Trabia Garden

AN EXCITING GLIMPSE INTO RIONA'S WRITING PROCESS:

( This is probably of interest to very few of you. )

You know, I genuinely believe that, if dracothelizard and I teamed up and really set our minds to it, we could take over the world. As it is, our alliance tends to result in alarming fanfiction more often than in political conquest. That's probably a good thing.

Right now, dracothelizard is writing a fanfic in which James Sunderland, James May, James Wilson, James Norrington and James of Team Rocket are all stuck in Silent Hill.

I love her.

I do not, however, love her for sending me an e-mail with the following sentence in:

James Sunderland looks a bit like an older Chase.

AND THEN MY BRAIN EXPLODED.

The thing that frightens me the most about this is that it actually makes sense. James could easily be an older Chase. They certainly share qualities (the ever-so-slight incompetence, a certain degree of selfishness and oh, it is so, so difficult to resist making a huge and confusing post about Chase's actions in Hunting and his possible motives and how they compare to Sunderland), and they do look alike, but I cannot think about this because it is an insane and terrifying concept that makes me want to cry. Also because I actually really sort of want to write fanfiction about Chase's slow descent into becoming the man we see in Silent Hill 2 and his thoughts on the parallels between Mary and Cameron, and I shouldn't because it would be insane.

Although, perhaps, not quite as insane as James, James, James, James and James in Silent Hill.

I love that I can seem relatively normal next to Draco. Fic-writing-wise, she is the Clarkson to my May.

Right, this is the list of Insane Fanfic Ideas That I Really, Really Should Not Write (No Matter How Much I May Want To). Yes, the one that I said I wasn't going to do. Haven't you learnt by now not to believe a word I say?

These are definitely not all of the Insane Fanfic Ideas by which I am being pestered, but they're the ones I can think of at the moment.

Captain Jack Harkness/The Todd. Okay, so two omnisexual beings walk into a bar...

This would, of course, be absolute nonsense. Captain Jack would - I don't know, he'd go in for surgery or something, and he'd make a suggestive comment to the Todd before the Todd had a chance to do it, and it would include the following line:

It's the first time that anyone has ever made the first move on him, and the Todd is instantly, madly, hopelessly in love.

And then they would shag. For ever.

James May/Oz Clarke. (EDIT: Well, I am clearly rubbish at resisting these ideas. In the Event of a Wine Ponce Attack and The Ballad of May and Clarke.)
Oh, come on, it seems ridiculous that there's almost no slashfic for Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure. If half the Internet is referring to it as the 'Big Gay Wine Adventure' you'd expect at least a little Oz/James, surely. There is actually some out there already, but it's all extremely short and deliberately daft and about Oz being Evil. I want to write semi-serious, reciprocated James/Oz, just for the sake of it. But I mustn't, firstly because I don't feel capable of writing Oz and secondly because the Top Gear fandom would probably lynch me.

Gregory House/Perry Cox/Jeremy Clarkson/Gene Hunt. WHEN AWESOME BASTARDS COLLIDE.

House goes to Silent Hill and meets Dr. John Watson in a sort of Mary/Maria-esque thing, only less creepy and with many more fandoms involved.
Oh, yes. Watson would be extremely shocked by the implications House would make about his relationship with Holmes (House is Not The Sort Of Person One Would Expect To Meet if one is a Victorian gentleman), and of course that would be saying more about House himself than he would realise. Actually, I really want Watson to meet Wilson and the two of them to bond over their insane, obsessive friends. It could quite possibly be the cutest thing ever.

Top Gear genderswap fic. UNQUALIFIED DISASTER GUARANTEED. (EDIT: The Questionable Joys of Gender-Switching.)

This was spawned during the game of 'HEY, WRITE THIS TRULY DREADFUL FIC IDEA. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.' dracothelizard made a throwaway 'researching wedding clothes for this fic would be so much easier if James and the Stig were women' (don't ask) comment; I said "You realise, of course, that by making this comment you have doomed one of us to writing Top Gear genderswap in the near future?" with, of course, the subtext of "AND BY 'ONE OF US' I MEAN YOU. WRITE IT. WRIIIIITE IT"; she turned the challenge back on me, and before I knew what I was doing I was writing a snippet of Jeremy Clarkson in a miniskirt. I AM SO ASHAMED.

Jeremy Clarkson shags his co-presenters while said co-presenters are in car form.
THIS IS ALL eva_kasumi'S IDEA AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

The Top Gear team go to Silent Hill. (EDIT: A World of Madness.)
I so want this to exist, but it doesn't work at all. They don't angst! At all! Ever! And, as dracothelizard said, Jeremy would just decide he was sick of the town, jump the chasm in a car and drive off, cackling.

The penguins from Happy Feet go to Silent Hill.
Um. I honestly cannot defend myself, either for watching Happy Feet or for having come up with this idea. But come on! When the penguins got to the human settlement, and there was a weird mist and that horrible toolshed with broken stained windows and the bloodsmears on the snow? Silent Hill? Anyone? Please don't leave me.

Okay, this has got to be one of my favourite news stories ever.

A SPICY sausage known as the Welsh Dragon will have to be renamed after trading standards’ officers warned the manufacturers that they could face prosecution because it does not contain dragon.

Thank God for trading standards, eh? That could have been really confusing.

I have been playing a game lately with Certain Members Of My Friendslist. It is a very enjoyable game, and I would recommend it to all of you. The aim is to come up with the most bizarre, ridiculous fanfic concept ever, and then persuade someone else to write it. This can be quite dangerous, as, if you come up with a particularly loony idea, a skilled opponent can use it against you.

My point is that I have now written a semi-serious man/car fanfic, and it is all dracothelizard's fault.

Also, I have now seen a serious Top Gear fanfic in which Jeremy Clarkson wept a single tear.

Now, complaining about anything in the Top Gear fandom makes me feel like a horrible person now that I'm actually a part of said fandom, because it is absolutely the most friendly, welcoming fandom in the world, and the feedback is fantastic - you can always tell that at least some thought has gone into the reviews you receive - and, when you make a mistake ('JEREMY OPENED THE BACK DOOR OF THE PORSCHE 911 LOL,' Riona wrote thoughtlessly), the reviewers will point it out politely and gently. You'll still feel like an idiot, but you'll feel like an idiot because you are an idiot, not because anyone's trying to make you feel like an idiot.

There are people who read through and give a thoughtful review to every fic posted to the community. I would never be able to do that. There are no pairing wars. If you want to write, say, man/car, people will give it a chance and read it and not chase you out with flaming torches. There are some truly fantastic fanfics.

Still. Jeremy Clarkson wept a single tear.