Trabia Garden

This series of Doctor Who has been frustrating me, because I think Matt Smith is fantastic as the Doctor - far better than David Tennant, possibly better than Christopher Eccleston, although I'd have to rewatch Nine's series to be certain - but I haven't been enjoying the writing as much as I did in the RTD era. My enthusiasm, high at the beginning of the series, ebbed away over the next few weeks, until watching Doctor Who was just something I did, rather than something I particularly looked forward to.

And then came 'Vincent and the Doctor', and I settled unenthusiastically in front of the television, and, to my surprise, I adored it.

And then 'The Lodger', which was good fun, and then 'The Pandorica Opens', which I thought was fantastic, and yes, Doctor Who, yes, keep this up!


( Scattered thoughts on the present series of Doctor Who (the fifth), both positive and negative. Spoilers up to 'The Pandorica Opens'. )


A few nights ago, I dreamt an episode of Ashes to Ashes with FLYING MOTORBIKES and RIVER SONG PILOTING ONE OF THE FLYING MOTORBIKES and RORY WILLIAMS ALSO BEING THERE IN SOME CAPACITY and ALEX REMINISCING ABOUT HER FIRST GIRLFRIEND and GENE FINDING THE INFORMATION THAT ALEX HAD A GIRLFRIEND EXTREMELY DISTRACTING. It was grand. Possibly not very true to eighties technology levels, but grand nonetheless.

I cannot find any Mentalist fanvids set to 'Read My Mind' by The Killers. You disappoint me, fandom.

(I also cannot find any Jane/his entire team fanfiction! Come on, guys, don't make me cry. Although, as I have just stumbled across a Patrick Jane/Tony Stark fic, I think I may have to forgive you. I SHALL EXPECT JANE/EVERYONE AT SOME POINT, HOWEVER. (And possibly Pepper Potts/Van Pelt.))


Something that interests me: although I have written very little Mentalist fic so far, I have already noticed that I tend to gravitate towards Van Pelt's point of view. I have no idea why. I suppose it makes sense that I'm not writing from Jane's point of view, despite the fact that he is easily my favourite character, because the actual show tends to obscure his intentions from us for most of the episode and so we're always kept at a slight distance from him, but why Van Pelt specifically? There are aspects of her character - her faith, her very careful morality - that make me worry about whether I'll be able to write her well, but somehow hers is still the perspective into which I naturally fall. Odd.


I have now seen the first two episodes of the second season! And, oh, the beginning of 'Redemption' was all about the team having become Jane's family and his inability to admit it to himself. I love the amount of support The Mentalist offers for the pairing of Jane/everyone. I'm not sure how genuinely I believed it when I came up with the theory, but then every episode reinforced it and now I can't help thinking of 'Jane is deeply in love with every member of his unit' as canon. Best canon ever.

Minor spoilers for the episode; highlight to read: AND HE HUGS LISBON. ♥! Just Cho and Van Pelt to go! I mean, it's totally okay if Jane wants to hug any member of his team more than once, but he certainly has to at least give them a hug each. (And, oh, when he says 'I have nothing else to do' and literally means that the job is the only thing that has any meaning in his life, augh.)

NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST OF THINGS I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED TO FIND HOT: PATRICK JANE SNIFFING A DEAD BODY AHDHSHHDDFJFGH RIONA STOP REWINDING TO REWATCH IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU


Regarding 'The Scarlett Letter': I love how rubbish Jane is at running. Possibly a weird character detail of which to become fond, but I love it. I love that, if there is any way he can possibly avoid running, he'll take it. I love that, if he is forced to run, he's so half-hearted about it that he looks like he's moving in slow motion. I love that he's out of breath in seconds.

I also love that he thinks of the couch as 'his couch' and is far too protective of it. Aww! (Jane was so cute in this episode.)


I want to see an episode in which Jane completely screws up. I know he's screwed up before, not generally in a 'reaching the wrong conclusion' sense but in an 'approaching things the wrong way and getting the suspect killed' sense, but what I want is an episode in which he screws up and as a result a member of his team is almost killed.

I am sorry that I want so many horrible angstful things to happen to you, Jane, but I can't help it. This wouldn't happen if you weren't so good at having horrible angstful things happen to you.


EDIT: I just started watching The Mentalist: Revealed, and Simon Baker said, 'Call me a sex symbol all you like, 'cause sometimes, when I wake up, I wouldn't want to sleep with me,' and I immediately wanted so much Jane/Jane fanfiction.

Oh, dear.

(ALSO THIS IS A REALLY WEIRD EXPERIENCE. A man with Patrick Jane's face is speaking with an Australian accent! Rigsby's actor is British! I do not know what to think any more. (Yeoman's accent startled me so much that I had to rewatch what he was saying a couple of times before the similarly disconcerting fact that Rigsby's actor was talking about how attractive Jane's actor is sunk in.))


EDIT AGAIN:

Owain Yeoman: I clearly have a crush on [Baker]. I've just literally just told you I love him! (giggles)

Oh, help. Who wants to take bets on how long it'll be before I'm writing RPF? I love this documentary already.

And it's on the correct day this time! (Please note that this does not necessarily mean I shall be posting fake Merlin episodes every Saturday.)


Episodes From Riona's Mind: Merlin, Series 1.5, Episode Two: 'Are You Sure This Script Will Fill Forty Minutes?'
(London, 2009. An alleyway. It has recently been raining. With grinding noises, a blue police box fades into view. Viewers who missed last week's episode wonder whether perhaps they are on the wrong channel.

The door of the TARDIS opens, and the Doctor, played by David Tennant, strides out. He is followed by a beardy man a couple of viewers vaguely recall seeing on Channel Four at some point.)

Doctor: Here we are, back in the modern day!
Derren: Doctor, you've called every place we've landed the 'modern day'.
Doctor: Technically, it's always true.
Derren: I'm just pointing out that it wears a little thin after a while.

(Oh, look, you're on the right channel after all! Arthur and Merlin follow them out of the TARDIS. Arthur's eyes are very wide. Merlin is looking around with an expression of fascination, which he quickly amends to a more appropriate expression of horrified bewilderment when Arthur looks at him.)

Arthur: This is not Camelot.

(This is fairly obvious. You know it's obvious, and Merlin knows it's obvious. It is clearly a struggle for him not to say it out loud.)

Doctor: (SUDDENLY FALLS UNCONSCIOUS)
Derren: Oh, dear, it's some sort of mysterious illness.

(Now, of course, you know you're watching an episode of Merlin.)

Derren: Not sure I can read his mind to find out what it is; I don't have much experience with non-humans. I don't suppose either of you can help?
Arthur: Why should we help when you dragged us away from... this man isn't human?
Derren: Well, he is the only one who can take you back. I'm sure there'll be some sort of horrific paradox if you never become King.
Merlin: If he's not human, what is he?
Derren: I'll be surprised if this means anything to you, but he's a Time Lord.
Merlin: ...ah.
Arthur: What? What is it?
Merlin: I had a... friend, back in the castle, who said it was my destiny to meet a Time Lord some day. He said, when he fell ill, I had to 'join hands with the man with whom my soul is intertwined'. (significant glance at Arthur)
Arthur: (with an expression of distaste) Who told you that? Gaius?
Merlin: No! Just a - just a friend. (holds out hand) I mean, it can't hurt.
Arthur: If you think our souls are intertwined, I want you to untwine them immediately.
Merlin: Come on. Let's just try it.
Arthur: (pauses, then rolls his eyes and takes Merlin's hand)

(pause)

Arthur: Nothing's happening.
Merlin: I actually wouldn't be surprised if he was just trying to get us to hold hands.

(Derren appears rather amused by this, but then looks over at the Doctor's supine form and becomes more serious.)

Derren: You're Merlin, aren't you? Isn't there any sort of magic you could use?
Merlin: asdfhsgdfhdagahadgh
Arthur: (lets go of Merlin's hand very quickly indeed)

I know only about three of you really care about Delaware, but regardless: here are some episodes I would like to see in the hypothetical AU Season Four of Supernatural in which Chad Michael Murray stars as Delaware Singer, Bobby's estranged hooker son and the fabulous invention of wanttobeatree and sazzlette. ('Delaware Singer', 'Bobby's estranged hooker son' and 'the fabulous invention of wanttobeatree and sazzlette' all refer to the same entity; Chad Michael Murray is not playing three different characters in the hypothetical Season Four. Although perhaps he should.)

If you have not yet met Delaware Singer and would like to, please read through this roleplay, to which I am completely addicted. Major spoilers up to the first episode of Season Four.


( Spoilers behind the cut, also up to the first episode of Season Four. )

The BBC Two reception of the television in our communal room at the moment is... unreliable, to say the least. I was lucky enough to watch last week's episode of Torchwood with no interference at all, so this week it decided to make up for that by losing all sound and becoming unwatchably staticky half-way through the 'Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. We're competent, honest' opening spiel, and no amount of retuning will bring my most beloved of channels back to me.

You all know what that means.


The Brilliant Third Episode Of The Second Series Of Torchwood In Riona's Mind, Clearly A Vast Improvement On Whatever You Poor Bastards With Television Reception Are Actually Getting To Watch (Although I Suppose I'll Have To Find Something Other Than Mansex With Which To Improve On The Canon, Because This Is, After All, Torchwood):

(The scene opens on a rather nice restaurant. Jack and Ianto are sitting at a table. Jack is fiddling with a bizarre contraption that may, if you squint, resemble a - a what? A Nintendo DS? No - no, hang on, it's a mobile phone. Probably.)
Ianto: You know, I do appreciate your taking me out, but I think I'd probably appreciate it even more if you weren't spending half the date flirting with Toshiko by text message.
Jack: I'm not flirting. Well, not much. It's to do with work.
Ianto: Ah. Well, that makes this seem much more romantic.
(The probably-a-mobile-phone vibrates. It does this much more vigorously than necessary. Jack checks his new message.)
Jack: Right. That's not good.
(Ianto tries very hard not to sigh, then decides that he may as well.)

(In the Torchwood headquarters:)
Owen: So, what is it?
Tosh: I don't know. We don't have records of anything like it.
Owen: Well, that's great, isn't it? That thing is growing by the minute, and we don't know how to stop it.
Tosh: It probably won't be able to get to us. We're underground, and it's too big to fit through any of the entrances.
Owen: If it can rip up buildings, it can rip up the street. Any way of getting our Madame Cooper back from it?
Tosh: I don't know. I'm trying to see whether I can find anything of its description on the Internet, but... ah.
Owen: Ah?
Tosh: Have you ever heard of a game called We ♥ Katamari?

(SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY:)
Oz Clarke and James May: (shag)

The Brilliant Second Episode Of The Second Series Of Oz and James's Big Gay Wine Adventure In Riona's Mind, Based Largely Upon The Information About The Content Received From Her Highly Untrustworthy Little Brother (And Still Better Than The One You People With Televisions Can See, Bastards):

Oz: You know, we're already an entire episode into the new series and yet there's been hardly any nudity.
James: Actually, if we're going by the Riona's Mind canon, there was Rather A Lot of full-frontal nudity last week. Involving both of us, I believe. Which probably says some quite worrying things about Riona's mind.
Oz: ...REGARDLESS, I am going to strip you and push you into this lake, where you are to drink wine.
James: ...what?
Oz: DRINK. DRINK AND BE NAKED.
James: I don't see how this is supposed to expand my wine knowledge.
Oz: THE PINOT NOIR GRAPE GAINS ITS FULLEST FLAVOUR WHEN THE DRINKER IS NUDE AND IN A LAKE.
James: You are quite obviously making all of this up. However, I have already consumed eight glasses and so am rather past caring.
(Oz helps James out of the lake, with perhaps rather more fondling of his chest than entirely necessary.)

Jeremy: MAY.
James: CLARKSON. What the devil are you doing here?
Jeremy: I am here to boost ratings for your silly show. Also for the purposes of snoggage.
James: ...Jeremy, most of the audience don't want to see two middle-aged men kissing each other.
Jeremy: Firstly: this entire programme revolves around you and Oz Clarke, who is even less attractive than me, fondling each other. The audience obviously aren't all that averse to it. Secondly: the watchership for this particular episode consists entirely of a mildly deranged teenage girl and possibly a couple of people who read her online journal blog thing, and this is most certainly going to improve the ratings amongst them.
James: Well, I can't argue with that. Mainly because I just had eight glasses of Pinot Noir.

(The final twenty minutes of the episode consist of Oz trying in vain to impart wine knowledge to an entirely distracted audience whilst Jeremy and a probably still unclothed James snog in the background.)

Voiceover: NEXT WEEK: GIANT MECHANICAL SPIDER ATTACK.


(For the curious, the message my little brother sent me while he was watching the Big Gay Wine Adventure and I was sadly deprived:

james is naked in a lake taisting wine in flouting wine glasses
he got out and now he's making out with jerimy
who is here espesialy

I fear that this may not have been entirely truthful.)