Look How The Evil Flakes Fall On Everyone.

[rionaleonhart]

I'm not very good at April Fools' Day. I considered making a big fake 'I'M LEAVING FANDOM, GOODBYE FOREVER' post, but what I've decided to do instead is this:

- You post the worst fanfiction idea you can think of in the comments. Inappropriate crossovers, incompatible pairings, stupid AUs or just wildly out-of-character behaviour: all are welcome here. 'Squall Leonhart gives up being a SeeD to pursue his dream of becoming a telemarketer', for example, or 'Silent Hill 2 AU: Pyramid Head is a florist, James Sunderland is a regular customer, love ensues'.
- I unwisely attempt to write a few lines of that fic.

It's sort of in the spirit of the day, if not a traditional April Fools' joke. Prompt away! (If you make a request featuring a fandom with which I am not familiar, I reserve the right to make things up based solely on the fandom's name.)

THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA. I suppose that's sort of the point, but still. SUCH A BAD IDEA.

Comments

[reipan.livejournal.com]

Charlie Brooker is the Easter Bunny.

OFF-TOPIC: have you seen the collection of videos on Youtube of a man doing Jonathan Coulton songs in ASL? They're pretty great.

[rionaleonhart]

Is he the same man who performed 'Party in the USA' in ASL? I love that video so much.


It's probably a bad idea to visit Charlie unannounced, but his 'NO, I CAN'T, I'M VERY, VERY ILL' when David called him to invite him for a drink sounded so genuinely panicky that David feels compelled to check that he isn't actually at death's door. It's perfectly possible - even likely - that he's just being a hypochondriac, particularly given that his response to David's enquiry regarding the exact nature of his illness was a garbled mess that sounded something like 'the Black Death and swine flu and probably leprosy as well, I don't know', but in the highly improbable event that Charlie actually does have Black Swine Death Leprosy David would feel a bit of a cad for leaving him to languish.

David glances through Charlie's living-room window as he passes it, then does a double-take and looks again.

Charlie is bent over his sofa, stuffing what look like Easter eggs into an enormous basket. Two floppy, lopsided, furry grey ears rise out of his increasingly uncontrolled hair, and a tuft of what appears to be a poorly-concealed tail peeks out over the top of his trousers.

Charlie turns around suddenly and catches David staring. He looks first horrified, then furious. David's immediate instinct is to run, but of course Charlie's already recognised him and, as they work together and are, David thinks, sort of friends, a clean getaway isn't really on the cards.

A moment later, the front door is yanked open and Charlie is standing there in all his inexplicably lapine glory.

"What's up, Doc?" Charlie enquires, in the most vicious tone David has ever heard.

David draws in a breath, and opens his mouth, and then, after a moment, turns around and walks away.

They don't speak of it again.

[fireholly.livejournal.com]

Kurt falls desperately in love with the new student, an elder abomination from the stars with an unpronounceable name who to gaze upon the face of is to go utterly mad.

Bonus for songs.

[rionaleonhart]

"It can't be described," Rachel squeaks, near-hyperventilating with terror. "We have to run."

"It can't be described," Kurt says, dreamily, propping his chin on his hand. "I wonder if It's sitting next to anyone in Spanish class?"

-
"Rachel Berry?"

Rachel doesn't answer the register. Nobody has been answering the register. Nobody is in this class apart from Kurt and the new student. The entire school is nearly empty.

"K - er, Th... I'm sorry, how do you pronounce...?" Mr Schuester asks, looking up at the astonishing vision next to Kurt. Kurt beams at him, because he feels like beaming at everyone right now. Mr Schuester tails off, begins to gibber and then lets out a long wail and sinks to the floor, scratching at his skull until it bleeds.

Kurt doesn't particularly mind the disruption; he's ahead in Spanish anyway, and it gives him an opportunity to speak to It.

"So," he says, "have you heard about the glee club here?"

It looks at him, blinking its many eyes, and snarls a snarl that makes the very plates of the Earth's crust scramble backwards in fear.

"You should join," Kurt breathes. "Your voice has such a unique quality."

[adelate]

Voldemort tries all the romantic tricks in the book to woo David Mitchell?

[reipan.livejournal.com]

It might say something bad about me that I skimmed that sentence and went "well, that sounds perfectly reasonable to m - wait".

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

Sam Tyler is actually a Dalek and Jeremy Clarkson really likes the cut of his plunger.

[arguingvitality.livejournal.com]

Tom Clarkson fails to keep his 'secret' life as a drag queen a secret from Josh.

[rionaleonhart]

"So," Nate says, dropping into the seat next to Josh. "You know that thing Finn gave you tickets for?"

"Yeah?" Josh asks. Finn is sitting in front of them; he's pretending not to have heard, but Josh knows he'll be listening.

"Looked it up online," Nate says. "It's a drag show."

There is a pause.

"Finn," Josh growls, giving him a shove. Finn collapses onto his desk in giggles.

-
"I reckon we should go," Nate says when the lesson's started, very quietly.

"You joking?" Josh asks.

"Might be a laugh."

"What if someone sees us?"

"They'll have to explain why they were there first, won't they?"

"Okay," Josh says, after a moment. "But if Kyle finds out, we're dead."

"He won't."

-
"Josh," Nate finally manages to say, after ten minutes of sitting in mutual frozen, horrified silence. "Is that your dad?"

"I'm gonna tell Kyle we were here myself," Josh mutters, hiding his face in his hands. "I'm not living with this."

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Draco and I were just discussing a Top Gear/My Little Pony crossover, so I no longer know what a bad fanfiction idea is. (Angel the Bunny is the Stig's secret identity.)

I considered sending my parents a fake dire disease outbreak email, but I was worried that they wouldn't get that Solanium (aka African Rabies) was an imaginary virus that causes zombieism, and they might actually worry. I am so bad at April Fool's Day.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait, I've got one!

Pyramid Head/Oliver! Romantic and fluffy Pyramid Head/Oliver!

[fictionalfemme.livejournal.com]

Oooh, zombies!

Prompt: Sesame Street comes down with a severe case of zombies, and only one man can save them. Puppet!Angel!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Pfff, Top Gear/My Little Pony would be amazing. Jeremy, James and Richard discover that Friendship Is Magic. What's not to love?

[dev-chieftain.livejournal.com]

This is the kind of bad idea that I like!

FF8/Pokemon Crossover

Ash discovers a new type of pokemon, but its curiously human appearance and broody attitude makes it very difficult to control. In the mysterious Galbadia region, it seems that the legendary Squall is only possible to capture once a year! Brock meanwhile seeks out the elusive Selphie in the icy Trabia mountains.

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

Pyramid Head: the world's only consulting detective.

[lotus0kid.livejournal.com]

Jeremy Clarkson's bombastic rant extolling the virtues of the green movement.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

The Misfits get on a community service exchange programme with the US, and end up on whatever school Highschool Musical is set.

[invisiblecake.livejournal.com]

Oh this would end so badly. You have no idea how much I love this.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

The first thing I thought of was 'Ed Byrne Pokemon fic', but then I realised that in this journal, that makes a kind of sense. As did all the others in the Mock the Week/Pokemon collection.

So although I would like to read that, I also request Merlin stand-up comedy AU - either Merlin and co. doing stand-up, or random stand-up (*cough*Ed Byrne*cough*) as Merlin. Or maybe a bit of both.

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

The Doctor fulfills his lifelong ambition of opening a bakery; unfortunately, the smell of marzipan triggers a long-forgotten hypnosis in Amy Pond that makes her believe she is a wartime spy.

[timydamonkey.livejournal.com]

(If you make a request featuring a fandom with which I am not familiar, I reserve the right to make things up based solely on the fandom's name.)

...-cackles-

D.Gray-Man: The Science Division decide to create a theme park of love for the akuma (demons).

(So I had to do it because really, that fandom name? :D Also it's surprisingly hard to think of implausible D.Gray-Man ideas since there is a canon comedy zombie apocalypse arc.)

(Darker Than Black was an alternate one for weird fandom name. :P)

As an alternative, a fandom you actually know...

Avatar: The Last Airbender AU: Aang is stuck as an animated block of ice after time eroded his body away or something (roll with it!) and has to somehow defeat the Fire Lord without being melted...

[petrol.livejournal.com]

Hello. I would very much like Charlie Brooker to go to Hogwarts. Thank you. *runs away*

[darkest-alchemy.livejournal.com]

Erm, Derren becomes a pop star, singing songs about God and Jesus and how awesome religion is. I think that counts as a stupid AU and wildly OOC behaviour.

[faeries-bite.livejournal.com]

Josh attempts to court Charlie Brooker.

[marginaliana]

Mitchell and Brooker or Webb in a Good Omens AU, but Mitchell is the demon and Brooker/Webb is the angel.

[suzie-shooter.livejournal.com]

I would PAY to read this.

not much, admittedly. but still.

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

I would love to see Pyramid Head & Sharpei Evans as super-sparkly BFF's. Possibly with added optional My Little Ponies, just because.

[invisiblecake.livejournal.com]

Oh I have just died of LOLs!