, so he just does the robot in the background.

Balthier and Holmes play classical music whilst Sharpay wails on the electric guitar and sings upbeat pop. The effect is more than a little weird. Their band is called 'Sharpay and, You Know, the Others'.

justspaz:
How about Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, and Dr Cox discuss the finer points of the Harry/Hermione vs Harry/Ron shipwar?
I bet Dean checks out fandom_wank every once in a while. Okay, so Sam's in Sacred Heart and Dean comes to visit him. Dean says 'Hey, I know you're probably wondering what's going on on the Internet while you're in here, so I've printed out the important bits.' He hands Sam several pages of porn and news of the latest Harry/Hermione RAGE incident, because he knows Sam's a Harry/Hermione fan and showing him examples of his fellow 'shippers making idiots of themselves amuses him. Sam rolls his eyes and starts to explain that the Harmonians have valid arguments but are harming their case in the way they're going about making them. Dean, just to annoy Sam further, adopts a very serious expression and says he always thought that Harry kid was gay. Dr Cox, who has been at work at the next bed and becoming more and more frustrated with the inane conversation happening behind him, whirls around and launches into a four-minute rant about how discussions like these are completely pointless, Harry ended up with that red-haired girl and there's nothing you can do about it.

lotus0kid:
Captain Jack Harkness founds a new religion. Who is its God and what are its Commandments?
Its god is, of course, the Doctor. Its commandments include 'don't be a conman' and 'come on, you know you want to have sex with the prophet'. The Doctor does not approve at all when he finds out.

Balthier won't leave Gene Hunt alone until he loans him 100 whatever-money-denomination-is-appropriate. How does Pyramid Head solve the problem?
By decapitating Balthier. And then Hunt. THIS COULD ALL HAVE BEEN PREVENTED HAD YOU ONLY GIVEN BALTHIER HIS HUNDRED GIL, GENE. A HUNDRED GIL IS BARELY ANYTHING. Although admittedly it may be quite difficult to get hold of on Earth, and Pyramid Head is really mostly to blame in this situation. Decapitation's always the solution with you, isn't it, Pyramid Head?

T-Bag and Sam Winchester wake up wearing each other's clothes and wondering what the heck happened last night. What did happen?
Well, chances are T-Bag jumped Sam in an alleyway, held a knife to his throat and demanded his clothes, as his old ones were so bloodstained he wouldn't be able to walk around in them without attracting attention. After taking the clothes, T-Bag slammed Sam's head against a wall so he wouldn't have to worry about him as he got changed; under normal circumstances he would have just slit his throat, but he didn't want to risk getting bloodstains on his new clothes. As T-Bag was walking out of the alley, Dean knocked him out. Sam and T-Bag both wake up in the back of the Impala, T-Bag with his limbs bound in as uncomfortable a way as Dean could manage.



More to come! I AM SURE YOU ARE VERY EXCITED.