300 People May Slightly Die.

[rionaleonhart]

Why I Must Never Learn How to Create Fanvids, Reason One of Many: my first creation would inevitably be a video set to 'I Don't Dance' of High School Musical 2, with David Mitchell in the role of Chad and Jonathan Ross as Ryan.

It would be awful. I would be immediately and universally despised.

(Here, in case you are unaware of the context for this thought, is the clip from The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2009 in which Jonathan Ross encourages David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker to dance, and they rather wonderfully refuse. Later in the quiz, I believe, Ross offers to take Mitchell's virginity if Mitchell dances, thereby further cementing the Ryan-and-Chad parallels. If you ignore the fact that Ryan Evans is considerably more adorable than Jonathan Ross (although there is something strangely endearing about the Top Gear fandom's wossy60) and Chad Danforth is completely unlike David Mitchell in every respect other than that of reluctance to dance, the comparison is exact.)


Well, as I'm not too far from the subject area, I'd like to discuss this secret, which was posted to fandomsecrets a few days ago (possibly by one of you? I wouldn't be surprised). In case the image is taken down at some point or you don't want to load it: it is a picture of David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker on the Big Fat Quiz, with the text '[...] I want fic where they're together, with all their combined social awkwardness and their mild misanthropy; the sex is mediocre and neither of them get relationships, and yet they're kind of fond of each other.'

Thank you, secret-maker, because now so do I. Possibly with a slight element of Mitchell's unrequited love for his comedy partner. I want Mitchell and Brooker to have awkward, uncomfortable glance-conversations when Webb is around and never overtly bring it up. Brooker knows and Mitchell knows he knows and they both know it would probably be best if they just talked about it, but if Brooker's just some substitute he'd rather not confirm that, thanks, and Mitchell feels that maybe he can pretend the issue isn't there so long as it never comes up in conversation.

Oh, dear, I'm making this scenario a bit sad, aren't I? Also they would obviously have amazing banter and genuine fondness and it would be, well, nice, despite all the problems they don't talk about. I would be delighted were someone to write this.

(The sex is mediocre! That is my favourite part. Firstly because I can readily believe it (sorry, guys; obviously I have not had sex with either of you, so I wouldn't know, and even if I had my lack of a frame of reference would prevent my reaching an educated conclusion, although at least I'd have a great story for my Livejournal), and secondly because there's something rather lovely about the concept of their having a semiromantic relationship despite rather than because of the sex.)


Just to bookend this entry with terrible ideas: a couple of nights ago, in a deranged haze of tiredness and essay-panic, I scribbled down an idea for a television programme in which celebrities crept into the beds of members of the public whilst they were sleeping, and hidden cameras filmed the subjects' reactions when they woke up to find themselves in bed with Robert Downey Jr and with no recollection of how he got there.

So long as no one ever, ever makes that, there's still some hope for society.

Comments

[adelate]

I so do enjoy all these David Mitchell clips (although it saddens me he apparently doesn't much care for music - other than this clip, I think I read that somewhere?). He always makes me laugh, haha.

And you Brits seem to have the funniest shows like these. Our Finnish versions are always full of people who are meant to be funny but just aren't. It's really quite sad.

[rionaleonhart]

(Apparently, David Mitchell owns exactly two albums and doesn't like either of them. I sort of love him more for it.)

I'm afraid I've never watched any Finnish television, so I can't make a judgement. I'm glad you enjoy the clips, though!

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I want it now too. Gossips say that CB is good in bed but prone to wandering off to play computer games immediately afterward.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, well, in that case I'd better marry him.

(The fic-desire is spreading! Excellent.)

[dancesontrains.livejournal.com]

I scribbled down an idea for a television programme in which celebrities crept into the beds of members of the public whilst they were sleeping, and hidden cameras filmed the subjects' reactions when they woke up to find themselves in bed with Robert Downey Jr and with no recollection of how he got there.

I just tried to find a youtube link to the Friday Night Project sketch with David Tennant, where he pretends to be kidnapped amd tied up on a bed and some guy walks in, recognises him, goes DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: and runs away. It was the closest thing I could think of.

[rionaleonhart]

...ahahaha, what on Earth?

I know nothing about the Friday Night Project, but it sounds exceedingly odd.

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

a television programme in which celebrities crept into the beds of members of the public whilst they were sleeping
I know someone who'd volunteer for this like a shot.

[rionaleonhart]

I was going to ask 'as in a celebrity or a person who would volunteer to have their bed crept into?', before the thought occurred that if the victims volunteered it would sort of ruin the point.

If there's ever another series of Trick or Treat, I bet one of the creepy introductions will be SURPRISE DERREN IN YOUR BED.

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

I want someone to write that fic. So much. I think it just needs to exist, for the good of humanity.

[rionaleonhart]

I agree! There is a hole in the universe, and only this fic will fill it.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

The problem with doing I Don't Dance to Ross telling Mitchell and Brooker to dance is that it's not long enough for a 3 minute or so fanvid. Unless you add MORE clips not from The Big Fat Quiz of Ross looking enthusiastic while Mitchell and Brooker look like they're politely refusing.

And your TV show is idea is TERRIBLE and yet very amusing.

I bet wossy60 ships David/Charlie.

[rionaleonhart]

I would actually not be surprised were wossy60 to 'ship Mitchell/Brooker, particularly after the Big Fat Quiz. (He may be a bit of a Mitchell/Webb 'shipper, though; I believe that, when he had Mitchell and Webb on his show and the subject of Webb's imminent fatherhood came up, he commented that 'David's hardly showing at all'.)

I was a bit sad when I heard that Jonathan Ross was leaving the BBC, even though I watch his show only when he's interviewing someone in whom I have a particular interest. It took me a moment to realise that my sadness was entirely because of wossy60, bless him.

[misplacedmarble.livejournal.com]

...I am considering writing this fic. I may need to do some more research on Charlie Brooker. Hmmm. We shall see.

Also, I WANT THAT TV SHOW SO MUCH. How much fun would that be to watch?! And even if you were a 'victim' it would be awesome - I would literally die of happiness if I woke up with Robert Downey Jr in my bed. Literally die.

Disclaimer: Ok, right, I probably wouldn't literally die, but there would be a strong possibility of fainting, incoherence and/or cardiac arrest.

[rionaleonhart]

...I am considering writing this fic.

Oh, my goodness, really? I am fairly certain that you would be the best person on the planet were you to write it. I think that's actually scientific fact.

I would probably watch the programme surreptitiously and deny it if asked.

[the-funmonkey.livejournal.com]

I would be immediately and universally despised WORSHIPPED. - Fixed.

Oh, dear, I'm making this scenario a bit sad, aren't I? - to be fair to you, it really isn't that difficult.

hidden cameras filmed the subjects' reactions when they woke up to find themselves in bed with Robert Downey Jr and with no recollection of how he got there. - The lower half of me would explode and I would perish, that would be what happens.

But I really really really want that programme. As long as they were good celebrities and not, like, Keith Chegwin or something.

[rionaleonhart]

As long as they were good celebrities and not, like, Keith Chegwin or something.

Ahahaha, yes. I think they'd probably have to check the 'victims' out beforehand and send a celebrity of whom they're at least a bit of a fan, to avoid causing too much horrible horrible trauma.

[make-a-move.livejournal.com]

Everything about this post is excellent.

[rionaleonhart]

I am glad you approve!

[nixwilliams.livejournal.com]

more adorable than Jonathan Ross

uh... this is the bit where i get indignant and defend his honour something. HAVE YOU SEEN JONATHAN ROSS? he IS adorable!

[rionaleonhart]

Well, I've certainly found myself thinking of him as oddly adorable on occasion, but I thought perhaps that was just because my perception of him was skewed by wossy60's contributions to the Top Gear fandom.

The point still holds, though, because Ryan Evans is considerably more adorable than almost everyone.

[mythtaken.livejournal.com]

Even though my OTP is Brooker/Kermode, I would absolutely read that there Brooker/Mitchell you done described. The sex might be mediocre, but the sarcasm would rock my world. *trembles*

Also, I like your telly program idea, but mainly because RDJ has become all sorts of delightful to me ever since I saw someone refer to him as "Rubber Ducky Jnr".

[rionaleonhart]

The sarcasm would be so wonderful! (I watched Newswipe, which I'd never seen before, on Tuesday, entirely because of you. It was very interesting! I'll probably be watching more.)

'Rubber Ducky Jnr' pleases me immensely.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

See, my first reaction to a surprise Robert Downey Jr. in my bed would be to scream and start hitting him with things. So you may be right about it being a show that must never, ever be made (although I fear it may be on any week now).

And I get what you mean about the charm of the sex being mediocre - if it's nice enough, but not great, it shows there's more to it (which can be shown in fic about people who have staggeringly brilliant sex together, but very rarely is).

ETA: The opposing tags are fighting! I love that! Which one's winning?

[rionaleonhart]

if it's nice enough, but not great, it shows there's more to it

That's exactly it. Oh, I really want this fic to exist.

Which is winning in the fight between 'should never be written (or in this case filmed) ever' and 'someone should probably write that'? I hope it's 'someone should probably write that', if that tag's victory means that someone will actually write David Mitchell/Charlie Brooker, even if it means we also end up with Celebrity Bed Surprise.

am i a bit insane for this comment? perhaps

[driftwood_thangs]

okay this might sound completely stupid but im currently making a slideshow presentation for an upcoming powerpoint night with my friends on the subject of rpf ships starring david mitchell (yes) and mitchell/brooker is one of the ships i discuss . and in my research ive scoured through many livejournal posts and concluded that youre basically like the person who introduced mitchell/brooker into the ecosystem in the first place?? which i highly respect.
anyway i wanted to say thank you for all your posts on the topic because theyve been a fascinating insight into the fandom and also a great place to find niche lore like that one mumsnet.com webchat charlie brooker did, which i very much would never have stumbled across organically lol

welp thats all ive got 2 say ,, hopefully this isnt a weird thing to say sdfghjkljhgfds

Re: am i a bit insane for this comment? perhaps

[rionaleonhart]

I was delighted to get this comment! The Brooker/Mitchell fandom was such a blast. And, yes, it's possible I accidentally kicked it off (although obviously I was inspired to make this post by whoever submitted that fandom secret!). I'm glad my posts could help with your slideshow; I'd love to see it once it's done!

To aid in your research, I have granted you access to notdancers, the short-lived but startlingly active Brooker and Mitchell anonymous ficmeme from 2010. I didn't create or run this myself, but I was given admin access later on, so I used my powers to a) import a copy from Livejournal to Dreamwidth for backup, and b) give people access to the fic posts, which were locked after the ficmeme ended.