The Coffee Represents My Anguish.

[rionaleonhart]

Stolen from squeemu:

Comment to this post with an idea for a Top Five list (for example, Five Cars With Which Jeremy Clarkson Has Had Torrid Love Affairs, or Five Times Nida Saved the World and Nobody Noticed, or Five Cases Watson Decided, On Balance, Not To Publish). Then, in a separate post in reply to your comment, I will compile the requested list, according to me. Multiple requests are welcomed.

I've concluded that I don't love Torchwood. I enjoy watching it, but I don't love it, and if it didn't get another series I wouldn't shed a tear. Alas.

Comments

[loz]

Five Things Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV

Can I do another one? Five Things Chris Said To Ray Before Needing to Apologise

[neuralclone.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... how about Five Things Sam Tyler likes about 1973?

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

Five Things Richard will never tell anyone about his accident.

(sorry, angst kick today!) If you don't wanna do that:

Five Things James loves about his job.

[nano_moose]

I am going to be horribly evil.

Five Times James Sunderland Was Truly Happy.

[rionaleonhart]

Right, I am going to assume that you mean things that he actually did (there's certainly enough of them), but I will add a bonus fictional one.

Five Things Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV (And Actually Did):
5. Licked the roof of a Ford GT. Twice.
4. Rammed a horse chestnut with a Toyota Hilux, thereby very much annoying the locals.
3. "Jesus is here! Is he the special guest?"
2. Said that motorcyclists should all be shot.
1. "We should do a car that’s quintessentially German. Give it trafficators that go like this (mimics Nazi salute), a SAT-NAV that only goes to Poland, und ein fan belt that lasts a thousand years!"

One Thing Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV (And Has Not Actually Done To Date, Or At Least I Missed It, And If That's The Case I Want To See This Episode):
0. Vigorously snogged his co-presenters just to see how they'd react.

Hmmm. I will give the Life on Mars one a go, but I'm going to need to think about it for a while, because I don't feel entirely familiar with Chris and Ray.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, you utter, utter bastard. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A VERY HAPPY LIST, I WARN YOU. Also, spoilers.

5. When Mary accepted his proposal, and then burst out laughing because he looked so surprised.
4. When he laid out a candlelit dinner to celebrate her recovery and sat there, waiting for her to come home. He was happy until he remembered that she had died.
3. When, for a moment, he forgot who Maria was and genuinely believed that he had his wife back.
2. The first time they were in Silent Hill, when he woke up to find Mary gone from the hotel room and panicked and went all over the town looking for her, becoming more and more frightened and desperate, but when eventually he found her leaning against the railing in Rosewater Park and they stood there together and watched the sunrise he knew that it had been worth it.
1. When he was drowning.

[rionaleonhart]

5. He'll never admit it to anyone, but he sort of likes the constant in-fighting. It'd be nice if it were considered normal to punch your superior in the face in 2006.
4. It's nice having a rough idea of how life is going to progress over the next thirty years. Uncertainty makes him uneasy.
3. Omg omg omg Marc Bolan! It's Marc Bolan! The Marc Bolan! Can I talk to him? Eeeee!
2. Annie. When he wakes up in 2006, his first thought is to tell her that see, he was right, and he's halfway to the police station before he realises that she's gone. It is the first step in his rapid descent into insanity and throwing himself in front of cars.
1. He can finally get over his obsession with his father.

[nano_moose]

...And you are even more awful. The first is adorable; the others are decidedly not. Except maybe 2.

Okay, Five Times Jak Really Should Have Stayed Mute.

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

Five times Wilson didn't pay for House's lunch.

(why yes, I am on something of a House kick)

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, goodness. I have Tremendous Issues with using Richard's accident in fiction or silly memes, so I'm going to have to do the second one.

5. He gets an excuse to fly! Which is lovely, even if you have The Most Irritating Passenger In The World in the back.
4. He's relatively in the background, so he's less likely to be mobbed by insane fangirls. Although he's learnt that he still shouldn't let his guard down.
3. He can try out lots and lots of lovely luxury limousines. Okay, cars in general, but I wanted to keep the alliteration going.
2. Next to Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson, he looks completely normal. Which is nice.
1. Also, orgies.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Five Cars With Which Jeremy Clarkson Has Had Torrid Love Affairs"

Too easy!

Five Reasons Why Captain Jack Hasn't Shagged His Torchwood Colleages Yet

And I think I know what you mean about Torchwood, although I'm still in a 'well, maybe it just needs some time to get going' mood. But I still prefer Doctor Who.

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

Five Breakfasts Dr. Cox (From Hit Show Scrubs) Has Decided He Dislikes

OR

Five Reasons I Always Call It Hit Show Scrubs Instead Of Just Scrubs

OR (personal favorite!)

Five Books You Have Read Lately And Your Philosiphical Thoughts Upon Their Contents (In Picture-Story Form)

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Top Five Phrases Which Nida Can Always Rely On To Get Squall's Attention

(and, stealing from Squeem and Baco)

Top Five Songs Pyramid Head Has Stuck In His Head At Really Inappropriate Times

(and, for I are teh ebil)

Top Five Places You'd Least Want To Find Pyramid Head Hiding In Your Unlit Empty House

(wow, after that one I really ought to open myself up for retribution, oughtn't I?)

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, dear. The books I've been reading recently have been mostly for my editing job. As it's a vanity publisher, the author is very much the customer, and, while it would be a lot of fun to be very rude about one or two of the manuscripts, if the author were to find out I would probably be in a spot of trouble.

I have read John Fowles' The Collector recently, however, and it is very interesting because the main character is not a bad person; he's a decent man who just, er, happened to kidnap someone, and he is genuinely offended whenever she tries to escape because he can't understand why she would want to. THIS IS NEITHER A TOP FIVE NOR IN PICTURE-STORY FORM. I AM THE WORST PERSON AT THIS EVER.

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

I will never forgive you.

[rionaleonhart]

Five Reasons Flax Always Calls It Hit Show Scrubs Instead Of Just Scrubs:

5. He doesn't mention it very often, so he feels the need to clarify that he is talking about the show, because otherwise everyone will assume that he means the clothing.
4. Yes, even if he mentions a Scrubs character by name.
3. I realise that wasn't actually a reason. Oh, look, neither is this!
2. Everything's cooler with three syllables.
1. He likes the sound of his own typing.

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

:D Thanks!

Sorry, I know some people do have huge issues using the accident for fic and stuff - I should have checked whether you were one of them before asking!

I love these though! I'm particularly fond of 2, and of course, 1!!

[rionaleonhart]

Top Five Phrases Which Nida Can Always Rely On To Get Squall's Attention:

5. "Rinoa's been kidnapped. Again."
4. "Didn't you hear me? Missiles. Look, if you keep ignoring me, I am going to violently re-introduce the Garden to Fisherman's Horizon."
3. "May I introduce my girlfriend, Ellone?"
2. "Hey, I saw Zell with your gunblade earlier."
1. "OH GOD IT'S PYRAMID HEAD."

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

...you're not working very hard at this, are you?

(Also, I am certain there is some sort of bylaw that forbids such blatant Flax Mocking outside of Accepted Flax Mocking Zones (by which I mean Laun's lj), and I will have you arrested.)

[rionaleonhart]

I am useless at this. This is something that I should have considered before posting the meme.

Alternative 4: It abbreviates to 'HSS' (or 'HSS', if you must). It is unclear whether Flax has an abnormal fondness for helicopter support ships or for health and social services, but it must be one of them, surely.
Alternative 3: Backwards, it's 'Sburcs Wohs Tih', which is much more fun to say than just 'Sburcs'.

(IF YOU ASK FOR A TOP FIVE LIST ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU FORFEIT ALL MOCKERY-RELATED RIGHTS. I am very sorry.)

Not 5 things - more an illustration of why my brain shouldn't be allowed to roam LJ on a sugar high

[lakester.livejournal.com]

"Jesus is here! Is he the special guest?"

Ah, the episode Jesus was visiting the Top Gear studios incognito. Because it's all very well being omnipotent and omniscient, but there's nothing like getting a close view of the action; besides the last time he was here humans had only got as far as inventing literally horsepowered chariots. Technically, Jesus wasn't supposed to be back on earth until the End Times, but it wouldn't be a problem if no-one recognised him.

Then Clarkson had to go point him out of the crowd. Thus triggering the apocalypse and proving all those environmentalists right, if a little mistaken as to the means - Top Gear, but more specifically Jeremy Clarkson was indeed responsible for the end of the world. Not only that but somehow - and James and Richard are sure this is also Jeremy's fault; the Stig might agree with them but it's hard to tell under the helmet - the four presenters have new jobs, as Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Under protest from James - "I am not getting on one of those things, I don't care if it is the end of the world," - and the Stig, who just looked at his horse until it ran away, they negotiated with the management upstairs, or possibly downstairs (well, none of them got into motorjournalism on the strength of their mythological and theological knowledge). So, now they are the four horsemen carmen drivers of the apocalypse, complete with new vehicles.

The Stig, as Pestilence, is very fond of his new white Koenigsegg and Hammond is more than happy with his blood red Zonda - albeit with considerably more spiky implements in the backseat than he usually carries. James was persuaded out of his choice of a convertible by a brief rain of fire and Jeremy is still poking at his car trying to figure out what colour it actually is - and also trying to fit a scythe in the boot; other than that they are completely ready to drive out and... 'Well, someone must have mentioned it...' 'Don't look at me, I was lookng at the car...' 'Really? Because I was distracted by the thing with snakes.'

Still, winging it as the heralds of the end of the world. How hard can it be?

Re: Not 5 things - more an illustration of why my brain shouldn't be allowed to roam LJ on a sugar h

[rionaleonhart]

THIS IS THE GREATEST CHALLENGE EVER AND ALSO YOU ARE AN UTTER UTTER UTTER LUNATIC.

Jeremy Clarkson brings about the Apocalypse! Jeremy Clarkson brings about the Apocalypse! I want to see this episode. Without, you know, the world actually ending.

The Four Carmen of the Apocalypse! I cannot get over what a genius you are.

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

hee! Poor Nida. He gets no respect from anyone. XD

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

Five things the Trepies have done that make Quistis really, really wish she were someone else.

[rionaleonhart]

5. Failed all of their exams because they were so busy staring at her. It's no wonder she lost her Instructor licence.
4. Presented her with a pet Geezard, which proceeded to eat her chain whip and all of the buckles on her shoes.
3. Stowed away in the boot of her car.
2. Filled her classroom with flowers. Firstly because it's sort of difficult to teach when you can't see the students for all the flora, and secondly because OH GOD THE ROOM IS FULL OF GRATS.
1. Trepe: The Musical!