Not You Too, Bob!

[rionaleonhart]

I was originally going to make this a poll, but then I realised it would be much more fun to be able to expand on and talk about why we 'ship them, so I'm just going to ask:

We all have pairings, threesomes et cetera that we find ourselves worryingly intrigued by, no matter how ridiculous/impossible/horribly wrong they are. (At least, I hope we do, because otherwise I'm just strange.) Which are you most ashamed of yourself for?

You probably already know all of mine, because the first thing I do upon finding myself with a new and terrifying 'ship is rush over to Livejournal and inflict it upon all of you. There are few threesomes less sane than Piers Morgan/Amanda Holden/Simon Cowell, but that doesn't mean I don't want to read it more than words can express. Also, I have a frightening soft spot for Zombie Piers Morgan/Jeremy Clarkson, just for the pure disturbing hatesexy (you probably do not want to know how much time I have spent discussing the finer points of zombie sex with real-life friends) crack of it. Zombie Piers Morgan is so delightfully smug and devious and zombified.

(EDIT: Oh, and Jeremy Clarkson/Top Gear Dog. THIS IS ALL THE FAULT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S FANFICTION, I SWEAR.)

These don't have to be total crackpairings; if you've got a perfectly respectable pairing that has gained such a bad reputation that you're ashamed of admitting you're a fan, it definitely counts.

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Well, I very much defended James May/Top Gear Dog for some reason. And I WROTE Tony Blair/Gordon Brown.

I, er, think that sums it up for me.

(man/mode of transport will never be disturbing! IT IS QUITE OFTEN TRUE LOVE!)

[rionaleonhart]

I actually considered a 'what's the worst pairing you've written?' corollary, but, er, then I'd have to mention the Jeremy/Top Gear Dog, and...

...and if I refrained from adding that out of embarrassment, I'm clearly ashamed enough by Jeremy/Top Gear Dog to be forced to mention it in the entry anyway. Blast.

You know, the man/mode of transport pairings didn't even cross my mind when I was considering my 'shipping shames. They are just so absolutely true.

[madmogs.livejournal.com]

I don't suppose you have a link for the Blair/Brown fic do you?

Just wondering.

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

You know, I quite honestly want to participate in this discussion, but I am sitting here barely able to remember who I ship anyway, let alone any that I'm ashamed of. Maybe I was so embarrassed by things that I pushed them out of my brain? I suppose I'm vaguely ashamed of the fact that I would pretty much like to see everything ever crossed over with Pokémon.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, dear. I was rather hoping to discover that everyone is a fan of mad and strange pairings and I shouldn't be worried about my slightly odd tendencies.

There is no need to be ashamed of wanting everything to be crossed over with Pokémon! I firmly believe that people who don't want that are wrong in the head. You know you want to see Sam Tyler training a Growlithe.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

I've had Dec/Simon Cowell brewing for... oh god, about six years! It was all madscot's fault, and I never actually wrote it, but the idea is there! *weeps*

[rionaleonhart]

...And you are, of course, going to write this?

[nano_moose]

Er...

*racks brain*

...Er...

...The true and pure love of a skeleton wizard and his Bentley?

Yeah, I got nuthin'. I fail at the crack.

[rionaleonhart]

YOU ARE CLEARLY MUCH TOO SANE. Although skeleton wizard/Bentley does sound vaguely intriguing.

[madmogs.livejournal.com]

Well, the one that I nearly wrote was Bodie (from The Professionals)/Professor McGonagall, because Bodie (a) seemes to get a kick out of getting attention from women who disapprove of him and (b) needs a Domme in his life.

I still want to write James May/Crowley (Good Omens), but since I wouldn't be all that surprised if Aziraphale and James were seperated at birth I'm not sure how cracktastic the end result would actually be. But at least they have the shared Bentley!love.

[anazri.livejournal.com]

GO/TG crossovers! You utter genius! :D

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"I still want to write James May/Crowley (Good Omens), but since I wouldn't be all that surprised if Aziraphale and James were seperated at birth I'm not sure how cracktastic the end result would actually be. But at least they have the shared Bentley!love."

WRITE IT WRITE IT WRITE IT. They could bond over Bentleys and originals and, er, all sorts of things.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Horrible pairings? Well, Khor/Arda ranks up there. I have actually considered Jack O'Neill/Lord Ba'al, which won't make horrible unfortunate sense until you've seen several Season 6-and-beyond episodes of SG-1. Horrible unrealized Gene Hunt/Sam Tyler/Frank Morgan is up there, too, especially since it's just poor Sam in the middle crushing on everyone. (Sam Tyler has, in my personal canon, become really, really inexplicably bi.) Pyramid Head/All Its Victims. Fujin/Quistis. Horrible Hatesexy Seifer/Quistis (which, to be fair, only entered my mind because transnomad suggested it. I kid you not.) My roomate and I had a brief discussion on the utter horror of Jack Harkness/Jackie Tyler last night. (They both hit on everyone! I mean seriously!) James/Mary Sunderland--I mean yeah, it's canon, but it's still horrible. Death/Quistis. Tiamat/Squall. Diablos/Quistis. (Please don't ask about the preponderance of Quistis pairings.)

[rionaleonhart]

Gene Hunt/Sam Tyler/Frank Morgan

HELP WHAT AUGH FRANK MORGAN SHOULD NOT BE PAIRED WITH ANYONE

Ahem.

But I have actually thought about Jack/Jackie before, and, er, may have sort of concluded that it would be brilliant.

[suzie-shooter.livejournal.com]

I'm still quite disturbed by the fact I have just written Simon/Piers...

[rionaleonhart]

I KNOW AND I SAW IT UP THERE AND HAD A FIT OF JOY AND I AM FURIOUS BECAUSE I AM TOO TIRED TO READ IT RIGHT NOW. But I shall read it tomorrow!

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Oh! And Anat/Daniel, though that one takes a lot of backstory. (Anat is an original Goa'uld supervillain of mine who implants herself in Sam at one point. Horribleness ensues.)

[rionaleonhart]

(You know, for a moment, I thought you'd Goa'ulded Sam Tyler. I realised my mistake after a moment, but by then it was too late.)

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

Obviously I don't do strange pairings.

And more importantly my computer doesn't believe me as I've now had to retype this eight nine times to get it to post.

Damn i

[wolfenkahlon.livejournal.com]

Er, Top Gear Dog/Mutley? Most of the others I can think of involve characters you probably haven't heard of (mostly due to my overriding obsession with Blood+ and memes that caused me to consider trying to cross it over with everything...) also I don't do the pairing thing that much (I was going to say "I don't write pairings much." But seriously? Me? actually get something written?).

I mean, some Blood+ characters would probably require their own super-specific Silent Hill, because I can quite easily see Pyramid Head/Karl or Pyramid Head/Diva... those pairings make me feel sorry for humanity at large once the massacre starts.

It was destruction and pain incarnate, soaked with the blood of the guilty it was beyond even thought, it sought only to kill him, unfazed by the laugh that bubbled up from his throat as he met it's eyeless gaze, he had found true love.

-------------

It was the instrument of inevitable punishment and she stood before it with the blood of thousands on her hands; it would rend her fragile body, desecrate her corp- but it's Great Knife bit down into unoccupied concrete, she was already closer than any had ever dared come to it, arms encircled it. This was unacceptable, it would rend... No it was not going to be dragged away to find people and kidnap them and make them play tea-party on pain of pain, then torture them to death anyway. Okay, maybe. Just for a bit...

Um, some sort of platonic Test Card Girl and Pyramid Head thing?

"I've found someone you simply must meet." And if it had lips it would have smiled, because she always found those... most suited for it.

One more crossover with Blood+ Crack Pairing? I think we can manage one more: due to Crack producing memeage: Rose Tyler/Saya.

Being attacked by big monsters had been worryingly nostalgic. Still, at some point she had decided that, whatever was going on here, she was going to get involved.

She was a little surprised by how eagerly her rescuer had accepted her offer of fish and chips. An offer she was starting to regret since Saya seemed intent on ordering at least two of everything on the menu.

Finally, there is of course the whole Diva/Saya thing that I constantly skirt around because it would be like:

Diva: "Yay! Twincest!"

Saya: "Get off of me! I'm trying to kill you!"

[rionaleonhart]

Top Gear Dog/Mutley

I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT THIS. Top Gear Dog would be the worst Wacky Racer ever.

ALSO HUGGING PYRAMID HEAD WHAT? This girl sounds like a more disturbed version of Selphie.

The idea of Test Card Girl searching for potential victims for Silent Hill works worryingly well.

And hee, Rose finding being attacked by monsters nostalgic!

[ladyofshallnot.livejournal.com]

My brain just recently came up with Zuko/Sokka/Toph for Avatar: The Last Airbender. And there's a FFVII/Doctor Who snippet sitting on my computer that could lead to all manner of shenanigans. Shenanigans even. Capital S.

I think I just like crossover pairings. I'm such a whore for them.

Simon/Jayne from Firefly. EVERYONESTOPJUDGINGME.

[culf.livejournal.com]

Zuko/Sokka/Toph? You are utterly mad! They'd kill eachother! (And you forgot to ad the hotness of Jet!)

Simon/Jayne would be prettier than any floral bonnet, but to me River/Jayne shall always be OTP!

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

My weird pairings wish list includes:

(* = Ones I really want)

Piers Morgan/Alistair Campbell*
Piers Morgan/Tony Blair
Tony Blair/Gordon Brown
Simon/Tre from 'The Apprentice'*
ADWD slash - John Barrowman/Lee* Lee/Keith* John Barrowman/Everone*

I think Piers/Amanda would be incredibly sweet. The way she leant on him and he kissed her head was very sweet. Piers/Simon/Amanda would also be fab, and I'm not usually a fan of het. Not anymore anyway xD

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, it makes me so happy when other people slash Any Dream Will Do.

The way she leant on him and he kissed her head was very sweet.

Yes! I must say, whatever I expected when I began watching Britain's Got Talent, it wasn't to come away thinking that Piers Morgan/Amanda Holden was the cutest pairing ever.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

Sharon Osbourne/Simon Cowell is a particular favourite/GUILTY SHAME of mine, I have to say.

I EVEN WROTE IT.

*covers face in shame*

But you know that, because I have told you before. Other than that, I embrace all the horrible pairings in the world, because apparently I bear no shame over being SICK AND WRONG.

[rionaleonhart]

Well, he has snogged her a couple of times, hasn't he? I think that Sharon/Simon is really rather marvellous.

[the-funmonkey.livejournal.com]

There's a suprising lack of Dean/Bobby in the Supernatural fandom, considering, yanno, it's the Supernatural fandom. I'm rectifying that cause someone who shall remain nameless has been goading me for months to write something I may have mentioned in passing, and I kind of have to stop every five minutes to go scrub myself with something abrasive and something acidic.

It's...just...*shudders*

(it will get finished though)

[haylz4000.livejournal.com]

I think my worst pairing was most likely hermione/hagrid but at some point i was interested in harry/dumbledore and harry/voldermort XD

[rionaleonhart]

Harry/Dumbledore actually makes a worrying amount of sense. And Hermione/Hagrid is, of course, brilliant and completely true.

[culf.livejournal.com]

I am slightly ashamed of my once upon a time Dawn/Andrew from Buffy shipping, and my Me/Jonathan ship. I was this close to writing a Mary Sue!self insert fic, just so I could show Harmony up when she told Cordelia in a mocking way that Jonathan would be the perfect stud muffin for her, and that she heard he has a kill moped. I actually started on a fic where I jumped into the Buffyverse and snogged Jonathan rotten in front of Harmony after she said that. I'd probably write myself prettier as well, just to get the right impact.
(Joss ships Jayne/Mal, but he's afraid that Adam Baldwin will find out. *points at icon as proof*)

[rionaleonhart]

and my Me/Jonathan ship

I know next to nothing about Buffy, but this still made me laugh a lot. Ah, aren't we always guilty of those?

[treelines.livejournal.com]

None come to mind, so I guess I'll have to make some up.

Rowdy/Top Gear dog
Foreman/Turk
Harry Potter/Rincewind
Thomas the Tank Engine/the Magic School Bus
Alan Shore/Cameron
Veronica Mars/Nancy Drew (actually, that would be six kinds of awesome)
Ash Ketchum/Cameron
Padamon/Gatomon
House/Wolverine
Andrew from Buffy/Mark Hamil

...okay, stopping now.

[rionaleonhart]

Rowdy/Top Gear dog

A tale of love based entirely on the fact that neither of them ever move. Genius!

And, er, the pairing is odd, but I actually think that Ash and Cameron interacting could be sort of cute? Maybe?

(Oh, help, now I've got the mental image of Ash dying of some horrible House-esque disease. THERE GOES MY CHILDHOOD.)

[newbie1990.livejournal.com]

I don't really have any, but thoughts on the matter:

-Does Sirius/Remus have a bad reputation? :S

-Harry Potter has odd, odd canon pairings. Kreacher/Mr. Black's trousers has canon snogging. Which is more than Ron/Hermione, Lupin/Tonks and Sirius/Remus combined have managed. And Hagrid/Norbert is canon.

-...Oh God I have one. ...Dobby/Kreacher. I'm going to find some. OH NO I HAVE VERY MANY PAIRINGS, TOO MANY, AND THEY ARE HIDEOUS I WILL HIDE IN SHAME NOW. I will mention George Michael/Maeby, as a) it is no longer shameful, and b) you know nothing of Arrested Development fnah fnah.

-Hagrid/Dumbledore is lovely, and nobody writes it nobody ever. They're all too busy writing things about Harry and Ron and HOW DARE THEY NOT WRITE WHAT I WANT, DAMN THEM! This is not a pairing of shame, but it needed mentioning.

-I have posted too many comments to this entry, and also this comment is too long. I'm awfully sorry about that.

[rionaleonhart]

- I think Sirius/Remus has a fairly good reputation, actually. When I said 'bad reputation' I was thinking along the lines of Harry/Hermione; there's nothing wrong with 'shipping it, but people are wary of admitting to it because so many of the fans are completely insane and sent threatening letters to Rowling when she said it would never become canon.

- Ahahaha, true!

- Dobby/Kreacher is indeed very frightening, and I am terribly curious now about how on Earth you came up with the idea.

- You know, Hagrid/Dumbledore never actually occurred to me before, and I have absolutely no idea why not, because now that I think of Hagrid and his obsessive devotion...

- There is no such thing as too many comments! IN FACT, I SHALL SHOW MY APPROVAL OF YOUR COMMENTS WITH THIS ICON.