rionaleonhart | I Am Not Sure The Clocks Going Forward Really Merits Much Celebration.

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I Am Not Sure The Clocks Going Forward Really Merits Much Celebration.

A telephone call I just received:

rionaleonhart: Hello?

reipan: Hi! I was just calling to ask you what time it was.

rionaleonhart: ...summertime?

reipan: Excellent! I'll talk to you later. 'Bye!

YES. THIS IS HOW WE CELEBRATE THE CLOCKS GOING FORWARD. BECAUSE WE ARE DORKS.

And now, after the brief respite of the past two entries, some thoughts on Derren Brown.

The problem with writing Derren Brown fanfiction is the lack of a character pool. Obviously, Derren interacts with many people in the canon, but most of these are members of the public whom he meets only once and about whom we know very little. There are a few 'characters' with whom we know he has a more sustained relationship, such as Coops and Andy Nyman, but we see him interacting with them only on brief behind-the-scenes bits and so we cannot build up a full sense of how he and they behave together. We know Derren has a boyfriend, but we do not know anything about this boyfriend; he wants to stay out of the public eye, which is perfectly understandable. I think the want of other characters is the reason there are so many crossovers on

derrenbrownfic (there are now eighteen crossover tags, which is impressive for such a tiny fandom); we need to borrow characters from other fandoms to give Derren someone with whom to interact. Well, that and the fact that I shamelessly encourage crossovers at every opportunity.

Why, yes, I am just musing aloud on Derren Brown fanfiction in the hope that it will somehow inspire people to write some. I cannot help it. I'm hooked. He lends such a wonderful tone to everything. (Only eighteen crossover tags! We can do better than that! ALSO, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH SAM WINCHESTER/DERREN BROWN OR FANFICTION ABOUT DERREN BEING A YOUNG DUMBLEDORE.)

A question about moderating

derrenbrownfic: my system when a pairing is implied or barely-there is to tag the entry with both 'gen' and 'slash', as it could appeal to fans of both. Do you think this makes sense? Is it too confusing?

(EDIT: Er, obviously this is when a slash pairing is implied. We don't have any Derren Brown hetfic yet, but I would certainly not object to some. I am oddly intrigued by the idea of Derren Brown/Fran of Final Fantasy XII, actually. Derren Brown finds himself off-balance because he does not know how to read Viera! Balthier is torn between amusement and resentment! Fran is awesome!)

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YAY everyone must write more fic.

There should also be more inside-Derren's-head snippets, which would be gen, I suppose, but still excellent. I am still writing some stuff... *teases*

They must! He is an utter delight to write for. And, yes, more inside-his-mind snippets would be great.

YAY MORE WRITING FROM YOU.

I think there needs to be more Derren-Brown-Meets-Riona fic. Especially involving the ukulele in some way.

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(Awesome though it may be, there is a fairly massive gulf between 'want to' and 'should'. ~~For full alarming effect, we should compose a song about him.~~)

And they both have scary mind powers, so there could be some sort of scary mind power battle! Which ends when Derren kisses Riona, she stammers a lot and goes red and loses track of her scary mind powers, and he's all "VICTORY!"

The cunning fiend!

(Does this mean people on my flist 'ship me with Derren Brown? Because that's sort of odd.)

Not ship, exactly (although you are suspiciously well-matched). I just like the idea of Derren being all "I shall be cunning and manipulative and win by underhanded means!" and you going "I don't care, I got kissed by Derren Brown!"

I am not going to write self-insert fanfiction about Derren Brown. I'm just not. Whatever I attempted to write would be psychically twisted into Derren messing with my mind and maiming me, anyway.

Someone else should write Riona-insert fanfiction, then. So it can be the adventures of Riona and her spooky mind powers and her adorkableness and her ukulele and Derren and his spooky mind powers and his adorkableness and his ukulele.

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I cannot dance at all. Derren Brown was ranked in the top ten student ballroom dancers in the country. I fear it would be a rather one-sided dance-off.

I did not know this snippit of Derren-related information and it has just cheered up my entire day it is so ridiculous!

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I very much agree with this comment. It would be wonderful!

Fran is awesome!

Is Fran ever anything else? ^^

Indeed she is not! I am quite sad that so few people on my flist have played Final Fantasy XII and can appreciate the true amazingness of Balthier and Fran.

I have played it! I just have not finished it. Still.

I might this summer, maybe!

See, the thing is, when I would be playing video games (that is, the weekends) I am instead spending the time on frivolous but time-sensitive pursuits and your gift which I feel horrible for not having finished yet and it might have to come to you in the summer if that's okay — but it is mostly done, and I have been working on it, and I think it will be fairly decent.

You should! Because it has Balthier and Fran and I love them. ~~Do not feel horrible for not having finished it! I am quite excited about finding out what it is.~~

Yes, I know, and it pleasantly reminded me of Star Wars and it was fun but then I got ct off and I'll probably have to start all over again or just be completely lost in the story.

ALSO I still haven't finished Kingdom Hearts 2 or Shadow Hearts. SIGH ME.

~~But, see, I kind of started (planning, at least) this whole thing around, like, Christmas. THIS IS THE LATEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER RIONA.~~

Best way to celebrate BST ever.
After reading that I have been listening to that song nearly non-stop... sad.

Hee! I cannot judge anyone for listening non-stop to High School Musical songs, much though I'd like to.

Best way to usher in BST ever.

It did sort of make my day. I love that I have dorky High School Musical-watching friends in real life.

Why is it, in the story I'm writing, Derren now controls a legion of bats?

Well, I think that sounds perfectly logical.

Also, I am immensely pleased that you are writing Derrenfic.

Derren Brown's bat legion just stole James May's phone! How does that resemble logic?

...I am very much looking forward to reading this.

Don't. It's not any good. I've done four pages in the past twenty minutes, and none of them are any good. It's just clunky and awkward.

Does this mean Derren Brown is some twisted ~~awesome~~ form of Batman?

...who is his Robin?

Actually, he's debatably a vampire. It's a bit ambiguous as to whether he's sucking blood, it's all a practical joke to pretend to be a vampire, or the practical joke is cover for actual vampirism. I'm hoping Riona has time to help me make it be any good at all.

Although this is still a developing fandom, I have noticed that our OTP appears to be Derren/Pain.

Also, if the character is gay, and thus gay is the natural order of things, does that make het with this character slash? Also, if someone claps with one hand in the middle of the woods, does Derren feel validated?

Derren/pain is so true. Should I make a tag for it? Possibly not.

And, er, I'm going to say that heterosexual pairings are het and homosexual ones are slash for tagging purposes, because otherwise I am going to become so confused.

Aaand I totally read that at first as Derren/Paine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_of_Final_Fantasy_X_and_X-2#Paine).

Ahahaha, so did I. I would totally be up for reading some Derren/Paine.

Damnit, you're making me want to open up that half-written thing with Derren in 1985.

Half-written thing with Derren in 1985 what? PLEASE DO OPEN IT UP. IT IS NECESSARY THAT YOU OPEN IT UP.

We know that Derren Brown has a boyfriend? *blinks* *checks wiki* ♥_♥

I'm not sure what about Sam/Derren makes me need it, BUT I DO. The only flimmer of an idea I have with them has a youngish Sam, and with there being 12 years between them... I can't decide if I want to go there.

I think tagging both gen and slash would be fine. You could always make a slash-impled tag, but then you might lose the gen crowd. I'd go with both.

Hee! Yes, Derren Brown has a boyfriend. Enjoy this information.

Perhaps you could de-age Derren a bit? I cannot allow Sam/Derren not to be written! (Tell me about your idea!)

And thank you for your thoughts on the tagging issue!

I have run out of plot, and am therefore dropping selections of this fic in other people's journal in the hope that they can poke it with sticks and make more plot happen. Obviously, there will be Emergency Backup Dancers, but probably not until the end.

“Who are you?” the skinny man asked. “For that matter, who am I?”

The short man sighed. “Richard. If you check your pocket, there’s a card with your name on it. We’ve all got one. Beyond that, I don’t know. I can’t remember anything before waking up here, and I suspect it’s the same with you. There’s a Jeremy around here somewhere, busy going after the only door in the place with a hammer. Haven’t spotted anyone else yet, but I’m keeping an eye out.”

The skinny man with the beard dug through his pocket. Inside was an index card. “Derren,” he said. “With an extra e.” He turned the card over. “S. Nothing else. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Richard shrugged. “Got me. I had an ‘I’. Still, we’re in it together.” He smiled and took Derren’s hand. “Come on, let’s see what we can find.”

---

“Hello!” Richard poked his head down the corridor. “Anyone here? Homicidal maniacs, dodgy blokes in masks, zombies, anyone like that?”

“Zombies?” Derren laughed nervously.

“It does seem rather like a horror movie set up, doesn’t it?” Richard flashed a quick smile. “Don’t worry, I’m sure they’re harmless.”

“I am, really,” said a voice behind one of the doors. “At least I think I am. I can’t actually remember anything at the moment. But I don’t feel particularly homicidal. And I don’t have any dodgy masks or suspiciously sharp gardening equipment anywhere on my person, for what that’s worse.”

Richard spun. “Who are you?”

The man behind the door let out a soft laugh. “Remember how I told you I can’t remember anything? That includes my name. I’m not a zombie, for what that’s worth. There’s a definite pulse here. I’m coming out, if you don’t mind.”

The door swung open. A man stepped out. He did, in Richard’s opinion, look quite harmless. He had long, scruffy hair, and a pink-and-purple jumper. He was also annoyingly tall. Not as bad as Jeremy, but still irritating. Richard really hoped they’d find someone who was only five-foot two behind one of those doors so he wouldn’t be stuck being the shortest one there.

“There should be a card,” Derren said. “Check your pockets.”

The man nodded and dug through his pockets. “Here it is. James. T. James T, possibly?”

“Could be.” Richard held up his own card. “That would make me Richard I, I guess. And he’d be Derren S.”

“I don’t think it’s initials.” Derren shook his head. “I think it’s something else. Maybe a word? We should ask that other fellow, what’s his name?”

“Jeremy,” Richard supplied.

“Yes, him. We should find out what’s on his card. It might be a clue. Where is he?”

“This way.” Richard pointed. “Just listen for the hammering.”

---

James sat on the floor, rearranging the cards. “T. I. G. S. Tigs?”

Jeremy leaned down. “Gits, obviously.” He went back to pounding on the door with a hammer.

“Who’s a git, then?” Richard frowned. “Are we being insulted? Because if someone’s going to kidnap me, erase my memory, and call me a git…”

“Could be ‘gist’,” James said. He moved the cards around. “Or it could be utterly meaningless.”

“Aw, come on! I wanted to see the little fellow get mad! It’s not like there’s any other entertainment around here!”

“I’m not little!” Richard jumped up. “You’re just freakishly tall!”

“I may be a towering giant of manliness…”

“More like an eighteen-foot gorilla.”

“…but I know a midget when I see one. Ten inches tall isn’t a normal adult height.”

“You just wish you had ten inches.”

“I was thinking about our situation,” James spoke loudly. “Apparently I’m the only one here who does think. A systematic search of the building would be our best bet. Go through each room and see what we find. Hopefully, it should tell us a bit more about what’s going on. We may be able to solve this mysterious ‘gist’ situation.”

“Gits,” Jeremy corrected.

“Stig, maybe?” Derren slid the cards around. “Does the word ‘Stig’ mean anything to any of you?”

James, Jeremy, and Richard all shook their heads. “Not a thing,” James said.

“Wasn’t that a book,” Jeremy asked. “Stig of the Yard, or something like that?”

“Dump,” Richard said. “Stig of the Dump.” He looked up at Jeremy. “If we’re laying bets on which one of us is a caveman, I know where my money is.”

“Actually, most cavemen were quite small,” James said. “Poor nutrition.”

Richard gave James a surprised look. “You don’t know your last name, but you know that?”

“I’d expect that,” Derren said. “With amnesia, you don’t necessarily lose factual information. Sometimes it’s only personal memories. Anything you learned in the past, you’d remember.”

“Really?” Jeremy set the hammer down. “You…Spaniel! What’s the horsepower of a Fiat 500?”

“It depends on which model. The original Nuova had just thirteen bhp. The D, the next model, had an…”

“That’s enough. Teeth!” Jeremy pointed at Richard.

“What’s wrong with my teeth?” Richard put a hand over his mouth.

“Nothing. That’s a very nice shade for porcelain. And the glow will be very handy if we’re ever stuck without a torch. Anyway, what’s the fastest road-legal production car in existence?”

“SSC Ultimate Aero TT. Beat the Bugatti Veyron in 2007. And my teeth are a perfectly normal color.” Richard turned to Derren. “Aren’t they?”

“They’re fine.” Derren smiled reassuringly. “Quite handsome, really. Are we going to play automotive trivia, or are we going to get to the bottom of this Stig business?”

“Gits,” Jeremy added.

“Gist,” James said.

“I suppose I’m stuck with tigs, then.” Richard sighed. “So how should we do this?”

DERREN, I DO NOT TRUST YOUR CLAIMS OF AMNESIA AT ALL.

There’s a Jeremy around here somewhere, busy going after the only door in the place with a hammer.

Oh, Jeremy. He would!

At least I think I am. I can’t actually remember anything at the moment. But I don’t feel particularly homicidal.

Hee! I love that James goes 'well, considering the circumstances, I can't be entirely certain I'm not a homicidal maniac'.

'for what that’s worse' should be 'for what that's worth'. But you use 'for what that's worth' in the next thing James says, so perhaps you should remove one of them (perhaps 'I'm not a zombie, at any rate'?).

Richard thinks James is annoyingly tall! Ah, well, Richard, at least Derren is only two or three inches taller than you. Although he could probably make you think he's seven foot.

“I don’t think it’s initials.” Derren shook his head. “I think it’s something else.

AND WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S SOMETHING ELSE, DERREN? THAT'S RIGHT: BECAUSE YOU ARE TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. Also, cunning to pretend that you can't quite remember Jeremy's name.

“Who’s a git, then?” Richard frowned. “Are we being insulted? Because if someone’s going to kidnap me, erase my memory, and call me a git…”

Heeeee!

I love Jeremy describing himself as a 'towering giant of manliness'.

Apparently I’m the only one here who does think.

I like that they quickly fall into their regular roles, even with memory loss.

“Gits,” Jeremy corrected.

I just love this. He's so certain!

OH, YES, DERREN, AND WHY WOULD YOU THINK OF 'STIG' DESPITE ALLEGEDLY HAVING YOUR MEMORY WIPED? YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME.

“Actually, most cavemen were quite small,” James said. “Poor nutrition.”
Richard gave James a surprised look. “You don’t know your last name, but you know that?”

Hee!

Is Derren flirting with Hammond? I do hope Derren is flirting with Hammond. And I hope that this rambling has somehow magically spawned inspiration.

I think it may have helped. I hadn't realized Derren was flirting with Richard, but now that I think about it, he totally is. Which is interesting, as at some point Jeremy and Richard are going to be all "We'll go...search...things..." and end up shagging. And James could very well end up as Token Heterosexual for this fic, which would be nicely amusing (even if everyone would complain).

Hee! I love that fic-Derren flirts without your permission. HE HAS A MIND OF HIS OWN.

Well, he's turned into a vampire without my permission. Flirting is easy in comparison.

I'm just going to point out here, Stig. Then when I'm right I can gloat.

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I Am Not Sure The Clocks Going Forward Really Merits Much Celebration.

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Stop making me want a Derren icon

Never!

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