rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
I was overly pessimistic in my 'two or three survivors' estimate for Ginger's Until Dawn run; there were four!

Chapters eight to ten of Until Dawn. )

Late in the game, Ginger picked up on the fact that Mike's relationship stat with Sam had increased a lot.

Ginger: They're not going to get Sam and Mike together, are they?
Riona: Breaking my heart, they are not. I 'ship Sam and Mike a lot.
Ginger: Sam can do so much better!
Riona: I don't care!

Another stat observation:

Ginger: Huh. Chris has become less funny.
Rei: I don't think it's possible for him to become less funny.

I cracked up. Sorry, Chris.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
My housemate Ginger is now playing Until Dawn while Rei and I watch! I robbed myself of the opportunity to play this game unspoiled myself, so this is my vicarious first playthrough. We've only just finished the first chapter, so not much has actually happened yet.

It's been an absurdly warm day, or at least it's been absurdly warm for anyone who grew up in England, so there were a lot of envious noises at all the in-game snow. 'Lucky bastards. I mean, yes, they're probably about to die, but at least they'll die cold.'

The game really can't shut up about the butterfly effect in its first hour or so. We ended up cracking up at every mention of it, which slightly impaired the atmosphere.

Ginger commented that the butterfly shown in the opening ~ooh butterfly effect~ sequence has the same colouring as the butterfly representing Chloe in Life Is Strange. Chloe Price is behind the events of Until Dawn. It all makes sense now.

Ginger doesn't get along with the controls. 'It sort of makes me want to kill all of these characters, just as revenge on the game.' Please don't deliberately kill all the characters, Ginger.

Ginger finds the first totem (showing a glimpse of a possible future event in the game). I explain the concept:

Riona: So, if the totem shows you choking to death on a pie, you turn down the pie when it's offered to you later.
Rei: I'm not sure about that. I do really like pie.
Ginger: Are you willing to die for pie?
Rei: I am willing to chew very carefully.

Mike's intro screen: Intelligent. Driven. Persuasive.
Rei: Dick.

Ginger agrees. I'm not at all surprised that my housemates immediately decided Mike was a dick (I can't even say they're wrong), but I still hope in my heart that they'll warm up to him later on.

Stupid Mike. Of course the arsehole ended up being my favourite character. Not that this game is short of arseholes.
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
Your task is to cleverly deduce, from Rei's beautiful song (to the tune of Cabaret's 'Two Ladies'), what we've been watching lately:

Deedly dee-dee-dee, two Yuris,
Deedly dee-dee-dee, two Yuris,
Deedly dee-dee-dee, and I'm the only Victor.
Deedly dee-dee-dee, I like it,
Deedly dee-dee-dee, they're less keen...

We're three episodes in!

Yuri!!! on ICE is both very cute and very odd. Strangely, I think the character I'm most emotionally invested in might be the hostile fifteen-year-old who's incapable of walking past a tiger T-shirt without buying it, taking a selfie and posting it on Instagram. Although I'm very charmed by Yuri (er, Yuri Katsuki; this is going to be tricky) getting flustered around Victor. And of course Victor is constantly being as flustering as possible. Give the poor boy a moment's peace!

About six weeks ago, I was challenged to write a Yuri!!! on ICE fic without having seen a single episode, using only the bits and pieces I'd picked up from other people talking about it. What I produced was this:

Victor pirouetted on the ice, his possibly silver hair whipping gracefully around him. Yuri gazed with longing from the edge of the rink. How could he dare to ask this legendary performer to tutor him in the ways of skating? It seemed impossibly arrogant.

Yuuri, who was not Yuri but a small child who nobody was allowed to ship with anyone, skipped merrily past as small children do.

Suddenly, Victor pirouetted straight up to Yuri! Yuri had no idea how to react. This man was his hero. How could Victor stoop to notice someone like him?

He had even less of an idea of how to react when Victor seized him and dipped him in a deep kiss. Yuri's glasses fell off and shattered on the ice.

"Let me tutor you," Victor purred. "Also, let's get married."

"O-okay," Yuri stammered. "Can I get my glasses fixed first?"

"No," Victor breathed fondly.

Now that I've actually seen some of this show, I'm impressed by my own accuracy. Well, merry skipping aside. Literally the only thing I knew about Yuri Plisetsky was that there were big arguments about whether it was morally wrong to write shipfic about him (it's not), so I didn't have much to work from there. He'd be furious if he saw this.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy viii: found a draw point! no one can draw... (you're a terrible artist)
Somehow, in an idle moment, I found myself running a brief 'text adventure' in a Whatsapp group for the benefit of some friends. The result was a deeply silly mess of references and bad poetry, but I thought I'd reproduce it here in case it entertains someone. My narration is in italics.

You're walking in the woods. There's no one around and your phone is dead. )

I can't believe they didn't check the inventory once. There wouldn't have been anything particularly interesting in the inventory, but come on. It's like you guys have never played a text adventure before.
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
I've been waiting for the start of a fresh month to share this story! On the first of August, I was contacted by one of my clients.

'I've got a new book coming in for you to edit,' he said. 'It'll need to be ready by the end of the month.'

'Okay! How long is it?'

'About thirty days.'

Unfortunately, I also have to share a story where I'm the one who ends up looking silly.

'I don't know why I finished Life Is Strange and immediately started writing horrible fanfiction about [unpleasant character],' I said to [ profile] reipan yesterday.

'Don't take this the wrong way,' Rei said, 'but I'm really not surprised.'

'I don't know. I've always thought of my writing as reasonably wholesome.'

Rei laughed in my face.

Here's the thing: I was serious. And then I started scrolling through my Archive of Our Own account, trying to find the most recent wholesome thing I'd written. And scrolling. And scrolling. And scrolling.

'Let's see... psychological trauma, psychological trauma, two teenagers discuss the horrible murders of their classmates, someone is afflicted with a hallucinogen and nearly kills her brother, someone isn't afflicted with a hallucinogen and nearly kills her friend... does "someone ropes a friend into having sex with her purely so she can use her pregnancy to evade execution" count?'


'A guy has the memories of fourteen other people loaded into his head and has a mental breakdown, a photographer deliberately cuts off her fingers so she can't hold a camera... hey, my fic where the Final Fantasy VIII cast become l'Cie is all right!'

'Doesn't that mean they're doomed to become either monsters or crystals?' Housemate C asked.


So, yes, it turns out that everything I write is horrible and somehow I never even realised it. So much murder! So much guilt! So many psychological breakdowns!

This is a genuine revelation and I don't understand how I never noticed it before.
rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN IT. I was in the sitting room downstairs and they came in through an upstairs window. I heard someone moving around and thought Rei had come home and called up to her and there was a sudden scuffling noise and I went upstairs and SURPRISE, ALL THE BEDROOMS WERE RANSACKED. I don't think they've taken anything important - I think they were specifically looking for cash, so all I've lost is a £5 note that was in my purse - so it's a very mild break-in as break-ins go, but I'm a bit shaken. I was in the house!

It's sort of hilarious because there wasn't really anything of value upstairs, so our thief has gone to a great deal of effort for very little return. 'A jewellery box! Finally! ...containing a pair of cheap Bulbasaur earrings.' Also, one of the bedrooms here contains a lot of sex toys carefully stowed out of sight. I love the idea of the thief going, 'Okay, here's a box hidden behind shoes in the back of the wardrobe, there must be something good in here,' and then... no, just more sex toys. Sorry.

Not looking forward to a full day of work after about four hours of troubled sleep, but we'll see how it goes. Couldn't this person have broken in when I had a less important deadline?

On a lighter note, a conversation between me and Rei this morning:

'Did you just make a noise?'
'...I just farted.'
'Oh. It sounded like you were trying to attract my attention.'
'I was. I do that by farting.'

Interesting facts and/or terrible jokes would be a welcome distraction, if you have any to hand!

Here are the latest results from our terrible game of reproducing lyrics in fridge poetry:

'Everyone give it up for America's favourite fighting Frenchman' (Hamilton, 'Guns and Ships'): 'abandon it for the energetic knife man of eastish west the unfree world adores'. ('Unfree world' isn't a political comment on modern America; this song is set during the American Revolution!)

'God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too' (The Weather Girls, 'It's Raining Men'): 'sublime king please be gracious to grass mum she's at most one lady'.

Rei gave me the challenge 'love is kinda spooky with a spooky little boy like you', ostensibly from Dusty Springfield's 'Spooky'. I've looked it up now, and it seems this is not the actual lyric! (Love is kinda crazy, apparently.) But it's what I tried to reproduce. I ended up with 'love is discomforting with you the little fear boy'.

'Turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits' (Hamilton, 'Cabinet Battle #1'): 'look behind moon me see the landscape my shoe needs to be in'.
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: sora, riku and kairi having a friendly chat. (and they returned home)
On Saturday I went to the British Museum with [personal profile] wolfy_writing! We'd known each other for almost a decade online, so it was strange and delightful to meet in person at last and realise she wasn't actually a 100x100-pixel LJ icon.

[personal profile] wolfy_writing has swum with sharks and sat on an elephant and stroked a cheetah and been startled by a Komodo dragon and ridden a lion (one of these things may not, strictly speaking, be true). She is fascinating company, and also understandably unimpressed by the UK's lack of deadly animals for her to hang out with. Still, we do have the seagulls of Brighton.

My favourite exhibit in the British Museum is an enormous detached arm from an ancient Egyptian pharaoh statue, its hand in a fist (someone's posted a photo on Flickr here). It is my favourite because you can watch all the visitors internally struggling with the urge to give it a fistbump. Some linger for a moment and then tear themselves away and move on. Some almost give it a fistbump, leaving a little space between their fist and the stone to avoid breaking the 'no touching' rule. Some quickly give it a fistbump and then turn away and try to look innocent. At one point two guys walked past, looked at it, and then gave each other a fistbump to dispel the tension.

I'm also fond of the Tring tiles, a set of cartoonish fourteenth-century English tiles that depict the young Jesus killing his classmates in various situations and then bringing them back to life. One tile has the description 'Parents shut their children in an oven to prevent them from playing with Jesus'.

Important conversations whilst hanging out the washing:

Rei: I haven't washed all of my socks. Why not, you ask?
Riona: Er, because some of your socks are clean? Because two of your socks are on your feet?
Rei: Both of those things are true. Excellently deduced.
Riona: Thanks.
Rei: Thank you, Shersock Holmes.
Riona: REI, GO AWAY.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy xiii: lightning pays intense attention to you. (speak carefully)
I said in my previous entry that an inability to grasp voices and a lack of historical context were the only things standing between me and writing terrible Alexander Hamilton/Aaron Burr fanfiction. Just after posting the entry, I found myself thinking that my inability to write smut is also an issue. This pairing (whether Hamilton-based or RPF) cries out for weird, fierce sex in which Hamilton is constantly goading Burr, and Burr intends to prevent him from speaking in whatever way he can.

It seemed like a pretty hot scenario. But then I remembered The Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr, a pornographic novel written in the 1860s. Specifically, I remembered this line:

"Hush, my dear!" cried Burr. "You now perceive that your reputation is safe. Yon fainting girl, who discovered us by sheer accident, would have made the whole country ring with the news, if I had not stopped her mouth by stopping her – other end."

Thanks, anonymous Victorian real-person smut writer; 'I'm weirdly attracted to you but mostly I just really want to make you stop talking' sex scenes are ruined forever. Particularly when they involve Aaron Burr. Did you somehow see into the future and write this to spite me specifically? I'm half-convinced you did, because I can't imagine any other reason a pornographic Victorian novel about a former vice-president exists.

I realise I'm not exactly in a position to judge anyone for writing Aaron Burr RPF, given the opening of this entry. Maybe I should talk about other fic ideas and see whether Victorian versions of them spring into existence. I look forward to reading the Victorian Pokémon AU. Hamilton has a Swanna that's plucked almost bare because he keeps making its feathers into quills. Burr has a Growlithe that he ill-advisedly uses to light candles. This also means that Burr's Pokémon is weak against Hamilton's and Burr is very, very angry about it.

(I challenged [ profile] reipan to reproduce 'I stopped her mouth by stopping her other end' in the restricted language of fridge poetry. She ended up with 'I stop her tongue stream by using south rumpus'. It's a masterpiece, but a regrettable one.)
rionaleonhart: twewy: joshua kiryu is being fabulously obnoxious and he knows it. (is that so?)
My preceding entry is now a bit outdated because all the Hamilton songs I linked to have been taken down. They're up on Spotify, though, under Hamilton (Original Broadway Cast Recording)! (I downloaded Spotify the second I discovered this. I have a medical need to hear 'Wait For It' ten times a day.)

As I knew very little about the Founding Fathers and the American Revolution apart from what Assassin's Creed III taught me (mysteriously, the British education system tends not to focus much on wars we lost), I've been investigating some of the history surrounding this musical. In the process, I discovered these extracts from an actual historical letter exchange between Alexander Hamilton and his sister-in-law Angelica Schuyler Church (which apparently inspired 'Take a Break' in the musical):

Indeed my dear, Sir if my path was strewed with as many roses, as you have filled your letter with compliments, I should not now lament my absence from America - Church to Hamilton, 2nd October 1787

You ladies despise the pedantry of punctuation. There was a most critical comma in your last letter. It is my interest that it should have been designed; but I presume it was accidental. Unriddle this if you can. The proof that you do it rightly may be given by the omission or repetition of the same mistake in your next ... Adieu ma chere, soeur - Hamilton to Church, 6th December 1787


It's also absolutely true that Hamilton couldn't shut up about anything. The Reynolds Pamphlet was ninety-five pages long.

House update: [ profile] th_esaurus has moved out, alas, but the similarly excellent [ profile] reipan is now in residence!

My housemates and I have been challenging each other to reproduce song lyrics as well as we can with the limited vocabulary afforded by a fridge poetry set. [ profile] reipan turned 'How do you write like you're running out of time?' (Hamilton, 'Non-Stop') into 'how do you write runny future to engulf'. I've turned 'He took the midnight train going anywhere' (Journey, 'Don't Stop Believin'') into 'he goes fast in the dark to the world'. But I think the winner of this game is Housemate C, who was given 'Shot through the heart and you're to blame' (Bon Jovi, 'You Give Love a Bad Name') and ended up with 'slay punctured in the heart and I doubt your innocence'.

A fair few people get slay punctured in Hamilton, incidentally.
rionaleonhart: friendship is magic: rarity looks horrified. (oh no no no)
I spent today with [ profile] reipan and Yuffie, two of my closest friends. We rewatched the first and third High School Musical films.

Oh, a making-fun-of-ridiculous-films session! I thought, when the idea of a High School Musical rewatch was proposed. This should be fun!

I had evidently forgotten that there is not a shred of irony in my love of High School Musical. I love those films in an absolutely sincere, wholehearted way. I love the characters. I love the songs. I love TROY AND GABRIELLA, HOW ARE THEY SO CUTE, IT'S OUTRAGEOUS. I started crying towards the end of the third film. I'm not even ashamed.

(Well, perhaps I'm slightly ashamed.)

We had a bit of a singalong when we knew the words (we knew the words, it turned out, to possibly too many of the songs), and I noticed that I always gravitated towards singing Troy's part when he featured in a song. I think I feel a sort of kinship with him because we both have enormous eyebrows.

Because evidently a High School Musical singalong wasn't ridiculous enough, we also accidentally watched (or rewatched, in my case) all six episodes of Free! to date. Afterwards:

Riona: I'm still trying to work out how I can write about Haru losing his virginity to a swimming pool.
Rei: I think he'd just lose his virginity in a swimming pool, but be thinking about the water the whole time.
Riona: Maybe that's the real reason Rin's so annoyed with him.

This is going into the 'UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WRITE THIS' file, right next to 'the cast of High School Musical are locked down and instructed to kill each other in a Dangan Ronpa situation'. Even though I'm having ideas about the High School Musical/Dangan Ronpa crossover, no matter how hard I try not to. If you're not Sharpay, there's an obvious advantage to committing the first murder: everyone will assume that the murderer is Sharpay, so you've got a good chance of getting away with it. But I'm not going to write this, I swear.

Speaking of Free!: somehow I seem to end up 'shipping a new Haru pairing with every episode. This is an exaggeration, but not a large one. I think I'm now 'shipping Haru/Rin, Haru/Makoto, Haru/Kou and Haru/water. Haru/water beats all the others senseless, of course, but I still seem to be well on my way to 'shipping Haruka Nanase with everyone in the world, possibly including you.

I didn't think Haru/Makoto would ever really catch my interest - it just seemed too nice and functional - but the depth of Haru's concern for Makoto in episode six really touched me. And I'm fairly certain by this point that Makoto is at least slightly in love with Haru. Sorry, Makoto; you're going to have to compete with every body of water in Japan.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy xv: prompto, the best character, with a touch of swagger. (looking ahead)
(The title is supposed to be 'Merlin' sung to the tune of the Merlin theme, in case that was not clear. [ profile] reipan and I have developed the terrible habit of singing along to wordless themes with the name of the series, to the alarm and annoyance of anyone we happen to be watching with. This is entirely the fault of my brothers, who like to duet to the Sherlock theme ('Sherlock Hoooolmes, Sherlock Holmes...'). It also works with Waterloo Road.)

You know it's Merlin when two muscular knights lose their shirts in the first six minutes and remain shirtless for the rest of the episode. And also at one point lie next to each other, shirtless and exhausted and looking vaguely postcoital. Oh, Merlin, I've missed you.

I thoroughly enjoyed the first episode of series five! A bit thin on plot, perhaps, but nobody really watches Merlin for the plot, let's be honest. Merlin and Arthur were adorable; I'd forgotten how charmed I was by their abrasive-but-affectionate relationship. An involuntary 'awww!' escaped me when I realised they were sleeping back-to-back for warmth. And their little serious talks amongst the mockery! And Merlin's determination to save Arthur above all else! They are too in love and I can't cope.

I feel that Arthur respects Merlin more now, even if he doesn't like to show it, which is nice.

(I watched this episode with [ profile] th_esaurus. She isn't actually a Merlin fan but still ended up hissing 'now make out!' at Arthur and Merlin. I had to agree. They just really need to kiss sometimes.)

I also watched the first episode of Elementary yesterday evening. I quite enjoyed it! I'm intrigued enough by the Holmes-Watson dynamic to want to see more of their interaction, which is good; it would have failed as a Sherlock Holmes adaptation in my eyes if the relationship between Holmes and Watson hadn't interested me. (Holmes seeking her out at the opera delighted me, even though it also made me cringe. OH NO, WATSON, HE'S ATTACHED HIMSELF TO YOU AND NOW YOU'LL NEVER BE FREE.) I did find myself thinking 'do I really need to watch this when I have The Mentalist?' on occasion, though. I may watch more; I may not. We'll see!
rionaleonhart: friendship is magic: rarity looks horrified. (oh no no no)
In my last entry, I mentioned the subject of inappropriate stories for Disney to adapt (Disney's The Human Centipede, for example). [personal profile] kadrin, because he is magnificent, posted this work of genius in the comments.

Unfortunately, that work of genius did indirectly lead to the following incident, also known as How [ profile] reipan Ruined My Life:

(We are at a party hosted by our mutual friend Yuffie and her boyfriend. Also in attendance are various friends, acquaintances and people I have never previously met. I have brought along a printout of the above-linked work of genius and shown it around. Someone asks where it came from.)
Riona: Well, I have a blog, and—
Rei: She's kind of Internet famous.
Riona: I'm not Internet famous; I just—
Rei: She's Internet famous. I have met people who have heard of her.
Partygoer: What are you Internet famous for?
Riona: I'm not—
Rei: Top Gear fanfiction.
Riona: ...oh, God, really?
Rei: Yep. Sorry, but it's what most people know you for.
Riona: (trying to salvage the situation) You write one story in which the Top Gear team— (I am going to say 'train Pokémon')
Rei: Have sex with cars.
Riona: ...
Riona: ...
Riona: ...well, actually, I wrote more than one story about that.
Riona: ...
Riona: I'm - I'm going to leave now.

REI. People did summon me back when I attempted to escape, though, so I suppose I'm not ostracised? (Rei later, having observed that one of the guests had a wonderfully rich voice, made him read an extract from Fifty Shades of Grey aloud for our amusement. She's wonderful really. BUT ALSO TERRIBLE.)
rionaleonhart: red dead redemption: john marston reloads sexily (debatable). (just gonna reload while talkin' to you)
People who haven't checked the Dangan Ronpa Let's Play recently may be interested to know that it has now reached the end of Chapter Four! (People who aren't reading the Dangan Ronpa Let's Play at all may be interested to know that they are missing out. It's got humour and mystery and endearing characters! ...who then kill each other and have breakdowns all over the place.)

There was a moment, at the end of the chapter, when I was one hundred per cent convinced that Kirigiri was going to make an attempt on Naegi's life and Naegi would accidentally kill her in self-defence and in the next chapter's trial you would have to try to get away with the murder rather than solve it. I'm simultaneously glad this didn't happen (because it would be awful and distressing) and slightly disappointed (because it would be incredibly interesting).

Although Dangan Ronpa is more than interesting enough already. I am loving this game.

Fedz, the chap who introduced me to Dangan Ronpa in the first place, has managed to download the game onto his mobile phone, but of course it's all in Japanese. A couple of days ago, we stood around [ profile] reipan, who is studying Japanese, as she read out what the characters were saying in a variety of silly voices and then translated. She knew nothing about the game beforehand, so it was great to see her confusion.

Rei: This is too weird, I can't read this!
Riona: What is it?
Rei: He's - it's like he's giving a matriculation speech!
Riona: Well, yes, the evil teddy bear is the headmaster.
Rei: Oh, of course.

Rei: The headmaster is called Monokuma?
Fedz: Yes.
Rei: Thing-bear. The headmaster calls himself Thing-bear.
Riona: I think it's 'mono' as in 'monochrome'.
Rei: I'm going to call him Mr Thing.

Rei: (expression of bewildered horror)
Fedz: I think she's just found out about the graduation rule.
Rei: A student who kills another may graduate?

Unrelatedly, I was just looking through my picture folders and became quite confused by the names I've given some of these files. I think my favourites are a Waterloo Road Finn-and-Tariq screenshot named 'one for the "vaguely homoerotic fighting stills" collection' (number of vaguely homoerotic fighting stills in my Waterloo Road folder: eleven), a picture of Squall Leonhart named 'BUM BUM BA DA DA DA BUM BUM BA DA DA DA', which I think is supposed to represent 'The Landing', and this picture entitled 'come and save us the queen'.

Also, here is a quick Waterloo Road GIF I find inexplicably hilarious. ~ FEELINGS ~
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (oh very well)
Well, my 'Torchwood: Miracle Day will contain an average of one explosion per episode' prediction was clearly a bit on the conservative side. How many explosions were there in the first episode, again? Three?

I'm quite gripped by the concept of Miracle Day, though! I'm interested in seeing where it goes. At the moment it seems to be at 'good Torchwood' level, but I'm always wary with Torchwood, because the quality level could veer wildly downwards at any moment.

Incidentally, when did Gwen Cooper become my favourite character?

Yesterday I went to see Astrology, Ahir Shah's first solo stand-up show! I enjoyed it very much and think that anyone going to the Edinburgh Fringe this August should check him out, although I should mention that my opinion may well be biased on account of three factors:

- he is a friend of my brother's,
- I have consequently met him a couple of times and he seems a thoroughly nice chap, and
- he mentioned a Bulbasaur halfway through his act.

Still, I'm confident that it's well worth watching even if those personal biases are set aside. I can assure you that his jokes are much better than those in the following exchange:

(Riona and Rei are in the back of [ profile] yuffie_starfish's car. We pass a shop called 'Door World'.)
Riona: Ah, Door World. My very favourite theme park.
Yuffie: (to another inhabitant of the car) We are not lost.
Riona: It's easy to get lost in Door World.
Rei: Yeah. I hear some people just can't handle it.
Riona: ...are you finished?
Rei: There's no call for s-knob-bery.
Riona: We need to stop distracting the driver; our safety hinges on it.
Rei: You're right; we're skirting dangerous territory here.
Riona: ...I'm not sure whether to give that one to you. (note: this is the one post-'handle' line that does not contain a pun; don't bother looking for one.)
Rei: Look, whatever you think, I was framed.
Riona: Stop grinning like an... alli... gate... or.
Rei: That one could have used some polish.
Riona: Screw you.
Rei: It was just a bit wooden.
Riona: I think it's plane that you're going to win this one. I'm glad we're not in front of a panel of judges.

I'll stop sharing terrible conversations when [ profile] reipan stops being a terrible person.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (so what do you think)
[ profile] reipan and I went to see Glee Live! at the O2 last night! We were seated in what I think is called the Upper Tier but should really be called 'oh my God help why are we in the sky', so we were extremely high up and the performers looked tiny, but it was great fun! And it all sounded fantastic. I really don't know why Glee bothers with autotune.

All the performers stayed in character throughout. I loved that, even though we were so vertically far away from the stage, it was always possible to pick Kurt out of a group performance just from the way he moved. His dancing was ridiculous and delightful, and he could never just walk across the stage; he always sort of skipped.

Kurt also had a short skit in which he referred to the Queen as 'Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth the sequel' and became very excited indeed about being in 'ENG~laaaand!', bless him.

There was rather a lot of screaming from the audience, which was a negative (and at times quite a painful) point. Still, I can't really claim to be particularly mature, given my ridiculous dancing to 'Raise Your Glass'. I RAISED MY INVISIBLE GLASS. I PUNCHED THE AIR ENTHUSIASTICALLY WITH THE HAND HOLDING MY INVISIBLE GLASS, IN FACT, WHICH WAS PROBABLY NOT MUCH GOOD FOR THE EQUALLY INVISIBLE CONTENTS OF SAID INVISIBLE GLASS.

Prior to the show itself, a large screen began displaying quotes followed by images of the Glee characters who said them. It was interesting to see which characters got cheered the most. The fandom's favourites appear to be Kurt, Santana, Puck and the back of Blaine's head.

Today, I watched X-Men: First Class for a second time with [ profile] reipan and my brother Joseph. I was a little afraid that upon watching it a second time I'd suddenly realise I didn't love it, but no; it may have its flaws, but I love this film. (And I 'ship Charles/Raven/Erik so much. Come on, fandom, let's have more of that.)

The post-film discussion somehow ended with me shouting 'I REFUSE TO WRITE FANFICTION IN WHICH MEWTWO IS THE LOVECHILD OF ERIK LENSHERR AND CHARLES XAVIER' at Rei in the middle of a restaurant.

(If, like me, you're not sure whether to spell Erik's surname 'Lensherr' or 'Lehnsherr' (both spellings have been used in different forms of X-Men canon), I noticed on this watching that it was 'Lensherr' in the subtitles. So I suppose that's the canon for the universe of this particular film? Oh, I don't know. I think I'm probably going to pointedly avoid mentioning his surname if I write any more fanfiction.)



Family adventures:

Joseph: I've been juggling for people.
Riona's Father: Can you not manage five people?

I think my favourite part was how very pleased with himself my dad looked.


Joseph: ...I don't remember doing this. (holds up his donor card, on which is written, in red crayon, 'I LIKE BLOOD')
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: sora, riku and kairi having a friendly chat. (and they returned home)
I almost didn't watch Saturday's episode of Doctor Who ('The Doctor's Wife'), because I was feeling so unwell, but I'm glad I did because it was amazing. I love Doctor Who, but it almost felt like an episode from a different, better show. And it focused on my absolute Doctor Who OTP, which was nice.

Also watched the Eurovision Song Contest with [ profile] reipan and a group of her friends. Weirdly, I felt quite a lot better by the end of it. Eurovision is the best medicine?

Afterwards, we switched over to live soft-porn phone-in television, as you do, and watched women jiggling their unclad bums in the air. We became quite concerned by the woman on one of the channels; she was rolling around on a bed whilst looking like the most bored person in the world, and we started wondering whether we should call in just so she could have a nice chat.

Riona: We could ask philosophical questions.
Rei: 'What is the meaning of life?' 'Is it really worth it? If you're alone at the end of the day...'
Riona: 'What's your favourite Pokémon?'
Helen: 'I like a Slowpoke.'
Riona: I hate you.

One of our party began reminiscing about SM:TV Live. Lea, who did not grow up with SM:TV and was probably confused by the context, assumed that SM:TV Live was live footage of couples engaging in S&M practices. It gave me terrible mental images of Ant and Dec.

I've also been watching more My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (the title confuses me a bit; 'is' should generally be capitalised in titles, because it's a verb, but when the title is displayed onscreen it clearly doesn't have a capital letter, so I suppose it's correct to write it lowercase for this specific series), and it is a joy of a cartoon. The 'Winter Wrap Up' song brings nostalgic tears to my eyes, which is odd because a week ago I'd never watched anything My Little Pony-related in my life.

Idly trying to sort the ponies into Hogwarts houses. Tentative assignations: Twilight Sparkle is a Ravenclaw. Fluttershy and Applejack are in Hufflepuff, although the latter is borderline Gryffindor. Rarity is a Slytherin. Rainbow Dash could fit into Gryffindor or Slytherin; she's definitely not a Hufflepuff, which is slightly odd because she's meant to represent loyalty. I don't really know what to do with Pinkie Pie; Hufflepuff, maybe?

I'm trying to settle on my favourite pony, but I can't. They're all so wonderful!

In more legitimate nostalgia news, I've now bought Pokémon White! But this entry is getting a bit long, so I'll post about it later. For now, suffice it to say that I'm enjoying it very much and, although rarely do I have a pure Normal-type on my main team, my Herdier is a fantastic scrapper who carried me through the first two gyms and I refuse to give her up.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
Riona: (no, really, I was actually thinking this yesterday.) Okay, it's been a difficult sixteen months, but I think things are looking up. I've got work, for now; I've got a sort of plan for my near future; the hairdresser said I'd been losing my hair due to stress, but she also said it was growing back, which has to be a good sign. I just need to keep going.
Life: Hello! I've got a present for you.
Riona: Oh, boy! ...wait, it's not food poisoning, is it?
Life: Er, no?
Riona: Great! What is it, then?
Life: Iiiiiit's... food poisoning!
Riona: LIFE
Life: Surprise!
Riona: oh my god when I'm physically capable of leaving this bathroom I'm going to kick your arse

On the bright side, the novel I'm editing at the moment contains a character with severe food poisoning, so perhaps this will help me ensure that it's realistically depicted. It's method editing.

Anyway! In nicer news, [ profile] reipan and I have watched the first five episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.

That was an experience. (oh my goodness it is so cute)

A handful of quick thoughts:

- Not only is the main character called Twilight Sparkle, but she initially shares Bella Swan's 'who needs friends? stupid other people being nice to me' attitude. I refuse to believe that this is a coincidence.

- I went 'awww' aloud at Fluttershy's first appearance. She's adorable! And quite like me in several respects, although I've become a little less Fluttershyish in recent years. (Pinkie Pie refuses to prank her because she knows she'll be upset! Pinkie Pie may be ridiculous and overenthusiastic and frequently oblivious, but she knows where to draw the line. Bless her.)

- I spent more or less the entire second episode in tears. LOOK AT ALL THE PONIES BEING FRIENDS AND HELPING EACH OTHER. I am twenty-two years old.

- The ending theme has the lyrics 'My Little Pony! My Little Pony! My Little Pony, frieeeends'. Rei has taken to hissing 'frieeeends' at me in quite a sinister fashion. It's alarming.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (...really?)
So today [ profile] reipan introduced me to a friend of hers; let's call her A. I had heard tales of A, but I'm not sure anything could have prepared me for the reality. (Robyn and Helen are other friends of Rei's; 'Hats' is the nickname Rei uses for me.)

Rei: This is A. A, this is Hats.
A: Oh! This is... Brains? Breasts?
Riona: ...erm?
A: This is your friend with the strange name, isn't it?
Rei: Hats?
A: Hats! Yes!
Rei: I like that you got 'Breasts' from that.
A: I like 'Breasts' better. Can I call you Breasts?
Riona: ...okay?

Rei: She wants to see what breasts look like wrapped in clingfilm.
A: Yes. Oh! (to me) Can I wrap your breasts in clingfilm?
Riona: Erm - erm - no, thank you?
A: Awww. Why not?
Riona: Well, I'm not very - experienced - and I'm not sure I should jump straight into having my naked body wrapped in clingfilm.
A: It wouldn't be your naked body; it'd just be your naked breasts.
Riona: Can't you wrap your own breasts in clingfilm?
A: I tried, but it was kind of boring. They didn't really do anything.
Riona: ...were you expecting them to dance?

A: World War II was a conspiracy. Like Osama Bin Laden dying, or 9/11.
(At this point, I have to turn away so she can't see my expression.)
Helen: Tell Hats about your thoughts on Osama Bin Laden, A.
A: Oh, he's hot. Like Santa. He's like Santa for... Muslims, I guess?
(I've been trying not to laugh, because I don't want to offend her, but this is where I crack and start laughing uncontrollably. For several minutes. I end up in tears. She does not seem particularly offended, although she does ask whether I'm all right.)

A: Santa isn't imaginary; he's just a power that we can't see. There's a difference.

A: Christmas is Santa's day! Everyone knows that! Who cares that Jesus died?
Robyn: think that Jesus died on Christmas?
A: No! Like, two million years ago!

A: You can't masturbate in an exam?
Rei: No!
A: Why not?
Rei: Because it's a public place!
A: No, it's not! You've got, like, a table!

So that was an educational experience! I feel that my perception of the universe has shifted. Somebody get this woman her own chat show. Or introduce her to Karl Pilkington.

(She seemed completely earnest. I think she may have been slightly exaggerating her character, but I don't think it could have been entirely constructed. It was a bizarre social encounter.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (oh very well)
(The royal wedding is under discussion on Have I Got News for You. Victoria Coren is the only woman on the panel; Alexander Armstrong is the host.)

Armstrong: Let's have a look at the dress. Victoria, what did you think of the dress?
Coren: Just ask it again, but slightly more patronising?

Victoria Coren, I want to be you.

Whilst I'm quoting panel shows, here is one of my favourite exchanges between David Mitchell and Lee Mack, from the version of Would I Lie to You? broadcast live as part of 24 Hour Panel People for Comic Relief. Mitchell is defending the claim that his father invented the tog rating system for duvets.

Mitchell: I've always just slept under blankets. It's a rebellion thing.
Mack: And under the blanket, when you're lying there, are you in pyjamas or are you - as I'm picturing - naked with a pair of... just a little pair of briefs, possibly, or - let's go the whole nakedness; are you - what are you wearing, er - what did you wear last night? Tell me... basically, describe yourself naked to me and the nation, now, and tell me what we can picture.
Mitchell: Er, no.

In other news, I am staying with [ profile] reipan at the moment! Yesterday she regaled me with a list of remarkable euphemisms for 'vagina' (possibly my favourite is 'penis flytrap'), and then we watched an even more remarkable film called Bitch Slap, which contains a scene in which a woman disguised as a nun is caught performing oral sex on another nun in a confessional, then rips off her habit as she walks away to reveal that she is wearing bondage gear underneath. It may be the oddest thing I've ever watched.

I tell you this as a warning, just in case any of you are considering visiting [ profile] reipan. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

The convent scene isn't available on YouTube, which is bizarre because it seems exactly the sort of thing that YouTube was made for, so have an only slightly less remarkable (and much less offensive) scene from Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

(We half-watched some first-series episodes of Supernatural a couple of nights ago. The Winchesters were so young! Sam is my age in the first series, and at my age I do not feel even slightly prepared to hunt ghosts.)
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
Terrible Facebook Conversations (with [ profile] reipan):

Riona: Nobody's sung a Pokémon-themed Karma Chameleon parody? ('Charmer Charmeleon'?) Seems a little Farfetch'd, but maybe I'm Seaking it in the wrong places.
Riona: (I recently came through the door of my family home to be immediately accosted by my brother with 'What's a Bug Pokémon's favourite drug? Paras-etamol!' So, you know, he started it.)
Rei: Don't you try to Weedle your way out of this, Evans.
Riona: So sorry. Ekans-ay it'll never happen again.
Rei: Carry on like this and I'll have to make a Rapidash for the exit.
Riona: Ditto. Or I'll just end up having a Koffing fit.
Rei: I'm sorry, I know that one was awful. I'll stop, I promise. From now on, consider my lips Seeled.
Riona: Don't stop; you're the Star-yu are making some fabulous puns here.
Rei: Onix-ley, you do know how to flatter a girl. Complimentary without sounding sk-Eevee.
Riona: All right, 'Onix-ley' did sort of deserve an Exeggutor. Although of course what I mean is 'executioner'. I'll just have to Psy,duck and wait for the mockery to blow over.
Rei: Don't trouble your pretty head about it! You'll start crying, and nobody likes a Weepinbell-e. And there's no need to hide yourself away, either; I don't think anybody needs to end up Cloystered over this.
Riona: Thanks for not getting Krabby about it. (And sorry for being a Slowpoke in replying with such an obvious pun, oh dear.)
Rei: Oh, no worries. Or, as some might say, Kakuna Matata.
Riona: ‎...I can't compete with that.
Rei: Thanks. I feel sort of dirty now...
Rei: (It actually wasn't, but it *could* have been. Thanks a Magneton.) Look, do we have to keep at this? I thought the conversation was evolving.
Riona: Absol-utely not, if you'd rather stop.
Rei: Well, I wouldn't want to deny your budding wits the chance to Bellossom.
Riona: No need to be Snivy; we can't all be naturals.
Rei: Raichu are. I'm sorry, perhaps that was harsh; punning can be kind of a Chansey hobby.
Riona: Thanks, but I suppose it's fair enough; I know that some of my humour is past its Celebi date.
Rei: Don't say that. I think you're doing Beautifly.
Riona: I ju-Spheal I'm a bit outclassed here. Knowing I have to keep up with you has me Gulpin nervously.
Rei: Ho-Oh, don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick here? Let's face it, in the punning stakes neither of us is exactly an Unown quantity. You're by no means Slow,bro.
Rei: ‎...alright, that last one was a bit Gastly.
Riona: The last one was my favourite! Budew still deserve applause for getting a (Dug)trio of puns in there, whatever the quality.
Rei: It's difficult to Furret out this many puns in the first place. I think we should both consider this a Victree,bel-ow the belt as some of these are.
Riona: Agreed! Maybe we should end this before we get caught in another Tangela the things.
Rei: I suppose. We've done well so far; we don't want to Jynx it.
Riona: And I imagine we're both getting a bit Drowzee. (All right, I really will shut my Meowth now. (...your comment was astute, because that was dreadful. Tempted to see whether I can come up with something even worse. I WENT ON TOO LONG AND ENDED UP MEANINGLESSLY MEWING; IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT YOU'RE GOING TO MEWTWO.))
Rei: I'm not sure, I do find all this a bit Hypno-tic. But if you want to keep the onslaught of even worse puns at Bay,leef this thread alone from now on.

I'm sorry, but not nearly sorry enough.