rionaleonhart | You Know, He Wasn't Really On Fire.

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crossovers,
fandom recs,
fanfiction,
harry potter,
top gear,
we all love hearing about dreams right?,
whose line

You Know, He Wasn't Really On Fire.

So. Whose Line Is It Anyway US. I would have gone hunting for clips to link you to, but I'm much too lazy, so I am going to link you to

gayjunglefever's post that has many fantastic clips from it.

The backstory for my involvement in this is fairly simple.

gayjunglefever, rather pleased by my having taken to Top Gear like a Jeremy Clarkson to cars, said something to the effect of 'NOW WATCH THESE WHOSE LINE CLIPS, WENCH'. My first thought was 'ehh, I probably won't watch them'; my second was 'wait, when has she ever led me astray?'; my third was 'OH MY GOD THAT GUY HAS TO PRETEND TO BE VARIOUS CELEBRITIES BEING SLOWLY STEAMROLLERED?'; and from then on I was in love.

It is not shown on UK television, which makes me very sad. Therefore, any good clips on YouTube will always be greatly appreciated, as it's the only way I can see it.

I think that Wayne is probably the best individual on Whose Line, because he can be fantastic on his own. I can think 'OMG WAYNE IS AMAZING' (have you seen him being a novelty singing fish?), but when it comes to Ryan or Colin I tend to think 'OMG RYAN-AND-COLIN ARE AMAZING'. They're still great alone, but they feel somehow incomplete when they're not working together. Wayne doesn't need anyone else to be hilarious. (Ryan and Colin together beat Wayne on his own, though.)

(Shortly after reaching these conclusions, I visited

gayjunglefever's journal to find that her opinions were pretty much exactly the same as mine. This is obviously further proof that we are, in fact, the same person.)

Whose Line is completely ridiculous, but absolutely hilarious. The contestants constantly make fun of each other and the longsuffering Drew Carey. They flirt shamelessly with each other and with the audience. In one clip, during which I almost died of laughter, Colin plays a man who is turned on by danger and Ryan a ravenous boa constrictor. I think you can see where this is going. (Everyone else teases them so much! I love it!)

On the topic of my shameful shameful newfound interest in RPS, I love the Top Gear boys. Clarkson, trying to work out what an odd little compartment in a car can possibly be for, eventually concludes that it is the perfect size and shape for a stick of celery ("And that's a level of thoughtfulness you don't usually find. In most cars I've driven the celery just rolls around on the floor, which can be quite dangerous."). They clearly didn't have a clue what they were talking about when they were trying to discuss the merits of different vans, and they looked so shamefaced about it! And then there was Hammond's van overturning - "if he is dead and you'd like to take his place, write to us at 'I'm Better Than Richard Hammond Was'..." - and May losing four million points, and oh I love them so.

Someday I may actually compile a list of all the thousands of stories that I desperately want to see written one day. For now, I will mention just one: if someone writes a Clarkson/Hammond/May fic, set in a car, in which Clarkson is thinking about the car the whole time, I will be a very happy person.

...I recently had a dream about Jeremy Clarkson being in the next Harry Potter movie. While I'd be very amused if it proved prophetic, I'd be rather worried that the other part of my dream - the part about my being kidnapped and posted to Scandinavia in a box - would come true as well.

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I always feel secretly guilty for enjoying Whose Line US more than Whose Line UK, but then I remember the time Richard Simmons guest-starred and I don't feel guilty anymore. ♥

I haven't actually seen the UK version, but I'll be very surprised if it has the same sense of closeness between the participants that the US version does. We're too reserved, and it makes me sad.

I nearly died watching the Richard Simmons episode. I'd never heard of him before, but he is a scary scary man.

They used to show it on Comedy Central, and -- well, it's certainly very witty, but the cast isn't as close, so it doesn't have a lot of the chemistry or the relaxed atmosphere of the US version. (It did have Ryan and Colin, though, so. *g*)

I'LL BE ALL THE PROPS.

"Someday I may actually compile a list of all the thousands of stories that I desperately want to see written one day. For now, I will mention just one: if someone writes a Clarkson/Hammond/May fic, set in a car, in which Clarkson is thinking about the car the whole time, I will be a very happy person."

You could write it!

What role did Clarkson have in it then? Did he try to run down Voldemort in a car and fail miserably?

WHAT I CAN'T WRITE RPS oh god I'm totally going to end up writing this, aren't I? (Speaking of, how's your Top Gear fic going?)

I wish I could remember what Clarkson did! I think he was acting, rather than appearing as himself (which was a pity, because dropping Jeremy Clarkson into the Harry Potter world would be hilarious. OH GOD REAL WORLD/FICTION CROSSOVER IDEAS OH GOD).

"(Speaking of, how's your Top Gear fic going?)"

IT IS FINISHED AND I POSTED IT.

"OH GOD REAL WORLD/FICTION CROSSOVER IDEAS OH GOD"

I know how you feel. I have ideas for a Top Gear/Stargate crossover where the Stig turns out to be an alien, probably a Time Lord, 'cause of how 'the' is most popular first name on Gallifrey.

As for Harry Potter, they would totally test out the latest Nimbus and see how it compares to the Firebolt, and then there'd be some sort of low-price broom contest where there are all sorts of disasters. Possibly one broom is one fire.

As for Harry Potter, they would totally test out the latest Nimbus and see how it compares to the Firebolt, and then there'd be some sort of low-price broom contest where there are all sorts of disasters. Possibly one broom is on fire.

...I wish you'd stop making me want to write things like this. You're a terrible influence.

(But that would be amazing. And Jeremy on a broom would race Richard and James on flying carpet to Tokyo, and Richard would fall off over Russia and James would have to rescue him and while they're doing that Jeremy would make up the time he lost when the tail caught fire and he had to make an emergency landing, and it would be incredible.)

"(But that would be amazing. And Jeremy on a broom would race Richard and James on flying carpet to Tokyo, and Richard would fall off over Russia and James would have to rescue him and while they're doing that Jeremy would make up the time he lost when the tail caught fire and he had to make an emergency landing, and it would be incredible.)"

YES. It must be written. *influences you terribly*

And you just know somebody is going to get have a flock of birds being in the way.

"So," Richard said. "We're in Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts?" repeated Jeremy.

"Yeah. It's the - it's the school in Harry Potter. You know."

"I don't know. I'd heard of Hogwarts, but I thought it was just some skin condition Harry Whatshisname had."

"Are you telling me you've never read a Harry Potter book?"

"What tipped you off?"

James May, who never quite ceased to be amazed by the incredible ability of his co-presenters to completely miss the point, quietly observed that perhaps the being-at-Hogwarts thing was something that they should be focusing on.

"Right," Jeremy said. "What do they have here?"

"Magic?" suggested Richard, after the tiniest of incredulous pauses.

"Apart from that. Do they have cars?"

"You know, magic would be enough for most people."

"Do they have cars?"

"I, er, I don't think so."

"Not interested, then. Let's get out of here."

"You're not the slightest bit intrigued by the fact that we've just dropped into a fictional world?"

"Don't have cars. Not interested."

There was a pause.

"You know," said James, "they do have brooms here."

"Fantastic. You can clean the place up before we go."

"Broomsticks. Flying brooms."

Jeremy was silent for a moment, staring at him.

"Flying brooms?"

"Flying brooms."

Another pause.

"I wonder how well they'd fly if they were on fire?"

*sniggers* That is GENIUS.

"Apart from that. Do they have cars?"

"You know, magic would be enough for most people."

"Do they have cars?"

YES YES SO MUCH YES!

"You know," said James, "they do have brooms here."

"Fantastic. You can clean the place up before we go."

Eee, yes!

"Flying brooms?"

"Flying brooms."

Another pause.

"I wonder how well they'd fly if they were on fire?"

YES! THEY WOULD DO THAT! AND IT WOULD BE GENIUS.

Oh, dear. You have made the heinous error of encouraging me in my silly crossover-writing and now are doomed to my bombarding you with snippets.

"So, this is the fastest thing you've got?" Jeremy asked. Behind him, James looked meaningfully at Richard and mouthed 'POWER!'. "How many brake horsepower is it?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh, for God's sake. How many brake horsepower does this broom have?" he said, exaggeratedly loudly and slowly.

The poor girl behind the counter looked terrified. "Um - "

"Or owlpower, or - or dragonpower, or whatever you people measure it in. For God's sake, you must have some way of measuring power."

"The Cirrus MX is the fastest broom on the market at the moment, and - "

"I don't care!"

Richard snorted. "Yes, you do."

"Saying it's the fastest broom on the market means nothing to me when I've got no way of measuring how fast it is. How fast are brooms generally? Could I outrun, say, Captain Slow in his incredible flying machine on one of these?" He paused. "That's probably a bad example. A regular broom could do that."

James interposed. "You'll have to excuse my companion; he's a lunatic," he said reassuringly to the shopgirl, before pointing out the copies of Which Broomstick stacked beside the till. "You might want to take a look at these before you kill this poor girl, Jeremy."

Jeremy seized a magazine and began hunting through it, ignoring the protests of the shopgirl.

"My God, this is boring," he concluded eventually. "Broom journalism obviously needs us. Okay, I'll have the MX. Do you take credit cards?"

Oh god that is GENIUS and it needs more! It is brilliant! I don't know why you say you're crap at RPF because this is really quite wonderful!

Have some snippets of my TG/SG crossover thing:

Some sort of bet between the SGC and Top Gear folk on who will be on some random other planet first: "Well, of course we're going to be on the planet before you lot. We've got the Stig. You've got a big metal ring."

---

Teal'c stared impassively at the strange man in his helmet.

The strange man gazed back at him.

Neither of them had said a word for over an hour.

Teal'c thought this would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

---

"Tonight we have a very *special* Top Gear for you. We are in fact presenting it from er, what was this planet called again?"

"For crying out loud!"

Okay, so, er, my excerpts are only vaguely amusing if you know that Teal'c is a sort of alien who doesn't really talk much and that Jack's catchphrase for all things that annoy him is 'for crying out loud', but it holds up quite well?

More Top Gear/Harry Potter! Poor, POOR shopgirl!

Oh my God, I'm in love with this thing already. Top Gear should not cross over this well.

"Well, of course we're going to be on the planet before you lot. We've got the Stig. You've got a big metal ring."

Ahahaha! I'm assuming the 'big metal ring' is some sort of teleport or portal or something? I love it.

Neither of them had said a word for over an hour.

Teal'c thought this would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

You are a genius.

"Right. So, we meet up in a brothel in Tokyo - "

"Not a brothel, Jeremy."

"What's wrong with a brothel? Fine. We'll meet up at the Tokyo Tower - or, should I say, you will arrive at the Tokyo Tower to find that I got bored after three hours of waiting and flew home."

"What's wrong with a brothel? Fine. We'll meet up at the Tokyo Tower - or, should I say, you will arrive at the Tokyo Tower to find that I got bored after three hours of waiting and flew home."

Bwaaa! YES.

although part of me is also sniggering at Jeremy wanting to overtake James and his washing machine.

This is the Stargate (http://www.joorl.com/Stargate/The_Stargate.jpg).

It's a big metal ring, and the blue wobbly bit is a wormhole that will disintegrate you when you step in and will then take you to another Stargate on another planet where it puts you back together again.

...I can't WAIT to have someone explain that to our Top Gear trio.

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