Trabia Garden

(EDIT: Oh, dear. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to post this entry or instead keep my silence and what little dignity I may retain, but of course my ability to press Enter at exactly the wrong moment made that decision for me. Whoops.)


Guys. Guys.

Help me.

I cannot stop reading this Final Fantasy VIII self-insertion. I know, I know, it's a self-insertion, and the author has an inexplicable habit of referring to her protagonist as 'the raven-haired' (not even 'the raven-haired girl'; just 'the raven-haired') about ten times per chapter, and the point of view keeps jumping around, and the punctuation of dialogue is consistently incorrect, but there is something so charming about it. There are ridiculously cute errors ('the elevator doors shutted')! The protagonist is actually sort of likeable! The writer is obviously trying so hard! Plus the crush on Squall is so ridiculously over-the-top that I can't help smiling at it.

It is three hundred and sixty-six thousand words long, what on Earth. I do hope I manage to escape before too long. It's - it's not too bad if I haven't reached the tenth chapter, right? ...right?

And the author is making an effort with the characterisation! There are wobbles, and I don't agree with her interpretation of the Squall-Seifer rivalry, but Squall, with whom I suspect the protagonist will eventually be paired, is suitably outwardly cold and serious and socially inept! Selphie befriended 'Rosie' extremely quickly, but you're probably a friend in Selphie's mind the moment you make eye contact in a corridor, so I can certainly believe that.

(A confession: even though the showing-Selphie-around-Garden bit at the beginning of Final Fantasy VIII is obviously just a rather tedious sequence to help new players find their way around, and by this point I know Balamb Garden backwards, I always agree to give her the tour. I can't say no to Selphie.

I wish I could get back to replaying Final Fantasy VIII, but the second disc has decided that it wants to freeze whenever anyone, friend or foe, casts magic or Draws, and sometimes just for the sake of it. This is most distressing. I don't think it's my favourite Final Fantasy - that honour probably belongs to X - but it was my first, and I love all of the characters, and it holds such a place in my heart.

On the other hand, I still have Metal Gear Solid and Shadow of the Colossus to get through, so I probably shouldn't allow myself to be distracted by Final Fantasy games I've played three or four times already.)


So, what are your fanfiction guilty pleasures? I know you have them. You know you have them. Tell us what they are.

Alternatively: are there any fic concepts you feel too ashamed of to write, even though you'd like to? You can write a snippet or two in the comments, if you like. We won't tell anyone.

I have a ridiculously overactive conscience. My DVD of Derren Brown's specials didn't work properly, so I took it back to HMV and exchanged it. When I got home, I discovered a hair in my disc tray and realised that the damage had been caused by that, rather than a fault that had been present when I bought the DVD.

So I actually called up HMV and asked whether they wanted me to reimburse them for the exchange.

(Their reaction was 'er, thank you for your honesty, but I think we'll manage'. There may have been slight laughter.)


OH, FINE, DERREN BROWN, HAVE AN EPISODE OF TRICK OR TREAT THAT IS ALL ABOUT YOU BEING CHARMING AND LOVELY WITH A SIMILARLY LOVELY OLD LADY JUST AFTER I MAKE AN ENTRY ABOUT HOW EVIL AND TERRIFYING YOU ARE. Please note that I am not actually objecting to this at all and you should feel free to be as charming and lovely as you like.

I have also watched the behind-the-scenes bit on series two of Trick of the Mind, and, seriously, how can Derren be so frightening some of the time and so completely adorable for the rest of it? This is the man who made some poor guy have a complete breakdown on Trick or Treat, and here he is, making fun of his filming team and being adorably childish and taking such delight in everything. I would really like to show it to you, but it is not on the Internet. Alas! (His nodding tic is very noticeable in it. It never particularly struck me before, but here he's just going nod-nod-nod-nod-nod.)


The more I see of Derren Brown, the more convinced I become that he is, in fact, a young Albus Dumbledore. Seriously, he lives in a place that looks like it's hidden behind a tapestry somewhere in Hogwarts (picture via make_a_move). He has incredible magical powers and lovely old books and silver teapots and a boyfriend and I am sure it is possible to disguise a phoenix as a parrot. The Harry Potter books didn't mention the taxidermy, but I'm sure that was just an oversight. Or possibly Brown asked Rowling to make it less obvious.

You know what would fit in his home perfectly? A ukulele. Of course, I am highly unlikely to actually send him one, but it is a tempting idea. (It says in his book that he likes to receive gifts! Ukuleles are wonderful gifts! Not enough celebrities play the ukulele! The hypothetical letter would say, 'Dear Derren Brown: I think you are amazing. Please accept this ukulele as a mildly confusing token of my appreciation.' Alternatively: a restraining order.)

[Poll #1274948]

I hate it when someone who doesn't truly appreciate the beauty of automatic doors reaches one in front of me. YOU HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY MOMENT OF AWESOME. (Seriously, if you've never 'opened' an automatic door with a dramatic sweep of the arm, you should try it. You look completely ridiculous, but you feel like the coolest person in the world.)

I cannot, alas, take credit for coming up with the mushroom question; it's a question my brother asked my father a few weeks ago. I laughed so hard when my father relayed it to me.

Now, had I just watched Camp Rock I might observe that Mitchie clearly has a great big crush on Tess. But of course I have never watched Camp Rock. In fact, I've never even heard of Camp Rock. What is this Camp Rock of which you speak?

(Also, the Camp Rock section at fanfiction.net has some of the silliest pairing names I've ever seen. Smitchie! Mess! ER BY WHICH I MEAN I'M NOT - I - I'M NOT LOOKING FOR CAMP ROCK FANFICTION, OKAY. YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING.)

Who wants to watch the rushed and corny and implausible and yet still sort of adorable love story of Camp Rock in five minutes? (I - I'm not talking about Mitchie/Tess. This is the love story Disney actually intended.) I know you do.

This guy hears a girl singing and becomes obsessed with finding her.
OH LOOK THERE SHE IS.

There are a couple of things between these scenes, but those are the important bits. Are you filled with fluffy Disneyish love? I am. A little bit. OH, COME ON, IT MAY BE RIDICULOUS BUT IT'S STILL HEARTWARMING.

And now, on an entirely different note, highlight the below for a 'shag, shoot or marry' conversation I just had with my brothers about Prison Break. Spoilers up to the second-season episode 'Chicago'.



Necrophilia and Disney, together in one Livejournal entry at last!