The Coffee Represents My Anguish.

[rionaleonhart]

Stolen from squeemu:

Comment to this post with an idea for a Top Five list (for example, Five Cars With Which Jeremy Clarkson Has Had Torrid Love Affairs, or Five Times Nida Saved the World and Nobody Noticed, or Five Cases Watson Decided, On Balance, Not To Publish). Then, in a separate post in reply to your comment, I will compile the requested list, according to me. Multiple requests are welcomed.

I've concluded that I don't love Torchwood. I enjoy watching it, but I don't love it, and if it didn't get another series I wouldn't shed a tear. Alas.

Comments

[loz]

Five Things Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV

Can I do another one? Five Things Chris Said To Ray Before Needing to Apologise

[rionaleonhart]

Right, I am going to assume that you mean things that he actually did (there's certainly enough of them), but I will add a bonus fictional one.

Five Things Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV (And Actually Did):
5. Licked the roof of a Ford GT. Twice.
4. Rammed a horse chestnut with a Toyota Hilux, thereby very much annoying the locals.
3. "Jesus is here! Is he the special guest?"
2. Said that motorcyclists should all be shot.
1. "We should do a car that’s quintessentially German. Give it trafficators that go like this (mimics Nazi salute), a SAT-NAV that only goes to Poland, und ein fan belt that lasts a thousand years!"

One Thing Jeremy Clarkson Shouldn't Have Done On National TV (And Has Not Actually Done To Date, Or At Least I Missed It, And If That's The Case I Want To See This Episode):
0. Vigorously snogged his co-presenters just to see how they'd react.

Hmmm. I will give the Life on Mars one a go, but I'm going to need to think about it for a while, because I don't feel entirely familiar with Chris and Ray.

[neuralclone.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... how about Five Things Sam Tyler likes about 1973?

[rionaleonhart]

5. He'll never admit it to anyone, but he sort of likes the constant in-fighting. It'd be nice if it were considered normal to punch your superior in the face in 2006.
4. It's nice having a rough idea of how life is going to progress over the next thirty years. Uncertainty makes him uneasy.
3. Omg omg omg Marc Bolan! It's Marc Bolan! The Marc Bolan! Can I talk to him? Eeeee!
2. Annie. When he wakes up in 2006, his first thought is to tell her that see, he was right, and he's halfway to the police station before he realises that she's gone. It is the first step in his rapid descent into insanity and throwing himself in front of cars.
1. He can finally get over his obsession with his father.

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

Five Things Richard will never tell anyone about his accident.

(sorry, angst kick today!) If you don't wanna do that:

Five Things James loves about his job.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, goodness. I have Tremendous Issues with using Richard's accident in fiction or silly memes, so I'm going to have to do the second one.

5. He gets an excuse to fly! Which is lovely, even if you have The Most Irritating Passenger In The World in the back.
4. He's relatively in the background, so he's less likely to be mobbed by insane fangirls. Although he's learnt that he still shouldn't let his guard down.
3. He can try out lots and lots of lovely luxury limousines. Okay, cars in general, but I wanted to keep the alliteration going.
2. Next to Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson, he looks completely normal. Which is nice.
1. Also, orgies.

[nano_moose]

I am going to be horribly evil.

Five Times James Sunderland Was Truly Happy.

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, you utter, utter bastard. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A VERY HAPPY LIST, I WARN YOU. Also, spoilers.

5. When Mary accepted his proposal, and then burst out laughing because he looked so surprised.
4. When he laid out a candlelit dinner to celebrate her recovery and sat there, waiting for her to come home. He was happy until he remembered that she had died.
3. When, for a moment, he forgot who Maria was and genuinely believed that he had his wife back.
2. The first time they were in Silent Hill, when he woke up to find Mary gone from the hotel room and panicked and went all over the town looking for her, becoming more and more frightened and desperate, but when eventually he found her leaning against the railing in Rosewater Park and they stood there together and watched the sunrise he knew that it had been worth it.
1. When he was drowning.

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

Five times Wilson didn't pay for House's lunch.

(why yes, I am on something of a House kick)

[rionaleonhart]

Well, this is very difficult to answer because Wilson usually pays for House's lunch whether he knows it or not. He occasionally wonders where all of his money is going.

5. When Wilson, on behalf of House, paid a lawyer's bill so unspeakably gigantic that he couldn't afford to for the next few weeks.
4. When House had somehow got it into his head that Wilson was having an affair with Cuddy, and Wilson, noticing the familiar obsessive signs, decided that it would be best to avoid him for a month or so.
3. When House, bored, turned Wilson's office upside-down in a hunt for evidence of something to pester him about, and Wilson refused to pay for his lunch because he was too angry.
2. When House stole his wallet, curious to see how he would react and how long it would take him to suspect House.
1. When Wilson was suddenly and mysteriously taken ill, and House was so busy trying to work out what was wrong with him that he forgot to eat.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

"Five Cars With Which Jeremy Clarkson Has Had Torrid Love Affairs"

Too easy!

Five Reasons Why Captain Jack Hasn't Shagged His Torchwood Colleages Yet

And I think I know what you mean about Torchwood, although I'm still in a 'well, maybe it just needs some time to get going' mood. But I still prefer Doctor Who.

[rionaleonhart]

Who's to say he hasn't? Oh, fine.

5. Suzie sort of resented him, and rejected his advances outright. Jack didn't press the matter. Well, he did, but without success.
4. Tosh keeps very much to herself. Jack's sent some innuendo at her, but she just doesn't seem to pick up on it. Damn it.
3. Ianto, although tempted, always shied away from the suggestion because of Lisa. Since the Lisa Incident, Jack sort of feels that it would be tactless.
2. He's a total Gwen/Rhys 'shipper and doesn't want to move in until he can be sure that Rhys is up for a threesome.
1. Have you seen Owen's mouth? He'll shag aliens and robots and overgrown cockroaches, but he has to draw the line somewhere.

[idan-cohen.livejournal.com]

Five Breakfasts Dr. Cox (From Hit Show Scrubs) Has Decided He Dislikes

OR

Five Reasons I Always Call It Hit Show Scrubs Instead Of Just Scrubs

OR (personal favorite!)

Five Books You Have Read Lately And Your Philosiphical Thoughts Upon Their Contents (In Picture-Story Form)

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, dear. The books I've been reading recently have been mostly for my editing job. As it's a vanity publisher, the author is very much the customer, and, while it would be a lot of fun to be very rude about one or two of the manuscripts, if the author were to find out I would probably be in a spot of trouble.

I have read John Fowles' The Collector recently, however, and it is very interesting because the main character is not a bad person; he's a decent man who just, er, happened to kidnap someone, and he is genuinely offended whenever she tries to escape because he can't understand why she would want to. THIS IS NEITHER A TOP FIVE NOR IN PICTURE-STORY FORM. I AM THE WORST PERSON AT THIS EVER.

[rionaleonhart]

Five Reasons Flax Always Calls It Hit Show Scrubs Instead Of Just Scrubs:

5. He doesn't mention it very often, so he feels the need to clarify that he is talking about the show, because otherwise everyone will assume that he means the clothing.
4. Yes, even if he mentions a Scrubs character by name.
3. I realise that wasn't actually a reason. Oh, look, neither is this!
2. Everything's cooler with three syllables.
1. He likes the sound of his own typing.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Top Five Phrases Which Nida Can Always Rely On To Get Squall's Attention

(and, stealing from Squeem and Baco)

Top Five Songs Pyramid Head Has Stuck In His Head At Really Inappropriate Times

(and, for I are teh ebil)

Top Five Places You'd Least Want To Find Pyramid Head Hiding In Your Unlit Empty House

(wow, after that one I really ought to open myself up for retribution, oughtn't I?)

[rionaleonhart]

Top Five Phrases Which Nida Can Always Rely On To Get Squall's Attention:

5. "Rinoa's been kidnapped. Again."
4. "Didn't you hear me? Missiles. Look, if you keep ignoring me, I am going to violently re-introduce the Garden to Fisherman's Horizon."
3. "May I introduce my girlfriend, Ellone?"
2. "Hey, I saw Zell with your gunblade earlier."
1. "OH GOD IT'S PYRAMID HEAD."

[rionaleonhart]

Top Five Places You'd Least Want To Find Pyramid Head Hiding In Your Unlit Empty House:

5. By the window that's visible through the sitting-room door along the corridor from my bedroom, so I see him silhouetted against the faint light from outside when I step out of my room.
4. In the corridor downstairs that's always horribly dark when the house is unlit, while the central heating makes alarming gurgling noises.
3. At the foot of the stairs, thereby cutting off my escape.
2. Next to my bed as I gradually awake to the disturbing heavy breathing noise that so terrifies me in the game.
1. ANYWHERE.
0. Also, I hate you.

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

Five things the Trepies have done that make Quistis really, really wish she were someone else.

[rionaleonhart]

5. Failed all of their exams because they were so busy staring at her. It's no wonder she lost her Instructor licence.
4. Presented her with a pet Geezard, which proceeded to eat her chain whip and all of the buckles on her shoes.
3. Stowed away in the boot of her car.
2. Filled her classroom with flowers. Firstly because it's sort of difficult to teach when you can't see the students for all the flora, and secondly because OH GOD THE ROOM IS FULL OF GRATS.
1. Trepe: The Musical!

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

Five reasons I should watch House. If you really sell it to me I might actually find some way of getting round to it.

[rionaleonhart]

5. THERE IS SO MUCH HOMOEROTIC SUBTEXT. SO MUCH. And it also has fantastic heterosexual subtext, and all of the characters interact with each other in interesting ways. If you're anything like me, you'll end up in love with hundreds of conflicting pairings. (Er, is this a good recommendation?) But it very rarely makes anything overt; there are very, very few 'canonical' pairings, and even fewer requited ones, and those ones are still marvellously screwed-up. It's all so interesting, and it means that you never really feel that anything is 'getting in the way' of your preferred subtextual pairing (if that would bother you and if, indeed, you have a preferred subtextual pairing and are not madly in love with every pairing possible and then some).
4. It's often able to make you genuinely care about the one-off, one-episode-only characters. The couple in 'Fools for Love' are so lovely.
3. SEVERAL EPISODES MADE ME CRY. There are very few things that can portray emotional moments as well as it, in my opinion.
2. The characters are all fascinating because they have genuine, serious flaws. I mean, there's Chase, and he's selfish and insecure and cowardly and has questionable morals and can sometimes be a bit dim and my God does it make you love him anyway. I mean, 'Cursed'! And and and 'The Mistake'! And 'Autopsy', in which he does something that's incredibly stupid and I adore him for it, I love him to death. The main character is just a bundle of flaws, and Wilson seems nice and normal superficially but is actually irreperably screwed up, and Cameron has made 'being too nice' into an actual flaw because it's combined with the belief that she needs to fix everything and that she knows exactly how to do it, and also FOREMAN IS AWESOME AND CUDDY IS AWESOME AND EVERYONE IS AWESOME except for Chase, he's too dorky, but I adore him anyway.
1. Check your e-mail.

[squeemu.livejournal.com]

Whee!!

Five Times The Janitor Almost Got JD Arrested (For Things That Weren't Actually His Fault)

CAN I REQUEST YOUR SHERLOCK HOLMES EXAMPLE?

Five Times James Couldn't Manage To Pull The Trigger (this is obviously for Silent Hill, and not Top Gear)

Five Scenes From Top Gear That Didn't Make It Past The Editor's Cut

[thebaconfat.livejournal.com]

I want to second the requesting of Five Cases Watson Decided, On Balance, Not To Publish!!!

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

Um... Five things Top Gear should never be crossed over with. ;)

...this meme looks like fun, I might steal it!

[rionaleonhart]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND FIVE? HOW?

5. The Exorcist. OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER WATCHED IT. I JUST HAVE A FEELING THAT THE TOP GEAR TEAM WOULDN'T REALLY FIT IN.
4. Brainiac. The combination of the Top Gear team and the Brainiac team would result in a caravan-destruction so violent that it would take most of Western Europe with it.
3. The Diary of Anne Frank. Because nothing should be crossed over with The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a copout, I know.
2. Nineteen Eighty-Four. It makes absolutely no sense to cross Top Gear over with bleak dystopian fiction. Utter incompatibility! (Lord of the Flies also occurred to me, but, er, the Top Gear team trapped on an island and the whole thing dissolving into chaos? It's practically a regular episode.)
1. Alice in Wonderland. Damn you.

[saaski-moql.livejournal.com]

Five reasons that prove how KHA is on the bestworst kind of crack EVER.

[saaski-moql.livejournal.com]

...and that was supposed to be KH2.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

The Holmes example! *bounces like a small giddy person*

Or, Five ways JD tried to convince Doctor Cox that they'd make a good couple.

[rionaleonhart]

Five Ways JD Tried To Convince Doctor Cox That They'd Make A Good Couple (my Scrubs is a little rusty, do please forgive me):

5. "God, did you listen to that woman? Prattling on and on and on about nothing. She reminded me of you."
"Well, ah, that's funny, because from what she was saying about her husband, he - well, I thought that he kind of sounded like you, and so, y'know..."
"...Newbie, if this is another 'why it would be a good idea for the two of us to - '"
"You know, they'd been happily married for thirty years, and - "
"She was in the hospital because he attacked her with a rolling pin."
"Well, uh - well, yeah, but - "
"You're right: they are like us. The only difference is that I would have gone for the carving knife, and I would have finished the job."
4. "We couldn't really be worse than you and Jordan."
"Look, Jennifer, I could go out with Robert Kelso and it would run more smoothly than me and Jordan. If that's the best recommendation you can come up with, doesn't that seem like a sign that maybe you should drop this stupid, stupid idea?"
3. "...Newbie, although I feel I may regret asking this... why the puppets?"
"I made them myself. Look, this one's me, and this one's you, and they've got Velcro on them so - look, see, you can make them hold hands!"
"Oh, good Lord, you have got to be joking."
"Look at how happy they are!"
2. "Right, that's it! You want this as much as I do, but you won't admit it because you're afraid of being happy! All I ever wanted was to make you happy, Dr. Cox! I can love you unconditionally! I will give you the emotional support you need! Why are you pushing me away?"
"Okay, I'm going to take out a restraining order now."
1. "Um, I'll worship you?"
"...I'm listening."

[gayjunglefever.livejournal.com]

This meme = glee!

Torchwood really is a bit awful, isn't it? Such a shame. And there was such potential, woe! I haven't seen the latest one, but it is - according to my Classics teacher who is somehow even more crazy and fannish than me - a complete rip-off in every way of a BTVS episode called 'Earshot', but ten times worse, and with added gratuitous lesbianism. (Though, having said that, pretty much every Torchwood rips off something, and with a distinct lack of skill. HONESTLY.)

Yeah. I always read your Torchwood review posts, and I'm always left thinking "Man, Riona needs to start, watching BTVS, like, now." And so this is why, henceforth, it is my new evil mission to get you fannish about it. And given my track record, I will SUCCEED, AND GO ON TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL OF YOUR BRAIN. Erm, hopefully. BUT YES, seriously, even if you are not impressed so far, you will be. Because in spite of the cheesiness and the slight rubbishness (which TW has anyway) it is THREE BILLION TIMES MORE BRILLIANT and has the rather vital element which Torchwood lacks... but I can't quite seem to place. It's just not loveable, I think? I don't particularly care for the characters (even Jack OMG SORROW) and there is no way in hell I could obsess about it. It doesn't suck you in like other shows do. Alas. They should have hired the Life On Mars writers to do it, or something. Talking of which omg series two in January FLAIL!

LA LA LA OK I AM BLABBERING. But yes. You are now fully aware of my diabolical scheming. Also? Five Times House Actually Paid Wilson A Compliment, With Or Without The Intention Of Doing So.

[nano_moose]

Do you mind if I join you in trying to get her to watch BtVS? Because The Mayor is totally worth any amount of nagging.