rionaleonhart | It's Hard To Overstate My Satisfaction.

Entry tags:

crossovers,
fight club,
film,
games i've never played,
music,
my lj friends are real people apparently,
portal,
rd is amazing,
weird pairings

It's Hard To Overstate My Satisfaction.

PLEASE WRITE NAMELESS MAIN CHARACTER/TYLER DURDEN FIGHT CLUB SORT-OF SLASH FOR ME. IT IS LOGISTICALLY HORRIBLE, BUT THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT AWESOME. (If you are reading this, this plea is for you. SAVE ME FROM WRITING IT MYSELF, BECAUSE I SHALL ALMOST CERTAINLY DO AN APPALLING JOB.) (EDIT:

apiphile has come to my rescue!)

Seriously, it would be so freaking awesome. I have a horrible feeling that any main character/Tyler slashfic that already exists would just treat them like any two normal guys and not go into how it would work and what the main character would think and feel after the revelation. I WANT AN INTRIGUING EXPLORATION OF THE IDEA.

(I haven't read the novel, I have to admit. Perhaps I shall.)

Alternatively, someone should write Nameless Main Character of Fight Club/'I' of Withnail and I. Possibly with the Janitor from Scrubs thrown in. And the Doctor, and the Master. 'NONE OF THEM HAVE NAMES (OR AT LEAST THEIR NAMES ARE NEVER STATED IN THE CANON)' IS TOTALLY THE BEST BASIS FOR A MULTIFANDOM CROSSOVER.

I have had a

th_esaurus at my house all weekend, which made me very happy! I only regret that I can't have her here all the time. Feel better soon, RD. ♥

Finally, and entirely unrelated to anything else: I've been listening far too much to this song from the ending credits of Portal, an awesome-looking puzzle game I have never played and, to my distress, will probably never get the chance to. Spoilers for the game, if you're planning to play it.

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Would you like me to upload that song from The Piano for you?

It's very kind of you to offer, but don't trouble yourself. I was only writing the title down with the vague idea of looking up sheet music at some point in the future.

I HAVE SHEET MUSIC FOR IT

I've never seen Fight Club. *hides in shame*

also "THEY HAVE NO FIRST NAMES (AT LEAST NOT IN CANON)" is the best basis for crossovers ever.

Twenty-four hours ago, neither had I! It's definitely worth watching.

I've already had the ending spoiled, though.

Ages ago

Oh well.

I can't understand how anybody can live their lives while having not seen Fight Club. How is it done? Do you go to group meetings and support each other? ;)

I mean, the dialog is so dark and amazing. "With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels", "You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh" and "I am Jack's smirking revenge". Not to mention my favourite, "If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla". There's so much awesome mindfuck.

I do believe we refer to him as The Narrator, by the way...

And there's actually plenty of good Fight Club fanfic around, finding it is the problem.

I knew The Twist before I watched, of course, because it's fairly impossible to avoid The Twist, but it was still an awesome film.

The Narrator! That makes sense. Thanks.

You're totally right, I think you'd have to have lived in a cave over the last eight years to not know The Twist. It's the same with people who haven't watched The Sixth Sense, they still know that Bruce Willis turns out to be dead.

You're welcome :)

Thank you for reminding me I still need to get around to watching Fight Club in its entirety at some point!

Also, Portal is delightful and also made me very dizzy several times, on account of endless portals for ever WHERE AM I WHERE IS THE FLOOR HELP. (If you want to get it and play it, you might be able to use Steam (http://www.steampowered.com/v/index.php)?)

Point The First: Watch the Portal ending fight, because it is the BEST THING EVER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqpfhrlDJR0

Point The Second: Obsessive24 has a Fight Club music vid which may be the best vid for anything I've ever seen: http://obsessive24.net/videos.html

Point The Third: I totally started doing a rewrite of FF8 as Fight Club years ago, though it was based more on the book than the movie: http://draegonhawke.livejournal.com/tag/fanfic:+ff8

Point The Forth: http://sarcasticfox.deviantart.com/art/Mind-the-Gap-72036608 , http://sarcasticfox.deviantart.com/art/Thinking-with-Portals-73847947

Point The Fifth: YAY PORTAL!

I've actually already watched the ending fight, because I am in my Obsession With Games I've Never Played phase. It was amazing. I've watched the Companion Cube level, too. OH, COMPANION CUBE, I WEEP FOR YOU.

I shall check out those other links when I have a moment!

I'm sure that there are people who went beyond OMG BRAD PITT AND EDWARD NORTON MUST PAIR THEM UP NOW and explored the idea further.

I have never seen Fight Club! Apparently I'm missing something.

But the difference between the Janitor, the Master and the Doctor on one side and Nameless Main Character and 'I' is that the first three are Time Lords, and the latter two aren't.

True

also, the stig is a nameless timelord

*nods* The Stig is totally a Time Lord.

OKAY THEN I WILL.

ARE YOU JOKING?

...well, if you weren't joking about the rent boys/squid fic and the John/Poodle fic (AMAZING, BY THE WAY, and your Ianto is brilliant), I suppose not.

I adore you.

Email me and tell me what it is you want and I'll write it to you in a letter or something.

...

You wrote John/Poodle?!

Where is it?

On my journal! The most recent post on the fanfic tag: http://apiphile.livejournal.com/tag/fanfic

NB: Later, the poodle takes John to meet his "niece" who works in showbiz and whom he doesn't associate with much because her father was a labrador. ;)

I should hope John doesn't try anything with Top Gear Dog, because she can do heaps better.

You've seen how John behaves.

HOWEVER, you've also seen how Binky behaves. I think Top Gear Dog should be okay unless Binky gets it into his head to have a kinky threesome.

True.

Well, so long as Binky keeps an eye on John and isn't into his nice, she should be fine.

Ianto might want to worry about Jack, though.

"What are they talking about?" John asked suspiciously. On the far side of the cafe, Binky yipped and growled and thumped his tail against the garden chair, and Ianto nodded politely and muttered something in response. As if on cue, both poodle and Welshman turned to look coolly at Jack and John.

"Search me," Jack said, fondling his beer. "I didn't even know Ianto spoke canine."

A moment or two later Ianto waved them over with an offensively airy expression. Jack looked worried. "What was all that about?"

"Binky has just been advising me on the best place to get a good collar and lead."

Jack sighed. "Oh, not you too. Don't tell me you've gone over to the dog side."

"No, actually," Ianto said quietly, sipping his tea. When the pause had started to get embarrassingly long (John and Binky were slobbering all over each other as usual), he added, "It's for you."

"What?" Jack spluttered.

"We've talked about this, Jack," Ianto said warningly.

"Sorry, I meant pardon. PARDON."

"Binky said," Ianto continued with a very faint smile, "The only way to keep you fifty-first century types from ... sniffing around other bottoms, I believe was the phrase he used, he's quite literal-minded ... was to stick a collar and a lead on you."

Jack blinked a couple of times, smirked, and began to slide his hand up Ianto's thigh under the cover of the table. It was not particularly covering cover. "Kinky," he purred.

Ianto sighed. "Jack." He reached over the table and tapped the back of Jack's visible hand. "Down, boy."

This is hilarious!

And I finally saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and I like Captain John better than everyone on Torchwood. And I'm not just saying this because of the poodle, or because he and Jack once had a five year marriage for two weeks, or because he seemed like he might interested in being Toshiko's wife. Although those are all good reasons.

Truth be told I cannot stand Captain John, because I could never stand Spike, but he is a useful tool and I get to scare people by writing romantic bestiality fic again and I wrote John/Poodle and it got more LJ comments than anything else I have ever written in my life ever. O_O

I couldn't stand Spike either; but for the direction his character developed. He didn't annoy me on sight. I liked Captain John because we weren't supposed to think he was better than all his behavior would indicate (a lot of characters, like the Master, I can enjoy as long as I don't have treat them like some tragic and reform-seeking woobie), and because he was fun.

I can enjoy as long as I don't have treat them like some tragic and reform-seeking woobie

Agreed, it *is* nice to have some genuine utter mad bastards on TV who get off on being horrible and don't whine about it the whole time!

No, see, it's totally possible. You just have to write it so that Durdan uses toys instead of fucking the narrator/letting the narrator fuck him/touch him/etc.

It totally works.

A handjob would be possible, too. THIS COULD BE SO INTERESTING AND I WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO WRITE IT.

I have a horrible feeling that any main character/Tyler slashfic that already exists would just treat them like any two normal guys and not go into how it would work and what the main character would think and feel after the revelation. I WANT AN INTRIGUING EXPLORATION OF THE IDEA.

Linkies! *searches*

This one's pretty good (it's post book)-The Healing Process (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2415735/1/The_Healing_Process)

And this one is post-movie-Kiss (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2913533/1/Kiss)

The novel is love. I wrote an essay about the differences between it and the movie, and how it was adapted, last year. There's actually a Bollywood remake too, which just sounds so, so bad

You're a bad, bad, horribly distracting influence, and I hate you!

(Okay, I don't hate you. I think you're awesome, but my brain's now channeling fucked-up delusory Fight Club sex and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!)

Sitting on the floor of a rotted-out house with a fresh chemical burn on your hand, and your pants stained with blood and piss, doesn’t make it any easier when someone laughs in your face.

Just so you know.

Tyler laughs.

“You still can’t say it, can you?”

I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

No.

He pulls me up. “You want me to kiss you, but you don’t have the balls to ask.”

I don’t know where he comes up with this shit.

He moves in slowly. I can see it coming, but I don’t tell him to stop.

I don’t think I’ve ever told Tyler to stop.

I half expect the kiss to burn like the lye. It doesn’t. It’s rough, and a bit dry, and I still don’t tell him to stop. His hands slide down to my pants, and for a moment I remember the dampness of the piss-soaked fabric, and the smell.

He undoes my fly, and my pants drop around my ankles, followed by my underwear. Tyler grabs my dick. “You still telling yourself you don’t want this?”

I don’t say anything.

His touch doesn’t burn either.

He starts jacking me off, quickly, with a grip that’s almost too tight. The way I do sometimes. When it’s been a bad day and I want it to hurt. His other hand’s on my shoulder, pushing me back against the wall. I close my eyes.

The way I closed them when he poured the lye on my hand. But this time Tyler doesn’t tell me to open them.

This time, we’re both right there.

Tyler’s breathing heavily, like when he does push-ups. Aside from his breathing and mine, there’s no sound in the house.

My mind flashes onto Marla and Tyler, all creaking bed-springs and dirty talk. For a moment, I wonder if this is better or not.

Then Tyler quickens his strokes, and I stop thinking pf anything as I come in his hand.

Still breathing hard, I open my eyes. I’m standing against the wall, my pants around my ankles, a trickle of semen dripping down my legs. A drop falls down onto my pants, rounding out the collection of body fluids.

Tyler’s grinning. He didn’t get any on him.

He turns back to the mess in the kitchen, and the fat boiling on the sink. “You gonna help me finish this soap or not?”

-

This doesn’t become a regular thing. Tyler’s got Marla, and the way those two go at it, I’d be surprised if he could spare the energy for anyone else.

I don’t get that horny either. I don’t know why. I haven’t had sex since

(Tyler)

in a long time.

It’s not that I want to be the other man in Tyler and Marla’s fucked-up relationship.

It’s just that if I’m going to be stuck between them, I may as well get a hand job out of the deal.

---

I sit in my hotel room, staring at the kiss-scar burned onto the back of my hand, and try not to think about what Marla just said.

I can believe I beat myself up, just to see what it’s like. After that little performance I put on with the manager of the Pressman Hotel, it’d be hard not to.

I can believe I was the ghost in Tyler’s head, when I thought I was there. I’ve drifted through enough situations that I may as well not have been there. Tyler just took advantage.

I can believe I gave myself a chemical burn.

I can believe I backed up against the wall of my kitchen afterwards and jacked myself off.

But he kissed me.

And there’s no reason to buy all the rest of it and get stuck on that. If I’m – let’s not beat around the bush here – crazy enough for the other shit, I’m crazy enough to hallucinate a kiss.

But he kissed me. And if I can find the balls to admit it, I really want that to be real.

I don’t know if he’s coming back or not. I’m kind of afraid that he isn’t. I’m really afraid that he is. All this shit with the space monkeys and Project Mayhem has gotten way too big for Tyler to just stop.

It’s not about me anymore. It’s about the world.

Funny, people always told me that I lacked ambition.

I know I’m not going to ask him about it afterwards. I can’t have a where-is-this-relationship-going conversation with my imaginary friend.

“Fuck.” I close my eyes and grind the heels of my hands against them.

And because, right now, I’m really alone, I let the words slip out.

“Tyler, why?”

It’s not that I want to be the other man in Tyler and Marla’s fucked-up relationship.

It’s just that if I’m going to be stuck between them, I may as well get a hand job out of the deal.

You are awesome. Also awesome is 'I’ve drifted through enough situations that I may as well not have been there. Tyler just took advantage.'

Thank you so much!

Thanks.

Now please don't try to make me write the Giant Nameless Crossover, kay?

Okay, you win this round, seriously. Major props for choosing the lye scene, seriously PERFECT Chuck voice ... nngnggg. AWESOME.

Thanks. I had a copy of the book I was flipping through while writing.

Yours is rather brilliant as well.

I really should have done that rather than relying on memory. I mean, I only read it in December but still ... eh.

God I hate you. THERE. (http://apiphile.livejournal.com/1442979.html)

I had similar thoughts after the lye scene.

I have absolutely no idea what to do with this, but I will highly encourage you to read the book, except since you know Teh Spoiler it becomes a lot less... well, just less, I think. The movie did a wonderful job with it, though, especially the last fight scene (with the security camera). I loved both. :D!

Tell me about it. I saw the movie and then read the book (I still suggest reading the book, by the way; it's good), and I was just thinking, "They are so gay for each other! Hey, wait!"

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to
corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in
favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.
-- Piers Anthony

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http://ebloggy.com/bartmurphyks

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It's Hard To Overstate My Satisfaction.

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Twisted delusory Fight-Club sex.

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Nice quote