Where's The Paper?

[rionaleonhart]

Real-Life Conversation Theatre:
Riona: (at university, speaking to sparklenight) I could actually show a clip from Newswipe in one of our Discourse in Public Life seminars; it'd be completely relevant. I'd just have to find one where he isn't...
Coursemate: Hi!
Riona: ...swearing outrageously or pretending to masturbate. Hello!
Coursemate: ...my God, what are you talking about?


Even random YouTube commenters, I have discovered in my browsings, 'ship Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell!

Yes, but [The Big Fat Quiz] was quite amusing. David Mitchell was his partner (now that sounds... quite right).

Aww. David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker would make such a cute couple. There'd be an eternal spiral of self-deprecation and nihilism, so much so that their little cottage would be consumed into a whirlpool of misery. It'd be brilliant.

(An interesting side-note: these may quite possibly be the only coherent comments I have seen on the whole of YouTube. From this sample, I can draw the highly scientific conclusion that Mitchell/Brooker 'shippers are the only YouTube users who know the slightest thing about spelling and punctuation. Therefore, 'shipping Mitchell/Brooker improves intelligence. Solid fact.)

Sorry about all of the Brooker/Mitchell entries, guys! (And sorry for the inconsistent name ordering; I haven't yet settled on which permutation I prefer.) I think I just need an outlet, because I appear to have abruptly fallen in love with the idea of a pairing that literally nobody has written. With Mark/Jeremy, at least I have the subtext of Peep Show itself to console me in the near-absence of fanfiction by people who have picked up on it; Brooker and Mitchell have very little recorded interaction. I really have no excuse for 'shipping them. But 'ship them I do, and it has left me with a craving for which not even the Internet, it seems, can cater. They could hypothetically be so interesting!

The thought of writing either Brooker or Mitchell intimidates me, but it is looking increasingly as if I must at least attempt this. Just so it exists on the Internet somewhere. In fact, the more Screenwipe I watch, the trickier it becomes to keep Brooker's style of speaking from leaking into my journal entries, so I may not need to worry about capturing his voice; I just have to keep watching his programmes until I actually become Charlie Brooker.

Anyway, enough moaning, because I've just worked out which Pokémon Brooker would have on his primary team, and the idea delights me. Please enjoy this visual argument for Voltorb and Onix.




I never thought it was possible for a man to look more like an Onix than Jeremy Clarkson did. I was wrong.

Comments

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

'I've never met someone who really doesn't dance before,' Charlie says, in one of the breaks in the mammoth, never-ending recording of Big Fat Quiz. David looks slightly hurt and Charlie hastens to explain. 'I mean, I bet you don't even dance when you're really drunk and all your friends try to make you, do you?'

'No,' says David quietly. 'I have a very low embarrassment threshold, as well as a low tolerance for doing new things, particularly new things that I know I'll be crap at. Perhaps you're just more outgoing?'

Charlie gives a bark of laughter. 'Nah. It's more that I'm a pathetic people-pleasing wanker.'

'But it doesn't work,' David says before thinking. Charlie looks like he's been slapped. 'I mean, you do all those things they want you to - drink, dance, sing, have one night stands and stay up all night smoking cannabis rather than writing your essays and they still don't really like you. And the few that do like you seem to do so even though you do none of those things.'

'You're lucky to have Rob,' Charlie says bleakly, and David doesn't know what to say to that. This is hardly the place to explain the whole Rob situation to a nearly complete stranger, no matter how similar they seem to be. (Though not that similar, David thinks, who knows only enough about cool to be able to diagnose it in others. Charlie has it, which seems unfair.)

[rionaleonhart]

I adore you. IT NEEDED TO EXIST AND NOW IT DOES. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER.

Charlie gives a bark of laughter. 'Nah. It's more that I'm a pathetic people-pleasing wanker.'

I can very much hear this. And I like that, whilst they are both obviously self-deprecating, Charlie combines his self-deprecation with laughter, and David is a little quieter and more sincere.

Oh, David. He needs so many hugs. 'the whole Rob situation' - you've managed to break my heart with just an inexplicit noun phrase. (And you have also made me crave more. I would have craved more even without the mention of the Rob situation, but now I am really interested in seeing that expanded. You do not have to write more if you don't want to! I am just saying that I would like to see more, as a way of illustrating to you how awesome you are.)

'who knows only enough about cool to be able to diagnose it in others' is a wonderful line!

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

:D

I might write some more tiny snippets. I cannot see how they will ever ever have sex though.

The Rob situation is mainly just Abi and Esme, I think. And the lack of Rob/David sexing. Poor David.

[rionaleonhart]

They do not need to have sex! I think, in fact, that 'they both sort of want to have sex and they both know it and they both know it's never going to happen' would delight me far more than any actual sex could.

(EDIT: I forgot to register my delight at the prospect of possibly more tiny snippets. Eeee!)

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

'Do you know what we should do?' Charlie says in the next break. 'We should start a special club...'

'Like the Groucho?'

'Well, yes, in the sense that it will be a club. But no, because it won't be for media luvvie wankers and the coke-addled offspring of various giants of comedy and rock'n'roll.'

David giggles. 'So what sort of club, then?'

'A club for people like us. Where we won't be forced to talk to people constantly or smooze about pretending we liked someone's show-'

'- I can't say, Charlie, that I've noticed you doing a lot of that. Isn't it rather contrary to your job as a TV critic?'

Charlie looks a bit crestfallen. 'I have to be nice to their face, though. That's differet. It's like you going on Mock the Week and saying Gordon Brown's a massive tosspot. You wouldn't say that if you were having tea at No 10.'

'I might,' David protests. 'I'm very principled.' Charlie doesn't seem to know whether this is a serious remark, so David rolls his eyes. Charlie sniggers. 'I don't think your club will work, Charlie,' David continues. 'You've just admitted I'm the only other person you know who doesn't dance. There can't be that many of us out there.'

'Maybe you're right.' Charlie seems to be thinking about something. 'Do you want a drink after this has finished?'

'A drink?'

'Yes, a drink. Beer or coffee or whatever it is you drink. As we both write for the Guardian, we could have skinny lattes made with organic soya and just one shot of no-sugar vanilla syrup.'

'As long as the vanilla is ethically traded, that sounds good.'

'I might need to unwind by telling you exactly how much of a little jumped-up annoying tit Russell Brand is.'

'I would enjoy that very much. Though I must point out that he's a little tit who's book is currently outselling yours and mine by quite some margin.'

'Yeah, like I said, what a cunt.'

[rionaleonhart]

For some reason, I love the 'interrupted conversation taking place in the gaps between recordings' concept here.

Well, yes, in the sense that it will be a club.

Ahahaha, this is a perfect line in every way. Voice, rhythm, general brilliance: all spot-on.

I can't say, Charlie, that I've noticed you doing a lot of that. Isn't it rather contrary to your job as a TV critic?

Hee! And your Mitchell-voice is rather excellent. I can really hear 'I might,' David protests. 'I'm very principled', too. (And the line to which he is responding is also wonderful!)

I have such a stupid 'yay they are going for a drink together' expression right now.

[zeitheist.livejournal.com]

I don't know who you are, but you are possibly my favourite right now.

:D?

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU.