rionaleonhart | But Your Headaches Are Actually In Your Head.

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But Your Headaches Are Actually In Your Head.

Last night, I watched the extended 'Health and Safety' episode of QI on a television with rather poor reception. The static and jumpy picture made it look as if Jeremy Clarkson leant over to make out with David Mitchell over the credits. I was deeply confused.

Typing that has made me realise that I sort of want fanfiction about Clarkson and Mitchell. Not necessarily Clarkson/Mitchell (not really a pairing I want to see, although were someone to write it I would be forced to read out of sheer curiosity), but stories in which they're thrown together somehow and forced to work with each other in spite of their differences. Take Mitchell's excessive caution and Clarkson's 'if it's not working, you haven't hit it with a hammer enough' approach, and then apply that combination to any extreme situation.

Seriously, this would be amazing. Clarkson and Mitchell are trapped in the Arctic! Clarkson and Mitchell in the zombie apocalypse! Clarkson the Hufflepuff (everyone at Hogwarts is as surprised that he's not a Slytherin as you, but I am irrationally convinced that he is a Hufflepuff) and Mitchell the Ravenclaw (I don't think there's any doubt on this point) trying to subdue the leaderless Death Eaters after Voldemort's defeat! I was going to say 'forget fanfiction; let's make it into a sitcom', but then I realised that would basically be Peep Show.

On an unrelated note, here is a video of Darren Criss putting on a surprise public performance of 'Part of Your World' from The Little Mermaid.

Darren Criss, you have made things so awkward for me by being my perfect man. I was already doomed never to find love, and now you've made my doom that much more certain by giving me extremely specific standards.

(I also have a bit of a crush on Blaine, his character in Glee, who is highly unlikely to reciprocate on account of being, amongst other things, fictional. WHEN WE FIRST MEET BLAINE, HE'S CHECKING A POCKETWATCH. IT'S ONLY VISIBLE FOR A MOMENT, BUT IT'S THERE. BLAINE HAS A POCKETWATCH, GUYS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THAT'S HOT, BUT IT IS.)

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I was going to say 'forget fanfiction; let's make it into a sitcom', but then I realised that would basically be Peep Show.

They even named the character Jeremy! (Also, both Mark and Jeremy are Peep Show fans.)

I think you should write these things. I don't know how to write David Mitchell - I haven't seen the million panel shows you've seen, and it takes me ages to pin down cautious and introverted types - swimming with sharks turned out to be far less scary than I thought, and my cautious moment of the day was to skip out of the "Jump in a six foot underground chamber with no stairs or ladder or way out other than climbing the walls" part of tromping around the ancient ruined city.

(Also, both Mark and Jeremy are Peep Show fans.)

I was extremely confused before realising that, unless you were referring to this picture, you probably meant Top Gear. I doubt that Mark would be a Peep Show fan. Jeremy, lacking the self-awareness to realise it's about him, may well be. (Also, he would think Jeremy is a totally reasonable character.)

...you know, maybe we should have adventures together and then base the Mitchell-and-Clarkson fanfiction on that.

Yeah, I meant Top Gear. It's been a long day (so I followed the manta ray and then I got stuck in the current and the boat had to get me so I wouldn't bump into the reef, then we went to the waterfall and there was a massive hike and all these damp and slippery rocks and an eel, which was actually quite cool, then we went to the ruined city and tromped around the temple and in the burial chambers and around the nine-hundred-year-old sidewalks and I didn't go in the meditation chamber/jail because my arms were tired from swimming and hiking and clinging to rocks in a waterfall and I wasn't sure if I could climb out or not, and then we went back to the hotel and I'm pretty sure I have a sunburn).

...we so should have adventures! With explosions and fire!

ETA: All of that stuff with the sunburns and the water fall and the manta rays was an extremely good day. I just realized this might not be obvious to people.

Edited 2010-11-28 10:52 (UTC)

Also, I'd asking which of the opposing tags would win, but when it comes to "Should never be written ever" versus "Someone should probably write that", the outcome tends to be predictable.

Hufflepuff is the most inclusive among the four houses, valuing hard work, patience, friendship and fair play rather than a particular aptitude in its members - from the HP wiki

LOLOL I WOULD LOVE TO SEE JEREMY GET STUCK IN HUFFLEPUFF AND FORCED TO LEARN ALL FOUR ATTRIBUTES.

JEREMY CLARKSON, THAT WELL-KNOWN SYMBOL OF PATIENCE AND FAIR PLAY. YES. HUFFLEPUFF THROUGH AND THROUGH.

Their house mascot or whatever is the badger.

That part, I can agree, is Jeremy Clarkson.

Rabid, vicious, terrible hair, and yet somehow adorable.

Jeremy would insist it was a HONEY badger. Richard (the massivest Gryffindor to ever Gryffindor) says that explains his fascination with male genitalia. James the Ravenclaw points out that honey badgers don't even have a fascination with the male genitalia, so Richard's joke is wrong anyway.

Also, Tonks was a Hufflepuff!

Edited 2010-11-28 11:20 (UTC)

I'm behind on QI (hopefully will watch it today) but I do like the idea of Clarkson/Mitchell. They both show a strange contradiction of clumsiness and confidence that I think would work well together.

And you've just reminded me that I'm waaaaaay behind on Glee. 7 episodes behind. *spanks self*

I can't even begin to imagine how Clarkson/Mitchell would work, but it would probably be hilarious.

Ooh, do catch up on Glee! It's easily the programme I'm most looking forward to at the moment. I am so massively invested in the current storyline it's absurd.

I like to watch Glee on a quiet Sunday (it's just one of those quirky routines I find myself falling into) but I've been playing catchup on films since I got my Blu Ray player. For me, the plot (?) and characters are just segues for the fun musical bits XD

I LOVED all of David Mitchell's angry logic rants! About the test, and saying he had ruined the show already, and Jeremy being the biggest hypochondriac... IN THE WORLD. I bet they do get along and complain about their aches and pains and all the health and safety regulations for doing a TV show.

If it does become a sitcom, I want Will Young to be a gueststar.

Mitchell's rants about logic are such a delight. I want him to perpetually commentate on my life. (And I don't think Mitchell was much of a Clarkson fan before, but I hope they did get along at the recording, because I'd love to see Mitchell on Top Gear (they've had guests who can't drive on before, after all) or Clarkson on Would I Lie to You?)

Oh, yes, Young would be absolutely necessary.

I think Mitchell has no interest at all in driving, so he probably doesn't pay much attention to whatever it is Jeremy does.

Okay, I definitely want Jeremy on Would I Lie To You. They've had a physics professor, getting Jeremy who does QI and HIGNFY should be relatively easy.

This reminds me of when I wanted Jeremy Clarkson meets John Simm fan fiction based solely on a discussion Jeremy had about ballet on an episode of QI --- I think I actually wrote a snippet?

I loooove David every time he's on QI.

I think I actually wrote a snippet?

You can't say that and then not provide! (I think I might have scribbled down a couple of snippets of Clarkson meeting Sam Tyler a few years ago, actually.)

It was commentfic. I have no idea how I'd ever find it again, sorry!

Bring out the reflective goth!

All goths are reflective, surely.

I haven't watched the QI ep yet, apart from five minutes yesterday (I'm saving it for when I seriously need to procrastinate later today), but I agree with you 100%. I would cut off my own fingers before writing Clarkson/Mitchell (okay, considering my track record, I should take that back right now), but I would love to see fic with the two of them, trying to work together under pressure. ~~Silent Hill!~~ It would be *awesome*. Clarkson never thought he would have to deal with someone even more careful than James May, and it only makes him more reckless and shouty, because Jeremy is childish like that.

(I want a pocket watch too!!)

Silent Hill fic would almost be worth learning to write David Mitchell for. (I think I'm becoming Jeremy Clarkson - between my job and my dad, I fully expect to be riding around Vietnam on a Vespa in about two years.)

I fully expect to be riding around Vietnam on a Vespa in about two years.

And bitching about it all the way?

I'm not sure I can write David Mitchell either, which explains why I stubbornly kept that one fic I wrote with him (and haven't finished) in Jimmy Carr's pov. Because 'sarcastic and mean' comes easy to me, apparently.

Possibly not. If I turn into Jeremy Clarkson on that level, I really should get added tallness as a benefit.

It's interesting what's easy and tricky to write for different people. Half the people I know tend to latch on to quieter intellectual introverts as their favorite type to write, but those characters just leave me flailing.

Yes to all of this! ~~Oh, my, why didn't Silent Hill occur to me? I would read that fic so many times.~~

(I'd love a pocket watch, but I think I'd need smarter clothes to justify it, rather than my usual collection of wilfully ugly fleeces. Alas! Perhaps, should I find employment (come on, publishers!), I should invest a little money in being more dapper.)

But what would David Mitchell's Silent Hill look like? I'm refering to the "monsters" here. Because my first idea was 'other people', but they can hardly be creepy monsters... Or could they?

(Aha, I'm ahead of you there, because I have become downright preppy the last couple of years, so I could definitely pull off a pocket watch. And I know where I can buy a nice one for £20. Gee, now I sort of have to, don't I?)

Augh, yes, I want Clarkson and Mitchell fanfiction so badly. I expect David would be torn - mostly he resents Jeremy's carelessness but some small part of him kind of envies it and is glad that their group of people abandoned on a desert island have someone decisive around to keep them from bickering themselves to death. And Jeremy would blow off 90% of David's sensible arguments, and then a rare few times would actually listen and go "Good point, Mitchell!" which would make everyone else boggle wildly.

This week's QI was, I thought, funnier than almost any of the ones we've had so far this series. I haven't watched the XL yet, but there were a number of places in the short version where it looked like David was going to rant some more and then got cut off, so I'm hoping that stuff is in the XL.

Also, Clarkson as Hufflepuff = TRUTH.

I love the thought that Clarkson would actually prevent people from bickering themselves to death. He's a wonderfully unlikely peacemaker. And the idea of Clarkson and Mitchell having rare moments of appreciating each other is rather lovely.

Of course Jeremy's a Hufflepuff; he's a giant softie deep down.

...very, very deep down.

Exactly! Jeremy Clarkson is adorable. This may not be an immediately apparent fact, but it is a fact nonetheless.

On an unrelated note, here is a video of Darren Criss

This amuses me a great deal. HE IS SO ADORABLE.

Also, I am totally with you on the pocketwatch thing.

He is such a dork! I actually find him sort of inspirational, because he is evidence that someone can be confident and charming whilst still retaining their dorkishness. If he can do it, it should totally be theoretically possible for the rest of us.

I love love love it when David's on QI. :D And now that you mention it, the two of them having adventures would be epic and ridiculous.

(I have not one but two pocket watches. Um. I like steampunk?)

I only watch QI when David Mitchell's on it, I have to confess. Although Jeremy Clarkson can sometimes tempt me. AND THEN THEY ENDED UP ON THE SAME EPISODE, HOORAY.

(I approve of your pocket watches! Just don't take them out in front of me if you don't want me to suddenly find you incredibly attractive.)

Pocketwatches are one of the hottest things. I don't know why either, but they are definitely on my list of things that are incredibly attractive and possibly a bit kinky. (I think I really need a Holmes/pocketwatch userpic, don't I?)

(Oh, so that's who Darren Criss is. Everyone on Tumblr seems to be nuts over him and I have no idea who he is. Apparently my default setting now though is to wonder why anyone called Darren isn't called Derren instead.)

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