Oh, You Are Joking.

[rionaleonhart]

Right, this is the list of Insane Fanfic Ideas That I Really, Really Should Not Write (No Matter How Much I May Want To). Yes, the one that I said I wasn't going to do. Haven't you learnt by now not to believe a word I say?

These are definitely not all of the Insane Fanfic Ideas by which I am being pestered, but they're the ones I can think of at the moment.

Captain Jack Harkness/The Todd. Okay, so two omnisexual beings walk into a bar...

This would, of course, be absolute nonsense. Captain Jack would - I don't know, he'd go in for surgery or something, and he'd make a suggestive comment to the Todd before the Todd had a chance to do it, and it would include the following line:

It's the first time that anyone has ever made the first move on him, and the Todd is instantly, madly, hopelessly in love.

And then they would shag. For ever.

James May/Oz Clarke. (EDIT: Well, I am clearly rubbish at resisting these ideas. In the Event of a Wine Ponce Attack and The Ballad of May and Clarke.)
Oh, come on, it seems ridiculous that there's almost no slashfic for Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure. If half the Internet is referring to it as the 'Big Gay Wine Adventure' you'd expect at least a little Oz/James, surely. There is actually some out there already, but it's all extremely short and deliberately daft and about Oz being Evil. I want to write semi-serious, reciprocated James/Oz, just for the sake of it. But I mustn't, firstly because I don't feel capable of writing Oz and secondly because the Top Gear fandom would probably lynch me.

Gregory House/Perry Cox/Jeremy Clarkson/Gene Hunt. WHEN AWESOME BASTARDS COLLIDE.

House goes to Silent Hill and meets Dr. John Watson in a sort of Mary/Maria-esque thing, only less creepy and with many more fandoms involved.
Oh, yes. Watson would be extremely shocked by the implications House would make about his relationship with Holmes (House is Not The Sort Of Person One Would Expect To Meet if one is a Victorian gentleman), and of course that would be saying more about House himself than he would realise. Actually, I really want Watson to meet Wilson and the two of them to bond over their insane, obsessive friends. It could quite possibly be the cutest thing ever.

Top Gear genderswap fic. UNQUALIFIED DISASTER GUARANTEED. (EDIT: The Questionable Joys of Gender-Switching.)

This was spawned during the game of 'HEY, WRITE THIS TRULY DREADFUL FIC IDEA. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.' dracothelizard made a throwaway 'researching wedding clothes for this fic would be so much easier if James and the Stig were women' (don't ask) comment; I said "You realise, of course, that by making this comment you have doomed one of us to writing Top Gear genderswap in the near future?" with, of course, the subtext of "AND BY 'ONE OF US' I MEAN YOU. WRITE IT. WRIIIIITE IT"; she turned the challenge back on me, and before I knew what I was doing I was writing a snippet of Jeremy Clarkson in a miniskirt. I AM SO ASHAMED.

Jeremy Clarkson shags his co-presenters while said co-presenters are in car form.
THIS IS ALL eva_kasumi'S IDEA AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

The Top Gear team go to Silent Hill. (EDIT: A World of Madness.)
I so want this to exist, but it doesn't work at all. They don't angst! At all! Ever! And, as dracothelizard said, Jeremy would just decide he was sick of the town, jump the chasm in a car and drive off, cackling.

The penguins from Happy Feet go to Silent Hill.
Um. I honestly cannot defend myself, either for watching Happy Feet or for having come up with this idea. But come on! When the penguins got to the human settlement, and there was a weird mist and that horrible toolshed with broken stained windows and the bloodsmears on the snow? Silent Hill? Anyone? Please don't leave me.

Comments

[serriadh.livejournal.com]

I WOULD READ JAMES/OZ AND NOT LYNCH YOU.

You know that I am a true James/Jeremy shipper, right, but SERIOUSLY people, the slashy vibes you get from that programme.

Oz is all 'frustrated older person trying to get the young yob to see sense' <-- OH GOD. You know what I've just realised, the dynamic is very very similar to James and Jeremy, isn't it?

Except in Oz and James Big Gay Thong Adventures (someone should write superhero comicbook fic about that, too) James is the playing the part of annoying yobbo, and Oz is playing The Sensible One.

Oh go on - write it! You know you want to!

[sarkastic.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw the Captain Jack/The Todd connection. That scene where Todd is walking around the hospital saying, "Nothing wrong with that" to everyone he sees was such a Jack thing. And that's a perfect way for them to, er, come together. No pun intended, really.

[dracothelizard.livejournal.com]

HANG ON. If 'The Todd' is his name then he is CLEARLY a Time Lord, because everyone with 'the' as part of their name is a Time Lord! See also: The Stig.

"Gregory House/Perry Cox/Jeremy Clarkson/Gene Hunt" It would be the road trip OF DOOM. And can you imagine the others trying to find them and teaming up?

YOU CAN'T SEND THE RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY DANCING PENGUINS TO SILENT HILL. How would they angst? And there is nothing wrong with watching Happy Feet! Ridiculously happy movies are a good thing!

*uses wine adventure icon to influence you EVILLY*

[sashwizzled.livejournal.com]

This post, and all the comments stemming therefrom, are made of such absolute win that I have no idea where to even start.

I have to say, though, that this - Gregory House/Perry Cox/Jeremy Clarkson/Gene Hunt - would absolutely kill me. In the best possible way. Granted, I've never seen House (I need to solve that problem sometime, but I have no TV and YouTube failed me) and have no idea who Gene Hunt even is, but STILL. IT'S MADE OF AWESOME ANYWAY.

[moogle62.livejournal.com]

HOUSE HAS TO MEET WATSON OMG. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

*massive puppy eyes*

[reipan.livejournal.com]

The penguins from Happy Feet go to Silent Hill.

I BEG YOU TO WRITE THIS.

It can be my Christmas present.

[truly-bohemian.livejournal.com]

Please, please write Captain Jack/The Todd. No, really. I would love you utterly forever. :D

I think a bonding session between Watson and Wilson would be one of the cutest things ever. It should be written. I wrote a bonding session between Wilson and Cameron once... But I have never written a cross-fandom House fic.

Also, Richard Hammond would make a very cute woman.

[calamitysxchild.livejournal.com]

I don't even KNOW who half those people are but you are still my hero for being so brave.

[squeemu.livejournal.com]

Is it bad that I have never heard of Happy Feet before but really want to now? Based, you know, on the fact that it can be crossed over with Silent Hill?

OH MAN, the awesome bastards colliding would end with everybody dead. Dr. Cox would end up tearing someone's throat out with his teeth. ...I don't know why that image comes so easily to mind, I really don't. Er.

It's the first time that anyone has ever made the first move on him, and the Todd is instantly, madly, hopelessly in love.

Hee! This needs to be written. So badly. Because it would so happen.

HOW IS IT THAT I STILL DO NOT HAVE A SCRUBS ICON?