Let Me Get Something Straight Here: Engaged?

[rionaleonhart]

I have watched about twelve episodes of Stargate SG-1, and I have already met four different versions of Jack O'Neill, three of Samantha Carter, three of Teal'c and two of Daniel Jackson. I may have already written a tiny Daniel Jackson/Daniel Jackson ficlet. I REGRET NOTHING.

For a person with a weird penchant for pairing people up with alternate versions of themselves, this is almost too much.

Anyway! As I now have the ability to create one, I do believe that this calls for an extremely odd poll. Don't you?

[Poll #906228]

(Is it too obvious that the main reason I actually posted this instead of abandoning the idea and slinking away in shame was because I really, really wanted to have the utterly irrelevant last question? I'm very interested in seeing what people might come up with with a 255-character limit.)

(EDIT: Oh my God, I can't believe I posted this. What must you all think of me? I HAVE COMPLICATED BUT COMPLETELY NON-SEXUAL AND NON-NARCISSISTIC REASONS FOR NOT COMPLETELY STRIKING OUT THE POSSIBILITY OF KISSING MYSELF. STOP STARING AT ME WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTAL EYES. IT WOULD BE FIC RESEARCH. FIC RESEARCH. The sad thing is that I am actually completely serious. I am the only person I know who would understand 'Hey, I'm completely uninterested in having a sexual or romantic relationship, but I think actually kissing someone might make me better able to write about it.')

Also, is it a bad thing that, when my little brother complains of stomach pain, my immediate thought is 'OH NO HE HAS BEEN GOA'ULDED'? It is, isn't it?

P.S. As an apology for the utter inexcuseability of this poll: if you comment on this post, I will tell you something I like about you.

Comments

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

Oh! Oh! Stargate SG-1 also had Teal'c! He was moody.

[rionaleonhart]

And also awesome.

I like you because you understand that italics should be used at every opportunity, and because your entries are always immensely entertaining, and because WAIT A SECOND DANIEL STOPS BEING THE NERDIEST COOL NERD DUDE IN ALL OF SG-1?

HOW CAN THIS BE? I AM ENORMOUSLY DISTRESSED!

And because you write things that leave me torn between laughing and being incredibly touched, and I'm never sure which the right response is, or whether either of them is the right response (maybe the right response is violence? I do not know!), but I love them anyway.

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

No apology necessary - it's interesting. Personally, if alternate!me showed up and said 'I'm not interested in you sexually but want to kiss you to help me write fic', I wouldn't believe me. But you may be different ;)

Oh, and I apologise for writing Jack Harkness/Jack Harkness in your poll when I don't know if you even like Dr. Who/Torchwood. Sorry.

oh, and I have blatantly just commented because I want a compliment. ;)

[rionaleonhart]

Jack Harkness/Jack Harkness is by far the most plausible character/himself pairing ever. There is no need to apologise for it: it is, in fact, further proof that you are awesome.

I love you because you are an amazingly wonderful writer, and you're able to take concepts and genres that I am generally uncomfortable with and write fics involving them that I not only enjoy but adore. In everything I've read of yours, you've managed to keep the Top Gear trio perfectly in character, even when they're in serious situations, which we really don't have much canonical reference for (as you can probably guess, I'm mainly thinking of Suffocation at the moment). You're one of those writers whose fics I keep looking back at, partially to reread and partially to look for new reviews, because I know you deserve to get comments and so I am thrilled on your behalf whenever you do.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

If the alternate me had my personality, we so would snog to see what it was like.

And then the two of us would team up and write insane crack!fic.

Or maybe we'll write insane crack!fic first, and while waiting for the reactions to come in or for it to be beta'd, one of us will say 'So... you remember Parallel Universe from Red Dwarf, right?'

Although I shouldn't rule out the option that me meeting my alternate self would go down like Rimmer meeting his alternate. There is a chance that we wouldn't get along at ALL.

[rionaleonhart]

Okay, two Dracos writing crackfic would pretty much destroy the universe with the sheer concentration of awesome. Wow.

Oh, God, I don't know where to begin with the reasons I adore you. You write the most fabulous, fabulous crackfic. You've encouraged me into writing countless things I would never have even considered otherwise, which I've enjoyed writing hugely and actually been enormously pleased with when they were finished. You wrote May/Norrington with the other two Top Gear presenters wondering why they were beaten to the blowing-up of things in my poll. You can write five-way crossovers with five characters of the same name and make it work and make sense of a sort and also convince me that James May/James Norrington is the greatest pairing ever conceived of. I can have hugely enjoyable discussions with you about the most wild, insane fandom theories without feeling selfconscious. I can send you fanfiction about House getting Wilson pregnant with Jack O'Neill without feeling selfconscious oh, all right, with feeling selfconscious, but much less selfconscious than I would feel were it anyone else. You answered 'Probably' on the snoggage question, thereby making me feel much less of a freak, and I cannot thank you enough for that.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

...it actually has crossed my mind before, go figure. Me and I would probably discuss a great number of things I'd not want to discuss with anyone else, and if I did need experience for writing something I guess I'd be as good a person to accost as any. (Or I could do what I usually do and ask kadrin or thorne_scratch for walkthroughs.) Assuming Alternate!You was pretty much like You!You, a You/You relationship would also probably be the safest; controlled environments, and all. And less chance of having wildly different expectations of where the whole thing would go.

[rionaleonhart]

You are able to take the most insane ideas and write them in a serious way and have them make perfect, beautiful, often disturbing sense. When you send Laguna Loire into the world of Silent Hill, it works. When you write about a Pyramid-Head-who-was-Quistis, it works. When you tell the story of how Robert Chase became James Sunderland, it works terrifyingly well and somehow anticipates episodes you haven't even seen yet, thereby proving simultaneously both that you are an incredible writer and that you have phenomenal psychic powers.

In Penultima, you were able to use game mechanics as the basis of a serious fic and have it work beautifully, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do and something that I've only ever seen you and kadrin pull off. You're able to write amazing quantities in an amazingly short amount of time, and the writing will inevitably be of an incredibly high quality regardless. It almost doesn't seem fair.

I love reading your theories and your analysis of characters (I found your thoughts on the differences between Chase's and Foreman's respective brands of selfishness really very interesting - you've pointed out a lot about Foreman that I never really considered before and wish I had picked up on), and also you have taken a lot of trouble to introduce me to Stargate, and I cannot thank you enough.

[livii.livejournal.com]

My answers don't reflect an anti-self-kissing stance generally, just that I'd have no interest in kissing myself, because that would be odd and self-esteem things, heh. But certainly it would work for some people (leave aside episode 12 Jack, if Jack met him, even five minutes in the future him, he'd kiss him. Heh).

[rionaleonhart]

I actually admire you enormously, and reading what you think of things has changed the way I look at them. A good example is Mickey: I never really paid attention to him, then you made the 'Why I Love Mickey Smith' post, and so I really looked at him the next time I watched Doctor Who and quickly fell madly in love with him. I really can't thank you enough for that, because Mickey was really what made the 'second' series worth watching for me, and if it hadn't been for you I would probably have found it very hard to enjoy it.

Also, you are able to do beautiful and wonderfully ingenious things with your writing. Your Captain Jack Harkness drabbles are amazing - I don't think I've ever seen anyone else as good at breaking my heart and destroying my mind in one hundred words.

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

...I am so annoyed that I didn't think of Jack Harkness/Jack Harkness, what with it being the one that clearly has or will actually happen.

[rionaleonhart]

I am quite glad that you didn't think of Jack Harkness/Jack Harkness, because this way I got Sam Tyler/Sam Tyler of the ingenious and adorable variety. I cannot believe Sam/Past Sam never occurred to me!

Anyway! You are fabulous. Not only do I love reading your posts; I also read the comments to them, because I know you are bound to have said hilarious things in there as well (you wrote a song about police tape! And the most adorable list of Things Jack Likes About Ianto ever!). Also, you encouraged me to write Top Gear/Pokémon, and 'James would have a Magikarp and a Caterpie and he would love them and train them, despite everyone's dismissal, and would be ultimately rather taken aback when it eventually evolved into a Gyrados, but kind of delighted by Jeremy's poorly-concealed envy' is so absolutely how it would be and had me grinning for days.

[reipan.livejournal.com]

My fanfic wasn't really a fanfic. Gimme a break, I'm tired.

[rionaleonhart]

It was, however, awesome. Ahahaha!

You are hilarious and brilliant and a wonderful friend. I love our discussions about all manner of nonsense, and your charming eccentricity, and the fact that you do not judge me even though you are acquainted with my Insane Online Self (I am fairly certain that you are the only real-life friend of mine who can read my Livejournal and my fanfiction without my being utterly mortified). Even though you would be completely within your rights to say 'OH MY GOD, RIONA, LEAVE ME ALONE. STOP MAKING ME WATCH THINGS', you never do. If only I didn't lose The Game whenever I spoke to you, you'd be perfect.

[treelines.livejournal.com]

I am the only person I know who would understand 'Hey, I'm completely uninterested in having a sexual or romantic relationship, but I think actually kissing someone might make me better able to write about it.'

*delurks* You can now officially bump that list of fic researchers up to two. I've even considered asking a friend if I could hold their hand a certain way or, uh, seeing if a certain configuration of limbs is actually humanly possible before. NOT THAT I EVER ACTUALLY HAVE, but I have certainly considered it.

[rionaleonhart]

Right. I thought that it might be difficult to come up with 'reasons I like you' if we've never really spoken, and then I actually read this comment and saw that someone else suffers from wondering about inappropriate fic-research, so you've made me feel less alone, which is something right there.

And then I went over to your journal, and the first thing I saw was this:

I will not write a Heroes/Scrubs apocalypse!fic. No, no, no, no, nooooo.

I don't even know what Heroes is, but this still sounds fantastic and I am going to add you now.

[nano_moose]

Oh god, this is embarassing because I have considered that before, and pretty much for the same reasons. Sometimes being vaguely contact-phobic is a real pain in the writing muscles. Also I would fic, but my hed is feeling pastede on yey and I can't find anything in it to write down. Blurgh.

My usual policy on these compliment things is that I must be allowed to say something back. Is that all right?

[rionaleonhart]

I was mildly tempted to compliment you and then say 'P.S. NO YOU MAY NOT SAY SOMETHING BACK', just so I could go 'HA HA, YOU'VE ALREADY READ IT, WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?', but, er, I'd like to hear something back, so I won't.

You are fantastic. The things you say often make me laugh out loud (I still sometimes think of 'It was severely traumatizing to my little kid mind because they kept putting pictures of the cookies getting steamrollered on television. NO, NOT THE CHOCOLATE CHIP!', burst out laughing and receive extremely odd looks), and your conversations with squeemu are absolutely hilarious and brilliant, and not enough people are aware of you. You are one of the people I always sort of want to advertise on my journal. 'DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON BY NOT BEING ACQUAINTED WITH nano_moose? HONESTLY.'

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

If my alternate me had my personality, there would be much scuffling of feet and embarrassed giggling, and neither of us would do anything.

There would then be much sarcasm and bad punnery. And possibly fic.

And now I want to write read The Top Gear Team/The Top Gear Team, which is wrong and damaging.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Hang on, as a sixsome, or a one on one deal or as threesomes in which a pair gangs up on someone? Oh God, two Hammonds ganging up on Clarkson.

[anazri.livejournal.com]

If I had the opportunity, I would very definitely kiss my alternate self. Not so much for narcissistic reasons, as I fail to find myself attractive, but more because (assuming said alternate self was the same as me) I would know that we were both out to find out what it was like so that we could apply the knowledge to writing about gay men.

So yeah, um, I empathise. *strokes your brain*

And I totally am a narcissict because look! I'm commenting! Tell me nice things! *grin*

[rionaleonhart]

One of my first impressions of you was 'oh, good Lord, this Anazri person reviews everything. CLEARLY SHE IS SUPERHUMAN.' (I seriously admire you enormously for that. It's something that I would never be able to do.)

My second was 'and her fanfiction has hilarious banter and uses some of the most gorgeous imagery that I have ever read. Oh, my.'

And then I saw your mini-Top Gear/Lord of the Rings crossover snippet:
"I am NOT an elf!" bellowed Jeremy.
"Yes you are," said Merry, entirely reasonably. "You're so tall. And you have funny ears."
and I knew that I was in love.

You're an amazingly talented writer, seriously - you're able to work beautifully with both dialogue and description, which is unfair wonderful. Your serious fanfiction is perfectly-characterised and absolutely beautiful (the images from Still With You have never quite stopped haunting me), and then there are things like the Jonathan Ross fic, which made me laugh until I could not breathe.

[kadrin.livejournal.com]

NOBODY HAD BETTER HAVE POSTED THIS.

http://www.xkcd.com/c105.html

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

PATRICK LINKING XKCD ONLY MAKES YOU LIKE YOU MORE

YOUR PLAN FAILS

FAILS

[squeemu.livejournal.com]

I can honestly say that it has never occurred to me to make out with myself.

I can also say, though, that I thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's short fanfic, although I am suspecting mine was the only one NOT about people making out with themself.

The Todd would so make out with himself if he could.

[rionaleonhart]

You are so marvellously, marvellously hilarious, and I am incredibly gleeful every time you make an entry and every time you comment on any of mine, and, whenever I come across them, I always read the comment-conversations you have with other people in a slightly creepy, stalkerish fashion because I always know that they will be hilarious and brilliant and generally worth reading.

I read your entries on Thief and Prince of Persia, even though I'd never played them, just because I love it when you say things. Even though you write fanfiction so rarely, you obviously have a fantastic grasp on how to write character and a brilliant sense of humour (on your 'Five Things Seifer Totally Framed Zell For' list, 'Accidentally dumping rat poison into the hot dog supply. When questioned as to why he would expect anybody would believe Dincht would do that to his precious hotdogs, Seifer explained, "If he couldn't have them, nobody could have them."' was pretty much the best thing ever, and all of your Five Things lists were absolutely brilliant).

Also, if the Todd met himself, the making-out would be immediate. I cannot believe I didn't think of that before!

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

'Hey, I'm completely uninterested in having a sexual or romantic relationship, but I think actually kissing someone might make me better able to write about it.' - I HAVE HAD THAT THOUGHT. Also, today I discussed the different forms of mens' underwear, as it is clearly vital to a fic I am writing...in which a pretty man has to remove his trousers.

IT IS VITAL TO THE PLOT.

That poll was incredibly fun to do and I have never seen any of the Stargates, ever. But the poll was fun!

[rionaleonhart]

I love the way you're so enthusiastic about the things you love (I can't help grinning when I see you flailing and squeeing about something), and you say things like 'AND HIS COAT FLAPPED ABOUT AS HE MADE SHOUTY NOISES. AT OWEN. Life is good', which I find hilarious, and you almost always seem cheerful, which is lovely, and you wrote Simon Cowell/Sharon Osbourne, which obviously makes you a fabulous genius, even though you are clearly insane. Also, you prefer the Ninth to the Tenth Doctor. I approve!

[fireholly.livejournal.com]

OK, I just wrote Jack/The Doctor's Hand In A Jar for you. I think I'm entirely entitled to hear something about myself that you like.

And I would absolutely snog myself for fanfic research, and that'd be MY motive too. And then I'd drag myself up to my bedroom and we'd/I'd have a conversation about if it would count as incest, clonecest or masturbation if we shagged, and it would last for hours and no doubt involve lots of hand gestures and 'oh shut up we're not allowed to be squicked we write Les Enfants Terriblecest'.

Actually, that's what this entire post reminded me of - this MGS4 trailer fic where Snake in his late teens showed up in a time paradox of epic proportions and the first thing he says to Old!Snake is 'can I kiss you'? The fic doesn't seem to exist any more, sadly, but there was a wonderful paragraph where Otacon made a long list of famous people who, if they met themselves from the future, would ask 'can I kiss you?' and when they would ask it (I think he said it would be the second thing William Shatner would ask, after 'is that a wig?') but for some reason it no longer exists on the Internet so I can't quote you any of the good bits. Even the Wayback Machine refuses to accept it existed.

[rionaleonhart]

I love you for your sheer insanity and your insane theories; your posts are always terribly, terribly amusing. Your fanfiction is wonderful - I absolutely loved your Cloud/Barret onesentence fics (as, er, you may have guessed from my gushing reviews), and your parodies are amazing (the Highschool AU! Hilarity). Your fanficrants posts are always hilarious; I stopped watching the community a while ago, but every so often I will go back for the sole purpose of seeing whether there are any new rants by you.

Also, you wrote Jack/Hand. Which makes you a lunatic and also wonderful. And your comments are always interesting and amusing (I mean, this one debates the definition of shagging oneself and talks about a fic I would rather love to read and am rather sad to learn the nonexistence of, and I've re-read it about five times because it amuses me so much).

[thebaconfat.livejournal.com]

I cannot believe how many people have thought about this. YOU ARE ALL WEIRDOS. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.

...I'm pretty sure that if I met any version of myself, I would find her (or him, I suppose) the most annoying person in the world and would be more likely to end up punching her than kissing her.

Also, the other day I was channel surfing and saw three seconds of a TV show that involved two British guys getting in each others' space and threatening each other with physical violence. I was intrigued, then noticed that some of the people were dressed in 70's clothes, and quickly changed the channel 'cause I didn't want to be spoiled for Life on Mars.

...Thus ends today's pointless anecdote.

[rionaleonhart]

I find it absolutely hilarious that so many people have thought about this already. WHAT SORT OF PEOPLE READ THIS JOURNAL? Of course, I can't exactly talk.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU AVOIDED LIFE ON MARS. Wait, does this mean that you have a means of watching it all the way through? The episodes are fairly self-contained, so if you stumble across it in the future please do not run away!

IT IS DIFFICULT TO DO THIS MEME FOR A PERSON I ADORE SO MUCH THAT WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS IT. I WILL ATTEMPT REGARDLESS.

I am so absolutely thrilled every time you update, because your entries are always brilliant and hilarious and your fanfiction is so consistently absolutely wonderful that I will read it utterly regardless of whether I know the fandom or not. WHAT IS SHADOWRUN? I HAVE NO IDEA. ALL I KNOW IS THAT THERE IS A MAN CALLED JOSHUA WHO IS HILARIOUS AND THERE ISN'T A MAN CALLED RECKERT WHO IS AWESOME.

Also, even though I completely fangirl you (and by the way, when you said that you were sort of my fangirl when you did something like this a couple of months ago, I exploded with unspeakable joy and went back to re-read the comment every day for a week. Where was I?) - even though I completely fangirl you, I don't feel so in awe that I can't actually approach you and speak to you because you're just so friendly and awesome and you make me feel so welcome to comment and things. What I am saying is that, in spite of your incredible talent, I view you more as a friend than as some sort of remote, unreachable god, which is fantastic.

I HAVE SAID TOO MUCH. It is difficult to keep my terrifying fangirlishness suppressed in a meme that invites it so! Please do not run away.

[thebaconfat.livejournal.com]

I was going to write James Sunderland / James Sunderland, and then remembered that, well, various people have already written James / Pyramid Head, and that is pretty much the same thing! THE END.

[transnomad.livejournal.com]

Your poll ATE MY ENDING. I worked hard on that ending, dammit! Now I'm going to punish you by posting an extended version that you also won't understand without intensive background research.

[rionaleonhart]

Even though I've never seen Star Trek (and I am going to look very silly if this is actually Battlestar Galactica, aren't I?), I know enough about antimatter for this to be absolutely hilarious regardless. And "...We'd better not, then." is pure genius.

I admire you Rather A Lot. You are very, very good at arguing things like, say, the awesomeness of a character and the planetness of Pluto. Sidelines and your Extrapolative Manifesto (wherever did it go? aah!) made me completely fangirl Nida, to the extent that, in my next game of Final Fantasy VIII, Nida must have been somewhat taken aback by the amount Squall talked to him, stared at him and chased around after him with little hearts above his head. Also, I love your sense of humour: I think that Abort, Retry, Fail? could very well be the most genuinely amusing humorous fanfic I've ever read. Also, explodium sword.

When I learnt that you had been watching House and Scrubs, I made an excited little squeaking noise, because you are one of the people I always hope will get into my fandoms. Hurrah!

[hold-onhope.livejournal.com]

Okay, I just thought I'd let you know that I friended you. You certainly don't have to friend me back, but since you have no idea on earth (or any other planet, for that matter) who I am, I thought I'd offer an explanation.

See, I've been reading the SHoebox Project, and while looking through some comments I saw your Doctor Who icon. And so I checked out your journal. And there I found that you're a fan of not only Doctor Who and Harry Potter, but SG-1 and House and Scrubs and I just pretty much KNEW that we would be good friends. So here I am.

And no, thinking your brother has been Goa'ulded is not a bad thing. Not unless it's a bad thing that the other day a saw a port-a-potty from far off and immediately thought, 'Is that the TARDIS?'.

[rionaleonhart]

Why must people always come across my journal when my most recent post is something incredibly weird? I am sorry that your first impression of my Livejournal had to be 'HEY WOULD YOU KISS YOURSELF?'.

Anyway! It is nice to meet you, and, although the 'things I like about you' meme is quite difficult when we've only just met, I think you have wonderful taste in fandoms (obviously) and adore you for linking to that clip of Michael Shanks talking about Jack/Daniel, because it is hilarious, and also you are wonderful for thinking a port-a-potty might have been the TARDIS. Hee!

[saaski-moql.livejournal.com]

Comment! Also, you're not the only one to think about it, believe me. Although I think it would most likely be a very, very weird encounter. Which I doubt would lead to kissing. But it would be interesting to have an er, ah, chat with myself that could answer back. And I would get a stretching buddy! Yay!

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it's an awesome (albeit somewhat insane) poll, but then I'm late to the party and obviously do not know much.

The sad thing is that I am actually completely serious. I am the only person I know who would understand 'Hey, I'm completely uninterested in having a sexual or romantic relationship, but I think actually kissing someone might make me better able to write about it.'

YES. And I think it would be kind of, I dunno, nice or something, to meet myself, or ...whatever you'd call that.

[rionaleonhart]

I am completely rubbish for never finishing this 'saying nice things' meme!

Anyway! You are brilliant and hilarious and I love the way you write your entries; you're always able to make whatever you're talking about entertaining. And you're friendly, and you're interesting, and I'm always checking your profile page to see whether more people have added you and get annoyed when they haven't, because you've got a lovely, wonderful-to-read Livejournal and not enough people are reading it. Everyone is missing out on knowing you, and where is the justice in that?

You're a person I always feel rather tempted to advertise on my journal, because I feel sure that you and most of my friendslist would get on incredibly well. I want squeemu and thebaconfat (who wrote the awesome Seifer/Zell arc but is incredibly friendly and not intimidating at all) to meet you, and then you will all be Best Friends For Ever and have hilarious and awesome conversations on which I would eavesdrop in a slightly creepy fashion.

[darthfi.livejournal.com]

Well since this morning, in the wee small hours, you told me I was pure evil, I don't know if you could possibly top that.

Normally, it's my husband who says such sweet things to me. He was rather disturbed last night - at least, as disturbed as a man can be when he's just got his hands on the latest WoW expansion and is trying not to listen to hard to the insane cackling from downstairs.

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND AWESOME AND ILU

NOW TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT ME. >O [/attention whore]

[rionaleonhart]

YOU WILL WRITE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. IT IS WONDERFUL. And, while most people will go 'AUGH NO NEVER' when confronted with bizarre crackfic ideas, you will gleefully embrace them and run off and write them immediately. And you are so wonderfully enthusiastic about things!