rionaleonhart | The Coffee Represents My Anguish.

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The Coffee Represents My Anguish.

Stolen from

squeemu:

Comment to this post with an idea for a Top Five list (for example, Five Cars With Which Jeremy Clarkson Has Had Torrid Love Affairs, or Five Times Nida Saved the World and Nobody Noticed, or Five Cases Watson Decided, On Balance, Not To Publish). Then, ~~in a separate post~~ in reply to your comment, I will compile the requested list, according to me. Multiple requests are welcomed.

I've concluded that I don't love Torchwood. I enjoy watching it, but I don't love it, and if it didn't get another series I wouldn't shed a tear. Alas.

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Well, this is very difficult to answer because Wilson usually pays for House's lunch whether he knows it or not. He occasionally wonders where all of his money is going.

5. When Wilson, on behalf of House, paid a lawyer's bill so unspeakably gigantic that he couldn't afford to for the next few weeks.
4. When House had somehow got it into his head that Wilson was having an affair with Cuddy, and Wilson, noticing the familiar obsessive signs, decided that it would be best to avoid him for a month or so.
3. When House, bored, turned Wilson's office upside-down in a hunt for evidence of something to pester him about, and Wilson refused to pay for his lunch because he was too angry.
2. When House stole his wallet, curious to see how he would react and how long it would take him to suspect House.
1. When Wilson was suddenly and mysteriously taken ill, and House was so busy trying to work out what was wrong with him that he forgot to eat.

Top Five Places You'd Least Want To Find Pyramid Head Hiding In Your Unlit Empty House:

5. By the window that's visible through the sitting-room door along the corridor from my bedroom, so I see him silhouetted against the faint light from outside when I step out of my room.
4. In the corridor downstairs that's always horribly dark when the house is unlit, while the central heating makes alarming gurgling noises.
3. At the foot of the stairs, thereby cutting off my escape.
2. Next to my bed as I gradually awake to the disturbing heavy breathing noise that so terrifies me in the game.
1. ANYWHERE.
0. Also, I hate you.

Five Times James Couldn't Manage To Pull The Trigger (With Spoilers For Silent Hill 2):

5. When he and Mary were shooting duck targets at a fair, and he couldn't work out how to fire the gun, and she spent the rest of the day playfully mocking him.
4. When Pyramid Head was advancing slowly towards him, and he was so terrified that he completely forgot to shoot and just clutched the gun uselessly.
3. After watching the video in Room 312. And then Laura came in, and he realised that he couldn't leave her in the town by herself.
2. When the monster that had been Mary (or was it Maria?) was lying on its strange bedlike frame and he couldn't bring himself to shoot her, so he stood there, gripping the gun, and listened to her saying "James... James... James..." over and over again for ever.
1. When Jeremy managed to accidentally destroy his borrowed Cessna, and James decided that the only thing to do was kill him but couldn't bring himself to do it. No, hang on...

Re: #2

AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND FIVE? HOW?

5. The Exorcist. OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'VE NEVER WATCHED IT. I JUST HAVE A FEELING THAT THE TOP GEAR TEAM WOULDN'T REALLY FIT IN.
4. Brainiac. The combination of the Top Gear team and the Brainiac team would result in a caravan-destruction so violent that it would take most of Western Europe with it.
3. The Diary of Anne Frank. Because nothing should be crossed over with The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a copout, I know.
2. Nineteen Eighty-Four. It makes absolutely no sense to cross Top Gear over with bleak dystopian fiction. Utter incompatibility! (Lord of the Flies also occurred to me, but, er, the Top Gear team trapped on an island and the whole thing dissolving into chaos? It's practically a regular episode.)
1. Alice in Wonderland. Damn you.

Actually I can see The Exorcist... *imagines Hammond's head doing 360...* ;)

The Braniac one is GLORIOUS.

It's practically a regular episode.

Heee!

1. Alice in Wonderland. Damn you.

*giggles* I thought it worked quite well, actually... ;)

Hee, thanks hon, that's a hoot!

There's an audience for Top Gear apocafic?

*nods* These snippits are hillarious! Might I ask, are you a fan of Good Omens, by any chance? :)

This meme = glee!

Torchwood really is a bit awful, isn't it? Such a shame. And there was such potential, woe! I haven't seen the latest one, but it is - according to my Classics teacher who is somehow even more crazy and fannish than me - a complete rip-off in every way of a BTVS episode called 'Earshot', but ten times worse, and with added gratuitous lesbianism. (Though, having said that, pretty much every Torchwood rips off something, and with a distinct lack of skill. HONESTLY.)

Yeah. I always read your Torchwood review posts, and I'm always left thinking "Man, Riona needs to start, watching BTVS, like, now." And so this is why, henceforth, it is my new evil mission to get you fannish about it. And given my track record, I will SUCCEED, AND GO ON TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL OF YOUR BRAIN. Erm, hopefully. BUT YES, seriously, even if you are not impressed so far, you will be. Because in spite of the cheesiness and the slight rubbishness (which TW has anyway) it is THREE BILLION TIMES MORE BRILLIANT and has the rather vital element which Torchwood lacks... but I can't quite seem to place. It's just not loveable, I think? I don't particularly care for the characters (even Jack OMG SORROW) and there is no way in hell I could obsess about it. It doesn't suck you in like other shows do. Alas. They should have hired the Life On Mars writers to do it, or something. Talking of which omg series two in January FLAIL!

LA LA LA OK I AM BLABBERING. But yes. You are now fully aware of my diabolical scheming. Also? Five Times House Actually Paid Wilson A Compliment, With Or Without The Intention Of Doing So.

5. Oh, oh, my heart. THEY ARE HAPPY! AND ADORABLE! And there was a time James didn't know how to fire a gun! This is just heart breaking, because of what happens in the game.

4. ARGH PYRAMID HEAD

3. ...HOLY -- ...crap, James, you are so crazy.

2. AUGH. "Mary (or was it Maria?)" is terrible and you are awesome.

1. *ROFL* A week later, Jeremy gets a note in the mail: "Meet me in our 'special place.' Love, the Cessna." The handwriting looked suspiciously familiar.

Have I told you recently how hilarious you are? Because, you know, you are.

AUGH. AUGH. AUGH.

re: #5 - Hee, awww. STOP BEING ADORABLE, IT IS VERY UPSETTING.

re: all the others - AUGH

P.S. THIS MEANS YOU ARE AWESOME

Surely the combination of the Brainiac team and Top Gear would just result in a bitch fight over who owned Hammond?

As for 1984 (which I first read in that year, yes I am that old)... Clarkson shut in a room with lots of caravans in front of him yelling "Do it to May! Do it to Hammond!" would be worth anything. Except for the fact that he doesn't need Room 101 to make him say stuff like that already.

Oh, goodness, there are so many to choose from!

5. Watch this. That's just not a sane opening video.
4. "So, yeah, you don't really exist. You're really a part of that guy suspended in the gigantic crystal flower, and you were created because he was turned into a shadowy insect a while ago. No, seriously."
3. "King Mickey’s palace is full of thorns! Quickly, Sora, jump through the portal into the peculiarly-animated black-and-white past and fight a cat/dog with the help of his past self!"
2. "THE SKELETON AND I MUST SAVE CHRISTMAS! COME, MY MUMMIFIED DUCK FRIEND!"
1. "Right, so my magical clothes have turned me into a lion cub..."

(Other candidates: “Because pages were ripped out of the book in which he lives, Winnie the Pooh has amnesia. Also, he is having an out-of-body experience.”
“OH MY GOD I’M BEING ATTACKED BY MY REFLECTION.”
“Yes, Scrooge McDuck, of course sea-salt flavour ice-cream will be a million-seller.”
“THE ONLY WAY TO GET OUT OF THE DUNGEON IS TO LIGHT MAGICAL LANTERNS WITH THE AID OF A WALKING, TALKING CLOCK AND CANDLESTICK.”
“Fighting countless clones, made out of water, of a man whose weapon is a magical sitar? Makes perfect sense to me.”
“YOU MUST DEFEAT THE SEA-WITCH... WITH SONG!”
“It turns out that the curse hasn’t been broken, because teleporting jellyfish have been stealing the cursed pirate gold.”
“YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED. OBVIOUSLY THIS ENTAILS BEING SUCKED INTO A COMPUTER AND FIGHTING COMPUTER PROGRAMMES ON A MOTORBIKE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM IS LIKE WHERE YOU COME FROM, BUT HERE THIS IS HOW IT WORKS.”
“Oh, no! All our ______ are gone!”)

2. When the monster that had been Mary (or was it Maria?) was lying on its strange bedlike frame and he couldn't bring himself to shoot her, so he stood there, gripping the gun, and listened to her saying "James... James... James..." over and over again for ever.

Oh. That's.

Oh.

(Secretly I think it is brilliant. Still.

Oh, James.)

Do you mind if I join you in trying to get her to watch BtVS? Because The Mayor is totally worth any amount of nagging.

AFHDSFHD OMG YES. I AM SO GLAD TO SEE I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO LOVES HIM TO DEATH. (I completely cannot blame Faith. I just want to give him a hug!)

"The Diary of Anne Frank. Because nothing should be crossed over with The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a copout, I know."

There exists a Dragonball Z crossover with this AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

And then we can get her to do Buffy/Top Gear crossovers!

Also, I'll bet she'll like Giles more than the Mayor because Giles > Mayor.

And was Earshot the one where Buffy went 'OMG MOM you slept with Giles? TWICE? AND IT WAS GOOD?' because that was brilliant.

Five Ways JD Tried To Convince Doctor Cox That They'd Make A Good Couple (my Scrubs is a little rusty, do please forgive me):

5. "God, did you listen to that woman? Prattling on and on and on about nothing. She reminded me of you."
"Well, ah, that's funny, because from what she was saying about her husband, he - well, I thought that he kind of sounded like you, and so, y'know..."
"...Newbie, if this is another 'why it would be a good idea for the two of us to - '"
"You know, they'd been happily married for thirty years, and - "
"She was in the hospital because he attacked her with a rolling pin."
"Well, uh - well, yeah, but - "
"You're right: they are like us. The only difference is that I would have gone for the carving knife, and I would have finished the job."
4. "We couldn't really be worse than you and Jordan."
"Look, Jennifer, I could go out with Robert Kelso and it would run more smoothly than me and Jordan. If that's the best recommendation you can come up with, doesn't that seem like a sign that maybe you should drop this stupid, stupid idea?"
3. "...Newbie, although I feel I may regret asking this... why the puppets?"
"I made them myself. Look, this one's me, and this one's you, and they've got Velcro on them so - look, see, you can make them hold hands!"
"Oh, good Lord, you have got to be joking."
"Look at how happy they are!"
2. "Right, that's it! You want this as much as I do, but you won't admit it because you're afraid of being happy! All I ever wanted was to make you happy, Dr. Cox! I can love you unconditionally! I will give you the emotional support you need! Why are you pushing me away?"
"Okay, I'm going to take out a restraining order now."
1. "Um, I'll worship you?"
"...I'm listening."

Yes. Awesome. (I sort of want to give Faith a hug too, though, as dead as I would end up.)

YOU HEAR US, RIONA? WATCH WATCH WATCH.

I love you. Lots and lots.

3 made me ridiculously happy. There are puppets! With velcro! And they're holding haaaaaaaands.

*glee*

YOU CANNOT SUCK ME INTO SOMETHING WITH A HUNDRED AND FIFTY EPISODES, I WILL EXPLODE.

ALSO DAMN YOU I AM FINDING THE SUGGESTED TOP FIVE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. GRARGH. STUPID HOUSE WITH HIS STUPID NOT COMPLIMENTING ANYONE.

This line is not in allcaps in order to make this comment look slightly more sophisticated.

I love this liek woah. God, they'd really make a horrible couple, wouldn't they. (No equality at all.)

You need to write more Scrubs. When you do, it makes me so very, very happy.

Hello, stranger! (The relationship really is hideously unbalanced. I think that's why I love it, because I am odd.)

Thank you! I'm afraid I'm very fickle and flit unpredictably from fandom to fandom, so I have no idea whether I'll get back into writing for Scrubs in the future. JD's voice is incredibly fun to write in, though, so it might be nice to return to it at some point.

(I think half the fun of those two is knowing it would never, ever work out--but even if they only lasted a day, that day would be hilarious. They may be the only commonly-slashed pair in fandom chosen entirely upon how funny it would be)

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The Coffee Represents My Anguish.

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Re: I really don't know where these bits are coming from

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