Oh, Come On, Obviously He Had To Show Up On Hallowe'en.

[rionaleonhart]

Episodes From Riona's Mind: Oz and James's Inexplicable Hallowe'en Special, Because I Can.

(Shot from inside the motorhome. James is driving.)
Oz: The wines made from it tend to be a little crisper, but you have to be sure that the vines aren't overexposed to the sun, because -
James: Oh, for Christ's sake, Clarke, shut up.
Oz: You're supposed to be learning, James. It's a very fragile grape - it's difficult to grow in California, but -
(LOUD CRUNCH)
James: ...
Oz: ...

(Outside the motorhome:)
Oz: Well, James, this is our first kill of the series. How do you feel?
James: Oh, cock.
Oz: I have to say, I would have expected better driving skills of a motoring journalist.
James: You distracted me! And could you possibly not insult me when I'm trying to cope with just having run someone over? Clarkson was bad enough when I hit that DCI under the Mancunian Way.
Oz: No, wait, he might be alive! He's stirring!
James: ...that's Piers Morgan. I've just hit Piers Morgan with a motorhome.
Oz: Well, at least your friend will thank you for it.
James: Not if he is still alive. I'm never going to get through the auditions for Britain's Got Talent now, am I?
Oz: Morgan? Are you all right? Are you conscious?
Piers Morgan: ...braaaaaaains...

Comments

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

Clarkson was bad enough when I hit that DCI under the Mancunian Way.

You are just a genius.

I am going to do an interpretive dance entitled RIONA'S GENIUS.

*DANCES*

[rionaleonhart]

Some day, I want to go through all of my fandoms, pick out all of the unsolved mysteries and find a way of attributing every single one of them to the Top Gear team. Silent Hill is obviously a helltown because Jeremy's experimental petrol-making went hideously wrong.

And thank you!

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

That would be brilliant! It would be like the time they ran the convertible people-carrier (is that just British for van?) through a car wash.

"Run away! Run away!"
"It's a hell town."
"What? It can't be! Bloody hell, it's...bloody hell!"
And then Jeremy would turn to the camera and say "This is what's wrong with environmentalism. Try to do the ecological thing, and look what it gets you."

[http://users.livejournal.com/tick_/]

*sighs*

[rionaleonhart]

I am going to choose to interpret this as a longing sigh for Oz.

[ladybella.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm being glared at by the librarian cause I just burst out laughing.

[littlemoose.livejournal.com]

Clarkson was bad enough when I hit that DCI under the Mancunian Way.

Iloveyou.

Also, is it wrong that I can see Oz and Zombie!Piers actually getting along?!

[rionaleonhart]

The next series is called Oz and Zombie Piers Morgan's Big Apocalyptic Adventure. It quickly becomes the most popular programme on the BBC.

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

Well, I'd watch it.

Just before having my brains sucked out by a bunch of raging zombies. Hang on. That *is* the BBC, isn't it?

No, I'm not bitter about Life on Mars missing out to Doctor Who AGAIN. No, not at all.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Wine ponce! Dead ponce! Together, they fight zombies!

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Er, I just realized that would be better as "Wine ponce! Brain ponce!"

Sorry.

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

Oh, ILU.

James ran over Sam Tyler!

ALSO, ZOMBIE!PIERS IS BACK, AND HE'S ONE WORD.

[rionaleonhart]

HE IS NOT ONE WORD, YOU INFIDEL. 'ZOMBIE' IS HIS TITLE. 'MR PIERS MORGAN'; 'ZOMBIE PIERS MORGAN'. YES.

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

HE IS ONE WORD, YOU PIRATE, BECAUSE HE HAS AN EXCLAMATION MARK IN BETWEEN HIS NAME.

[rionaleonhart]

THERE SHOULD BE NO EXCLAMATION MARK IN 'ZOMBIE PIERS MORGAN'. HONESTLY, THE YOUNG PEOPLE OF TODAY HAVE NO REGARD FOR CORRECT ZOMBIE-RELATED PUNCTUATION. 'ZOMBIE!CLARKSON' MAY HAVE AN EXCLAMATION MARK; 'ZOMBIE PIERS MORGAN' DOES NOT. THESE ARE FINE DISTINCTIONS. I AM NOT SURE EXACTLY WHY THEY EXIST, BUT THEY BLOODY WELL DO.

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

BUT HE IS ZOMBIE!PIERS. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER?!

[rionaleonhart]

I HAVE NEVER, EVER WRITTEN 'ZOMBIE PIERS' WITH AN EXCLAMATION MARK. WHAT ARE THESE SLANDEROUS LIES?

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR, YOU.

[rionaleonhart]

...seriously, I've never written 'Zombie Piers' with an exclamation mark. Because mathematically '!' means 'does not equal', and 'Zombie' most certainly equals Piers Morgan.

THIS IS ACTUALLY THE WAY I REASON, HELP ME

[sideshow-meg.livejournal.com]

YOU'RE COMPLETELY NUTS.

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

I thought ! meant factorial. Goodness knows what Zombie! actually equals..

[rionaleonhart]

Whoops; '!' means 'does not equal' in computer languages, rather than mathematics.

MY REASONING STILL HOLDS, HOWEVER.

(Regarding Zombie!:
ZOMBIE = Z(O(M(B(I(E)))))
coding by position in the alphabet: Z = 26, O = 15 et cetera
26 x 15 x 13 x 2 x 9 x 5 = 456,300
456,300! = something bloody huge.)

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Yup, that's huge alright!

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

[Clarkson was bad enough when I hit that DCI under the Mancunian Way.]

♥ ♥ ♥

...♥

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

*have died laughing*

Poor Sam. No wonder he managed to find himself back in 1973 with James driving the car!!!

And I've just hit Piers Morgan with a motorhome. - I can just *hear* James saying it. It's genius!!!

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Zombie Piers certainly travels a lot, doesn't he?

[kelly96.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you were my first LJ friend. You're amazing.

[galaxysong9.livejournal.com]

I saw "Big Hallowe'en Special", and I immediately hoped thought, "There's going to be some Zombie Piers Morgan in this, isn't there?" And I am not displeased.

[culf.livejournal.com]

James ran over Sam Tyler! You=Win!

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Clarkson was bad enough when I hit that DCI under the Mancunian Way.

This is going to be like the Jack/everyone in every fandom ever challenge, isn't it? Crossing Top Gear with everything in existence.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

ZOMBIE PIERS MORGAN AT LAST!

[the-funmonkey.livejournal.com]

Never ever stop writing Zombie Piers Morgan into everything. It makes the world right.