Riona (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rionaleonhart) wrote2006-12-24 11:26 am
rionaleonhart) wrote2006-12-24 11:26 am
"That's A Really Unpleasant Image."
Now, the Richard Hammond fans among you may recall that he had, er, a minor three-hundred-mile-an-hour jet-car accident in late September and survived it, because he is superhuman, and, not satisfied with merely being alive, said 'screw you!' to the doctors who said he'd be in hospital for fifteen months, employed Wolverine-esque healing powers and was out of there by November.
Well, he has now given his first television interview since the accident, which is absolutely lovely because look at him! He's healthy and cheerful and making jokes about it and more adorable than ever and honestly, Richard, you had a three-hundred-mile-an-hour crash three months ago, what right do you have to be absolutely fine? Not that I am not absolutely thrilled about this, because I am.
(The videos are no longer available, sadly.)
The part missing from between the two is Jonathan saying that, if Richard had died, there was no chance that Mindy would have moved on, because, when your options are Jeremy Clarkson and James May, you're obviously going to raise the children by yourself. Which is a fair point, even though I and the weirder members of my friendslist may personally disagree with it.
Also, I bet Jonathan Ross writes dreadful Jeremy/Richard angstfic.
(While I'm linking to things, although I think that most of the Scrubs fans among you will probably have already seen this, have Turk and JD singing a duet about Not Being Gay (video no longer available). It is marvellous.)
On another note, I laughed until I couldn't breathe at the end of the final episode of Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure. I now firmly believe that, although I don't plan to, I would have every excuse to write nothing but James/Oz for the rest of my life, because that was the most astonishingly homosexual thing that I have ever seen. While romantic music played and Oz and James talked about their profound love for each other (including Oz referring to the trip as a 'holiday romance'), clips were shown of Oz looking at James’ crotch in the shower, Oz looking at the sleeping James and licking his lips, James calling Oz ‘beautiful’, Oz putting his arm around James’ waist as they watched the sunset. It was amazing (and look!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
m_l_h has caps!). Someone obviously had a lot of fun with the editing there, and I sincerely hope that Clarkson and Hammond mock May about it a lot when the new series of Top Gear starts (late January! eee!).
Well, he has now given his first television interview since the accident, which is absolutely lovely because look at him! He's healthy and cheerful and making jokes about it and more adorable than ever and honestly, Richard, you had a three-hundred-mile-an-hour crash three months ago, what right do you have to be absolutely fine? Not that I am not absolutely thrilled about this, because I am.
(The videos are no longer available, sadly.)
The part missing from between the two is Jonathan saying that, if Richard had died, there was no chance that Mindy would have moved on, because, when your options are Jeremy Clarkson and James May, you're obviously going to raise the children by yourself. Which is a fair point, even though I and the weirder members of my friendslist may personally disagree with it.
Also, I bet Jonathan Ross writes dreadful Jeremy/Richard angstfic.
(While I'm linking to things, although I think that most of the Scrubs fans among you will probably have already seen this, have Turk and JD singing a duet about Not Being Gay (video no longer available). It is marvellous.)
On another note, I laughed until I couldn't breathe at the end of the final episode of Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure. I now firmly believe that, although I don't plan to, I would have every excuse to write nothing but James/Oz for the rest of my life, because that was the most astonishingly homosexual thing that I have ever seen. While romantic music played and Oz and James talked about their profound love for each other (including Oz referring to the trip as a 'holiday romance'), clips were shown of Oz looking at James’ crotch in the shower, Oz looking at the sleeping James and licking his lips, James calling Oz ‘beautiful’, Oz putting his arm around James’ waist as they watched the sunset. It was amazing (and look!
m_l_h has caps!). Someone obviously had a lot of fun with the editing there, and I sincerely hope that Clarkson and Hammond mock May about it a lot when the new series of Top Gear starts (late January! eee!).
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"i sure hope that the evil fusker wont team up with the evil james again that wuld be horible." richard said after the cuddle.
"im sure james has learned his lesson my angel and that he will stay in prison like a good boy and maybe we can visit him and show him that we can forgive him because were so nice and kind and friendly." jeremy said.
"thats a nice idea" richard said.
---
little did they know that the polise car had crashed against an evil tree and the polis men were unconscious (but not ded!) so james escaped again oh no and found his cat.
"we need to think of a better plan fusker or jeremy and richard will just send us to prison again!!!"
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(Er, I'm sorry that I'm just skipping around and completely fangirling both of you, but I can't help it.)
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"yes my evil ninja cat we shuld go and try 2 kill them again!!!2 the evil james said (HAHAHAH this was his evil plan!!!!)
so they set out for james and richies house it took them a very long time and then they met richie and jeremy in a road.
"omg what are you doing here!!!!!!"
"i have escaped ahahahahah i am going to kill you both and you will never be able to go on a bbc1 chat show again"
jeremy and richie were shocked and afraid and richie started crying which was very sad.
but the evil james and his evil ninja cat did not know that jeremy had a plan!!!!!1
Do you mind if I friend you, by the way?
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All right, I stand thoroughly corrected: this is the best threat ever. (And I cracked up at 'omg').
It warms my heart when people bond over crackfic.
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"no james you cant kill us! think of the true spirit of christmas where you get toghether with family and exchange presents and stuff liek that!" jeremy said. "you have to change your evil ways james if you want to embrace the spirit of christmas!!!!"
"i dont want to! christmas sux and so do you" james said.
"yes he does and thats why i luv him" richard said
"what?" jeremy asked becuz he didnt get innuendo.
"anyway james if you want to lern about the spirit of christmas you need to see a rely good chatshow on bbc1 and it will teach you to change yur evil ways" richard said.
"no i hate christmas and bbc1 chatshows! I will not change my evil ways! especially not at christmas!"
richard looked very sad and james culdnt resist his sparkly kawaii eyes. "well maybe i will watch the stupid chatshow for a little while. but it will not change my evil ways!"
"okay" said richard.
***
when they got home they tied james to a chair becuz they werent stoopid like james and didnt want to risk him running away and plotting. they tied his evil ninja cat to the chair too.
and then they watched a relly good bbc1 chatshow.
Because you have to use bad fangirl Japanese!
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the chatshow was relly good becuz it had this cool guy presnting it he was relly good looking and things. he knew lots of stuff about evrything
"this is actualy quite good" said the james he was trans fixed by the man on the relly good chatshow.
"see i told you" richie said
"richie fancies him" jeremy said in a joking way
"I do not!!!!!" said richard but itn was obvius that he did the man presnting the relly gd bbc1 chatshow was so cute.
menewile the evil james and james'es evil ninja cat were relly enjoying themselves "i dont kno why i never watched this relly good bbc1 chatshow b4 it is soooooooo cool" stated the james
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"I know" said jeremy "we watch it all the time and we tape it so we can watch it again the next day"
richard started to unti james but left his cat tied up to be sure. james continud to watch the rely good chat show which deserves to get lots and lots and lots of awards. when it was over he wanted to see more.
"can i see more?" he asked.
"of course we have all episodes on tapes or dvd" jeremy said "you can watch the other christmas episodes so you can learn about the forgiving spirit of christmas"
james nodded. "this realy good chatshow which deserves lots and lots and lots of awards has changed my life!!!! i will never be nasty or evil again and its all because of this rely rely rely good chatshow!"
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becuz james was not evil eny more he came 2 live next door 2 them. and they were best frends 4eva!!! only richie still wuld not slepp with james though he still wanted 2 slepp with teh cool and good looknig man off of the relly rely good bbc1 chatshow.
but thats a nother story. (hahahah i am so goin 2 rite it!!!!!)
neways they all lived happly eva after LOLZ. the end
That was oddly cathartic, wasn't it?
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PS: his evil ninja cat also became good and only used his sekrit ninja powars for good such as chasing after meen childrun who through stones at houses.
and of course scruff and top gear dog survived the attac becuz they brught them to the vet the next morning!!! and fusker became the best of friends with them!
Oh God, badly written one-sided (or possibly two-sided) Richard/Jonathan!
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We should post this and watch the fur fly. *cackles*
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You do it. You're a mod, they might go easy on you.
*gets herself an evil ninja cat to protect her*
"Jeremy's BROKEN HEART OH NOES."
Jeremy's BRAKED HEART, you mean ;).
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*hides behind a brick wall in the august company of Jeremy's AK47*
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*steals car in order to make a quick getaway if necessary*
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*typetype*
*has a Zonda on standby*
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Tis up now... *is hiding*
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I love the bits above the cut, the summary etc. VERY badfic!
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Thanks!
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