"That's A Really Unpleasant Image."

[rionaleonhart]

Now, the Richard Hammond fans among you may recall that he had, er, a minor three-hundred-mile-an-hour jet-car accident in late September and survived it, because he is superhuman, and, not satisfied with merely being alive, said 'screw you!' to the doctors who said he'd be in hospital for fifteen months, employed Wolverine-esque healing powers and was out of there by November.

Well, he has now given his first television interview since the accident, which is absolutely lovely because look at him! He's healthy and cheerful and making jokes about it and more adorable than ever and honestly, Richard, you had a three-hundred-mile-an-hour crash three months ago, what right do you have to be absolutely fine? Not that I am not absolutely thrilled about this, because I am.

(The videos are no longer available, sadly.)

The part missing from between the two is Jonathan saying that, if Richard had died, there was no chance that Mindy would have moved on, because, when your options are Jeremy Clarkson and James May, you're obviously going to raise the children by yourself. Which is a fair point, even though I and the weirder members of my friendslist may personally disagree with it.

Also, I bet Jonathan Ross writes dreadful Jeremy/Richard angstfic.

(While I'm linking to things, although I think that most of the Scrubs fans among you will probably have already seen this, have Turk and JD singing a duet about Not Being Gay (video no longer available). It is marvellous.)

On another note, I laughed until I couldn't breathe at the end of the final episode of Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure. I now firmly believe that, although I don't plan to, I would have every excuse to write nothing but James/Oz for the rest of my life, because that was the most astonishingly homosexual thing that I have ever seen. While romantic music played and Oz and James talked about their profound love for each other (including Oz referring to the trip as a 'holiday romance'), clips were shown of Oz looking at James’ crotch in the shower, Oz looking at the sleeping James and licking his lips, James calling Oz ‘beautiful’, Oz putting his arm around James’ waist as they watched the sunset. It was amazing (and look! m_l_h has caps!). Someone obviously had a lot of fun with the editing there, and I sincerely hope that Clarkson and Hammond mock May about it a lot when the new series of Top Gear starts (late January! eee!).

Comments

[m-l-h.livejournal.com]

I confess...it was me who edited that montage at the end of the Big Gay Wine Adventure. I just couldn't help it. ;)

[rionaleonhart]

Aha! I knew it!

Seriously, though, thank you. Thank you so much. (I still can't help grinning like a loon whenever I see that icon of yours.)

[m-l-h.livejournal.com]

I nearly passed out when I saw the end of the BGWA, there was much squeeing. It's what we'd all been waiting for, and thank you BBC :)

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

I can not WAIT for the incredible amounts of mocking. I REALLY REALLY hope Clarkson does something ridiculous between now and January, otherwise it would just be unfair.

"Also, I bet Jonathan Ross writes dreadful Jeremy/Richard angstfic."

With James!bashing. Don't forget the James!bashing.

"employed Wolverine-esque healing powers"

That's... slightly worrying actually. X-Men/Top Gear crossover?

AND EEE JD BEING RIDICULOUS EEE.

[rionaleonhart]

I REALLY REALLY hope Clarkson does something ridiculous between now and January, otherwise it would just be unfair.

That's very true; I was thinking about that. Hmmm. If he doesn't, he's going to mock the other two so much that they're eventually just going to attack him.

Oh, God, there would be James-bashing, wouldn't there? Remind me never to read any of Jonathan Ross's real-person fanfiction.

I barely know a thing about the X-Men, so don't even think about it.

[rionaleonhart]

And by 'don't even think about it' I obviously mean 'don't think about trying to make me write it', not 'don't think about writing it yourself'. Do think about writing it yourself. What would the others' mutant powers be?

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Do think about writing it yourself. What would the others' mutant powers be?"

Clarkson would have... some sort of bellowing shouting power? He could deafen people? And May could slow down time around the vehicle he's in?

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"If he doesn't, he's going to mock the other two so much that they're eventually just going to attack him."

Oh, I'd like to see that!

"Remind me never to read any of Jonathan Ross's real-person fanfiction."

I think he's the kind of writer who would really need a beta.

"I barely know a thing about the X-Men, so don't even think about it."

*sulks* Damn you.

[rionaleonhart]

*sulks* Damn you.

Well, since you obviously want it to be written, you're just going to have to write it yourself, aren't you?

And May could slow down time around the vehicle he's in?

Ahahaha! 'Captain Slow' could now be used as an actual superhero name. Fantastic.

[anazri.livejournal.com]

'I think he's the kind of writer who would really need a beta.'

"oh richie my darling" jeremy wept saltily into the wet cushion on the couch where he was lieing. "do not abandon me thusly i beg you, i cannot go on. alas!"

suddenly his heartbreakingly sorrowful weeping was interupted by the scary and gravelly voice of that other fucker james Mey. "clarkson" he stated "richie has never loved you he has only loved me. hahahah." and then there was a almitey crash and jeremy was unconscious.

I am so, so sorry. *stops spamming your LJ*

[bbakerb.livejournal.com]

1. *explodes with love for Richard Hammond*

2. Oh, I swear the producers of the Big Gay Wine Adventure were only ONE STEP away from putting the Brokeback Mountain theme over that ending montage.

[rionaleonhart]

1. Yes.

2. Oh, good Lord, I can't believe I didn't think of that! That would have been the best thing ever. It would have worked so well! Why didn't they do it?

[anazri.livejournal.com]

that was the most astonishingly homosexual thing that I have ever seen. It really was, wasn't it? And Jonathan Ross probably had a say in the editing, just to spite James. Because, y'know, there is OBVIOUSLY something there. Obviously.

The mocking will be endless.
"So, James, what's this about you and..."
"One more word, Clarkson, and I'll stick your drumsticks up your nostrils."

[rionaleonhart]

And Jonathan Ross probably had a say in the editing, just to spite James.

Right, so Jonathan Ross is a James-bashing Jeremy/Richard and James/Oz fan. Er, hooray?

I do wonder how much say James had in the making of that montage. I sort of like to imagine that he didn't know about it until the actual airing of the episode and he sat in front of the television, frozen with utter horror, praying that his co-presenters weren't watching.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Mocking text messages. Totally.

[fireholly.livejournal.com]

I want to see this Gay Wine Adventure.

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the Scrubs vid! It's fab! And the Hamster interview! Eee!

*Is completely hyper*

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

I don't really have anything to add to this, save another cry of OMG YES HOW UNBELIEVABLY GAY. Just--there was a sunset, a sunset on a boat, and Oz actually quite seriously discussing holiday romances, and I can only conclude they temporarily hired two fangirls to put the montage together (and hastily fired them).

[squeemu.livejournal.com]

Hee! Oh, Richard. Also, holy crap, I cannot believe they actually had that -- blatantly homosexual montage thing in the Big Gay Wine Adventure. I so badly want to see this show. I tried YouTube, but either my searching skills are failing me, or the Internet is failing me. One of the two.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Psst!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/yudwhe

I think that one still works.

*sneaks away*

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

You are not sane.

You are not normal.

I absolutely ADORE people like you!

[rionaleonhart]

Why, thank you! I absolutely adore people who write Harkness/Hammond/Clarkson/May and share my weird penchant for James May/Oz Clarke, myself.

[twitchbell.livejournal.com]

I see you have Friended me, which is lovely because I didn't have any Friends. (sob!) And I haven't actually gone out and acquired any because I am totally unsure of the protocol of Friending! But, anyway, I have Friended you back because you are a really hoopy frood. :-)

[rionaleonhart]

Heh. My friending technique is 'add people without saying anything about it, in a slightly creepy fashion', which, er, probably isn't the best way of going about it. But you are clearly not mortally offended, which is good! (People very rarely are, but if you're worried about it you can always leave a comment asking 'do you mind if I friend you?')

I want to Hitchhiker's Guide-reference right back at you, but I can't think of an appropriate quote, so I will indicate that I got the reference in this slightly clumsy fashion. Er, hooray!

[culf.livejournal.com]

"i dont want to! christmas sux and so do you" james said.
"yes he does and thats why i luv him" richard said
I can't believe no one commented on this. Maybe because everyone who read it must have been killed to death with laughter. I certainly died. I think we finally found the deadliest joke in the world, the one Monty Python talks about.
As great a bad fic as this is, I thought it deserved some equally bad fanart. I did it in 15 minutes, so beware.
Evyl, stoopid James Mey! (http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/52358159/)