rionaleonhart: revolutionary girl utena: utena has fallen asleep on her schoolwork. (sort of exhausted really)
Time for a dream roundup!


ExpandDreams from April, May and June. )


I haven't really been remembering my dreams lately; I didn't note any dreams down at all for a period of over a month from early May. I wonder what makes my recollection fluctuate. Maybe I remember my dreams less if I'm sleeping at a comfortable temperature?
rionaleonhart: revolutionary girl utena: utena has fallen asleep on her schoolwork. (sort of exhausted really)
It's only been three weeks since the last one, but it's time for another roundup of dreams!


ExpandDreams from December and January. )


It only occurred to me while editing this entry that I've had multiple dreams about erectile dysfunction lately. It's... it's not a topic that's often on my mind, if I'm honest.

I still haven't written up a post about our New Year's Eve karaoke! (Of course we did New Year's Eve karaoke.) I must get around to that at some point.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
Karaoke! At an actual karaoke place, this time, meaning we were largely limited to actual hits rather than the obscure nonsense we tend to sing at home.

I arrived a few minutes after the starting time, so the others had already gone in. I didn't know the surname of the person who'd booked the room, so I told the receptionist, 'I'm looking for a group of millennials with interesting hair.'

'You're in room seven,' he said, sagely.

For my first song, Rei and I performed 'Scream' from High School Musical 3, with all the intensity we could manage. It was swiftly followed by another guest's pick of 'The Emptiness Machine' by Linkin Park, which really brought home how thematically similar 'Scream' is to a Linkin Park song.

Tem wasn't able to come along, alas, but asked us to perform 'Livin' on a Prayer' in xyr honour; Rei and I dutifully belted it out. It was fun! Very difficult song to sing without dramatic arm motions. We did not manage to resist the dramatic arm motions.

I also fell prey to the temptation to gesture dramatically when joining in on another guest's pick of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' later on. At one point, during this song, I turned and saw that all the people in the room had turned on their phone torches and were waving them in time to the music.

(NB: when I say 'all the people in the room', I mean about five people, but please feel free to envision me bringing the house down in front of a massive crowd if you'd like.)

My other performances:

- 'Teenage Dirtbag' was another person's pick, but it was one I'd been thinking about singing myself, so I took the second microphone. The whole room sang along with gusto.

- When I'd warmed up enough to get overambitious, I attempted 'All the Things She Said' by TATU and 'Savior' by Rise Against. Both very fun; both very challenging!

- I did 'Dreams' by the Corrs. One member of the party, not having realised it was a cover rather than the Fleetwood Mac original, expressed confusion at this 'dance remix'.

- As a favour to my twelve-year-old self, I performed 'Hunter' by Dido, a song I loved when I was a kid. In my head, I'd tied it to my childhood dragon obsession; a friend of mine told me that the music video featured a dragon, and I didn't realise until I was an adult and actually watched the video that this was an outrageous lie. I was sure other people would know this one, but apparently not, so I ended up doing an unanticipated solo!

- I correctly judged that most of the room would know 'Immortals' by Fall Out Boy. Everyone sang along with this one; it was fun!

- A guest who'd gone to the loo came back into the room during my performance of 'How You Remind Me' by Nickelback and said, 'Oh, this song,' damningly. Another person also expressed unhappiness when I chose this song for home karaoke earlier in the year. Karaoke is not a place for taste. Every time this song gets a disparaging comment, I'm just going to perform it again, louder.

And a few notes from performances by other people:

- We all ended up on our feet, doing ridiculous synchronised backing dancing, during a solo perfomance of 'Lay All Your Love on Me' by ABBA. Great fun.

- I forced Rei to sing 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' by Panic! at the Disco because they'd recently read a songfic based on it and were cursed to be unable to take it seriously. 'I'm going to murder you,' Rei informed me, as I handed them the microphone.

- The people singing 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash also struggled to take it seriously, and it was very funny to see them losing it laughing while attempting the very sombre lyrics.

- The songs everyone could join in on were a real blast. 'Rasputin' immediately followed by 'Stacy's Mom': an incredible combination. I also enjoyed everyone singing passionately on the chorus of 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Girls.

- 'Maybe I should add this to my Bill/Dipper playlist,' Rei commented to me during 'Murder on the Dancefloor' by Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Shortly afterwards, they spotted me making notes for this entry and expressed concern that I was going to expose their Billdip playlist plans. I was actually just noting that most of the room ended up on their feet and dancing during the song, but, because I was so amused by Rei's reaction, I'm now also telling you that it's going onto their Bill/Dipper playlist.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
We had a home karaoke evening on Saturday!

This karaoke session was very loosely Hallowe'en themed. Sometimes we stuck to the theme; Rei opened with a magnificent rendition of 'Margaret Thatcher, Blood Snatcher' by THWACK!, and Tem's 'Hell Is Forever' from Hazbin Hotel and 'Rest in Peace' from Buffy were great fun. Sometimes we came up with loose excuses; 'What's scarier than capitalism?' Rei asked, before launching into 'Six Feet' by Patent Pending.

My songs, which, I'll be honest, made very little effort to stick to the theme:

- 'Want You Bad' by The Offspring. This is a song I find hilarious, and I always try to do something I won't have to take too seriously first; it takes some of the pressure off!

- 'Empire' by Of Monsters and Men. I was listening to this a couple of days earlier when Tem wandered in and went 'wait, what were those lyrics??' The lyrics in question were 'an empire for you, an empire for two' and not, as Tem had heard, 'I wanna fuck you; you wanna fuck too.'

- 'Feeling Kinda Naughty' from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. In my experience, if you have a karaoke evening, one of the songs will end up stuck in your head for days afterwards. On this occasion, the lingering earworm is 'Feeling Kinda Naughty'. I keep catching myself singing 'I wanna lock you in a basement with soundproof walls and take over your identity,' which, let's be honest, is probably something I should avoid saying too loudly in company. Tem also did a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song, 'You Stupid Bitch', which was quite an event.

- 'The Numbers' by Rise Against. This is, by some distance, the most intense song I have ever attempted at karaoke; I was shaking by the end of it. I'm famously incapable of breaking rules or hurting anyone, but my housemates very considerately did not laugh in my face for singing a song about violent revolution.

- 'My Shiny Teeth and Me' by Chip Skylark, from The Fairly OddParents; I needed something silly to calm myself down after the violent revolution song!

- 'Wonderful' by Everclear. I was not originally planning on this and did not practise in advance, and I startled myself by getting slightly choked up in the chorus! Very embarrassing. It's not even a song applicable to my own childhood; I just got emotional!

- 'Hurricane' from the Death Note musical. It is a joy and a privilege to inhabit my terrible boy Light Yagami. Great fun to slowly build up the intensity until eventually bellowing 'I AM THE GOD OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD.' Tem handed me a notebook to hold throughout the song for greater authenticity.

- 'Falling After Me' by Koethe, with Rei. I'm so pleased I managed to get Rei into Koethe's music through previous karaoke sessions! This was a lot of fun to sing together. We danced enthusiastically in the breaks.

- 'The Emptiness Machine' by Linkin Park, also with Rei. I'm thrilled that Linkin Park are making music again! I took Shinoda's part and left Armstrong's part to Rei; I am not confident in my metal screaming skills.

- 'Ghosts' by Mike Shinoda. Well, I had to do something appropriate for Hallowe'en. There are videos with lyrics out there, which might have been more useful for karaoke, but I was compelled to play the original music video because it's so cute.

- 'Secrets and Lies' from the Death Note musical. Tem attempted to sit like L at the start of this and fell off the sofa, which, in retrospect, we should probably have foreseen. Why does L sit like that?? It's not stable!

- The Jenn Fiorentino cover of 'Voices Off Camera' by Rise Against. People were really nice about my attempt at this one!

- 'Wolves Without Teeth' by Of Monsters and Men. I wasn't originally planning to do this one - I usually try to avoid doing two songs by the same artist in one karaoke session - but I'm glad I ran out of other ideas and went with this, because I really enjoyed singing it!

A few other notes from the evening:

- Rei's performance of 'Psycho Killer' by Talking Heads was fun; the whole room joined in on the chorus! I'd only heard the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain's cover and was confused by the lack of ukuleles in gaps in the singing.

- J did 'Everywhere I Go' by Hollywood Undead. I enjoyed watching Tem desperately trying not to lose it laughing at the lyric 'I'll beat my meat like I'm a fucking butcher'.

- Tem sang 'Rondo of Nightmare' by BABYMETAL. It's always fun when Tem does BABYMETAL songs and, even if I've never technically listened to them before, I instantly recognise them from hearing them float through the house; Tem and Ginger both listen to them a lot! I also really enjoyed Tem's performance of 'Bubblegum Bitch' by Marina and the Diamonds, even if it might technically not be as appropriate for Hallowe'en.

- J did 'Bring Me to Life' by Evanescence, so the whole room got to belt out 'SAVE ME' in the choruses, which was good fun!

We all did a group performance of 'In the End' by Linkin Park towards the end, and, to be honest, we all sang with such volume and passion that the microphones were completely unnecessary.
rionaleonhart: death note: light's kind of embarrassed that he poured all that fake sincerity into an obviously doomed ploy. (guess not)
Here's the third instalment of these fandom questions from [personal profile] trobadora!

A pairing – platonic, romantic or sexual – that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

I'd never thought about Kirigiri/Togami before, but [personal profile] doreyg opened my eyes to the ways in which the characters echo Light and L, and that was all I could think about on my next Danganronpa playthrough. Before I knew it, I'd written a fic.

What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom?

A genuinely terrible Pokémon website, which I have since seen cited in multiple places as an example of bad website design. The first fic I contributed was Rachel's Pokémon Journey, a thinly veiled self-insert I started writing at the age of twelve; you can find an annotated version in my Old Fanfiction Book Club tag.

Do you remember your first OTP? Who was in it?

The first pairing I shipped was Squall/Zell from Final Fantasy VIII. The first pairing I got really invested in was probably James/Mary from Silent Hill 2, which absolutely broke my heart, although Satoshi/Daisuke from DN Angel might also be a candidate; I definitely shipped Satoshi/Daisuke earlier, but I can't remember quite how invested I was. The first pairing I wrote fanfiction for in large quantities, rather than just a fic or two, was the Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler from Doctor Who.

What is your favourite source text for fandom stuff (e.g. TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

Videogames! Most videogames contain a lot of detail that isn't strictly plot-relevant and let you personally explore the setting, meaning you can get to know the world very intimately. They also tend to be long, so you have plenty of time to get to know the characters. And the popularity of Let's Plays on platforms where it's easy to skip to a specific timestamp, such as YouTube, means it's often easier to double-check a canon detail in a game than in, say, a TV show.

All of this means that, when writing for videogames, I'll usually have a strong grasp of the required elements, and there's plenty of scope for fanfiction ideas. I've written about 1.25 million words of fanfiction in total, and over half of it is for videogames.

How many fandoms have you written for? How many have you been in, and how many are you still in?

Oh, God. The exact number depends on how you count, but I've definitely written for slightly over a hundred fandoms.

How many I've been in is trickier. Going by the 'five fics, or 10,000 words across three fics' criteria I use for 'my fandom history' writeups, I've been in about forty fandoms.

If we take 'being in a fandom' to mean 'belonging to and actively participating in spaces dedicated to discussion of a particular fandom', things narrow further: Pokémon, Final Fantasy, Red Dwarf, Jak and Daxter, Silent Hill, Doctor Who, Scrubs, Top Gear, Glee, British comedy RPF, Derren Brown RPF, Assassin's Creed (sort of; the fandom space in question was a series of Google Docs in which two fellow fans and I enthusiastically plotted out a lengthy cowritten AU), Life Is Strange, Your Turn to Die, Lost, The Quarry, Death Note and, weirdly, Lord of the Rings, a canon I enjoyed but have never actually been that into. And, uh, I went to a Supernatural convention, so that probably counts.

How many am I still in? I'm not actively in a community for any specific single fandom at the moment, but there are plenty of canons I still talk about and occasionally write about, and I'm always just a rewatch or replay away from flooding your reading page with rambling about something I haven't thought about in years. I am still in all and none of my fandoms.

Has social media caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

The author's social media has severely complicated my feelings about Harry Potter.

For the most part, social media doesn't usually harm my feelings about a canon. If I don't like what I'm seeing from fans on social media, I'll just seek out fans whose approach I prefer.

What fandom broke your heart?

Oh, dear. That would, of course, be Linkin Park. The lead singer died right when I was at the peak of fannish obsession, and I, er, didn't handle it very well. On reflection, I think my subsequent year-long mental breakdown would probably have happened sooner or later anyway, but that's what ended up breaking the dam.

Linkin Park recently reformed with a new singer, which I was excited to see! I think going with a female singer is a smart choice; any male singer would inevitably be compared to Chester constantly, whereas welcoming a woman to the band makes it clear that they're doing something new, rather than trying to replace him. Their new single, 'The Emptiness Machine', is pretty cool.

Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you dislike or even loathe.)

I'm going to stick specifically to characters I dislike so much I wish they weren't in the canon at all, which makes this a challenge!

I like the way that, after his time in prison, Sam Drake of Uncharted is a little out of step with modern technology; that's a fun little detail.

Pierce of Community has a few good lines; 'If it's so serious, why don't they call it meningitis?' really got me.

Teddie of Persona 4, er. Oh, God, I can't do it. I'm so sorry.

Probably one instalment of these questions to go!
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
Karaoke again! This was my third time at karaoke, so I was bold enough to attempt a couple of actual sincere songs, rather than just singing songs I didn't have to take seriously. (Although I still went with some non-serious songs; they're fun!)

My picks were 'Rasputin' by Boney M (try singing this without dancing; you can't), 'Little Talks' by Of Monsters and Men, 'Kiss from a Rose' by Seal and 'Independence Day' by Martina McBride. I also joined in on some picks by others: 'Don't You Want Me?' by the Human League, 'Points of Authority' by Linkin Park and 'Gotta Go My Own Way' from High School Musical 2.

Nobody else knew 'Independence Day', which meant it was the first time I sang anything solo at karaoke! I was so intimidated I was shaking, but I think it turned out okay.

'Gotta Go My Own Way' marked the third time Rei and I have passionately dueted on a song from High School Musical in front of other people. The first time wasn't even at karaoke.

As mentioned, someone else had added Linkin Park's 'Points of Authority' to the list; I just happened to be holding the second microphone when the song began. I couldn't remember how the song went, so I started looking for someone else to take the microphone. And then the lyrics actually appeared on screen - 'Forfeit the game before somebody else takes you out of the frame...' - and I launched instantly into rapping; it was as if I'd suddenly been possessed. Of course I knew this song. The whole of Hybrid Theory has been programmed into my veins since I was twelve.

There was a point where we paused the final song of the session to allow others to return from the loo, and, in the silence, Tem and I belted out the opening and first chorus of 'Where Is the Justice?' from the Death Note musical. The karaoke place didn't have the Death Note musical in its catalogue, of course, but we managed to beat the system!
rionaleonhart: top gear: the start button on a bugatti veyron. (going down tonight)
Up to episode 5.06 of Lost, '316'!


ExpandLost spoilers up to episode 5.06, '316'. )


I tend to listen to randomly generated 'here are a bunch of songs you seem to like' YouTube playlists while I'm preparing my Lost episode notes for posting. It seems like Linkin Park's 'Lost' comes on every time. This is probably a sign that I'm supposed to go to the island.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (Default)
Mike Shinoda's latest song, 'Ghosts', is catchy and fun to listen to and, moreover, has the greatest music video I've seen in my life. I love it. Having done a few music video paintings, I'm tempted to attempt one for this, but, er, I'm not sure it's in my painting comfort zone.


I've picked up my Danganronpa V3 replay again! I'm in Chapter Five, but this entry has spoilers up to the end.


ExpandReplaying Danganronpa V3. )


We're so close to E3! Are we going to get a Kingdom Hearts 3 release date at last? What a surreal thought.

Dontnod is doing a game called Twin Mirror which looks like it's going to contain playable psychological breakdowns, and I do love those, but it's about a traumatised adult. Booooo. I'm only here for traumatised teenagers, Dontnod! You served me so well with Life Is Strange!
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (NOOOOOOOOO)
Rei suggested rewatching Friends and laughing about how bad our taste was in our teens. This plan has slightly fallen through, because it turns out Friends is a great show. And a surprisingly accurate representation of friendship as I've experienced it, actually. Ross is still extremely hard to like and the show is showing its age on social issues, but it's still funny and it has a lot of heart.

Rewatching it as an adult is a very weird experience! There's a lot I can relate to now that must have been alien to me when I first watched this show. I've now got a better grasp of some of the things that went over my head because I wasn't American, too.

It seems strange that I've only written one Friends fic. I 'shipped Joey and Chandler so much in my teens.

(I was fifteen. It was not a very good fic; it takes more skill than I possessed to write absolutely straight-faced romantic angst for Friends. I'm amused that, back when I first posted it, someone reviewed with 'omg chandler cant b gay! anywho it was intresting' and added it to their bookmarks. I hope I opened up a whole new world for that fan.)

...I say 'I've only written one Friends fic,' but I've just remembered that last year Rei challenged me to write a Friends/Dangan Ronpa crossover inspired by Linkin Park's 'Papercut'.


'We're not gonna kill each other,' Chandler says. He wants it to sound confident, reassuring; it comes out desperate. 'We're friends.'

'Yeah,' Monica says. 'And we all know who the murderer would be, anyway, so it's not like they'd get away with it.'

Chandler stares at her. 'Uh. We do?'

She gives him an incredulous look. 'Duh. What, are you saying you don't?'

He's been trying not to think about it. But she's got him thinking about it now, she's suddenly made one of them being a murderer into an actual possibility, and... honestly? Honestly, if you asked him which of them was most likely to kill someone in their own self-interest, he might say Monica.

Is she laying the groundwork for a murder already? Is she trying to plant the idea of another killer in their thoughts?

It's like a whirlwind inside his head.



The thought 'maybe I should expand this' just crossed my mind. NO. This is clearly a terrible idea. No sitcom/Dangan Ronpa crossovers!

Well, er, none apart from the Community/Dangan Ronpa crossover I already wrote, at any rate.
rionaleonhart: kingdom hearts: sora, riku and kairi having a friendly chat. (and they returned home)
Riku is so in love with Sora. He's so in love. I just can't get over it. Why was my terrible Kingdom Hearts fic when I was fourteen about Sora being in unrequited love with Riku? I was a fool.

(In my defence, Dream Drop Distance had not come out when I was fourteen.)

He can never let go of the things he did in his past, but Sora is able to make him feel like he's worth something. Rikuuuuu.

I found myself thinking 'they're such a wonderful duo' earlier, and then it struck me that that was an odd thing to think, because they're not supposed to be a duo; they're supposed to be two points of a trio. In my defence, I'm not the only person to have forgotten that; so, I'm fairly certain, have the creators of Kingdom Hearts.

Poor Kairi. The way the series has handled her has been such a mess. Half the Kingdom Hearts games seem to forget she exists entirely, and the others occasionally go 'OH, YEAH, KAIRI, SHE'S REALLY IMPORTANT, WE SWEAR, now back to the characters the writers actually care about.' They've poured so much time and effort into building an intense relationship between Sora and Riku, but they've forgotten that this is supposed to be a trio!

It's as if Harry Potter kept going, 'Harry, Ron and Hermione are a trio! Harry's relationship with Hermione is SO IMPORTANT.' But Ron's relationship with Hermione is barely mentioned, and Hermione never goes on their adventures because she's busy doing homework in the common room, and there are three books in a row in which Hermione's name only appears twice.

No matter what they do with Kairi in Kingdom Hearts III, it's going to feel weird. If they continue to neglect her, we'll go 'but she's supposed to be an important character! How did you forget about her so entirely?' But, if she's suddenly prominent and there's a lot about her relationship with Sora and Riku, it'll feel odd because there's such an imbalance leading up to it; there's so much development of the Sora/Riku relationship, a few nods to the Sora/Kairi one and barely anything on the Riku/Kairi front.

We've seen so little of the Riku/Kairi relationship, in fact, that when I think 'what's their relationship?' the first thing that comes to mind is that scene, early in the first game, where Kairi goes, 'Hey, Sora, let's sail away and leave Riku here.' That's not what you want people to remember when you're telling a story about the power of friendship! There are a couple of nice moments between the three of them in Kingdom Hearts II, but even in that game, which is probably the best in the series for the Sora/Riku/Kairi relationship, Sora and Riku fight the final boss without Kairi and then have a 'hey, might as well live alone together in the void forever' moment.

The Kingdom Hearts series has built such an intense bond between Sora and Riku that giving Kairi the prominence in their relationship that she should have had from the beginning risks making her feel like an intruder. It might work if they have the trio acknowledge they haven't been spending enough time together, and we see them making an effort to push through any awkwardness in that and rebuild their relationship. I doubt they will, but it's a thought.

If they go 'well, we've been neglecting Sora and Kairi's relationship, but SORA/KAIRI IS CANON NOW, WE DON'T NEED TO PUT ANY EFFORT INTO THIS, THEY'RE OPPOSITE-GENDER CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED,' I shall be very unhappy.

How much of this is genuine storytelling concern, and how much is fourteen-year-old me fighting her way to the surface, going 'RIKU/SORA OTP >:( NO KAIRI ALLOWED'? Troubling. Kingdom Hearts does feel like it forms a bridge between my current self and my past self, in a way; it's a work of fiction I've followed since my early teens, and it's still putting out new content with the same characters I fell in love with all those years ago.

There's definitely room for Kairi in my heart, if they're prepared to give her the screentime she deserves at last! That shot in the opening of Kingdom Hearts II where Sora, Riku and Kairi are all lying on the beach, holding hands, is one of my favourite moments in the entire series. I'm still really hoping for a Kingdom Hearts III world in which Riku and Kairi are your battle companions.

(I keep thinking 'at some point I'm going to run out of Linkin Park lyrics to use as entry titles' and then realising I have something eerily suited. 'Drop me down to the dream below'? I never realised that 'Castle of Glass' was written about Dream Drop Distance.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
Mike Shinoda has released new music! 'Crossing a Line' (I really love this one; it makes me feel hopeful) and 'Nothing Makes Sense Anymore'.

This guy has sort of become a hero to me. He's been brave enough to share his pain and vulnerability with us, which is important in itself, and which means it's much more impactful when, as in 'Crossing a Line', he also shares his hope. In going through a type of loss I'm becoming far too familiar with, his creativity and his kindness and his determination have been incredibly inspiring.


NieR: Automata is an interesting experience. The robot orgy scene has been haunting me since yesterday.

When you encounter the robot orgy, 9S goes 'UM OKAY this is unexpected but it's still totally fine to destroy them, they don't have feelings, promise.' I am beginning to suspect that he may be incorrect.

Anyway, then a naked man with no genitalia shows up and you murder him and an identical naked man climbs out of his chest.

I'm glad I started having reservations about fighting the machines before I reached the amusement park. I could have gone in with guns blazing, but instead I approached cautiously, going, 'Okay, I won't attack them unless they attack me first.' And it turns out the machines in the amusement park don't want to fight at all! They just want to prance around and throw confetti. Much cuter than I expected from creepy jester robots. One of them runs a shop.

Then you fight an opera singer robot who's crucified a load of android corpses and reprogrammed them to send out ~hacking beams~ to hack into you.

I'm very confused by this game. All I can say for certain is that every play session leaves me with a creeping sense of dread.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy viii: found a draw point! no one can draw... (you're a terrible artist)





I TRIED SO HARD

AND GOT SO FAAAAAAR


Look, yes, I know the flying whale doesn't appear in the shot I was painting. I had to include the whale. I couldn't possibly omit the whale.

(Sorry for including the whale and not you, Mike. If it's any consolation, you wouldn't be impressed by any attempt at painting you on my part.)

I sent this to my mother and got the response 'Is it a whale in the sky? Why?'
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (just gonna reload while talkin' to you)
Someone has created a predictive text keyboard trained on Final Fantasy XV kinkmeme fills (give it a few seconds to load), so you can now co-write Final Fantasy XV fanfiction with a robot. Here's my effort. I think you'll find it's flawlessly characterised.


Noctis was going to fucking eat his own backside.

"I know you're not going to bed," Ignis said icily against his lips. "Apologies, but Gladio would not be nice at this time."

Prompto jumped. "You're not going to get in the tent? I can't see you like this!"

Damn him.

Ardyn was completely naked in the middle of the trio, but Noct said nothing about it.



Today's painting is a second Linkin Park-related desert (here's the first): the photograph from the official YouTube upload of 'Halfway Right'. If I really went for it, how many Linkin Park desert pictures could I paint? There's desert in the 'In the End' video, in the 'What I've Done' video, in the 'Castle of Glass' video...






A terrible exchange took place when I showed this to my brother:

Riona: Sadly I wasn't able to capture the contrast between sunlight and shadow. Or, er, the person.
Joseph: you also missed a bunch of writing
Riona: Damn. I tried so hard.
rionaleonhart: the mentalist: lisbon, with time counting down, makes an important call. (it's been an honour)
Inevitably, I ended up doing a Linkin Park-related painting. I'm sure everyone's astonished.






I really liked the shots of the desert in the video for 'Watching As I Fall', from Mike Shinoda's Post Traumatic EP, released last week: three songs he's written since losing his bandmate, all extremely personal and difficult to listen to. He's been very open and communicative over the last few months, and I'm grateful for it. I think he knows it helps the fans to have these updates on how he's doing, and I hope we're helping him in return.

I enjoyed working on this, but painting the power lines was terrible.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
I'm not sure how far I'm going to get with this - I've been weirdly struggling to get engaged with any fiction recently - but I've started up a replay of Final Fantasy X.

Interesting that you meet all the party members within the first two or three hours, even though Auron and Rikku (the first two you meet, other than Tidus) don't actually join the party until several hours later. I feel that's unusual for a Final Fantasy game; there's usually someone you don't meet until you're a good few hours in (Strago and Relm, Cid Highwind, Irvine, Eiko, Fang...). In XV, of course, you meet all the party members immediately, but XV's party is unusually small. I suppose you've met the whole XII cast before long.

I still remember how affronted I was when Irvine joined the party in VIII, my first Final Fantasy game. You're too late, Irvine! I'm already invested in everyone else; I've got no room for you! You can't just barge in here and be one of us! (Sorry, Irvine.)

There's a perfectly good route to Besaid village over land, but Wakka instead insists on going in the direction that means he gets to shove Tidus off a cliff into a lake.

Wakka warms very quickly to Tidus and is very physical with him. I wonder whether there's much Tidus/Wakka. There's a lot to work against it, though: they don't have a frequently-'shipped dynamic, I don't think Wakka's an especially popular character, Tidus is divisive, Tidus/Yuna is popular, Tidus explicitly reminds Wakka of his brother.

The scene where Sin obliterates Kilika is very beautifully lit and absolutely horrific. It's striking that it has no music at all, too. There's also no music when you disembark at the village's ruins. (It feels like practically every settlement you visit in Final Fantasy X is coastal! Stop building coastal villages when you're plagued by a creature that can cause tidal waves, Spira!)


It took me a while to work up the courage to watch Linkin Park's Carpool Karaoke episode with Ken Jeong, filmed a week before Chester's death and aired (with his family's permission) a couple of months afterwards, but I'm glad I did at last! Ken just relentlessly bullies Mike and somehow it's magical.

My favourite parts:


- One minute in: 'This is a weird way to meet somebody. We went straight to "wet dream". Within, like - it was five seconds to "wet dream".'

- Chester being the friendliest guy and so willing to play along with everything. Requesting to be taught the stupid 'hotdogs and ketchup' dance!

- Mike's look of sheer alarm when he's unexpectedly called upon and realises he might be expected to do a heavy metal scream (and his uncertain attempt to 'whisper-scream' afterwards).

- Mike and Ken's incredible, moving rendition of 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing'.

- ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE MIKE


I love how delighted Chester is by all the picking on Mike. He just seems to be having a really good time. I'm glad.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy viii: found a draw point! no one can draw... (you're a terrible artist)
I've been attempting some creative endeavours outside my comfort zone recently!

About a week ago, I met up with some friends for a Bob Ross painting party; we all watched a Bob Ross video and tried to paint along with him. I'd recommend it! It was a lot of fun, and it was really interesting to see how different the results were when we were all trying to reproduce the same painting. Bob Ross's technique is also simple enough for it to be possible to produce something okay-looking even if you don't know the first thing about painting, i.e. if you're me.

Here's the Bob Ross painting we were trying to recreate:




Ah, what a lovely autumnal sunset scene.


And here's my effort:




BLIGHTED APOCALYPTIC HELLSCAPE, NOTHING GREEN HAS GROWN ON THIS SOIL IN A DECADE.


I'm pleased with my apocalyptic hellscape, given my level of painting expertise when Bob Ross isn't holding my hand, but it's definitely more apocalyptic than I intended.

(One of my friends is really good at painting. It was very annoying. Without her, we'd have been able to go, 'Well, obviously this didn't turn out quite right because we're using acrylics instead of oils.' But no; she produced a beautiful masterpiece that left us with no excuses.)

I've also been creating some simple little piano melodies, but I don't have any good recording equipment - I just have my phone, which records in low quality and saves sound in weird, fiddly, difficult-to-share formats - so please just imagine an incredible musical masterpiece, and let's say I composed that.

I know some of you have been having a hard time recently, and playing music (not necessarily composing, but playing) is something I find really helps when I'm struggling psychologically. If you play an instrument but have been neglecting it for a while, it might be worth picking it up again; if you don't play an instrument but can obtain or have access to one, learning to play might be a good project. My ukulele languished untouched in my room for about five years, but I picked it up in a dark patch a few months ago, and it was a great decision!

(And then I took it along to a couple of gatherings of Linkin Park fans, and that decision was even better. Linkin Park songs are not, on the whole, designed for the ukulele, but that didn't keep me from screaming 'SO INSECUUUUUURE' with strangers to ukulele accompaniment. One of the gatherings was outside the US Embassy, next to the Eisenhower statue, so we probably looked like some sort of strange Eisenhower cult to passers-by.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (hope is all we have)
A few days ago, the surviving members of Linkin Park performed a three-hour concert in honour of Chester Bennington, accompanied by a huge number of guests. The official stream is available over here.

I wasn't sure what my entry on this was going to be. It could have been about the catharsis, or about Chester's unequalled voice. It could have been speculation on the future of the band. It could have been about the pain of hearing 'Looking for an Answer', the song Mike wrote eight days after Chester's death, which expresses a guilt I've known myself and would never wish on anyone.

I wasn't expecting it to be 'literally two thousand words assessing the quantity and quality of hugs the members of Linkin Park received during the concert, with timestamps', but, on reflection, this was probably entirely predictable.

Look, I'm just really glad that they got so many hugs.


HUGS LINKIN PARK MEMBERS RECEIVE DURING THE 'LINKIN PARK & FRIENDS CELEBRATE LIFE IN HONOUR OF CHESTER BENNINGTON' TRIBUTE CONCERT

(edited to correct timestamps after the video was updated on the 16th November, because of course I couldn't just leave everyone without accurate hugging timestamps)


ExpandThis entry is exactly what it says on the tin. )


Final hugging/arms-around-each-other count: approximately eighty. If you count the two 'everyone has their arms around each other' moments five times each (once for each band member), rather than counting them as single instances, it's closer to ninety.

It turns out that, if you diligently record all the hugs exchanged in a video, the effect is slightly creepy. This list looks a bit like the notes of a serial killer, only instead of wanting to murder people I just want them to get a million hugs.

(I cannot guarantee that I've captured every moment of friendly physical contact here. I didn't watch the entire thing through a second time to compile this list; I mainly looked at moments guests arrived and left, which seemed to have the best hugging odds. But I can say with reasonable confidence that this is the most thorough compilation of hugs at the 'Celebrate Life' concert currently in existence.)
rionaleonhart: final fantasy x-2: the sun is rising, yuna looks to the future. (NOOOOOOOOO)
(Yes, I'm keeping up the Linkin Park entry title tradition. Yes, 'my friends are fish and they go to school' is absolutely a real Linkin Park lyric.)

I've finished the second chapter of Danganronpa V3! As with my first-chapter entry, you'll be getting my real-time reactions in the form of my messages to a friend while I was playing.


ExpandSpoilers up to the end of Chapter Two of Danganronpa V3. )


This game.
rionaleonhart: final fantasy versus xiii: a young woman at night, her back to you, the moon high above. (nor women neither)
The surviving members of Linkin Park have put out an official music video for 'One More Light' in memory of Chester, and noooooooooooo I can't handle this. It's a beautiful video, and in a way it's cathartic, and I'm glad to know they've been doing something creative to work through the pain, but also I sobbed so hard while watching this that my chest physically hurt afterwards. These poor guys. I wish I could hug all of them.

Mike did a radio interview as well, and it's really good to hear from him, but also there's a part where his voice starts to get unsteady and it's absolutely unbearable. I think I'm torn at the moment between 'it's really good to hear from the guys and know they're still around and haven't just stopped functioning' and 'I've spent so much time worrying about the pain they're in, and now that pain is even more real because I can see and hear it'.

Linkin Park is still my primary fandom, which means that I've been thinking about this most of the day, every day, for two solid months. It's easier now, but it's still a bit miserable. I'm desperately awaiting the new Dangan Ronpa game's release, hoping it will successfully distract me. Please just let me worry about fictional deaths for a while. No more getting invested in real people. I've learnt my lesson, I swear.

This whole thing has given me a little more faith in humanity, at least. I've seen so much kindness, so many complete strangers reaching out to each other, offering love and support to Chester's friends and fans and family. At heart, people really want to help those in pain.


On a lighter note, here are a couple of incredible things I have seen recently:

- this reinterpretation of High School Musical's 'Get Your Head in the Game'. (This link is actually to a reblog on the Tumblr account I secretly have, but I wouldn't recommend following it, because it's nothing but sobbing uncontrollably over Linkin Park. This blog is still the place I actually talk about things. Tumblr doesn't really suit me.)

- the trailer for American Vandal. Rei and I booted up Netflix, saw the description for this show, went '???????????????????' and had to watch the trailer. We're afraid to watch the show itself in case it doesn't live up to the trailer's promise.
rionaleonhart: okami: amaterasu is startled. (NOT SO FAST)
I recently had a conversation with my housemate about how extremely screwed up the Animorphs books were, containing the line, 'Yeah, that's not the first genocide in the Animorphs books.' It reminded me that I once wrote an Animorphs-inspired short story for school, and my English teacher called my parents because she was worried about my psychological health. (Look, we were prompted to write about nightmares! Were you expecting something nice?)

Seriously, though. There's one book where a kid's parents have been enslaved by mind-controlling aliens, so he goes, 'Well, I'll just murder this terminally injured kid and morph into him and go "look, I've made a miraculous recovery!" and then I'll have his parents,' and our heroes end up trapping him permanently in the body of a rat on an isolated island, which gets a reputation for being haunted because passing sailors can hear the rat-kid's psychic screams. One of our heroes, in rat form, is forced to chew through her own tail so their horrible plan will work. I was maybe ten years old when I read this.

Wait, are the Animorphs books the origin of my fondness for the Teenagers Suffering Horribly genre? They're definitely the origin of my writing style; the influence is really, really obvious when I reread my early Pokémon fanfiction. I've kept the 'very straightforward prose, lots of dialogue' aspects to this day. (And, on a content note, I'm still writing about teenagers suffering horribly.)


The theme of the inevitable Linkin Park segment in this entry is 'songs Linkin Park inexplicably never released on an album and don't have on their official YouTube channel EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE GREAT', because I went on a desperate hunt after hearing 'No Roads Left'. I've never heard Mike sing like this before! He usually raps or sings more gently; I had no idea he could manage something this desperate. And 'Across the Line' (warning for suicidal themes) is easily polished enough to be an album song; the buildup of the instruments is great. (The cats just had a DRAMATIC BATTLE while I was listening to it, and it made for the most incredible background music.)

Moving to some softer songs, 'She Couldn't' (again, suicidal themes) is also very good, although at least I can see why this one never ended up on an album: it was recorded in the Hybrid Theory era and wouldn't have fit with the harder sound of their other songs at the time, and the sampling might have created legal issues. And I love the instrumentation and singing on Blackbirds, although the lyrics hurt.

(Hard to think of any song from this band where the lyrics don't hurt. I'm doing a little better now (writing that horrible Until Dawn timeloop fic was incredibly cathartic and helped me claw myself out of a bad psychological dip), but it's been a really tough month. Chester's death in many ways feels like the death of my childhood, and it also got tangled up in my head with the death of a friend of mine under similar circumstances years ago, so I've been grieving on a weird number of levels.

WAIT, CURSES, I GOT SAD IN AN ENTRY AGAIN AND THE RULES SAY I HAVE TO POST SOMETHING CUTE TO MAKE UP FOR IT. Here are Chester and Joe putting on a stupid puppet show with puppets of the band members. I love the 'making fun of friends you know really well' feel of it. I also enjoyed Chester bouncing around ridiculously to a silly version of 'One Step Closer'.)