I Like Shorts! They're Comfy And Easy To Wear!

[rionaleonhart]

Now, as those of you who have read the Twilight saga and some who haven't may know, New Moon, after Edward leaves Bella, contains a series of blank pages apparently intended to reflect the blankness of Bella's soul and the emptiness of her life in his absence.

reipan observed that this was a dreadful waste of paper, and so she created blankmonths. The idea: You, The Reader decide what Bella did during those months of blankness, write it into your copy of New Moon and scan in the pages to show to us. (You may instead type them if you do not have a scanner, if you'd prefer not to deface the book, or if you do not own a copy of New Moon but wish to get involved anyway.) Please feel free to be as silly as you'd like.


Now, Pokémon Gold!

The Pokémon games are not renowned for their sparkling dialogue, but there are a few moments of genius. As I had somehow managed to give both my Togepi and my Spinarak the name 'Rikar' (rather perplexing, especially as I had been under the impression that I was making it up on the spot on both occasions), I took the Togepi to the Name Rater in Goldenrod City. I renamed him 'Rene', and then it occurred to me to see whether the name selection screen had an 'é' so he could be 'René'; not implausible, I thought, given the accent in 'Pokémon'. It did not, however, and I exited without changing the name.

'All right!' the Name Rater announced. 'This Pokémon is now named RENE. It might look the same as before, but this new name is much better! Well done!'

I was very amused.

(Also, there is a reluctant Rocket Grunt who says, 'Oh, a kid? I don't really like this, but eliminate you I must...' when he confronts you. I love him and I want to write fanfiction. (And I thought at first that it was because he had some moral objection to attacking children, but after you defeat him it turns out that he is afraid of kids after running into your rival. Hee.)

Why - why do Team Rocket react to your breaking into their base by challenging you to a fair Pokémon battle? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to have their Pokémon attack you?)


Here is a Top Gear story I am not allowed to write: Porsche 911s, Hyundai Accents and various other cars are found destroyed across the country. The public and media begin to refer to the mysterious car-killer as Cara, because I am a terrible person. One day, James and Richard are alarmed to find a corpse on their track and ask Jeremy about it. Eventually, it turns out that Jeremy has a Death Note. As it only works on humans, he has the Stig transform cars he hates into humans, kills them with the Death Note and then has the Stig change them back. Sometimes the Stig doesn't have time before the body is discovered.

This is a terrible idea on many, many levels, and so this snippet is all you're getting of it:

"Shouldn't the Stig be getting this lecture?" Jeremy demands.

"The Stig has no conception of human morality," James says. "I like to think you've at least heard of it. You're deliberately bringing new human life into the world for the sole purpose of snuffing it out. Doesn't that strike you as even a little bit wrong?"

"James," Jeremy says, staring at him. "It's a Hyundai Accent."

There is a pause.

"It is a Hyundai Accent," James concedes.

Comments

[kadrin.livejournal.com]

I was going to finish that Utena/Top Gear crossover with Jeremy saying: "After the break, we put the Shinra Corporation's General Sephiroth around our track... in a Vauxhall Astra." I remember this, and little else I intended to do with that story, because I can hear him saying it perfectly.

Anyway, my theory is that through convergent evolution, Pokémon aren't psychologically able to deal killing blows, and their attacks are always aimed to stun. Predator Pokémon can relax this limitation against animals and prey Pokémon, but they don't need to eat much - and to strike a human, again via convergent evolution that ripples through all Pokémon species even to the legendaries, would cause enough mental trauma that it would possibly end up being a suicide attack.

(Evidence:
- you never get attacked more than superficially after your Pokémon all faint;
- the Pokémon themselves are "fainted", even against Mewtwo or a Legendary Beast;
- it explains why they give hugely powerful monsters to children;
- why else would anyone in the world still be alive in the post-Mewtwo era, huh?)

In the online Pokémon RPG that keeps swirling around my head and must be prevented from emerging at all costs, the major plot would revolve around a new type of Poké Ball developed by the villainous team of the archipelago, which could override this Pokémon mental conditioning, and force Pokémon to perform fatal attacks. Using these new Pokémon, they would restart the ancient science of "war", in order to cow rival landowners with superior firepower, and make a living as arms dealers. (War couldn't continue past the symbiotic existence of humans and Pokémon; your musket isn't much use against a Gyarados, but that Gyarados will only knock its enemies unconscious, requiring soldiers not just to be able to kill but to be ghoulish enough to kill the fallen, and to do so around enemy Pokémon who don't like them much.)

Anyway, the point of all this is that having their Pokémon attack you would only lead to them having to drag your unconscious body out of the building, and your Pokémon would still be in the way, understandably unhappy about this turn of events.

[rionaleonhart]

Sephiroth would make an amazing Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car.

I think this theory explains a great deal! It never occurred to me to wonder why wild Pokémon never kill yours or attack you.

Oh, dear. On the one hand, I am sort of fascinated by that RPG concept, and would like to see how it goes. On the other, my inner child is crying so much.