You Know I'm Feeling Better When I'm Rambling About Crossovers.

[rionaleonhart]

Questions I Can't Believe I Have Genuinely Considered:

- If Pyramid Head had an accident that sent him back in time to when Silent Hill was an active town, who would his DCI be? (Let's set aside the question of how he could possibly have a severe accident if he's more or less invincible.) I'd quite like to see him under the command of Gene Hunt or Greg House. Or, er, Geri Halliwell, just to continue the 'GH' theme. Please do not actually write fanfiction about Pyramid Head working with the Spice Girls.
- If Sherlock Holmes and Watson visited Silent Hill, what would Holmes deduce about the nature of the town? Would he be able to solve the mystery of the disappearance of James and Mary Sunderland? (A while ago, thebaconfat wrote a beautifully mind-destroying fanfic about Holmes and Watson in Silent Hill. If you haven't already read it, I'd highly recommend it.)
- Why hasn't anyone written about Sherlock Holmes being sent forward to 1973 and meeting Sam Tyler yet?
- Are zombies permanently erect as a result of rigor mortis? (I tried to use this to break the ice on the day of the Canadian Invasion and can now pass down my hard-earned wisdom to you: zombie sex is never a good icebreaker.)
- The Top Gear team meet the protagonists of Withnail and I. Should fluffy-haired commiserating-about-insane-friends James/'I' slash ensue?
- During Oz and James' Big Gay Wine Adventure, James says something along the lines of, "That is the mystical cosmic energy in my penis. Oh, and it's gone off again; it usually does." Oz responds, "Yes, that was about four or five seconds; that's about right for you." HOW DOES HE KNOW? (A related question I genuinely can't believe I've considered is 'Why don't more people write Oz/James?' I mean, I know it's not a terribly attractive pairing, but it's so blatant.)
- "My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident and I woke up in the eighteenth century." The very confused and out-of-place Tyler finds himself on a pirate ship with Captains Clarkson, Hammond and May, quite possibly the worst pirates the world has ever seen, shortly before they run into and probably eventually reluctantly team up with Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew. Would it be too much to have the Doctor turn up with the intention of sorting out the horrible tangled time-mess and recognise Sam as the Master?
- How is it possible for a programme that has a cyborg punching a pterodactyl to be so rubbish?

(Questions I almost included in the list but didn't because I can definitely believe I've considered them include 'What are Captain Jack Harkness' moral boundaries when it comes to shagging? I'm sure he wouldn't do anything nonconsensual. In my mental canon, he thinks of monogamy as a highly outdated concept, but he's aware that a lot of importance was placed on it in the past; would he have sex with a twentieth-century married human if the husband/wife were unaware?' and 'What the hell is the plot of Dark Chronicle, anyway?')

In entirely unrelated news: if you haven't read mistful's post-Deathly Hallows fic (I think a second half is forthcoming at some point), do! It has managed to make me not hate the epilogue any more, which makes me very happy indeed. Spoilers, obviously.

Comments

[misskass.livejournal.com]

The one about Jack isn't actually as difficult to consider as the others, I would write something to that effect if I wasn't a) lazy and b) devoid of talent at the moment.

Last question you can't believe you've considered is one I have considered, yet I can't work out the answer. ;____;

[rionaleonhart]

Well, if you do write it at any point, I'd love to read it.

Exactly! A cyborg-woman, covered in barbecue sauce, punching a flying dinosaur in the face while the team escape on the World's Slowest Lift. It should by all rights have been the best thing ever. I cannot for the life of me work out why it wasn't.

[anazri.livejournal.com]

The Top Gear team meet the protagonists of Withnail and I. Should fluffy-haired commiserating-about-insane-friends James/'I' slash ensue? Draco and I were discussing this the other day! And how beautifully wrong Clarkson/Withnail would be. And how you would be the perfect person to write it.

I keep writing James/Oz by accident. It's really disturbing. The Jeremy in my head might as well actually 'ship them, because he always seems to have a jealous fixation with the possibility.

Would it be too much to have the Doctor turn up with the intention of sorting out the horrible tangled time-mess and recognise Sam as the Master? No. It would be a very good thing. And you've now reminded me of just how much I want to read Captain Jack Sparrow/Captain Jack Harkness/Captain Jack Aubrey.

[rionaleonhart]

I'm rather hoping to get some sort of Top Gear/Withnail crossover written as a late birthday present for Draco. Clarkson/Withnail would be amazing and also absolutely bloody terrifying.

I keep writing James/Oz by accident. It's really disturbing. The Jeremy in my head might as well actually 'ship them, because he always seems to have a jealous fixation with the possibility.

Hee! It does seem to be fairly impossible to mention the Wine Adventure in a fic without also, by logical extension, mentioning how spectacularly gay it was.

[talcat.livejournal.com]

- How is it possible for a programme that has a cyborg punching a pterodactyl to be so rubbish?
Becuse there are no Zombies or Top Gear presenters and too much Gwen.

[rionaleonhart]

There aren't any zombies, are there? There'd better be some in the next series, because zombies seem to be exactly the sort of thing that Torchwood would end up needing to deal with. If the Torchwood team are called out to investigate Zombie Piers Morgan, I will promptly take back everything bad I ever said about the show.

And your Withnail/Top Gear scenario is brilliant!

[talcat.livejournal.com]

Also:
- The Top Gear team meet the protagonists of Withnail and I. Should fluffy-haired commiserating-about-insane-friends James/'I' slash ensue?

And I want Withnail to chase Richard round with Wine (or lighter fluid) screming "Drink it you FUCKER!" when he discovers that Richard isn't allowed to drink - while Jeremy laughs and James gets off with I.

[rhosyndu.livejournal.com]

If Sherlock Holmes and Watson visited Silent Hill, what would Holmes deduce about the nature of the town? Would he be able to solve the mystery of the disappearance of James and Mary Sunderland?

There's a strong bit of me that reckons Holmes would be unable to cope in Silent Hill; it doesn't follow logic and he needs that to operate. I mean, he finds women's motives too capricious (like in the Second Stain where he can't work out why Mrs Hope sits with her back to the window: "How can you build on such quicksand?") so what chance would he have with Silent Hill? And that's ignoring the town exploiting any guilt he may have over being bad for Watson (personal theory- Holmes is concerned that his own desires for Watson could corrupt his friend, after all, they were held to be unnatural back then). Strangely enough, I think Watson would be okay- 'cause he's with Holmes and has his unshakeable belief in him. (I reckon the good doctor did love Mary, and so the only guilt he'd have about her is a disappointment in himself for not being skilled enough to save her life. And Reichenbach? I reckon he'd see that as a display of Holmes' brilliance, rather than one of his own failures.)

So to get back to your question, IMO- no. He'd come apart at the seams.

[rionaleonhart]

I absolutely bloody love you. Serious consideration of how Holmes would deal with Silent Hill is the best thing ever, and 'it doesn't follow logic and he needs that to operate' is so very, very true.

I think your thoughts on Watson being able to cope as long as he's with Holmes are probably right as well, but if the town saw fit to separate them - or if he realised that his idol was essentially having a breakdown - he might be in trouble.

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I like your theory.

...

I can't believe we're actually discussing this.

There should be an academic course called 'Behavioural Patterns In Silent Hill'. Now, I'd take that class.

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

['What are Captain Jack Harkness' moral boundaries when it comes to shagging? I'm sure he wouldn't do anything nonconsensual.]

Okay, I've considered this one. (What's really fun, in a kind of twitch-twitch way, is figuring out what constitutes things like nonconsentual in the future, or if consent is actually the measuring stick as opposed to, say, lasting psychological harm. "Hey, so I may have shagged you a few times while you were unconscious. But don't you feel enlivened and enriched?" "I. Uh. ...actually, yeah." "See! Nothing illegal done!" Oh, you know, whether he has a nuanced understanding of exactly how ptight people can be about sex throughout the ages. You'd expect he has a rational idea, but knowing about something and actually grokking it are different things. Does he come from an era when being seduced has absolutely no negative stigma? A positive stigma? Where age has decreased importance? Where sex is used as a social bonding tool as casual or even official as coffee together or company lunches? It's THE FUTURE. Anything can happen.)

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

How is it possible for a programme that has a cyborg punching a pterodactyl to be so rubbish?

Scientists are still working on that, there are now Eight Millenium Prize Problems.

Also, I ed this, because you really rock. If it was possible, I'd add you as a friend once again.

Actually I'm considering de-friending you just so I could add you back.

[rionaleonhart]

Actually I'm considering de-friending you just so I could add you back.

This is one of the strangest compliments I have ever received. Er, thank you!

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

I approve of James/I slash. I approve of piratical!Top Gear + Sam Tyler. I do not approve of James/Oz, though it is canon.

Also, why haven't you written a TG/LoM crossover yet? GENE/JEREMY.

[rionaleonhart]

I wrote some snippets! They just never went anywhere!



He looks familiar, Sam thinks; something about that face and that hair and wait a moment -

Sam stares.

"You're Jeremy Clarkson."

Jeremy looks at him. "Well done," he says.

"What are you doing here?" Maybe they're playing him Top Gear in the hospital, he thinks. That has to be it. This is madness.

Jeremy vaguely indicates their drab surroundings. "Well, I hadn't been here in a while, and obviously I somehow managed to forget just how horrible it was."

"Not here in Manchester," Sam says, almost trembling with excitement. Here - this, at last, is a solid link to the real world, the world of 2006. "Here, in 1973."

There is a pause.

"What?" Jeremy asks.

(...)

"You're insane," Jeremy informs him. "It's what I should've expected from Manchester, really. Some madman hit my car on the way here. It was right next to a speed camera, too, which shows you how much good they do."

"But you were unconscious," Sam says, looking intently at him - how can someone wake up in the seventies and not notice? - "and then you woke up, and - and your car had changed, hadn't it?"

Jeremy gives him a very odd look. "It had changed to a car with a dent in it."

"No, it - wait, what were you driving?"

"A DB5," Jeremy says, leaning back against the wall. "So it's not exactly going to be easy to replace. I don't think the owner will be happy."

(...)

"I see you've met Detective Inspector Clarkson."

"What?" Jeremy asks, bemused.

"What?" Sam asks.

"D'you know him?" Gene asks. "He's from Hyde, too, apparently. As if that place hadn't given me enough of a thorn in my arse already."

"Detective Inspector Clarkson?" Sam asks, believing his ears even less than he usually does in this false reality.

"Are you lagging behind in the conversation, Tyler? Is that paving slab in a different time zone?"

"Oh, God," Sam says, horrible visions from Top Gear episodes replaying in his head. The man can't even manage a caravan holiday without blowing something up; how can he be a DI? "We're all going to die."

Gene smiles at Jeremy in a rather alarming manner. "He doesn't seem to like you very much, does he? That's a good sign."

[twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com]

Let's set aside the question of how he could possibly have a severe accident if he's more or less invincible.

But he has one in the game! Sort of. ...If impalement doesn't count as a severe accident, I'm not sure what does, unless we're discounting that on the basis of it having been intentional.

[rionaleonhart]

INTENTIONAL THINGS ARE NOT ACCIDENTS. ...Although I suppose that it could be more along the lines of 'I impaled myself and woke up in 1973'...

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

I did write Sherlock Holmes goes forward in time and meets Gene Hunt... but, it didn't have Sam in it.

I did ponder the idea of The Goodies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Goodies) / TG3 cross-over. But the idea of May, Clarkson and Hammond on a trandem had me laughing hysterically for an hour and nothing has come of that yet...

[rionaleonhart]

I did write Sherlock Holmes goes forward in time and meets Gene Hunt

WHERE IS THIS? WHY HAVE I NOT READ THIS?

And I've never seen The Goodies, but that doesn't stop the image of the trandeming TG3 being wonderfully absurd.

[margotgrissom.livejournal.com]

zombie sex is never a good icebreaker.
Oh... too bad. Gotta remember that.

"That is the mystical cosmic energy in my penis. Oh, and it's gone off again; it usually does." Oz responds, "Yes, that was about four or five seconds; that's about right for you." HOW DOES HE KNOW?
WAHAHAHA!!! I've gotta admit, that's incredibly slashy but... I mean, seriously, James/Oz? I tried to read a fic with that pairing once and had to stop halfway through it because it made me feel nauseous.

The very confused and out-of-place Tyler finds himself on a pirate ship with Captains Clarkson, Hammond and May, quite possibly the worst pirates the world has ever seen, shortly before they run into and probably eventually reluctantly team up with Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew.
Why do I have the weird feeling that that Jack and Richard would soooo get it on?

[rionaleonhart]

Why do I have the weird feeling that that Jack and Richard would soooo get it on?

...good Lord, I really want to read that. And I want Clarkson to find out and mock him for ever.

[wanttobeatree.livejournal.com]

I think the only thing more worrying than the fact that I'm sat here contemplating zombie!peen is the fact that I don't find it strange.

*fear*

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Well, of course James/'I' would ensue, because there would have to be.

Also, your crazy Pirates crossover also requires May/Norrington.

[rionaleonhart]

I was, of course, thinking of May/Norrington, but I couldn't quite find a way of fitting it into that mess of a summary. How's the fic about James, James, James, James, James and, briefly, James coming along, by the way?

[emmarrrrr.livejournal.com]

THEY ARE AMAZING. ESPECIALLY THE FIRST ONE AND THE SECOND LAST ONE.

STOP MAKING ME WANT TO WRITE THESE TH-

"How did this- What on- How did you get here?"
"Oh, me? I'm just a traveller. Ignore the box, it's a figment of your imagination."
"That's a police box!"

At this point, the Doctor turned around to tell this person that he clearly shouldn't know that because they wouldn't be invented for another two centuries, but stopped short upon seeing the man with the short hair and what looked to be a leather jacket (which was something else out of place), opening and closing his mouth several times.

The short man with the stylishly messed up hair looked between the two. "Hello! Could one of you explain?" He half-hissed, and it was clear that he was really far too nice and well-spoken to be an actual pirate captain, but his look was fairly convincing.

"Oh. I, um, I'm the Doctor." The Doctor replied, not taking his eyes of the man in the leather jacket. "Just 'The Doctor'?" Said man asked. "...Yes. And you're... You're Harry Saxon."
"No, I'm Sam Tyler, DI- That is, first mate of the Emperor."

The Doctor took a very deep breath and smoothed an invisible crease from his pinstriped jacket, attempting to tear his eyes away from Sam and failing miserably. "Listen, have you got... A pocket watch, or something? Something that you'd open, but you never thought about. Maybe it's broken and that's why you've never opened it? Just never thought about trying. D'you have anything like that?"

Meanwhile, the short captain who had at some point introduced himself as 'Captain Hammond' kept opening his mouth to speak but was cut off time and again by the Doctor's relentless questioning. After a few minutes, he gave up.

[rionaleonhart]

Hee, the Doctor being about to tell Sam that he clearly shouldn't know that!

And I find it hilarious that Sam calls himself 'DI' rather than 'DCI', meaning that he's already gone through the 1973 business and now he has to deal with this.

AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR ACTUALLY WRITING THIS. YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER.

[(Anonymous)]

Um hello. I would just like to note that the second to last is the best idea ever. EVER. The Doctor is necessary. GENIUS.

ALSO WHY WOULD YOU INFLICT PYRAMID HEAD ON POOR GENE. I think House could cope. Admittedly I do not know much about Pyramid Head, but this is House.

...obviously I am crossing "So, zombie sex?" off my list of Things To Say When Wanting To Break The Ice right this second.

And Captain Jack would probably consider it a-OK if he had sex with both the husband and the wife at the same time. Because then it wouldn't be a marriage-wrecking affair, and everyone would be happy. This is my belief, anyway.

[rionaleonhart]

BECAUSE I AM AWFUL. I doubt that anyone would really be able to keep Pyramid Head in check, but Gene seems the most likely candidate to me. I don't know; Pyramid Head appears to be immune to bullets, so I think that perhaps he could handle sarcasm.

Captain Jack would probably consider it a-OK if he had sex with both the husband and the wife at the same time.

Oh, he so would. That is perfect.

[rionaleonhart]

YOU ARE AMAZING.

I LIKE TO THINK THEY HAVE THE FOUR OR SO HOURS BEFORE RIGOR MORTIS SETS IN TO RUN AROUND BITING PEOPLE AND THEN MAYBE GO AND STAND IN FUNNY POSITIONS FOR A FEW DAYS WHILE THE RIGOR MORTIS TAKES HOLD AND EVENTUALLY WEARS OFF. THEN IT'S BACK TO THE THE FOODFEST.

PEOPLE CLEARLY NEED TO CONSIDER ZOMBIES IN A SERIOUS SCIENTIFIC FASHION MORE OFTEN, BECAUSE THAT IS HILARIOUS.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Just thought you should know, you're the only Google entry for "mystical cosmic energy in my penis". Congratulations!

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

... Of course I had to go check that out. No longer the only one, but first on the list, hoorah! That's an accomplishment, donchaknow. Then I had to go clear it from my history on the offchance that my parents learn to use the computer's history. No way I'm explaining THAT one.