rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
(Yes, I'm keeping up the Linkin Park entry title tradition. Yes, 'my friends are fish and they go to school' is absolutely a real Linkin Park lyric.)

I've finished the second chapter of Danganronpa V3! As with my first-chapter entry, you'll be getting my real-time reactions in the form of my messages to a friend while I was playing.


Spoilers up to the end of Chapter Two of Danganronpa V3. )


This game.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
The surviving members of Linkin Park have put out an official music video for 'One More Light' in memory of Chester, and noooooooooooo I can't handle this. It's a beautiful video, and in a way it's cathartic, and I'm glad to know they've been doing something creative to work through the pain, but also I sobbed so hard while watching this that my chest physically hurt afterwards. These poor guys. I wish I could hug all of them.

Mike did a radio interview as well, and it's really good to hear from him, but also there's a part where his voice starts to get unsteady and it's absolutely unbearable. I think I'm torn at the moment between 'it's really good to hear from the guys and know they're still around and haven't just stopped functioning' and 'I've spent so much time worrying about the pain they're in, and now that pain is even more real because I can see and hear it'.

Linkin Park is still my primary fandom, which means that I've been thinking about this most of the day, every day, for two solid months. It's easier now, but it's still a bit miserable. I'm desperately awaiting the new Dangan Ronpa game's release, hoping it will successfully distract me. Please just let me worry about fictional deaths for a while. No more getting invested in real people. I've learnt my lesson, I swear.

This whole thing has given me a little more faith in humanity, at least. I've seen so much kindness, so many complete strangers reaching out to each other, offering love and support to Chester's friends and fans and family. At heart, people really want to help those in pain.


On a lighter note, here are a couple of incredible things I have seen recently:

- this reinterpretation of High School Musical's 'Get Your Head in the Game'. (This link is actually to a reblog on the Tumblr account I secretly have, but I wouldn't recommend following it, because it's nothing but sobbing uncontrollably over Linkin Park. This blog is still the place I actually talk about things. Tumblr doesn't really suit me.)

- the trailer for American Vandal. Rei and I booted up Netflix, saw the description for this show, went '???????????????????' and had to watch the trailer. We're afraid to watch the show itself in case it doesn't live up to the trailer's promise.
rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
I recently had a conversation with my housemate about how extremely screwed up the Animorphs books were, containing the line, 'Yeah, that's not the first genocide in the Animorphs books.' It reminded me that I once wrote an Animorphs-inspired short story for school, and my English teacher called my parents because she was worried about my psychological health. (Look, we were prompted to write about nightmares! Were you expecting something nice?)

Seriously, though. There's one book where a kid's parents have been enslaved by mind-controlling aliens, so he goes, 'Well, I'll just murder this terminally injured kid and morph into him and go "look, I've made a miraculous recovery!" and then I'll have his parents,' and our heroes end up trapping him permanently in the body of a rat on an isolated island, which gets a reputation for being haunted because passing sailors can hear the rat-kid's psychic screams. One of our heroes, in rat form, is forced to chew through her own tail so their horrible plan will work. I was maybe ten years old when I read this.

Wait, are the Animorphs books the origin of my fondness for the Teenagers Suffering Horribly genre? They're definitely the origin of my writing style; the influence is really, really obvious when I reread my early Pokémon fanfiction. I've kept the 'very straightforward prose, lots of dialogue' aspects to this day. (And, on a content note, I'm still writing about teenagers suffering horribly.)


The theme of the inevitable Linkin Park segment in this entry is 'songs Linkin Park inexplicably never released on an album and don't have on their official YouTube channel EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE GREAT', because I went on a desperate hunt after hearing 'No Roads Left'. I've never heard Mike sing like this before! He usually raps or sings more gently; I had no idea he could manage something this desperate. And 'Across the Line' (warning for suicidal themes) is easily polished enough to be an album song; the buildup of the instruments is great. (The cats just had a DRAMATIC BATTLE while I was listening to it, and it made for the most incredible background music.)

Moving to some softer songs, 'She Couldn't' (again, suicidal themes) is also very good, although at least I can see why this one never ended up on an album: it was recorded in the Hybrid Theory era and wouldn't have fit with the harder sound of their other songs at the time, and the sampling might have created legal issues. And I love the instrumentation and singing on Blackbirds, although the lyrics hurt.

(Hard to think of any song from this band where the lyrics don't hurt. I'm doing a little better now (writing that horrible Until Dawn timeloop fic was incredibly cathartic and helped me claw myself out of a bad psychological dip), but it's been a really tough month. Chester's death in many ways feels like the death of my childhood, and it also got tangled up in my head with the death of a friend of mine under similar circumstances years ago, so I've been grieving on a weird number of levels.

WAIT, CURSES, I GOT SAD IN AN ENTRY AGAIN AND THE RULES SAY I HAVE TO POST SOMETHING CUTE TO MAKE UP FOR IT. Here are Chester and Joe putting on a stupid puppet show with puppets of the band members. I love the 'making fun of friends you know really well' feel of it. I also enjoyed Chester bouncing around ridiculously to a silly version of 'One Step Closer'.)
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
Why have I created an online quiz that helps you decide which Linkin Park song to listen to? Good question. I don't know. The latest in my increasingly laboured series of excuses to talk non-stop about Linkin Park's music, I suppose. But here it is, in any case.

I made this and then went, 'Wow, what a colossal waste of time, I can't believe I spent five hours on this,' and a few hours later I went, 'God, I've got Chester's acoustic "Let Down" stuck in my head and for some reason it's emotionally devastating me. I need to listen to something to drive it out, but I don't know what! If only I had some sort of guide to - HOLD ON.' (It took me to 'Forgotten'. Always a good choice.)

It's not a definitive guide; it's missing some absolute classics ('Somewhere I Belong' is the worst omission). But it's got a reasonable selection: about forty songs (not counting joke songs), at least five from each studio album. Very useful if you know enough about Linkin Park to go 'I want a Chester song' or 'I want a Mike song' but somehow not enough to go 'I want this song specifically'. I'll be honest: this is absolutely pointless. But it was fun to work on. My favourite question is 'How much do you want to feel Chester hates you? [a lot/incandescently]'


In other news, I played a bit of Transistor recently, although I don't know when or if I'll have the opportunity to continue. 'Why does my sword have an opinion on food?' I asked at one point, puzzled. I was happily 'shipping the main character with her sword, but I 'shipped them substantially less after I realised the sword was actually a person, rather than just being a talking sword. That's much less fun. I did appreciate the inclusion of a 'hum a tune' button, though (even if nothing will ever beat the 'tell a terrible joke' button in The Last of Us: Left Behind).


Finished the first series of Pretty Little Liars! It is still delightfully silly. At moments I've found myself slightly 'shipping Hanna and Emily. To be honest, at moments I've found myself slightly 'shipping all four of them. They should all make out. And then A should use that for blackmail purposes, obviously.

I'm so sad that this is never going to happen.

Ezra has transferred schools, so he's no longer Aria's teacher and their relationship is now legitimate. I really hope it comes out at some point that they were involved while he was teaching her. What's the point of including a teacher-and-student romance plotline if you never get the enormous scandal of it coming to light? 'OH NO, ARIA'S JEALOUS' seems to be the only Ezra/Aria plotline we ever get, and 'OH NO, YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE NOW' would be much more fun.
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
I have now listened through all seven Linkin Park studio albums from beginning to end! I've bookmarked a... frankly ridiculous number of tracks, although most of them were in my bookmarks before I actively started listening to full albums. (Counting non-album tracks, I have bookmarked over fifty Linkin Park songs. Fifty. There are more than half a hundred Linkin Park songs I love. They are the best band ever and all the other bands are just going to have to deal with it.)

Here is my definitive, unfaultable ranking of which albums are the best, determined through the following extremely scientific method:

METHODOLOGY: Which album have I bookmarked the most tracks from?
CONCLUSION: That one's the best.

I am a woman of simple needs. I don't care about how well the songs flow together or how coherent the album's themes feel. I just want a load of songs I like to listen to. As such, I am not going to make adjustments based on the total number of tracks. Screw your percentages. A twelve-track album on which I like eleven tracks is better than a ten-track album on which I like all ten, because it gives me more songs to listen to endlessly. If you think that's unfair, One More Light, you shouldn't have skimped on the tracks!

A couple of caveats:

- I listened to Hybrid Theory from beginning to end many times as a teenager, so I think of it more as a full album than as a set of individual songs. I originally just bookmarked the album playlist. Since then, I've bookmarked a few particular favourites, but I haven't been quite as diligent about going 'ooh, better hang on to this one' as I have been with songs from other albums, because I know I'm never going to lose a Hybrid Theory song; at some point, I'll listen to it in full again. Its position on the list of albums may therefore be lower than it deserves. (I hadn't realised until just now that I'd left the eternal classics 'Papercut' and 'Crawling' off my bookmark list. Better fix that.)

- The entire One More Light album is now pretty painful. I listened to it from beginning to end before we lost Chester, but I haven't been able to bring myself to since. There are songs on there I might decide to bookmark if I heard them another time or two (e.g. 'Battle Symphony'), but right now I just can't.

Weird discovery in the course of this adventure: 'New Divide' was never on a Linkin Park album? Really? Are you sure? I mean, I wasn't expecting 'Rolling in the Deep' or that silly song about jellyfish to be on any of their studio albums, but 'New Divide'?

I don't particularly expect anyone to be interested in this entry, but TOO BAD, I'M WRITING IT ANYWAY.


The definitive, absolute scientific ranking of Linkin Park albums. )


I found myself feeling unexpectedly chipper whilst compiling this entry! Chipperness has been in short supply for the last few weeks and I was terrified it might have fled me entirely, so this is great news. I just love this band! I love talking about this band! And maybe I can never enjoy them in the same way again, but I'm relieved to realise that doesn't necessarily mean I can't enjoy them at all.
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: sora, riku and kairi having a friendly chat. (and they returned home)
Having now listened to Minutes to Midnight from beginning to end: yep, favourite Linkin Park album. (Even if it contains 'Leave Out All the Rest' and 'Bleed It Out' and 'Shadow of the Day' in immediate succession, which is such a high concentration of agonising lyrics that it's almost hilarious.) 'Wake', 'Given Up' and 'In Between' are the only songs I didn't love enough to bookmark, and I still like them (and I have to respect Chester for holding that scream in 'Given Up' for an entire sixteen seconds). I'd never heard 'Valentine's Day' before; it's so pretty! (And heartbreaking. LIKE EVERYTHING.)

(EDIT: Wait, I had 'Given Up' bookmarked all along! I hadn't realised because it was in the wrong folder. The best album.)

No more Linkin Park in this entry, I promise. (I wish this band could stop being my primary fandom. I'd sort of hoped my mind would go 'yikes, suppose I'd better latch onto something else' when they went from causing me joy to causing me intense sadness, but instead it's going 'NOPE, I'VE TAKEN OUT A SUBSCRIPTION AND THIS IS STILL THE ONLY THING YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CARE ABOUT.' I can't even distract myself by throwing myself into writing, because I can only write for whatever I'm currently fannish about, and writing Linkin Park fanfiction would be far too weird and upsetting! I mean, no offence, guys, I love you, but this has not been one of my better fandom experiences.)

(EDIT: Wait, I forgot the rule that I'm not allowed to be sad about Chester without also posting something cute about him! Swanning around in a cape.)


I really love the friendships at the heart of Pretty Little Liars. I'd assumed this was just going to be a show about awful people being awful! But instead it's largely about good people being awful, and that gives it a lot of charm. I suppose it appeals to me in the same way Dangan Ronpa and Higurashi do, although Pretty Little Liars doesn't contain quite as much murder. Here are some teenagers! They're largely good-hearted and they care about each other. Let's watch them make horrible, horrible mistakes.

My other favourite thing from Pretty Little Liars is A's increasingly stupid methods of sending messages. The best so far: sneaking a message into a fortune cookie. 'Writing a message on one of a fortune teller's tarot cards, apparently in the knowledge that that card will be deployed when one of the people you're blackmailing is having her fortune read' was also top-quality.


Although I tend to get more invested in good-hearted characters, I can appreciate the occasional awful person in fiction. Our household has been watching Gypsy on Netflix, or, as we've taken to calling it, Bad Decisions Therapist. It's very slow-paced and I might not have stuck with it if I hadn't been watching with my housemates, but I'm enjoying what a terrible person the main character (the titular bad decisions therapist) is. My favourite scene so far is her trying to drag details of her patient's sex life out of him because it's turning her on. She's not the worst fictional therapist you could go to, but only because Hannibal Lecter exists.

(...as a character. I don't think Hannibal Lecter actually exists.)

My housemate challenged me to write fanfiction about the protagonist playing 'fuck, marry, kill' with Hannibal (specifically of the television series Hannibal). Here is the terrible result:


"Okay," Jean says, trying to keep her smile under control. "It's unprofessional, I know, but... your patients. Fuck, marry, kill?"

Hannibal nods thoughtfully. He seems to be taking the question a little more seriously than she'd anticipated. "Will."

There's a pause.

"Wait, which one?" she asks.

"Will," Hannibal says.
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: riku, blindfolded and smiling slightly. (we'll be the darkness)
I posted a thread about Chester Bennington on an anonmeme and got some nice replies, so I'm going to link it here in case I ever want to look back at it. (I'm not good at being anonymous. I was thinking 'isn't it weird to link to something I posted anonymously?' and then thought 'well, it's not as if anyone who happened across that thread wouldn't have been able to guess it was me.') It felt really good to celebrate his music, rather than just mourning his death.

So I'm going to do some more celebration of his music here! Two songs for each of Linkin Park's seven studio albums, one popular (more than ten million views on the official Linkin Park YouTube channel) and one more obscure (fewer than five million). Compiling this list really made me realise how varied Linkin Park's output has been.


In which I ramble about a load of Linkin Park songs. )


As a bonus, my favourite non-Linkin Park song by Chester: Inside of Me, Dead by Sunrise. I love the pace and energy and ferocity of it, and I find it really difficult to resist a well-timed 'whoa-oh'.

I'm also pretty sad that this apparently never became a full-length song. 'Down on the fairytale path, there is a wizard awaiting you...'


So many songs in this entry, and it barely scratches the surface of Chester Bennington's contribution to music. Sometimes I can hardly believe he was a real person. He once broke his wrist at the start of a live show and went right on singing for the next hour. What a guy.

If you're particularly fond of any of his songs, incidentally, I'd be interested to hear about them!
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
A month ago today, I was in the O2, watching Chester Bennington bound around the stage. The stage was incredibly far from our seats, the performers were tiny, but his voice filled the arena and he had so much energy. Linkin Park's music had been a part of my life since I was twelve or thirteen years old, but I'd never really taken notice of the people behind it before. I fell a little in love.

Two weeks ago today, we lost him forever.

I keep thinking I'm okay and then realising I'm not.


I'm going to put this sadness under a cut. )


Okay, I'm not allowed to be sad about Chester without also posting something silly or cute about him. That's the rule. Here is Chester going to great lengths to scare Mike. Also, here is a video of pigeons backed by Linkin Park music, which is hilarious to me and I don't know why.

(Be aware that there's a lot of discussion of losing people to suicide in the Dreamwidth comments.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy viii: found a draw point! no one can draw... (you're a terrible artist)
(No Linkin Park in this entry (well, apart from this line), but I might stick with Linkin Park lyrics in my entry titles for a while, as a small tribute.)


Last night I dreamt that Connor and Michaela from How to Get Away with Murder had sex, because Michaela was complaining that her boyfriend couldn't get her off and, well, Connor is gay, but he does like a challenge.

I'm now really sad that I can't write this on three different levels (I can't write sex, I can't write the characters and it would get me into terrible trouble with the fandom), because I desperately want it to exist. I could actually see it happening; they get along very well, they've been through such intense things together that they're well beyond 'can't make weird propositions in case it damages our friendship', and I really wouldn't put it past Connor to suggest it.

I probably shouldn't rewatch How to Get Away with Murder for the sole purpose of writing something that's going to make a lot of people very angry with me.


Here are the stupidest events from this weekend:

- My mum could barely get out of bed on Saturday. Apparently she'd had trouble sleeping the night before, so she'd taken two Natrasleep tablets - but, whoops, turned out that actually she'd accidentally taken some epilepsy medication that was lying around instead. Nobody in the family has epilepsy. I don't understand how this happened. (She is fine.)

- We drove out to my aunt and uncle's house to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary. At one point, my uncle called for silence and began making a speech about their marriage to the sixty or seventy assembled guests. He had failed to notice that my aunt was not present at the time. She showed up halfway through his speech and wasn't terribly impressed.

- There wasn't enough space in the house, so a fair few of the guests, me included, had to camp in the pouring rain. (Camping is horrendous and I am owed a personal apology from whoever invented the commercial tent, thus leading people to think it was somehow acceptable.) At four in the morning, lying in my tent, I heard voices outside; apparently one of my cousins had got rather drunk and forgotten which tent was his. 'Is this your tent, this little one here?' asked the exasperated other cousin trying to guide him. 'Is this your tent?'

- Eventually, my cousin found his tent and crawled in, and then I heard very annoyed voices and an odd hissing noise. It turned out the next day that he'd somehow immediately deflated the air bed his girlfriend was sleeping on.

- We ran out of petrol on the way back and got stuck on the side of the road for an hour. Apparently our petrol gauge is broken, so my dad was just guessing how much petrol we had left, and his guesswork was not spot-on. A policeman showed up and said that one of us had to get into his car, but he wasn't clear on why. It felt like we were being arrested for poor planning. The police just ended up towing us onto a slightly less busy road (rather than actually usefully towing us to a petrol station), but I still don't understand why my brother had to be in the police car.

- Once we'd got home, my mum told me a story that delighted me: apparently, my aunt's parents did not approve of her relationship with the ruffian who would later marry her and become my uncle. One day, my aunt smuggled my uncle into her bedroom at her parents' house. When they heard her father approaching, my uncle hid in the wardrobe. Her father entered the room, immediately opened the wardrobe and said, 'Who do you think you are: James Bond?'
rionaleonhart: the last of us: joel and ellie look out at the ruined horizon. (lot of ground to cover)
This entry keeps accumulating sad bits. Let's cut out the sad bits. I'm tired of being sad.

[personal profile] magistrate has reminded me of this 'does music make food taste better?' experiment with Chester and Mike, which can still make me smile even after this loss. They sing a screaming rock song about cup noodles about two minutes in. It's incredible. Gladiolus would be proud.

I'm also enjoying 'Things in My Jeep', a Lonely Island song on which Linkin Park feature. I don't know why Chester screaming about trivial things makes me so happy.


It's been hard to focus on much, but I've started watching Pretty Little Liars, and it's the most effective distraction I've found so far because everything is SO STUPID. It's just wall-to-wall teenagers making the worst decisions possible, and it's incredible. Nothing's ever boring! There's always a new ridiculous plot development around the corner! I almost crowed in delight at the inevitable 'surprise, the guy you slept with is YOUR NEW TEACHER.'

'We're only on episode six!' I found myself yelling at the screen at one point. 'How can so much possibly have happened?'

I really like Hanna. She's not at all the character I thought she would be. She's shoplifting a pair of sunglasses when we first meet her, which isn't the best of first impressions, and I thought she was going to be the stereotypical shallow 'queen bee' character - a bit of a Regina George. But she's got a good heart. When she learnt about the relationship between Emily and Maya, I wasn't sure what her reaction would be; I was really touched when she started subtly, awkwardly trying to let Emily know that she'd have support if she came out.

I really like everyone's complicated feelings about Alison as well. She's the worst! They're all extremely aware that she's the worst! But that doesn't mean they don't miss her, and the way she made them feel part of something special.

(I just looked up Pretty Little Liars on IMDB to check the spelling of Alison's name, and apparently Alison's actress appears in every single episode. That's pretty impressive. She's constantly, constantly, constantly present in their lives, even if she's not physically there.

Also HOW ARE THERE 160 EPISODES, I'VE ONLY WATCHED EIGHT AND THEY'VE ALREADY CRAMMED IN JUST ABOUT EVERY STUPID PLOT DEVELOPMENT POSSIBLE.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
I've never grieved for a public figure like this before. I'm not sure I even realised it was possible. I loved Hybrid Theory so much when it first came out, but I didn't really get to know the band members as individuals until the concert a few weeks ago, so it's a weird double-punch of 'he's been important to you since you were a child' and 'you didn't know him for long enough'.

My birthday was two days before Chester's death, and [livejournal.com profile] th_esaurus gave me a DVD of Linkin Park's 2010 'Shadow of the Day' concert in Madrid. I was actually watching it when the news broke, and, unsurprisingly, I didn't finish it that day. I couldn't contemplate watching it yesterday, either, when I hadn't slept enough and I was still intermittently crying and I could barely eat. (Getting tearful again typing this, come on. I'll move past this, I'll be okay.) But this morning, after a full night's sleep, I started it up where I had left off, in the hope it might offer some sort of catharsis.

I think it helped.

Below the cut are the text messages I sent to [livejournal.com profile] th_esaurus while I was watching, both before and after. I'll spare you the messages I sent at the moment I actually learnt the news.


Linkin Park, 'Shadow of the Day' concert DVD, interrupted reactions. )


Thank you for everything, Chester. I wish you hadn't left us. I wish we could have spoken. You'll be missed.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (Default)
Chester Bennington has died.

I'm devastated.

You were a big part of my early teens. I thought going to see Linkin Park in concert would just be a fun nostalgic thing, but you were so good on stage. I've been hoping I might be able to see you perform again ever since then. I can't believe it was only on the third of this month.

I'm glad I was able to see you once, at least.

Thank you for giving me so much joy over the last fortnight. And, on a less intense level, thank you for the joy you've given me over the last seventeen years. Also, fuck you slightly for being the reason I've been sitting here and crying for the last hour? (I'm trying to proofread this entry right now, and I can't see the screen through my tears.)

But 'Leave Out All the Rest' asks us to forget the wrongs that you've done. So I'll forgive you, I suppose. When I'm not quite such a wreck.

It also says, 'Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.' I think you left behind your own reasons.

There'll never be another.

God, I fell so hard for you and we never even met.


rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
Hmm, I thought. As I love the music video for 'Heavy' so much, maybe I should check out some other Linkin Park videos and see whether they spark any writing inspiration.

(Did I forget for a moment that I'm supposed to be trying not to write Linkin Park fanfiction? Er, possibly. I maintain that music video fanfiction doesn't count.)

I'm now deeply conflicted over the video for 'Leave Out All the Rest', which depicts the band on a spaceship that ends up drifting into a star. On the one hand, hey, an interesting AU setting! On the other, it's an interesting AU setting that I never want to write about, because it sets off my fear of space very badly.

I'm also intrigued by the 'In the End' video, with its charmingly turn-of-the-millennium graphics and young Chester being an attractive little shit (his smirk in the bridge!), in which they sing a desiccated wasteland back to life and for some reason there are flying whales. It's a strangely hopeful video for a song with hopeless lyrics. You tried so hard and got so far, in the end it doesn't even matter, but the video is telling you that you can move past this. Your life still has the capacity for beauty and flying whales.


THE BOOKENING TITLE #14: The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins

A real book! An actual, proper book that non-fannish people have read!

This is not my usual reading fare, but I enjoyed it! I was interested, but not invested, if that makes sense. Most of the time, when I was actually reading it, I was gripped. When I wasn't reading it, though, I didn't think about it at all. So I'd tear through a hundred pages in a sitting, and then I wouldn't touch it for days; there was never any point where I thought 'wow, I can't wait to get back to that book' or found myself speculating on the solution to the central mystery. This was a book that only existed when it was in my hands.

The main character struggled with self-loathing, made terrible decisions and couldn't trust her own perception of reality, which are all qualities I enjoy in fictional characters (I repeat: the music video for 'Heavy' is so good). I also liked the way she made her own personal fandom out of the people she saw from the train, and then basically self-inserted. Everyone in this book is very difficult to like (poor Cathy is the only half-decent person in a sea of arseholes), but I did end up with a touch of fondness for Rachel, and I really liked the scenes between her and Anna towards the end.
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
Okay, look, this doesn't count as Linkin Park fanfiction. It's fanfiction for a music video. It's completely different.

(I never thought I'd write fanfiction for a canon that's less than three minutes long.)

I had to tie myself to a door when researching this.


Title: Keep Spinning
Fandom: the music video for Linkin Park's 'Heavy'
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,900
Summary: Two broken people, trying to hold each other together.


Keep Spinning )
rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
The sudden flood of Linkin Park posting will die down eventually, I promise! I love being into something in an enthusiastic, 'compelled to talk about it constantly' way, but my real-life friends who are into Linkin Park are more interested in normal 'what's your favourite song?' conversations than in 'let's discuss the strange intensity of Chester's eyes for seven hours', so I just end up throwing all that enthusiasm into my Dreamwidth.

I'm starting to feel that Linkin Park are personally poking needles into my resolution not to write fanfiction. I've only just watched the music video for 'Heavy', and !!!!! it features Chester screaming at himself and beating himself up and then being dragged out of his psychological breakdown and comforted by an equally broken person, HOW DID YOU PUT SEVERAL OF MY FAVOURITE FICTIONAL TROPES IN A MUSIC VIDEO.

'Heavy' isn't one of my favourite Linkin Park tracks, but it's catchy and I like it and it worked really well live. I was actually pleasantly surprised when I first heard it, because for months I'd been seeing 'this is so good, UNLIKE HEAVY, THE WORST SONG EVER MADE' comments on every Linkin Park song I listened to. I had to brace myself to listen to the song; I was confused but pleased to find myself enjoying it!

'Heavy' and the other songs on One More Light are very different from Linkin Park's older work, certainly, but they're not bad, and I like the band's willingness to experiment with new genres. They don't want to keep putting out the same album endlessly, and that's a good thing! I love Hybrid Theory to pieces, but if I want Hybrid Theory I can just listen to Hybrid Theory again. 'Breaking the Habit' would never have existed if they hadn't been prepared to go lighter than their 'signature' sound, 'Guilty All the Same' would never have existed if they hadn't been prepared to go heavier, and both songs are fantastic.

I mean, yes, sometimes they make genuinely bizarre decisions (did you really release a concept album designed to be listened to from beginning to end in 2010, you maniacs?), but their willingness to take risks has resulted in a huge, diverse, interesting collection of tracks. I like 'Crawling' and I adore 'Numb', but they're very similar songs, and it would be unbearable if they'd just been releasing songs in the same style for the last seventeen years. I wouldn't love 'Numb' nearly so much if they'd diluted its impact with a hundred songs that sound exactly the same. So, even if I'll happily listen to that song ten times in a row, I'm glad One More Light is something new, rather than 'Numb' Again, Ten More Times.

Wait, I'm not supposed to be talking seriously about music. I'm supposed to be daydreaming about scenarios inspired by that music video. Chester and his duplicate, circling each other warily. Getting under each other's skin (CRAAAAAWLING etc.). Maybe angrily making out a little. Look, it's not as if nobody knew I was thinking it; I might as well say it out loud.

Incidentally, this weird but endearing clip, which I assume was born of Mike being insecure about his height, is the most strangely beautiful I've ever seen Chester being (from the moment he stops stooping). Apparently 'filmed slightly from below, in profile, in black and white' is his best angle.

why have I got it so bad for Chester Bennington

this is EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING
rionaleonhart: twewy: joshua kiryu is being fabulously obnoxious and he knows it. (is that so?)
Cut for a couple of GIFs (it will shock you to learn they're of Linkin Park) )


I'm not planning to put GIFs in all of my entries from now on, I swear. I'm breaking the habit tonight. But somehow I can't stop staring at sweat-soaked, exhausted Chester and Mike, and I'm popping these here to facilitate that staring. Send help.

I'm not tinhatting, I should clarify. I'm not even 'shipping them romantically. That's a genuine promise, as opposed to the insubstantial 'I know very well I can't be trusted' promise that I won't end up writing a terrible Linkin Park/Pokémon crossover. I think they love each other a lot; I absolutely don't think they're pining desperately over each other, held apart by the evil record industry. But I do feel their dynamic is adorable, and, I'll be honest, I find Chester unsettlingly attractive in these GIFs.

My first reaction on looking up pictures of Linkin Park was 'huh, Chester's got a bit of a weird face, hasn't he?' His face still looks slightly odd to me. And yet.

(My last celebrity crush was Charlie Brooker, so maybe I'm exclusively attracted to people with weird faces. Mike's right there next to him, being all handsome, but my tastes refuse to make sense.)

My promise not to write a terrible Pokémon crossover is now looking more insubstantial than ever. I cannot believe nobody told me about this exchange on Chester Bennington's Twitter.

Fan: if lp never got together, what career would you have pursued?
Chester: Pokémon trainer
Fan: if not Picachu, who will be your favorite?
Chester: bulbasaur

Oh, God, he even included the accent on 'Pokémon'. I think I'm in love. I was already trying not to write fanfiction about your Pokémon-training adventures, Chester; don't do this to me!

(Although Chester's taste in Pokémon cannot be faulted, Bulbasaur can't learn Roar, which scuppers my 'every Pokémon in his team knows Roar' suggestion. I suppose his Bulbasaur could know Growl, at least. Oh, hey, it can learn Echoed Voice via TM!)
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: riku, blindfolded and smiling slightly. (we'll be the darkness)


strangely adorable Linkin Park GIF from linkinparkftw on Tumblr. Some of you may already have seen this, as I put it in the comments of my last post, but too bad; it's cute and I want it in an entry.


Linkin Park is still happening to me. I'm very sorry.

A couple of my favourite short clips from my apparent quest to watch every Linkin Park video on YouTube: I very much enjoyed Chester talking about his most embarrassing experience on stage while Mike cracks up (from this interview, about forty seconds in), and this extremely silly acoustic version of Numb (I'm so sad that the full version is nowhere to be found, but Chester's stupid dancing is brightening my day).

I'm finding it a little difficult to pin Chester down as a 'character', which I suppose makes sense, as he's not a character; he's a person. A few things do stand out. He's very openly affectionate; he talks a lot about how much he loves the band and his bandmates and his family. For all the anger in his singing, I've only seen him express anger in an interview once, talking about fans who call the band 'sell-outs' for experimenting with new styles, and he reflected on his comments and apologised a couple of weeks later.

Chester Bennington is intense and ridiculous and apparently possessed of boundless energy, he's built his career on screaming, and yet one of the first words that came to mind when I tried to list out his characteristics was 'quiet'. Is he quiet? Is that right? It seems unlikely. One of the first non-music videos of him I watched was an interview where the interviewer focused much more on Mike, which started me off with the probable misconception that Chester was shy, when in fact he just wasn't having much directed at him to respond to. Maybe the 'quiet' in my head is a holdover from that?

I'm still not going to write fanfiction. I'm not going to do it. My RPF days are behind me. I'm just trying to pin down the band members' characteristics as an innocent mental exercise. Don't give me that look.

A couple of specific fics I'm not going to write:

- Pokémon AU. Chester has a Loudred and every Pokémon in his team knows Roar.
- Supernatural AU where Dean is secretly a huge Linkin Park fan, he uses a haunting as an excuse to go to a gig, and he is very confused when Linkin Park take care of the haunting themselves. Turns out they're actually a team of hunters, fighting ghosts using the power of song somehow. This is an atrocious concept.
rionaleonhart: harry potter: extremely poorly-drawn dumbledore fleeing and yelling NOOOOOOOOO. (NOOOOOOOOO)
You guys, I really love Linkin Park. I really, really love Linkin Park a lot. I've barely stopped listening to their music since the live show. It's becoming a problem.

I don't get into bands! I enjoy music, but I haven't got invested in a specific band or artist in a fannish 'listening to all their stuff, reading up on the members, daydreaming about meeting them in the street' way since the Spice Girls, back when my age was in the single digits. The closest I got after that was... well, Linkin Park, in my early teens, but even then my obsession was limited to 'listening to Hybrid Theory over and over again' rather than falling headlong into band research. And now I've seen Linkin Park live, and they've ruined my life.

(A couple of great facts I've learnt from said research:

- the video for 'One Step Closer' was directed by a porn director.
- before they were signed, their strategy for getting an audience was going 'hey, we're having a GREAT PARTY but you're only allowed in if you have a ticket to our band's performance beforehand,' and then a Music Person turned up at one of their gigs and saw everyone there for the alcohol later and went 'wow, this place is packed, I should offer these guys a contract!')

Very bad idea: write a series of fics inspired by Linkin Park songs. Fics for my existing fandoms, I mean; I'm not going to write fanfiction about Linkin Park. (I don't think I'm going to write fanfiction about Linkin Park. Please don't let me write fanfiction about Linkin Park.) I don't know what 'Good Goodbye' makes me want to write, exactly, but I know it makes me want to write something.

(I just thought, Hmm, if I'm going to link that song I'd better actually watch the video, just in case it requires content warnings. It depicts... an evil basketball game? An evil basketball game. Okay.)

If this were a more obscure band, I'd probably link to a few favourite songs here, but there doesn't seem much point when most people have heard at least some Linkin Park already. So instead I'm going to link to a couple of stupid Linkin Park mashups that somehow work surprisingly well: 'In the End, You're an All-Star' (Linkin Park/Smash Mouth - I've listened to this so many times that the opening of 'In the End' now sounds weird to me without the whistling in the background), and 'Into Numb You' (Linkin Park/Ariana Grande - it is genuinely incredible how much better this Grande song sounds with Linkin Park's backing).

So, yes, apparently I am now an active, passionate Linkin Park fan. I can't believe this is happening to me. This is a disaster. I feel as if I should say goodbye and hit the road, pack it up and disappear. Better have someplace to go, 'cause I can't come back around here.
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: riku, blindfolded and smiling slightly. (we'll be the darkness)
I don't have much experience of large music events. I've been to see the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain a few times, mainly in small rooms, once at the Royal Albert Hall. I saw a Paul Simon concert in my teens, in a well-lit room with a largely middle-aged audience. I saw Glee Live! at the O2 six years ago.

Linkin Park is not quite like any of those things.

But I saw Linkin Park at the O2 last night, and it was great. Extremely loud! Which probably shouldn't be a surprise. But great. I'm glad I've now belted out 'Crawling' with an arena full of people to the accompaniment of lovely piano music. It took me a while to grasp that going to a screaming rock concert is not at all like going to a Paul Simon concert and singing along is encouraged. We all made very dramatic gestures during 'In the End'.

They did everything I could have hoped for! 'Castle of Glass', 'Breaking the Habit', 'Crawling', 'Leave Out All the Rest', 'Faint', 'What I've Done', 'In the End'. At the end I was going 'wow, what a great setlist, but I wish they'd done "Numb",' and then they came back on and did it for the encore.

(A part of me was a little sad they didn't do the one cover I've ever heard Linkin Park do, which, to my absolute bewilderment, is 'Rolling in the Deep'. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS EXISTS, BUT I'LL TAKE IT.)

'It's weird when they're polite,' my friend whispered to me, after lead singer Chester called 'Thank you!' to the enthusiastic audience. Moments later he launched into 'One Step Closer', which required him to scream 'SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU' at us for a full twenty seconds. I could see what she meant.

Chester steadily stripped off more and more items of clothing as the evening went on. He was shirtless by the encore. I was really curious to see whether he'd lose the trousers. Alas, no. He also inexplicably (but delightfully) spent most of the first couple of songs spin-jumping on the spot and waving his arms.

As mentioned, this was a pretty new experience for me, so some things really caught me by surprise. You can feel the drums vibrating through your chest, like a heartbeat. Some irrational part of me was struck by the fear that the drums had somehow replaced or taken control of my heartbeat, and that my heart would stop when the drums did. (It did not. I am fine and have not been forced to hire Linkin Park's drummer to follow me around for my continued survival.)

I wish I could go back in time and tell thirteen-year-old me about this; she'd be awed.

(I briefly wondered which icon to use for this entry. Riku. Of course it's Riku. Riku is by far the most Linkin Park character in my icon collection and is possibly the most Linkin Park character of all the characters I love.)
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, afraid but brave, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
I watched the first five episodes of Elementary a few days ago. It's good! I often have trouble getting along with procedurals, but Elementary has genuinely interesting mysteries of the week, which strikes me as unusual. I loved The Mentalist, but I never really cared much about the case of the week; I just enjoyed the characters enough to carry me through it. With Elementary, I'm not hugely invested in the characters yet, but they have potential, and the mysteries are interesting enough to keep me watching until that potential is (hopefully) fulfilled.

I'm also seeing potential for Holmes and Watson to have a really interesting claustrophobic, codependent relationship, but I think Watson might be too well-adjusted for that. Alas!


I've just discovered Koethe Koethe's Life Is Strange fan songs, and they're ridiculously impressive. 'Price', 'Storm' and 'Better Then' are some of my favourites (if you discount 'The Beans Song', which is so good it's unfair to make the other songs compete against it), but they're all pretty great: so well produced, and they all sound like songs that could actually appear in the game. I usually get second-hand embarrassment from fan songs with lyrics, but these really work. They sort of make me want to play it again.

Bit of a disconcerting change from all the Linkin Park I've been listening to lately, though (whoops).


Danganronpa V3, having previously been listed for a June release, now apparently isn't coming out in English until the end of September. Another seven months of dodging spoilers, I suppose!

I love these games so much. I love how well-crafted and interesting most of the murder mysteries are; I love the characters, this collection of weak, flawed, frightened people making horrible mistakes.

I first experienced Dangan Ronpa through orenronen's fan translations, which got up to halfway through the second game before the games were licensed for release in English, so I've only actually played half a game unspoiled. And, as much as I enjoyed reading it in Let's Play form (and as fiddly as some of the minigames are), actually playing it was a much better experience. The trials guide you gently from logical conclusion to logical conclusion, and that process - gradually piecing together what happened yourself, the dawning sense of dread as you realise who the murderer was - works so well.

I'm so excited to play an entire Dangan Ronpa game without knowing what to expect. I just have to make sure I don't run into spoilers!

For... for seven months. And, going by the fact that there are almost four hundred works on AO3 less than two months after the Japanese release, I'd guess that there are plenty of fan translations floating around. This is the sort of series where an entire case or an entire game can be spoiled by a single piece of fanart. Wish me luck.