Where's The Paper?

[rionaleonhart]

Real-Life Conversation Theatre:
Riona: (at university, speaking to sparklenight) I could actually show a clip from Newswipe in one of our Discourse in Public Life seminars; it'd be completely relevant. I'd just have to find one where he isn't...
Coursemate: Hi!
Riona: ...swearing outrageously or pretending to masturbate. Hello!
Coursemate: ...my God, what are you talking about?


Even random YouTube commenters, I have discovered in my browsings, 'ship Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell!

Yes, but [The Big Fat Quiz] was quite amusing. David Mitchell was his partner (now that sounds... quite right).

Aww. David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker would make such a cute couple. There'd be an eternal spiral of self-deprecation and nihilism, so much so that their little cottage would be consumed into a whirlpool of misery. It'd be brilliant.

(An interesting side-note: these may quite possibly be the only coherent comments I have seen on the whole of YouTube. From this sample, I can draw the highly scientific conclusion that Mitchell/Brooker 'shippers are the only YouTube users who know the slightest thing about spelling and punctuation. Therefore, 'shipping Mitchell/Brooker improves intelligence. Solid fact.)

Sorry about all of the Brooker/Mitchell entries, guys! (And sorry for the inconsistent name ordering; I haven't yet settled on which permutation I prefer.) I think I just need an outlet, because I appear to have abruptly fallen in love with the idea of a pairing that literally nobody has written. With Mark/Jeremy, at least I have the subtext of Peep Show itself to console me in the near-absence of fanfiction by people who have picked up on it; Brooker and Mitchell have very little recorded interaction. I really have no excuse for 'shipping them. But 'ship them I do, and it has left me with a craving for which not even the Internet, it seems, can cater. They could hypothetically be so interesting!

The thought of writing either Brooker or Mitchell intimidates me, but it is looking increasingly as if I must at least attempt this. Just so it exists on the Internet somewhere. In fact, the more Screenwipe I watch, the trickier it becomes to keep Brooker's style of speaking from leaking into my journal entries, so I may not need to worry about capturing his voice; I just have to keep watching his programmes until I actually become Charlie Brooker.

Anyway, enough moaning, because I've just worked out which Pokémon Brooker would have on his primary team, and the idea delights me. Please enjoy this visual argument for Voltorb and Onix.




I never thought it was possible for a man to look more like an Onix than Jeremy Clarkson did. I was wrong.

Comments

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

Did you base the choices on the fact that Brooker, Voltorb AND Onix look rather frowny?

[rionaleonhart]

That was a good part of it, yes. I love that they all have basically the same expression. Also, Brooker just looks like an Onix.

[zeitheist.livejournal.com]

Sorry about all of the Brooker/Mitchell entries, guys!

Why are you apologizing!? All these entries are utterly delightful.

Also, the less said about Charlie Brooker's uncanny resemblance to an Onix, the better. (He SO DOES, though. It's unnerving)

[rionaleonhart]

Oh, good! I was afraid I was just boring everyone immensely.

I'd thought the reason I had decided Brooker would have an Onix was just because Rock and Ground seemed to suit him as types; it wasn't until I looked up pictures for the manip that I realised it was in fact because I had subconsciously registered that they looked exactly the same.

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

'I've never met someone who really doesn't dance before,' Charlie says, in one of the breaks in the mammoth, never-ending recording of Big Fat Quiz. David looks slightly hurt and Charlie hastens to explain. 'I mean, I bet you don't even dance when you're really drunk and all your friends try to make you, do you?'

'No,' says David quietly. 'I have a very low embarrassment threshold, as well as a low tolerance for doing new things, particularly new things that I know I'll be crap at. Perhaps you're just more outgoing?'

Charlie gives a bark of laughter. 'Nah. It's more that I'm a pathetic people-pleasing wanker.'

'But it doesn't work,' David says before thinking. Charlie looks like he's been slapped. 'I mean, you do all those things they want you to - drink, dance, sing, have one night stands and stay up all night smoking cannabis rather than writing your essays and they still don't really like you. And the few that do like you seem to do so even though you do none of those things.'

'You're lucky to have Rob,' Charlie says bleakly, and David doesn't know what to say to that. This is hardly the place to explain the whole Rob situation to a nearly complete stranger, no matter how similar they seem to be. (Though not that similar, David thinks, who knows only enough about cool to be able to diagnose it in others. Charlie has it, which seems unfair.)

[rionaleonhart]

I adore you. IT NEEDED TO EXIST AND NOW IT DOES. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER.

Charlie gives a bark of laughter. 'Nah. It's more that I'm a pathetic people-pleasing wanker.'

I can very much hear this. And I like that, whilst they are both obviously self-deprecating, Charlie combines his self-deprecation with laughter, and David is a little quieter and more sincere.

Oh, David. He needs so many hugs. 'the whole Rob situation' - you've managed to break my heart with just an inexplicit noun phrase. (And you have also made me crave more. I would have craved more even without the mention of the Rob situation, but now I am really interested in seeing that expanded. You do not have to write more if you don't want to! I am just saying that I would like to see more, as a way of illustrating to you how awesome you are.)

'who knows only enough about cool to be able to diagnose it in others' is a wonderful line!

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

'Do you know what we should do?' Charlie says in the next break. 'We should start a special club...'

'Like the Groucho?'

'Well, yes, in the sense that it will be a club. But no, because it won't be for media luvvie wankers and the coke-addled offspring of various giants of comedy and rock'n'roll.'

David giggles. 'So what sort of club, then?'

'A club for people like us. Where we won't be forced to talk to people constantly or smooze about pretending we liked someone's show-'

'- I can't say, Charlie, that I've noticed you doing a lot of that. Isn't it rather contrary to your job as a TV critic?'

Charlie looks a bit crestfallen. 'I have to be nice to their face, though. That's differet. It's like you going on Mock the Week and saying Gordon Brown's a massive tosspot. You wouldn't say that if you were having tea at No 10.'

'I might,' David protests. 'I'm very principled.' Charlie doesn't seem to know whether this is a serious remark, so David rolls his eyes. Charlie sniggers. 'I don't think your club will work, Charlie,' David continues. 'You've just admitted I'm the only other person you know who doesn't dance. There can't be that many of us out there.'

'Maybe you're right.' Charlie seems to be thinking about something. 'Do you want a drink after this has finished?'

'A drink?'

'Yes, a drink. Beer or coffee or whatever it is you drink. As we both write for the Guardian, we could have skinny lattes made with organic soya and just one shot of no-sugar vanilla syrup.'

'As long as the vanilla is ethically traded, that sounds good.'

'I might need to unwind by telling you exactly how much of a little jumped-up annoying tit Russell Brand is.'

'I would enjoy that very much. Though I must point out that he's a little tit who's book is currently outselling yours and mine by quite some margin.'

'Yeah, like I said, what a cunt.'

[truly-bohemian.livejournal.com]

I am just so thrilled to hear Mitchell/Brooker mentioned on my f-list, that I had to bounce in here and say YESSSSSS. I wrote David Mitchell/Lee Mack once, but the idea of writing this scares me because their fictional relationship is a truly beautiful thing. So, if you did write it, I, for one, would be insanely happy. :3

[rionaleonhart]

I wrote David Mitchell/Lee Mack once

Ooh, is this anywhere I might be able to access?

(Also, thank you for your support for this unfounded but clearly wonderful pairing!)

[nixwilliams.livejournal.com]

these may quite possibly be the only coherent comments I have seen on the whole of YouTube

VERY TRUE. i can hardly believe that's where you got them!

[rionaleonhart]

I was astonished! From the comments on most videos, you'd think the site had banned punctuation and indeed common sense.

[darkest-alchemy.livejournal.com]

I wish I'd known someone like you at university.
I have no idea what Newswipe is (or indeed, who Charlie Brooker is) but using clips of it has got to be better than showing clips from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a uni presentation (I got outvoted by the people I did it with; I hate Buffy and even worse, it was a presentation advocating its inclusion as something to be studied on a course about horror. Everyone else chose actual horror films. We did Buffy. I think I was probably cringing throughout the entire presentation).

[rionaleonhart]

I don't actually watch Buffy, but I think that sounds quite a fun presentation, as presentations go. Although admittedly perhaps not if you're an active not-fan, rather than simply not a fan. (Pfft, everyone knows Supernatural is the television programme to study on a horror course.)

[rionaleonhart]

I love getting into fandoms other people on my flist already know about! It's such fun when I start rambling about something new and find that I already have people willing to ramble right back at me, particularly when the new fandom is relatively obscure.

I do have a suspicion that Brooker might be quite fun to write. Nothing's coming to me at the moment, but who knows?

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

*joy* You are insane.

[rionaleonhart]

I don't know why my immediate impulse was to say 'thank you!', but, er, thank you!

[bubbles-san.livejournal.com]

RIONA RIONA. Today, I went on the internet, and I found this (http://hapuriainen.deviantart.com/art/Pokemon-trainer-dress-up-125433419) and immediately thought of you.

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

That's worryingly addictive.

ETA: I CAN'T STOP MAKING ODDLY-DRESSED ANDROGYNOUS POKEMON TRAINERS! HELP!

[rionaleonhart]

Awww, that's so charming! Thank you for the link!

[cobecat.livejournal.com]

He has the exact same nose as the Onyx. I'm really impressed.

[rionaleonhart]

It's weird! It makes Pokémon-assignation easier, of course, but should any man look quite that like a giant snake made out of rocks?

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

Okay, this is apropos of absolutely nothing (and lacks giant mechanical spiders, oddly enough), but you should watch this clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaHvM9KVpcw

It's got Sherlock Holmes in it. Sort of.

[rionaleonhart]

I SAW THE POSTER FOR THAT AGES AGO AND THOUGHT FOR MONTHS I HAD IMAGINED IT. I can't believe it actually exists.

Cannot get them out of my head.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

"Would you ... ow, no, the other way--"

"Well how am I supposed to go the other way when your elbow's right there?"

"You could have asked and -- oh god I've got cramp in my leg I've got cramp in my leg--"

"Do you want me to go on... I mean I can probably..."

"... I hope that isn't commentary on my technique. This really hurts. Ow."

"Well I'm not exactly thrilled about having your knuckles digging into my spine either."

"Is that your back? I thought it was the mattress."

"The mattress is not that greasy. How's your leg?"

"...better. Look, I know this is a radical idea but maybe we should try this with the lights on?"

"Do you really, really want to be able to see our flabby pale naked bodies slapping against each other, David?"

"Well when you put it like that."

"Exactly."

Re: Cannot get them out of my head.

[rionaleonhart]

I LOVE THEM. They are so wonderfully rubbish! I particularly enjoy 'I hope that isn't commentary on my technique', and 'Look, I know this is a radical idea' is just perfect.

[subtle-rift.livejournal.com]

He has the look of a man who has kept his voltorb from evolving so that it learns swift and explosion earlier, and feels no insecurity for not having an electrode.

[rionaleonhart]

I suspect you're absolutely right. I'm rather impressed by your ability to read Pokémon-related facial expressions, actually.