Trabia Garden

Two days ago, I went to a recording of Charlie Brooker's radio panel game So Wrong It's Right! Two episodes were recorded: the guests for the first were Mark Watson, Holly Walsh and Rufus Hound; the guests for the second were Fergus Craig, Sharon Horgan and Rufus Hound again. As ever, I've written up whatever I can remember.


( So Wrong It's Right recording, 22nd February 2011. )


So Wrong It's Right is broadcast on BBC Radio Four; I believe this series is going to start on Thursday the tenth of March at 18.30. Thank you so much to anewcitylife for the ticket!

Thank you very much for the virtual lemur, kind anonymous person!


I've never really watched Big Brother, but I thought I'd check out the 'first twenty-four hours in the house' episode last night, as this is apparently to be the final series, and I was bored, and, all right, I have no self-respect. (I'm not a football fan, and apparently at this time of year one's televisual options are limited to the World Cup and Big Bloody Brother. Sigh.)

On the whole, though, the housemates seem to be decent, likeable people! Is that supposed to happen? Has cultural osmosis been lying to me all these years? I'm not planning to watch the entire thing (someone please intervene if I don't stop), but it exceeded my expectations, faith-in-humanity-wise.

(Although Ben Poshvoice and John James Australiadude unsettlingly resemble both each other and slimy Conservative MP for Richmond Park Zac Goldsmith. They kept sitting next to each other. I ended up thinking of them as the 'Goldsmith Twins'.)

Is there a Big Brother fandom with fic? I DON'T WANT TO JOIN IT; I'M JUST WONDERING. Because it's just occurred to me that Dead Set is a concept that could be applied to every series of Big Brother: 'how do this year's housemates cope when there's a zombie outbreak in the outside world?'

I'm not going to write it. I'm just saying.

Oh, my goodness, why am I making an entry about Big Brother? This is appalling.


Speaking of disreputable media: I have stumbled across a dramatic reading of a notorious work of Legend of Zelda fanfiction. To be more accurate: I have stumbled across a DRAMATIC reading of a notorious work of Legend of Zelda fanfiction.

Now, I feel a bit bad about linking to this. There are two types of really bad fanfiction: there's the fanfiction that's obviously been deliberately written to be as bad as possible, which is fine to poke fun at because then everyone's having a laugh, author included. But then there's the bad fanfiction that's obviously heartfelt: in this case, a lengthy, poorly-written but completely earnest work of Mary Sue fantasy. I often find these weirdly endearing, and, whilst I might laugh at them in private, I try not to mock them too publicly, because it could be very embarrassing for the author if she ever found my comments. Also, they're often by fairly new or young fanfiction writers, and it would be a shame to discourage them; I imagine most of us cringe slightly when we look back at our early writing.

This was written about eight years ago, though, I believe, so perhaps the author will have some distance from it now, and in any case once your fic has reached such a level of notoriety that people are doing DRAMATIC readings of it I suppose a link to the reading can't make things much worse.

Also, the reading is hilarious. Navi in particular makes me crack up every time she speaks.

Here is the playlist! You don't need to be especially familiar with the Legend of Zelda to enjoy it; I've never owned a Zelda game. I want this reader and BRIAN BLESSED to work on a joint project.

causethesounds has somehow managed to locate pictures of a younger David Mitchell looking absolutely stunning in drag! Here is my favourite:




Oh, my goodness, he is actually beautiful. (THE INEVITABLE BAD FANFICTION IDEA: Charlie Brooker meets an intriguing woman and somehow manages to entirely miss the fact that she has David Mitchell's distinctive dark eyes and David Mitchell's distinctive nasal voice and, no, perhaps this isn't going to work. Someone should totally write David Mitchell genderswap, though. Yes.)


...every so often, a thought crosses my mind and makes absolutely no attempt to justify itself. I just thought 'I want David Mitchell in drag to play the next Doctor', and I do not know why.

Actually, a better(?) idea: David Mitchell plays the next Doctor. David Mitchell in drag plays his companion. Everyone is tremendously confused.

I'm trying to work Brooker into this scenario, but it's not easy. Perhaps he could be the Master? Ooh, or perhaps Robert Webb is the Master. That could work rather well.

Upon further consideration, I must conclude that Brooker appears in only one episode, sadly, helping out when he, the Doctor and the Doctor's companion (who, I have decided, for the Dead Set and 'David' parallels, is called Davina) are besieged by zombies. A threesome is heavily implied, because Mitchell/Brooker/female!Mitchell is hot.

This is an incredibly stupid idea on nearly every level.

Why can't I stop thinking about this ridiculous pairing? Here is some thoroughly excessive rambling about bad Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell fic ideas. Perhaps at some point I should actually attempt to write a couple of these, rather than simply inflicting the concepts upon my long-suffering flist.


The Fic In Which Charlie Brooker and David Mitchell Fight Zombies.

Mr Mitchell is to begin hosting a panel show called The Bubble quite soon, I believe. The idea is that the panellists are locked away from the outside world for three days, then presented with news items and asked to determine whether they actually occurred during their incarceration or whether they were simply made up.

This is obviously the ideal setting for maximum Dead Set similarity. Brooker is in the bubble (I assume that the title of the programme refers to the panellists' prison); Mitchell is visiting the bubble for some reason; ZOMBIE OUTBREAK.

I... haven't actually watched Dead Set, I have to confess, on account of being a wimp and a coward (zombies are scary!), and watching Dead Set would definitely be a prerequisite for this fic. But I do think it should exist. (To those of you who've seen Dead Set: should I watch it? Do you think I'd enjoy it? Will it make me freak out and cry?)


The Fic In Which Charlie Brooker Is A Panellist On The Bubble And David Mitchell Visits Him In His Incarceration Slightly More Than Necessary, Or Maybe The Door Lock Malfunctions Or Something And Both Mitchell And Brooker Are Trapped Together, I Don't Know Enough About The Bubble To Know Whether That Would Be Feasible, But In Any Case They Fall In Love And It's Brilliant.

Because I realised whilst writing about The Bubble up there that I really wanted this. This is frustrating, because it is a fic idea requiring research that at present cannot be done. I hope we get some information about the conditions in which the panellists are held when The Bubble begins.


The Inevitable Charlie Brooker/David Mitchell Pokémon Crossover.

The mental conversation I just had with myself:

Riona: Where would David Mitchell live, if he lived in the Pokémon world?
Riona's Mind: Pewter City.
Riona: And which Gym would Charlie Brook—
Riona's Mind: Pewter City.

APPARENTLY IT IS THE MOST OBVIOUS THING IN THE WORLD THAT BOTH MITCHELL AND BROOKER LIVE IN PEWTER CITY. I was originally planning to have Mitchell come to a strange town and make his way to its Gym, there to meet Brooker, but this is evidently impossible because it is solid fact that they are both residents of Pewter City. GUYS, YOU ARE BEING TROUBLESOME.

Actually, my original plan wasn't terribly well thought-out, because why would Mitchell go to a Gym? He's not a Pokémon trainer. He's never owned a Pokémon, in fact, and he is frustrated by the fact that the world around him seems to be increasingly designed only for people with Pokémon. It is perfectly possible to exist without a Pokémon! Or it should be, at least. He barely trusts himself to look after himself; he can hardly accept the charge of another living creature.

ONE DAY THERE IS A ROCKSLIDE ON THE BORDERS OF PEWTER CITY, OH NO. Mitchell, out for a pleasant walk, finds himself about to be rockslided! But the leader of Pewter City Gym happens to be training on the cliff and sends his Onix to save the man in peril.

Possibly the Onix may have been responsible for the rockslide in the first place. The leader of Pewter City Gym isn't going to talk about that.

Although he is not actually injured, Mitchell, rather embarrassingly, faints in the Onix's coils. The Gym Leader (spoiler: it's Brooker), having established that the man is unhurt, rolls his eyes and orders his Onix to carry his insensible form back to the Gym. Tending to unconscious strangers is neither Brooker's area of expertise nor his idea of a good time, but he supposes he might have a tiny bit of responsibility for this man, given that he maybe possibly caused that rockslide.

He supposes.

(Should I write this fic, I may not be able to resist the urge to illustrate it with bad manips throughout.)


The Fic In Which Charlie Brooker and David Mitchell Totally Live Happily Ever After, Just Because.

...I'd like it, but I cannot begin to imagine how it would work. Oh, dear.